My Son Is Getting "Spoiled" with Being Held All the Time.

There is NO WAY you can spoil a baby with too much love.

He NEEDS to know that when he needs something YOU WILL be there, you WILL come.

You can NEVER hold him too much at this age. You are his biggest security blanket. This is your bonding time as well - he builds trust with you - when he cries, etc. he KNOWS you will come and take care of his needs. This is a good thing.

When he is about 1 or 18 months - he will mellow a tad bit. During this time you are reinforcing his trust in you by coming when he calls.

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At this age, he is not "getting spoiled". He is learning that he can count on you and his father to provide what he needs...food, comfort, and love. You are strengthening your bond with him and helping make him secure. If you don't do this now, he will not learn the security he should feel from you and his father.

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I don't think you can spoil a child with love and affection. He's 6 months old! You are his world!!! What else is he going to do if you don't hold him? Read a book? Really though.....you just can't spoil a child w/ love and affection.

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Does your son know how to speak to you yet? I mean, can he say, "Hey, Mom, I'm kinda sore from laying here on my back. Could you pick me up?" Or, "Hey Mom, I really need a hug right now. Will you hold me?" Of course not. At least not verbally, with words. The ONLY way he can communicate with you is by crying, and other noises. He has been given this tool to communicate by God. It is not spoiling him to respond to him any more than it would be to hug your 3 year old who came to you and said, "Mom, I just need a hug." And you hug him. Babies have a strong need to feel secure and be held. They need that human contact. We are just stinkin' busy in our lives that we think it is an inconvenience to have to constantly hold our babies. But, they do need it. Some more than others. My experience has shown that the ones that are held the most are the most secure and close to us. The ones who didn't want to be held as much are not so much so. Hold the baby. Your friend's mom is right.

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I couldn't hold my son enough. He wanted me all the time and I wanted him. When he got to be about 20 lbs my shoulders and upper arms were beginning to ache, but they got stronger. When they begin to crawl and walk they want more floor time. By the time they are running it's harder to get time on your lap. Before you know it they'll be too big or not interested anymore. My son's 12 now and I wish I could rock my 6 month old baby again sometimes. They grow so fast.
Enjoy them when they're little while it lasts!

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It's not "neglect" - unless you ignore him all the time, but you're not spoiling him either. He can't communicate at all other than crying, and loves to be held. At his age, he's learing a LOT about the world, his brain is constantly changing, his body is always changing; it's a lot to take in, and the comfort of mom/dad helps him feel safe/comfortable/etc.

If you can't "hold" him, find a baby carrier or sling you like. The contact is good for their development. I love my ergo cause I was able to front or back carry and it was easy to put on.

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I say HOLD HIM!~ They grow so fast and before you know it he will be running around and won't want you to hold him. ENJOY HIM! He's a baby. He NEEDS you to nurture him!

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Why do you say he's spoiled? He wants his mom. He can't comfort himself, he can't feed himself, change himself. Babies NEED their mom's and dads. There is NOTHING wrong with that!!!! I sooooooooooooooooooooo wish people would start understanding this and stop forcing their children to grow up at 6 months.
My son was the same way. He ALWAYS had to be held. You know what? He is now 16 months and is as independent as they come. Of course he has his toddler moments of needing me, but that's fine. I'm his mom! I'm his comfort blanket. I make him happy and that is a blessing!
I'm not calling you a bad mom or anything, I'm sure your an amazing mom, but seriously pick up your child, hold him, because soon he's going to start lying to your face, stealing from your purse, and macking on some girl.

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You can't sit and hold the baby 24/7, but you also can't ignore him. Give him his lovings, and then find a hi chair or playpen you can put him in so that he can see you while you are still free to work. Don't ignore him. Talk to him. Go and give him some hugs and kisses, play with him for a bit and then go back to doing what you need to.

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Babies do not understand spoken language. Saying I love you to a baby who's playing a playpen, for example, does not carry the message of a soft touch or a kiss. Babies only understand the language of touch. However if you let him cry until it reaches a certain pitch or intensity then pick him up everytime he reaches that point, he will get there quicker knowing you will respond to the sound.
Snuggle him as much as possible, before long he will want to start to explore his world and won't want to be held as often.

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You and your husband believe your infant is manipulating you and is capable of figuring out how to push your buttons.

He isn't. He's not mentally capable of that yet and won't be for some time to come. He has zero language skills and can't even communicate with you. He may be screaming because he wants to be held. Or changed. Or is teething. Or in pain. Or has a fever or is hungry or is thirsty or yes! Just wants to know that he is not totally alone in the universe.

Children this young simply do not understand in any way that you truly exist when you are not physically there. When you leave the room, you disappear and no longer exist, for them. They cannot process any idea you're trying to convey by not responding to them; not responding, to their brains, only means you are gone forever, not for five minutes. That's why infants are so needy. Eventually as they grow they do learn you still exist in the other room. But right now you are his entire world -- you won't be for much longer -- and that world evaporates when he is alone. He WILL learn to comfort himself, probably fairly soon, but kids who get plenty of comfort and reassurance -- like, holding them, talking to them, interacting with them -- tend to be more confident that their caregivers will indeed return to them, and tend to learn to separate better because they have more confidence their parents will indeed respond to them when really needed.

Ask your pediatrician about this one. I would bet the doctor will tell you that it is not possible to spoil a child who's younger than a year, maybe two, because they are not intellectually capable yet of manipulating you or grandma or anyone else. Yes, you can't hold him 24/7, but working with him on good sleep habits will help. And in the meantime, once he's crawling, he will want to be held a lot less and you may find you're wishing he'd let you hold him then. Enjoy the infant stage while he's in it.

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When I asked my pediatrician about holding/spoiling, he said, "Fruit gets spoiled with too much handling. Babies are not fruit. Hold her as much as you and she want. You cannot spoil a baby by holding her."

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Neither. He's a baby. Babies need to be held a lot. Your baby loves you and feels safe with you--that is the way it is supposed to be. Sometimes you can't hold them exactly when they want, and that is okay too. I don't really like to call children spoiled, but sometimes they can be manipulative. In my opinion, your son isn't really manipulating you (not at this age), he is telling you in the only way he knows how what he wants. I hardly think you can expect more than that from a 6-month old. He will outgrow it.

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He is too young to spoil but not too young to train. Hence why 6 months is the right age to sleep train and self comfort. So he is trained to be held by you, but that's becasue of his need to be held by you. Babes need a lot of cuddeling and are comforted by our warmth and smell. I agree if you can't arm hold him then put hm in a sling and get on with whatever you need to do.

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You can't spoil a baby, but you can damage bonding by not tending to his needs. Some kids need to be held more. Kids who don't get their needs met shut down, get anxious and learn that mom or dad won't help if they need it. Thats why CIO works... kids earn nobody will answer so why bother.

Your friends mom is right, you can't spoil a baby. enjoy this time ,hold him when he needs it because soon he'll be off running on his own and won't need you as much, growing up fast. Babies aren't robots. :)

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I don't understand why parents don't want to hold their babies all the time. I have 3 children and my babies were all very spoiled with being held all the time my little one still is. They are only babies for a short time then they are too big and don't want you to hold them anymore. At around 6 months they start to realize they are not attachedto their parents and they want to be held and cuddled. I say hold your baby you will not get these months back. What is so important that you don't want to hold him? I don't think your neglecting him but I don't get how you can let him cry. Maybe I am sucker for a cute little baby or something because you would think having 3 my baby would never get held but he is attached to my hip and I love every secound of it!

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I think that while a 6 mo. old can be put down for a bit on a blanket or allowed to play in an activity center, he's still young enough to have needs he can't otherwise express. Have you tried putting him down to do something but still interacting with him? I think that to say that a 6 mo. old is being manipulative or spoiled is a little far. I think babies just need what they need - diapers, love, food. If you find it hard to hold him as much as he might like, then try to do things like put him in a sling or a carrier and go about your day. If he's crying, he's needing. He's not trying to annoy you. He's too young to be that way. If he cries, pick him up for a while. Show him that when he expresses whatever (fear, discomfort, loneliness) that you'll be there.

If your friends are commenting on how much your child isn't held or how much he cries and isn't comforted, think about it and ask yourselves if you could really be serving your son better by holding him more. 6 mo. is too soon to be worrying about spoiling a child.

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Babies depend completely on others to nurture and enrich their lives until they begin to get more physically independent – when they start walking and talking on their own. Before then, human babies have traditionally been carried a lot by extended family, and that's what they crave. After that, many babies want "down" more than up so they are free to explore and exercise.

Since we no longer live in extended families, for the most part, babies are more dependent on Mom and Dad for the physical and intellectual interactions that help them grow and develop normally. Children who are held less and talked to less are deprived of the stimulation and enrichment they need.

Most babies will turn out okay. Those with more interactions with other people, as a group, turn out to have better emotional/social adjustments and better verbal skills. There is a wide spectrum, or course, so a baby who gets lots of stimulation may still have learning delays. But generally, lots of early carrying and conversation gives a child an advantage over those who do without.

The best way to prevent spoiling a child is to have clear and consistent guidelines about what is allowable and what is not, and to keep expectations APPROPRIATE for the child's age. A good child development book can help you know what's appropriate, especially for your first baby (Caring for Your Baby and Young Child, Revised Edition: Birth to age 5. Produced by The American Academy of Pediatrics, is one of many good ones). Rules like "Say please and thank you" or "Sit still at the table" are not going to work for a one-year-old, for example. You may as well ask him to learn trigonometry.

But, growing up in a family that always speaks respectfully and enjoys dinnertime together, a 3 or 4 year old will begin to make sense of those rules. At that point, it's entirely reasonable to expect that behavior from those kids. It's also reasonable to expect him to do many things for himself, as he becomes able.

For now, the carrying and constant conversation are important to your son's development. They are not spoiling him.

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we did what is apparently called "attached parenting" my son was worn, held often and cuddled, played with and very attached to us now at 4 he has made a wonderful transition (the point of attached parenting) to being a very independant child who knows that mommy and daddy will be there when he needs us but can and will explore and do things on his own w/out holding our hands and needing us every step of the way. This parenting style shows your kids at a young age that you are there for them, listen to them and support them and thier needs with this they are more confident to try things on thier own. Kids that are held often and supported this way by thier parents young are less dependant as they grow older. I suggest you look up this theory and find if this is what you are doing as a parenting style. I have VERY pleased with our result and I think in the long run you will be too. Good Luck and keep holding that baby of yours, you are not spoiling him in my eyes in fact you are supporting him and telling him that you are there for him now and always will be.

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You can't spoil a baby. With that said, you can let the child rule the house and that wouldn't be right. Do what is right for you. Babies thrive on being held and loved. I held my children pretty close to 24 hours a day (By choice) I had them in a sling or wrap or just in my arms- that was my choice because my babies needed to be held that much. I am more of an attachment parenting kind of parent-co-sleeping, breastfeeding etc. Every baby is different. I think you should hold your baby as much as you can and are comfortable with. Its ok to put them down sometimes but I wouldn't sit them in a chair all day without being held. I am not sure how long you are referring to----and the child neglect thing? Do what you think is right for your child and forget about the other comments from people.

M

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Added:
Seeing your what happened, let me urge you not to help him walk. He is very young physically to do that, and I would do everything I could to prevent it. He needs to pull around on the floor on his tummy, crawl, and cruise first. Some kids who walk too early end up with bowed legs.

You say that everyone in that house holds the baby, but I'm getting a weird picture here. If that mom is saying you are neglectful, it must mean that everyone else is holding the baby because they think you won't. That may just be a matter of them feeling resentful that they are having to hear him scream. So if I were you, I'd start thinking in terms of saving your money to get out on your own where you don't have this issue. It will get harder as the baby gets older, when you DO have to actually discipline him. If that mom says stuff like this about you now, you are going to have a lot of trouble later. Your baby has a high needs termperment, it seems. Now is the time to hold him (whether it's you or any other adult), but later you will hear him scream for other reasons, and THAT's when you can't do everything he wants. Plan on getting another place to live in the near future, Niki.

Original:
What do you consider being held "all the time"? Do you mean that your neighbor really and truly thinks you should hold the baby all day long? When you put the baby down, what happens? Does he cry as soon as you do it? Do you have tummy time with him in the floor? Do you have a bouncy chair you carry into the kitchen with you so that you can wash the dishes while you sing to him? Do you have a swing to put him in so you can vacuum the floor? Do you have a baby sling to help you carry him as he gets heavier?

You do not have to hold your baby all the time. But you don't want to walk away and let him cry his head off. There are ways to help him feel close to you while you get something done in the house (like the things I said above.)

He is still very young. You need to help him when you aren't holding him. You need to sing to him, talk to him, play with him. He actually isn't old enough to know at you won't come back - that's why people play peek-a-boo with babies, to help them learn. It's a developmental thing in the brain for them to understand. (Added - I just remembered - it's called object permanence.)

Your baby will be clingy for a long time, and you need to understand at. I suspect that your neighbor sees your attitude about not wanting to hold the baby as neglectful because you are treating the baby as being older developmentally than you should be. You have asked a question at the end of your post with two very divergent poles. The answer is somewhere between the two, and more towards the neglectful side if you are purposefully leaving him to cry during the day while he is awake and longing to be with you.

D.

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You can't spoil a baby. Your friend's mother is right!

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I truly feel that you can't spoil him at this age. I held my son all the time when he was that little. He loved it. Now he is 3 and doesn't want mommy to hold him. I :( So enjoy this time with him. Once it is gone..you can never get this time back!!

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Well, you asked for opinions and I'm sure you'll get 'em here! I haven't read any answers. I'll just add that at his age, this is a very important formula:
Baby's wants = Baby's needs

If he's as advanced as you say, this is even more important. He is learning right now whether to trust his world and that his needs will be met. Get a sling! Wear him!

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My mom is a foster parent and has had some training in brain development in infants and children (as a way of explaining the behaviors of the teens she takes in). There are neurons in the brain that have "loose ends", if you will and they get connected to other neurons, etc. through experiences that the child experiences early in life. When a child cries and the parent comes to attend to the child's needs (food, warmth, change, cuddle) those neurons are making their connections. By NOT responding to those needs early in life the neurons don't connect like they are supposed to. This can result in attachment issues, trust issues, security issues, etc. later in life.
I'm not saying that you need to hold your son ALL the time, it's just not possible. I had some times with my daughter when I just had to put her down and take a breather (I'm a single mom). But, I always responded when she NEEDED me and I almost always held her when she just WANTED me. She is now a very independant 3 yo. She still comes to me some days and says "Mom, today is an extra hug day, ok?" and we cuddle more. She is feeling "off" somehow and wants to cuddle/hug and can tell me that but still can't tell me why. When she was a baby she would just cry because at that point she couldn't even tell me that she just wanted a hug. I say, hold your son as much as you can to build that trust between you and just enjoy him now. Before you know it, the days when he wants to be held are going to be few and far between.

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He's so tiny. I vote with others who say HOLD HIM. You will give him the security he seems to need, and that will go a long way in determining how he feels about himself down the road. Enjoy him now while you can. You can't hold him all the time when he is older.

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You need to realize that your infant's brain does NOT know or understand manipulation... they become more aware of this aspect in the 2nd year.

Your baby screams and needs to be held because that is what your infant needs. PERIOD. Babies can only communicate all their needs thru crying, and then not crying once they get what they need. Very simple.

Please stop thinking your infant in intentionally using manipulation and mind powers to get someone to hold him - babies generally ALWAYS WANT to be held - it's in their genetic make-up and how they develop.

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I don't think it is possible to spoil a child at this young age!! As far as he is concerned he is still part and parcel of you!!! He needs to know that you are going to respond to him when he cries...he can't do anything to make himself feel better at this age and he counts on you. Get a sling and "wear him" if you would like...that way you can go ahead and do the things you need to do and he is getting the attention and contact that he needs.
My two oldest daughters are raising their children with the Attachment Parenting style that Kristina M. has described and they are both raising wonderful and loving children

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There is a difference between wanting to be held and getting what he wants. If he wants to chew on your cell phone but you know it's not a good idea, don't give into his every want and need. However, if he wants to be held, hold the little guy! My oldest is a VERY touchy and affectionate child. I do admit that over the years there have been many times I had held him (or he had been on top of me) so much that I didn't want anyone even sitting near me. However, this is beginning to slow down and now I miss it. You're not going to have a 15 yr old who wants to be held all of the time so let it go. Take all of the love and affection you can get and consider yourself lucky if your little one wants to be held more than others. It may just lead to a very close relationship between you all. Don't worry about him being spoiled. Yes, there will be times you are annoyed with him wanting to be held all of the time. However, in the end, you will be the lucky one who has the close relationship with your child. I was raised in a non-touchy, non-I love you speaking family (I'm not accusing you of this, by the way). I'm just saying kids love affection and closeness to their parents. It's a secure feeling for most of them. I refuse to allow the same thing to happen to my kids/family. ....and so far my approach is very successful.

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Niki,

I'm not sure what other suggestions you have received but I felt compelled to respond to your question. This issue about "spoiling" a child is pretty common and natural question for new parents. I read your second post and it seems that you are spending alot of time with your son and he is getting plenty of attention from you and your husband. It's not a question of whether you are neglecting him or not. In my opinion it comes down to a few things.
Holding a baby all the time does not spoil him. Babies cannot be spoiled. Children, teens, and adults are "spoiled" (for lack of a better term) when everything is given to them and they are not guided to accept responsibility for their actions or participate in the caring of thier environment and others. Basically expect everyone to take care of them because that is how they've been taught. But that's another issue altogether! Your baby, will not be spoiled by simply holding him. There is a lot of research on how babies who are held much of the time are more secure because they feel safe and nurtured. Our job as a parent is to show our babies and children that their immediate world is safe and they can trust us to tend to their needs in a way that is appropriate to their age and development. Now, I am sure you create a nurturing and safe home for him. I am not doubting your love or parenting abilitlies. I am just letting you know about the research on the emotional development of babies and children, which really is more important than the Intellectual intelligence.
Also, some babies prefer to be with their mom or dad ALL THE TIME. Usually around 6 months of age they start understanding separation and it can be a little scary for them for a while. Perhaps your son just likes to be held. I have 4 kiddos. 2 of them wanted to be held ALL THE TIME. I literally wore them on me with some sort of carrier for thier whole babyhood and they are absolutely fine "unspoiled" children. My other 2 were happy as clams to chill out without being held constantly.(but they too went through that stage of separation anxiety when I constantly had to be in view of them) I know that feeling like you have to hold him all the time is frustrating and tireing. So what are things you can do? Logically and practically, invest in a really good and comforatabel baby carrier. Baby Bjourn, Ergo Baby (lots of parents LOVE this one), Maya wrap, and endless others. The better ones cost more but they are worth every penny and you can find the better ones online. Some parents have 2 or 3 different kinds of carriers. They give you the freedom to do the things you need to do while carrying him at the same time. This time goes by so fast, I promise it will pass in the blink of an eye :)
More importantly before you rush out and buy a carrier is to explore your emotional reaction to him wanting to be held all the time.
First, ask yourself what does spoiling a child mean to me? What are my beliefs about holding baby all the time? Where does this belief come from? Is it true for me now? What does my motherly instinct tell me about how to respond to my baby?
If holding your son all the time does not fit with what you believe to be true or right, and as long as he is not being neglected and his environment is safe and nurturing, what other solutions can you come up with that will help him through this time? If you find yourself getting frustrated with his screaming (and all parents get frustrated with a screaming baby) how can you respond in a way that will help him be calm before picking him up or doing something else for him? Screaming babies do need to be calmed because it raises their stress level and they can start learning that screaming is the only way to get attention. Babies don't scream to manipulate. They scream because it is one way for them to communicate. They very well can't say, "mother I would very much like to be held now because I'm feeling anxious about being alone!" :) Babies are instinctual. They do what feels right for them in the moment. If you know his signs before he starts screaming can you tend to what he needs then? This can help him learn that he doesn't need to scream to get what he wants. He can learn to soothe himself. (Ironically, tending to the needs and crys of our babies DOES teach them how to self soothe and eventually know self control). Sometimes we can't tend to our screaming and crying babes right away, well, because we do have other things to do besides sit with our little ones every minute of the day. Do the very best you can in any given moment in how you respond to his needs with love and calmness. And if you need a break because sometimes it's not easy to respond with love and kindess becasue you are human and screaming babies can get to the most peaceful mother, then breathe in and breathe out. Breathe in and breathe out. breathe in and breathe out. Feel your heart widen. Feel your belly soften, feel the tension release. Smile and be gentle with yourself as you are with your son.
Whether you "wear" your baby or not, or hold him all the time or not is only something you and your husband can decide from your inner knowing wise loving instincts. When you respond from this heart/belly knowing, you always respond with love and THAT does not "spoil" a baby.

Best wishes and many happy parenting days.

A.
mom of 4
Birth and Parenting Mentor
www.birthingfromwithin.com

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You can help him learn to self comfort, but neglecting cries isn't the method of choice. 6 months is a needy time and he is letting you know he needs you. he has no other less demanding way to communicate that he is teething, has gas, hungry, scared etc. Also this is the time developmentally that kids first get lack of "mama itis" clings to Mom and they have their first stranger fears. Manipulation of parents comes later, so I would have to side with the friends Mom here. Though I see he is clearly not neglected in any way! I had a son who hated tummy time too. The swing thing on the door frame was his ticket to fun. my secod son spent 45 minuts at time on his tummy. They are all so individual. maybe he will take to the things you offer in time, until then wear him in a carrier so he can see what you are doing.
A.

at six months old, some things are certain - 1. he DOES know that if he screams his head off (even if nothing is wrong) you will come running. and 2. it is nearly impossible to get a lot done with a six month old strapped to your hip. i don't think there's a thing wrong in the world with a little space. it's teaching him that it's okay not to be glued to you. which encourages independence and confidance. every mom is different. just my opinion.

I read below and changed my mind. Good answers.

If your son is crying & then the minute you pick him up he completely stops crying and doesn't need or want anything then yes he is being spoiled.. It does not hurt a child to cry or sit & play by themselves. whomever told you it was child neglect to let a baby cry really should take some parenting classes.. It is only child neglect when your child is hungry and you don't feed hime or if he is hurt and you justlet him cry.. You have to remember you are the parent & you need to raise your child the way you seem fit. Not all parents will agree with your way & believe me you won't always agree with other people's ways but you are the parent.. Good Luck

if you hold him every time he is upset and give him attention right away he will understand that his needs are being met and at some point he will not need to be held all of the time; he will feel that his needs are met. When he just wants to be held all of the time and you cannot "get things done" get either a baby back pack carrier or a front carrier and carry him along with you. It is fine to put him down when he isn't screaming but when he starts screaming pick him up right away. Every baby is different and some just need to be held "all of the time".

Don't worry about him not wanting tummy time or not wanting to crawl. My husband never crawled at all- he just started to walk but it is important to not "help" him walk as he will do it when his body is ready. Good luck!

dear Niki,
I wasn't going to respond once I saw that you had 36 answers before me...however, after reading through the answers I had to say something. Apparently most moms parent with their feelings and emotions instead of using a little common sense. I agree that if I had it to do over again I'd hold each of my children longer and cuddle them to sleep more often. However, after giving birth to 4 kids in just 4 years and 3 months...I couldn't possibly have survived if I answered EVERY cry by picking up the baby. You know by now that your baby has very different cries for his needs. You know the difference between the "I'm hungry, I'm uncomfortable, I'm tired and I want to be held" cries. Yes...just like if you answer every cry with the breast, if you answer every yell with holding...they will learn to manipulate your behavior. I agree also with Dawn B. that it sounds like it's time to move out on your own. Unless you are really committed to community parenting and allowing all the friends in the house to have an equal input on raising your son (which I think works much better in theory than practice), You need to get some distance so that you're able to raise your son the way you believe is right. You have a very logical view of reality as far as I'm concerned and since this is YOUR son and you are mom, don't worry about letting your child learn to self comfort and play..it is not neglect! I do have one son (my 3rd) who because I was so crazy busy, spent lots of time young in a walker...he therefore never learned to crawl. come school age we discovered he had severe dyslexia. Children NEED to learn to follow their hands one in front of the other, left, right, left, right... He's conquered it now at 16 years old, but it was a long hard road between then and now.
I guess what I'm really trying to say...is most of us did our best parenting BEFORE we had kids and yet, until we have them, we don't know really what we would do. Now you've got him. You've got good instincts. It seems like yesterday I was in your shoes and today my kids are all teenagers and the oldest is heading off to college! There's nothing wrong with loving and cuddling them, but if you never let him learn to play on his own and discover life a little by himself, then you're asking for the ADD kid that CAN'T do anything without an audience or for longer than a few moments...Trust yourselves as parents. Generally speaking, my husband (of 21 years) and I do our best parenting together and if we agree on it...its a good thing! Best wishes. You're doing good. Love him. This will be over all to soon.
K.

In my opinion, being held doesn't apply to the being spoiled/not spoiled argument. Kids are spoiled when they are allowed to do something that is harmful. Like when parents allow kids to overdo the junk food, that's spoiling. Being held is not harmful. It's how kids feel secure. It sounds like your son is a little more "high-need." That being said, I don't think you should feel guilty if you're doing all in your power to meet that need - sometimes you have to do something that requires you to put him down, and that's what relationships are about. It's understanding that we are imperfect and we are trying are best. If you are doing the best you can, in the end, your son will know that he can trust you. Even if that means he has to cry sometimes. But if you haven't looked into babywearing, then I'd recommend that.