My Son Invited 20 Classmates to His 7Th Birthday Party. Only TWO Are Coming.....

I think S.H. said it well. It's not the end of the world if he doesn't have a big blowout for his birthday or that most of the kids didn't come. Take it as a moment to teach him grace in the face of a situation that is not what he had expected. It's not bad. It just IS. Then maybe you can say, "Hey good news! Since it's not a big group we can go horseback riding!" or something like that. Put a positive spin on it and he will learn to make lemonaid from lemons.

You can't protect him from these things. Life is full of little disappointments. You can show him you're disappointed or you can teach him how to roll with it and keep his chin up. That's a great birthday lesson.

I wouldn't bring too much attention to it. I think I would just try and make a special day with the guests that do attend. Maybe say - since only 2 kids are coming lets do something extra special like a movie or an arcade or something?

My daughters favorite birthday parties are the ones where she has had one or two friends, and we took them to do something special.

When she was 7, we took her and a few friends to the Hibachi Grill, they got to watch the chef flip the knives, light a big fire, and cook right in front of them, and then after dinner we went to the bowling alley and they bowled 2 games and then hit the arcade... It only cost me about $150.00 total, and the kids had a blast.

I would absolutely do something fun. Use all of the money that you were going to spend on the party. Your son and his two guests can have a blast! Do you have orchards with hayrides? Anything extra special would be great :)

I am surprised the kids were handing out their invitations themselves. Because, usually, Teachers have etiquette rules on that... meaning: that invitations are given to the Teacher to disperse.... and the Teacher will do so privately and not in an obvious manner, or put it in the child's mailboxes etc. SO that, other kids do not get hurt feelings, if they are not invited. That is normal usual classroom Teacher rules.

Next, well, there was no premeditated 'planning' on the other boy's part or his Mom, that they were going to give out their invitations the SAME day as your son. So that couldn't be helped.
She probably said it is a 'wedding' because, it was an awkward moment and she was caught off guard (as your were) and she didn't know what else to tell you... and didn't want to seem rude or mean.....
Or, she was just lying obviously.
Its not like she KNEW your son's party was on the same day as yours. So the 'rudeness' was not 'planned.'
And its probably awkward for everyone..... and of course they are not telling your son anything either... Because, the other kids' parents probably are telling their kid not to say anything to your son.... so his feelings are not hurt....

Regardless... that the other boy's party is 6 days beforehand or on the same day as your son's party... is well, bad timing for your son.
But, these things do happen. More than you'd think.
And ESPECIALLY if kids are 'allowed' to give out their invitations themselves... in plain sight, of the other kids. This is NOT good.

You just need to explain to your son, without talking 'stink' about the other boy/situation...that sometimes these things happens. My girl is 7... and if that happened, I would simply explain to her... that there is another party that day, and so, there is not a good turnout for her party.
He will be sad, or not.... so, just gauge him.

Since he has 2 attendees to his party... then maybe, you can get them more special goody bags etc., since the budget will be less now. And so maybe you can go more all out for his party. With just 3 kids. Look at it that way.... less is more.

all the best,
Susan

Please keep in mind that the majority of people that are going to attend a party don't rsvp and it drives me up the wall. There really could be a wedding you have no way of knowing. I don't see why she would lie to you about when her son's party is. There are lots of reasons for missing a party on the weekend. There are sports going on right now, lots of kids have divorced parents and the other parent may live out of town or be like my ex and refuse to take our son to any activities or other reasons.

Remember this is a recession and many families are struggling right now. The holidays are also coming and that adds soooo much financial stress to the mix. My son gets invited to a lot of parties that we don't go to. Between his and my daughters sports I don't usually feel like going to yet another event. Families are very busy these days and money is tight for most famlies .
I hope he has a great birthday, I know you will make it a blast!

W.:

This may sound harsh - but this is your son finding out who is friends are. We have raised a lazy, selfish society...it's VERY unfortunate that your son has to experience this at this young age.

I'm an up-front person. If my child can't go - I will state - can't go.

Contact the teacher - there has to be a class roster with parent contact information. Contact the parents - ask if they received the invite and if they are able to come.

If you are stressing over this - he will stress over this. If people are too concerned with their lives to NOT rsvp - do you REALLY want them in your life? I realize he's a child and they should be able to have fun parties with their friends....but bottom line? he WILL have a fun party with his REAL friends!!

Updated

W.:

This may sound harsh - but this is your son finding out who is friends are. We have raised a lazy, selfish society...it's VERY unfortunate that your son has to experience this at this young age.

I'm an up-front person. If my child can't go - I will state - can't go.

Contact the teacher - there has to be a class roster with parent contact information. Contact the parents - ask if they received the invite and if they are able to come.

If you are stressing over this - he will stress over this. If people are too concerned with their lives to NOT rsvp - do you REALLY want them in your life? I realize he's a child and they should be able to have fun parties with their friends....but bottom line? he WILL have a fun party with his REAL friends!!

The same thing happened to us. I invited 35 kids to a party, and only 10 RSVP'd, and only the 10 showed up.... I would try not to make a big deal about it. Just because this kid is having a party on the same day, doesn't mean that all of the kids are going there instead of to your son's.

If the 2 parties are on the same day, at about the same time, it could be that the parents thought that it was 2 invites to the same party. This too has happened to us.

I would scale the party back accordingly, and perhaps add some new fun things for the smaller group. Then the kids that do come will have something special and fun to talk about.

M.

W.,
I have a 7 yo son, and I can imagine this is upsetting for you. And, yes, people ARE rude.

Is there a class list so that you have the phone numbers of the other parents? If so, it would not be out of line at all to call & ask whether they are coming or not, since you are planning and have not heard from them yet. It was rude that 17 out of 20 didn't respond in any way.

Our school's class party rule is that you can only hand out invitations in class if you are inviting everyone or all of the boys, etc. If your school is similar, are you sure your son didn't get an invite to this other party?

In the even that the turnout IS just low (my son has attended a party where he was O. of the 3 kids that responded and came) just make the best of it. In this case it was a bowling party and with the mom, dad, brother and 4 kids bowling, they had a blast! Seriously, I don't even think the birthday child missed the other kids.
Best of luck to your little guy on his birthday!

The first thing is that don't be negative,kids can tell how you handle things and they copy what you do.Be positive at what ever the out come.But for sure go and have fun with the other 2 kids that RSVP.Do something that normal other kids party won't do or go to places that is so cool that 2 of those kids will talk about it after ward.To make your son feel that even after all of that,you have been nothing but positive is the most positive thing you can really do.Don't get mad either about the other rude people.They are always going to be more of them and there are nothing you can do about it.Also you can not keep him from getting hurt,it just life but it's up to you.Be graceful and the mom you can be by showing your son that life give you lemon and you made lemon merigue instead.(I know ,I know ,it's not a typical saying but then again I am not a typical mom)HAVE FUN AND JUST ENJOY HIS DAY.

Hi W....this just happened to my friend and her 10 year old son, so it's fresh on my mind. Now that it's a much smaller group, maybe you can do something big with all 3 kids...ask your son if there's somewhere he wants to take his friends: movies, pizza joint, amusement park, fall festival, etc and take all of them. It will be really memorable for your son to have a big outing with these friends along. My friend's child had such a blast this past year (granted, it was an unexpected outcome) that he wants to have another small party like this next year now! Good luck. :)

There have been so many great answers I'm only going to add a little. We tend to project our feelings onto our kids, when really he may not be upset by having these 2 the only attendees. Also, the special party ideas have been outstanding. Just let the parents know that there will be an outside trip, in case they stop by to see how things are going. Or, invite them to come as well! Then you will get to know them, and you'll make more friends too.

These things happen sometimes. Maybe you could take the kids to a movie or something really special (trip to the zoo?). Or, are there any other kids (neighborhood, church, cub scouts) that he could invite? I know it's a little last minute, but most people do overlook that. My girls have been invited to younger neighbor kids parties when they didn't have enough people (paid for 20, only 10 rsvp'd) that kind of thing. The parents didn't want to feel like they were wasting money and I was very grateful to have an activity for the kids on an other-wise unplanned day.

Don't let it get you down - I'm sure it will be a wonderful party!

Hi W.,

I am so sorry this happened to your son. Are you still waiting for responses, or were there 18 'no's'? Either way, here's what I would do...

I am not sure what your budget is for the party, but with fewer kids, you can spend more per child. I would take them somewhere that all kids LOVE to go. I am not sure what is in your area, but maybe like a day at the zoo, get their faces painted, etc. If you have a Medieval Times near you the kids would have a blast. Make it sooooo much fun that the other kids will wish they went.

The only catch with this is that some kids may have legitimate reasons for not being able to come and may get upset they missed it. But you know what, you need to take care of your son's feelings/self esteem.

Remember, at that age, it is usually the parents that are the issue. I know that doesn't make it any easier to explain to your son, but tell him it is a good thing - the fewer kids, the more you can do for the party.

Good luck and please tell your son, Happy Birthday!
L.

Make the best of things. Have a great party. Tell you son that everyone is quite busy this time of year and next year you can try to send the invitations earlier so maybe others will pick another day.

I agree with several of the other Mom's out there. Kids are going to get their feelings hurt sometimes, it's part of life. That being said, I would definitely change up the planned activities & incorporate some pumpkin patches or a trip to the movies. Since your budget will stay the same there will be plenty more to spend on 3 kids each than there would have been on 21 kids like you initially thought.

I wouldn't let it get you down so what if the other kids don't come to a Birthday Party.I had our sons party a few weeks ago I asked him over & over again who do you want to invite anyone the whole class just let me know he told me nobody I have enough people coming to my party I was in aggreeance with it.He is in 1st grade I never asked when he was in preschool or Kindergarten to invite kids to his party except 2 families we were invited to theirs & they came to ours.We were invited to a few parties in preschool we did go I didn't know the parents or the kids thought it was kinda silly if you ask me but we went as my kids get older they will have the choice to attend a party or not & invite who they want.So what if other parties are on the same day you can't help that you can't change your plans just for the possibility of the classmates to attend his later on.There are so many people that don't call back with yes we will attend or no we can't attend get over it just beacuse you & I do doesn't mean the rest will.He may or may not be hurt by it if he is jsut let him know that you love him & your unsure why the other kids didn't come.If he hears it at school you can't shield him away from the conversations the other kids are having just tell him to ask why didn't you come to mine if he doesn't want to then let it go.Have fun with the kids who are attending his party you can change the plans a little do what you need to do as his mom to make it fun & enjoyable.

Hi - I feel your pain, believe me. I would immediately speak with the teacher and get her take on it. I'm guessing she will give you information you don't yet have and also, hopefully, be helpful. She does not want to see your son hurt. Then, based on what she says, I would probably change the date of the party to accommodate the other kid's party and zero-in on say 7 or 8 kids that your son picks. How you position this with him will be tricky, but you can do it. Then, I would contact each parent by phone. Something is going on that you don't know about it and until you find out, it will be hard for you to deal with this. There is a way for this to have a happy ending - you need more information before that can happen. Also, it is hard to understand the level of rudeness but, for your son's sake, take the high road and connect with those parents. I have been through this. It is extremely painful and you will get through it. How you communicate these changes to your son is key. It's not what's happening that he'll remember, it's how you respond!

As a mother of 4 boys, we get birthday invitations all the time. The older boys decide whether or not they want to go to a party or not. The youngest who is 8 is subject to what other things we have to do that day. Unfortunately for him we are a very busy sports family. All the boys play ball and we have to be at games, practices, etc. Most of the younger kid parties are during the day when we usually have other things to do. The older boys parties are at night which makes it easier to go to. People are just really busy and overbooked these days and 7 is kinda young in my opinion to have so many kids at a party. All I can think is chaos. I also feel it is more special for them to invite close friends and do something really fun.

I really think that the other kid's birthday party is the same day as your son's party. I agree, people should be honest. I'm not so sure I believe the wedding story. Why don't you change the date of your son's party? It won't be a party with only two people there, especially because they are girls. I'm sure you son will want some boys there. Change the date and pass out new invites. Good luck.

Invite other friends and their children or family members. Are there any children in your building or neighbors? Plan games that are appropriate for 3 kids to play if that's all that comes. I'm sure he will have fun if you just make a big deal about his birthday and don't mention anything about the other children.

Yes, we go through this every year. It is a horrible time to have a birthday because so much is going on. Every year is very stressful and I worry about the other kids having parties on the same date. This year I found out another child that shares the same friends has a birthday on the same date as our party and luckily her party is the day before (and her mother told me it was small, i.e. my daughter shouldn't plan on an invite) but it may still affect who comes. Every year we struggle and have about 2 yeses until the day before the party when we get a few more. the other 20 are usually unaccounted for. Having the invites handed out could cause some confusion. We did this last year and I swear they didn't get home to the parents, and if 2 invites come home at the same time it is extra confusing. (my birthday is in january and one year no one rsvpd because they got the invites mixed up with the Christmas cards that went out in school.). I don't know what to tell you other than I am going through the same thing and maybe you can supplement with relatives so it doesn't seem like there are so few kids.

If you are sure that only 2 are coming I would change plans and do something extra exciting that you could only do with a small group. I don't really have good ideas, but along the lines of take them out on a boat, or go to a movie, or play laser tag... something your son is interested in but would cost too much to have a lot of people go. This will make your son feel important, and special because he is doing something different with these two friends who ARE coming.

It could also be team sports that are the problem. Soccer is big right now and consuming weekends for a lot of parents I know.

In any case, you're very lucky you got the "no" RSVPs at all. It's so hard to get RSVPs at all ... you at least know the situation in advance, which often doesn't happen.

Do you have any friends with kids who might be able to come over for the party? Relatives? Neighbors? If it's going to be small, perhaps use that extra money from the other kids not coming to make it extra special -- hire a magician, bring in an animal expert (we have a number in our area that do kids parties and bring reptiles), etc. What's he really into? You can make this a small, but extra special party for him.

So sorry the turnout is disappointing. I think most people wouldn't be honest anyway and would just give a simple no. Don't read much into things. The fact that they're RSVPing at all is a good thing. If they truly didn't care, they wouldn't bother to do even that.

I do not allow my daughter to go to parties unless I know the parents and she is almost 10...don't feel hurt. I would try and meet parents at school events, open houses, also maybe put on invites parents welcome to attend? I would not let it dampen the fun of your sons day. Also I did not read all the responses but some made a good point, team sports are big on weekends and also some just do not RSVP. You could always cancel and reschedule if you truly think there is a conflict in the dates. Your son will take his cues from you, if you do not act upset and do not turn it into a BIG deal he will most likely not think it is that big of a deal either, make the day fun...

Hi, my son's 4th birthday party was similar. We invited everyone from his daycare class (about 15 kids). No one called to RSVP and only one child from the class showed up. Luckly we had the party at our church and there where other church members with children there. My son had a great time, I was more affected than he was that no one else showed up. I remember being very pissed about it. Even though parents didn't RSVP there children they may show up anyway. Good luck.

Are there other kids that you could give out invites to? From a sports team your son plays on, or from church, or the neighborhood? As long as you have 10 days or so before the party, then I would do that. The other kids won't have received invites from someone else in your son's class. It does sound like that is what is going on. I'm surprised though, that your son didn't get an invite to the other boys party. Usually, teachers only let kids give out invites like that if everyone in the class is receiving one. Otherwise, it is done much more secretively (like stuck in a take home folder so that other kids don't see) or not allowed at all.

Maybe you can change gears with the party and have him select 2 friends that he really likes and then go the movies and have a sleepover. Maybe the later time would accommodate the kids he selects even if they are going to the other kids party. Most likely if everyone is going to the other kids party over your son's it is because it is at a facility like a moon bounce place or laser tag. It's not because the kids like the other kid just that it will be a cool party! I have tried to always have my kids invite to our home partys only the kids who are truly friends rather than the entire class!

Choice 1: send cupcakes to his class, if ok with teacher.
Choice 2: invite your friends who have children, instead of his classmates only.
Choice 3: change his birthday party date
Choice 4: leave as is and let him learn that everyone can't always make his functions for whatever reason.

if this a planned pre payed event, you should be able to get your money back on the no shows, especially if you call and cancel in advance. they are being rude but thats ok, would you really want to pay to entertain someone who would rather be somewhere else?
K. h.

You can reschedule, or just do something fun with the two that are coming, and make it a smaller little thing so it isn't so awkward.

I know the feeling, only 3 people came to my bridal shower and it is hurtful, but there isn't much you can do expect be a good friend.

Maybe you could have a party at school-take cupcakes, juice, party favors and such-or, you could take the three children out to a game, movie, arcade, dinner...........If people had been honest, you may have been able to reschedule. Could you invite friends, relatives and neighbors? Good luck-and Happy Birthday to your son!

you can talk to him about rescheduling. Confirm the new date withthe 2 that can come so they still can come then if all do not come again, well I do not know what to tell you, but it will force them to come up with more excuses and at least this new date would not be right after another, hopefully.

Kids are more resilliant than we give them credit for. all they care about at this age is fun. My son is 7 and he could care less how many show up as long as he has some friends to hang out with he is so happy.

you know your child better than we do,
good luck

Give him the option of moving his party to another day. It could be that the other kid is having a party the same day, at least the mom RSVP'd. If the other kids/parents have known him longer then of course they will choose his party. Have you contacted the other parents who have not rsvp'd yet? Honestly the invitation could still be sitting in the bottom of their kids backpacks and they haven't even seen them. A gentle call or email in the way of "I was talking to one of the other moms from our class an discovered that she had not seen the invitation to xxxxxx's birthday party that is Saturday. Did (their son/daughter) get their invitation? Are they able to come?" That simple.

If that is not an option then you tell your son the truth. Tell him that there is another party that day that he was not invited to but he would not have been able to go because of his own party. Then play up the kids that ARE coming and do something super fantastic that those two kids will talk about forever! Good luck!

My heart just breaks for your son, W.. If there is indeed another party on the same day it's really too bad that someone hasn't mentioned it - it could be as simple as changing the date of your party, if only you knew!! Do you think the mom lied about the whole wedding thing, and is having her son's party on that day?! That would be pretty pathetic if that's what she did. I wouldn't want to be friends with her or her kid.

Anyway, I don't really have any good advice. I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in thinking this situation is terrible. I've sometimes worried if kids will come to m daughters' parties - sometimes in the past I've called 2 or 3 of her good friends before even sending out the invites. I'll confirm it's a good date and then send invites to a few others. That way, worse case scenario, I know the handful of "best" friends will be there. Also, as a child myself I had one VERY close friend, and not a lot of others. I remember my 10th birthday so clearly - my mom took me and my friend out to dinner and then we saw a performance of "Annie" on stage. I loved it. I know this is different b/c your son actually wants a big party, but maybe you could make it into something special with just a couple of kids. Good luck :)

If you've only gotten 3 RSVP's back I would first start with contacting the parents of the other kids to find out if the RSVP just got forgotten. I personally always RSVP but from personal experience I tend to say most people forget to for whatever reason. Also, this economy is tough on a lot of people. My friend had a party for her daughter's entire pre-k class and only 2 showed up. She was very upset as she paid the same price for the MyGym party if 2 showed up or if all 10 showed. She brought it up to the teacher and the teacher nicely told her that a lot of the kids in the class couldn't afford to come as some parents had actually asked the teacher if their child actually played with my friends daughter and was good friends or if it was just a whole class invite. Don't take it too personally though. The other parents are probably thinking they are trying to spare your feelings by telling you of other obligations, especially if the 2 parties are on the same day and for whatever reason their child is choosing that other party. Maybe there really are other engagements. Sometimes you can't keep kids from getting hurt. It's a life lesson unfortunately. But you can maybe turn it into a positive lesson. It's not so bad having a few great friends than lots of acquaintances. But good luck, and i would definitely contact the people who didn't RSVP first.

I am so glad things went well for your son. Last year when my son turned 4, we invited his class for a party, and only 2 came. It was at a place that had a play ground, and lots of kids where there that he was playing with, so I thought he did not really notice, until this year when I asked who he wanted to invite, and he only wanted to invite the girl from acrossed the street, not one class mate. It obviously hurt him. I asked about it on here, and some moms said that if they are not friends with the parents that some other child's birthday is of no priority to there busy families. I found it so sad that others could be so mean and selfish. We have had much better luck with my older sons school, much nicer and more considerate mommys. My youngest will happily be able to start at his big brothers school next year, and hopefully we can convince him to take a chance again on having a party.