My Son Is Not Following Directions.

Relax. I don't know why the teacher thinks she needs to be calling you about this two days in (my son started Kindergarten too on Monday). You say he's excited. Perhaps overly so? Maybe there are a few things you can go over with him before bedtime that will remind him that he's there to learn and have fun (and play a little), but that he needs to focus on what the teacher is telling him. Maybe in a few weeks you can revisit the issue with the teacher, but two days in is extreme.

First of all, don't get too worked up about this. I got a call on the first day of Kindergarten (five years ago) and thought "OH NO!" He's going to be labeled a troublemaker, disrespectful, difficult, whatever...which panickec me because I knew he wasn't any of those things. And after that little bump in the road the first couple of weeks of school, we've never had a problem.

Anyway, I went in for a quick pow wow with the teacher before school my son. She and I let him know that she was the absolute boss in school and he would obey her. No asking, no cajoling, no question...just reiterating that she was in charge. Up until then, she was basically nothing to him. Perhaps a babysitter type in his mind whose role was to just keep him safe or something? When he got that she was standing in my stead at school, he got right in line. And she also had to take a little time to get to know his personality and how to approach him, which she did invest the time to do.

She also came up with a little system whereby she would put a piece of masking tape with a smiley face drawn on it on his shirt when he left for the day if he'd done what he wa supposed to, and we'd have a tiny reward for every day that happened. I never got another call again.

The main thing is, though, don't get too upset or read too much into it. He will like school more if he's not in trouble, and the only way he's not going to get in trouble is to follow the rules and instructions, so just remind him how important that is. He'll get it, and as his teacher gets to know him, she'll find ways to gert him in line.

Hi C.,

You sound like a great mom, C. and I'm sure you did nothing wrong in the preschool years =)

Your son may just be having a hard time with the teacher's instructions or is overwhelmed by all of the stimulation and gets distracted from listening.

I would set up a meeting to talk with the teacher with your son right away. I would be right there next to him while the teacher explained that she is having trouble because he isn't hearing her when she gives instructions. Make sure she gives lots of examples for him and maybe ask him if he remembers the incidents.

It's really important that you let the teacher know that you want your child to succeed and ask for her suggestions. Explain to your son that he will have a much better time at school if he pays attention to his teacher and follows her instructions.

If you get the sense through your own intuition that the teacher is over reacting or being cruel or unreasonable, advocate for him to be moved to another classroom. You don't want your son to have a year with a teacher who doesn't like him.

If you want more support, visit my website at http://www.noblemother.com or email me. Good luck!

Just remember, your son is still figuring out this whole school thing. He is just a kid. Kindergarden is supposed to be a transition period into school. If the teacher has this little patience 4 days into school, how will she be in a few months? You do need to talk to your son and help him understand that he needs to listen to her but she also needs to realize that she is a KINDERGARDEN teacher. This is what she signed up for.

What type of directions is he not following? Sometimes children have difficulty following verbal directions, especially ones with a lot of steps. I would recommend meeting with the teacher to get specifics about what is going on. He may need a reward/punishment plan set up by you and the teacher, or he may need visual reminders to go along with directions. He has only been in school 4 days so I am sure he is testing the teacher to see what he can get away with. The best thing you can do now is to stay in constant communication with the teacher and work with her on finding something that will help your child follow directions.

I have a 17, 11 and 9 year old. I've been telling them since daycare that sometimes we all have to do things we don't like, sometimes it won't be fair but there are rules in all walks of life and we have to follow them.

Sit him down and explain that he is a big boy in kindergarten and he has a big responsibility to cooperate and follow directions. Compare it to you and Daddy going to work and your responsibilities to your boss. When he get's home, he will have free time to do whatever he wants but at shcool he has to stay on task and the schedule the teacher has set up. Also explain that all the parents are trusting his teacher to take care of all of the children so she has a BIG responsibility. Imagine if he had to do what she is doing. So he can help her by following directions. Then tell him what his reward will be if he gets a good report (icecream, new matchbox car, ect.) then consequence if he doesn't listen.

D.

If your son has not been in a day care situation previously, this is all new to him. Why don't you try a reward on the days you do not get a call from the teacher (he's been good) and 30 minutes earlier to bed on the days he has not listened to the teacher and followed directions telling him he must be tired and needs more sleep where he can pay attention to the teacher. The reward might be you read an extra book to him before bedtime or play a game he really likes earlier in the evening. You might also put a star on the calendar every day hi listens and follows directions and then do something special when he has accumulated a certain number of stars. V.

That seems a little weird on the teacher's part. She's there to help the children learn to be in a classroom setting. That's what Kindergarten IS. If she can't appropriately deal with your child and he's a normal 4 year old I would speak to the director/principal of your kindergarten and let them know what's going on. A teacher who calls you twice in a week on the first week of school sounds like a teacher who doesn't know how to control a classroom.

If your son loves watching a favorite cartoon, like spongeBob, take it away. I took all cartoons ie; nickelodean, cartoon network away during the weekdays except Fri. Only educational shows were aloud. None at all if a bad report came from school. I explained to my son that We(our family) does not misbehave in school. I explained that when he is away from home he represents our family, and me as a mother. Misrepresenting our family in a negative way would lead to consequences. It is vital that you follow through with punishments. If you say he is on punishment for a day or two, it is important that you stick to it. Good behavior will earn him extra tv time once he's off punishment, but not to reduce the punishment he earned. Good luck. Remember children will fight us but they really do love, and do better with structure. One child misbehaving in class is disrupting the entire class. For the sake of our teachers, it is important that we demand that our children respect them.! This start is at home.

Wow! What a wonderful way to start of the year, right? I am a K teacher and a mom as well. While parents and teachers need to work together to help the child learn, you are also his mom and the only person he has to stand up for him. So, if he;s not hurting others or endangering himself or soemone else, just try to give it some time. It is unusual for a K teacher to call twice in the 1st week for simply not listening-- at least the K teachers that I know! I would reccommend having a conference with her and if you're not totally satisfied see if you can arrange onserving. If nothing else, ask if you can eat lunch with him. Making your presence known to both your son and her at school shows that you are serious that he must behave and that you are genuinely concerned and active as a parent.

Talk to your son, too. Get his side of the story of what is going on. Maybe he is seeing things differently. You can reason with him but also give him a motivation to work towards. It can be somethign tangible or it can just be doing something he enjoys. Deinitly start with a daily reward right now. Later you can work towards a bigger weekly reward for 3 or 4 days of good behavior. Please don;t ever ask for all 5 days to be perfect. We all have bad days.

Finally, my biggest reccommendation would be to show him lots and lots of love and affection as he is going through this tough transition. While you are letting him know that you disapprove, also let him know that you still believe in him.

Give it some time- it's only the 1st week! Good luck!

HEllo, you do not say if your son follows directions at home. Has he been taught to follow directions at home? Is he passively not listening (acting deaf) or is he rebelling? I would have his hearing checked. If that is clear, there is behavioral issues occuring. J.

You need to find out why he is not focusing, is he finishing work quick, is he bored and talks when he is finish? Is he listening at home and do you let him be care free and not struture a little in your home. Talk to him everyday telling him that if you be good in school you get a star for the day and at the end of the week you will get... whatever you all agree on for a treat.

Childcare provider and a mother of 3

Hello C. in response to your son not following instructions here's my opinion.

Most Boys in Kindergarden do not follow directions, It requires a lot of patience and i'm not sure if his teacher has that since you've received calls already,I have two girls and one 4yrs old boy.

In the past years while my girls were in kindergarden the teacher normally gives them consequenses for not following the rules in class. If the consequences don't work in class then the teacher will have a meeting with the parents. kindergarten is so exciting for kids it takes them a little more than 4 days to get into the groove of things keep in contact with his teacher work together and enforce her class rules at home and i'm sure you'll see a difference. hope this helps..

Good Luck,
A.

See if you can go and observe the class. That should give you ideas of how to help him and the teacher, or at least a better understanding of the situation. Watching him alongside the other students may also give you a better sense of whether or not this is a developmental issue.

Hope the situation has gotten better Have you consider having your son change to another classroom?

C. your not alone. My son has been in trouble 3 times already. I was very surprised due to the fact that he listens well at home and never had a problem in Pre-K.

However this is a structured schedule they are on and it's hard for them to learn that right off the bat.

I explained to my son the first two times that this type of behavior was not acceptable and he knew how to act in school. Then the third time came, well let's just say this. I took the cartoon Tom and Jerry away, oh my was it the end of the world. He was devistated and pitched a fit. After the crying stopped and I explained to him that he was a big boy and I knew he was able to act good and listen to the teacher everything was better. We set up a reward system as well. Fridays in school they allow the children to bring in a dollar for ice cream, so if he gets all good marks for a week straight them he gets ice cream.

Hope this helps. It's hard at first but be consistent on taking away their favorite things and reward with a special treat in the end.

M.

I had to respond to this!

Is she a first year teacher? Even if she is, you child needs time to adjust, as do all children. When my oldest was in K-5 she had a first year teacher and it was not good. She was very childish in the way she did a lot of things. My DD never had a problem w/ behavior at the beginning and then wham she was in trouble every day. I found out that she had been moved to a trouble making table in hopes that she would steer them the right way. Well as we all know if you mix black w/ white the white changes. It took forever to figure out what was going on. I just knew it wasnt my child to be in trouble everyday. not to long ago I ran into the teachers asst. in town and found out that the teacher had left b/c she didnt like the grade. I asked her about a few things that had went on and she said she didnt agree w/ most of the things she did and that a lot of parents had trouble w/ her. I am not saying my dd is perfect but I know her and how she behaves.

You know your son and he might have to be talked to everyday b/f school but he also needs time to adjust. Unless it was causing injury or total disrespect the teacher might have jumped the gun. Hope this helps and good luck!!

C.,
as a former kindergarten teacher, i am horrified that any teacher would call you after only two days to complain. i think unless your son is actively hitting or biting other kids, she jumped the gun. kindergarten is a big step...they need time to get used to the routine, and any teacher worth their salt should know that. i'd think a kindergarten teacher would be able to handle those first few days...they don't always get the hang of it until christmas break! you didn't say exactly what her complaints were, but unless he was disrespectful to her, i think she needs to work a little harder at showing him what her expectations are. hang in there...all you can do is to reinforce at home that he is in "big school" now, and he has to listen to his teacher...and that there will be consequences at school if he doesn't...he'll get it sooner or later. if you don't feel she is giving him a fair shot, you'll need to go to the principal...as a last resort. you don't want to be a complainer, because they will most likely back their teacher, but you will be the only advocate your son has, so do what you need to do. also, since it's kindergarten and there is most likely a full time assistant, maybe take that person aside and ask her opinion..."is my son disruptive? is it that unusual for it to take more than two days to get used to the rules?" good luck!

Dear C.,

I am so sorry to hear that you have already received 2 phone calls from your son's Kinder teacher. I am a teacher (working p/t right now) and would never call a parent with negative news the first week of school. It is my belief that kids need to adjust to their environment and that teachers need to adjust to the children in their class. If he is not listening, maybe she needs to approach him in a different way (give him picture cards as directions, instead of oral directions). Also, I always encourage my parents to give me ideas about what their child is interested in at home. Does he really like drawing or hands-on activities? If so, you could tell his teacher this and hope that she can find ways to accommodate his interests.

Finally, I have taught K-2 grades for several years and believe that "boys will be boys." It usually does take boys a little longer to process directions, to get in the routine, etc. Just give him some time (and encourage his teacher to do the same)!! Hope this is somewhat helpful. :)

I'd call the principal and discuss the teacher's repeat calling. He's what, five?? Kindergarten takes adjustment, and if she's not equipped to handle it, perhaps she ought to change jobs. Tell the principal you're concerned about the teacher's ability to manage her class, and ask if you need to take it up with the board.