21 answers

My Son Has ADD and ADHD Help

My 6 year old son has ADD and ADHD. I was wanting some advice on how to deal with it. He is drivingme up the wall and plus he is not doing good in school. It is so bad that he is getting held back in school. Plus it takes me along time to help him with his homework cuz of ADD and ADHD. Please helpme cuz I also have anexity disorder so I need help to deal with it so I won't have my attacks. I don't want to go back to the hospital if I have a sevre attack.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

I am going today to the DR to get my son on meds for his ADHD. It is still hard but I am trying to handle it. Thanks for all of your help.

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first off I have 2 boys that have adhd and you are right it drivees you up the wall. What I did and would do it again take him to a psychiatrist and ask about medication to control it. He will not be able to sit still and learn in school attend sports or anything else. One of my sons is on adderall xr which he takes once a day the other is on concerta which you also take once a day. He is just so hyper that he can't still for long periods to do any one task and you need some help with that.

T.,I have 2 sons one has ADD and one has ADHD.It is very frustrating I know.My oldest was held back in 1st grade and now my youngest may also be held back in 1st grade.My youngest has horrible outrages and does not think the rules apply to him.They both are on meds for it.The only thing I can tell you is if you haven't already take him to the doc.and go from there.For as homework don't fight him on it I ended up doing this I told him you either do it or you get a zero the teacher tols me if he don't do his homework he will do it at recess.It his on him and he has to learn the concequences for his actions.That help you I don't know but don't fight him that just gets you worked up and it's not good on you I have the same anxiety problems too and it's is not worth having an attack.If he sees that what he is doing isn't affecting you he may stop a certain behavior at that time.When my son gets too out of hand we make him go to his room and he does not like that because he can't do any thing that he wants to do he has to sit there that helps at that time.I hope this helps good luck.Try different things til you find what works for you.
J.

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I am a mother of 4. My oldest son (now 24) was diagnosed with ADD, ADHD, at the age of 6. He was put on ritalin just to keep him in school. We were scared of the medication but had litterally no choice. At 33 I was diagnosed with rhumitoid arthritis. Aftet being told there was nothing that can be done by the "Professionals" and that I would be in a wheel chair by 40 ,a friend told me of a homeopathic dr. After testing he explained that the SYMPTOMS were that identified as Rhumetoid Arthritis but the cause was that I had a sluggish liver. He put me on a detox diet with some supplemments and with in 30 days I felt like I did in highschool. I then told him about my son(14 by this time). After some testing we were told he was allergic to dairy!!!!! Of which he drank a gallon of milk every 2 days!!!!Not all allergic reaction are itching sneezing and runny nose we find out!!!!! We immediately took him off of ALL dairy and started using soy products instead. Within 6 months he was off the rittalin and doing great!! He is now attending college with a 3.8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get HIM CHECKED!!!!! If you don't already have a homeopathic physician go to netmindbody.com and click on find a physician!! Don't know where you live....but I'm in oklahoma and go to Dr. Dustin Thomas!! By the way I am 46 now and gave birth to healthy beautiful indentical twin boys at 40 not a wheelchair!!!

1 mom found this helpful

I also have a child that has ADD & ADHD (as I did when I was a child - actually I just had ADD). She is 7 years old.

My advice will actually be a lot of work for you, I'm afraid, but it will help your son learn how to deal with his ADD/ADHD on his own as he grows into adulthood - which is our goal as parents, isn't it...

How I solved the dilemma of my child in school was I homeschooled. When I homeschool, I chose my curriculum very carefully and aimed for one that catered to ADD/ADHD kids (there are a lot of them out there, really). Actually, the homeschooling with the proper curriculum will probably be easier on both you and your son than trying to make him do standard curriculum in a public school and have to stay on target with the other kids. This way he can take more time on the subjects he struggles with and get ahead in the ones he loves... I'd try to find a homeschool conference in your area and at least check it out...

I know that's what my mom did with my ADD, and I've never had to be on Ritalin or anything of the like and have learned how to deal with it myself. Ritalin and other drugs of the like should be avoided if at all possible as they have been proven to lower a child's IQ. Something I definitely wouldn't want to deal with. Actually, ADD/ADHD kids are smarter than their counterparts without it - i.e. Einstein, Edison... Your child just isn't being taught in the way that is best for him & this causes frustration in him making him lash out with the hyperactivity. Cure the frustration and you'll solve a lot of the problems...

I'm afraid that this is the only advice I can give you. It'll be a little bit of work in the beginning, but it will be a lot better in the long run. Just think of the hyperactivity as being similar to your anxiety attacks - they come when he gets frustrated. This might help you sympathize with him. Plus, you have the opportunity to help him manage them at a young age so that he won't have trouble when he's your age.

Hope it helps,
Julia Good

1 mom found this helpful

My daughter has ADD. She has been on medicine (Concerta) for this for a long time...6 years. I only put her on it because she couldn't learn. When she was in kindergarten she couldn't remember the alphabet and couldn't remember the order of numbers...no one would help her. She started 1st grade and they wanted to send her back to kindergarten....I told them no...that I would figure out what to do for her, because the had the whole last year to help her and they didn't. I took her to a psychologist and had a really thorough examination of my daughter done. The doctor pulled out the DSM IV and read off exactly what she was...word for word was my daughter. She wasn't hyper...I didn't have a clue....I thought maybe a learning disability (because they do go hand in hand). So, then I had a decision to make...make it hard on her and her teachers or make it easy on her. I hate that my daughter takes medicine every day, but I know she needs it. Once we started her on it in first grade she went from them wanting to send her back to kindergarten to reading on a third grade level and teaching others math concepts. Being ADD doesn't mean you are stupid...it just means you cannot concentrate.
Now, we have altered her diet...you can find a list online...and we try to make sure that she gets enough sleep. Studies have shown that a high number of children that are described as ADD/ADHD aren't---they are sleep deprived. Children need at least 10 hours of sleep a day. We were able to reduce her medicine once we fixed the sleep aspect.
I don't know if your son is on medication...you didn't mention it, but I am thinging not...if he is then his medicine isn't working. My daughter has a form of ADD that requires her to increase her medication as she grows...most kids stay on the same amount. The Best advice I got from my pediatrician when I took him the psychologist report was "if she had cancer you would treat it, if she had diabetes she would treat it, why do you hesistate to treat this illness?" I went home and told my husband we were going to help our daughter be the best she can be. She is an A+ student and is absolutely wonderful. We have reduced the stress in the house a considerable amount and it really does help.
Don't rely only on a pediatrician, get a whole team involved and see what your options are. Pray about it. Be a protector of your child...make sure...if he has an IEP that they are doing the modifications that are required. Children with ADD/ADHD have short term memory problems and they had trouble writing things off the board. I made them give my daughter handouts that she could read from instead of the board. Handwriting is usually horrid for children of ADD...they don't grade her handwriting as hard as others. Things like that can take the pressure off of your son. My daughter also tapped in class....couldn't stop it. So we gave her a mouse pad to tap so it wouldn't bother the other kids. By the end of the year the teacher had bought a bunch to hand out to any kid that needed them.
Diet, sleep, medication, modifications....these are all ways to help ADD/ADHD. But with all of these is SCHEDULE SCHEDULE SCHEDULE. Color coded when younger and then more specific when older. It will help your son but will also help the whole family.
I know that I talked a lot about my daughter's experience, I am sorry for that, but that is how I relate. There is a stigma that is wrongly attached to ADD/ADHD children. Like above, if a child is diabetic the school bends over backwards to help the child, but ADD/ADHD is something horrid that they don't want to approach. Be your child's spokeperson with or without medicine...they depend on you to help them. I have some information and am willing to talk if you want. My number is ###-###-####.

1 mom found this helpful

T.:

Is you son on meds for his ADHD? If not, he may need to be assessed. Second, does he have an IEP at his school? Those two suggestions, would be your first step in helping him deal with his ADHD. Next, it would be helpful to see someone (both of you) both learn coping skills and (for him) ways to relax and focus. I work with several kids right now who are ADHD, and they are all doing much better in school...with just a little help. Good luck to you.

A. L

I so feel your pain. I'm going through the same thing with my own boy right now. He's on medication and the truth is the medication wears off by the time he gets home from school and he's like a wild man from that point on. I too am at the end of my rope when dealing with his bad behavior and if he does stuff in school like being mean to the teacher and other students well that just pushes my buttons too. I also have anxiety problems.

Here's the deal, when they act out in class and it causes reactions that they feed off of. Like the old boy in the cartoons that liked to poke a stick at the lion. The angrier the lion got the more pleasure he gets. Our boys feed off that anger it energizes them. The more we feel overwhelmed the more supercharged they get. So it's up to us. We have to feel calm, project calm, and feed calm into their minds.

Now my boy doesn't have homework. He gets to read his vocabulary list, read and learn a book but those are extra activities so I don't have any skills to help you there but maybe you can move this to after little sister goes to bed so you're not so distracted and he sees that he has more of your attention.

My baby is also 3 years younger. The two of them are only a month away from being your kids ages. (they have the same birthday) Here's what we do for them. Tiger is the youngest and we start bath, books, and bed at 8 for him. While Tiger is in the tub, G-man is on the computer. Starfall.com, noggin.com, pbs.com he has his own folder of favorites and he's only allowed to go to those sites. It's fun for him and he relaxes doing these things. We then have 30 minutes to devote entirely to Tiger. Reading for 20 minutes before leaving him in bed to watch a video and fall asleep. at 8:30 G-man starts his bath, books and bed. He's reading so we've added learning games to his time, this will also become home work time.

I would suggest taking the ten minutes he's in the tub and get him a snack. look at his homework and see if you have toys that can help. Then you two sit down and play through his homework. If he finishes the next problem, sentence, group of words he gets to play for 5 minutes. (call it taking a fun break) as the weeks progress you can add one more sentence, problem or list before he gets to play. Maybe by Chirstmas next year you'll have played your way through the whole sheet.

Here's the other step.
Don't critcize, ask questions or give commands during play time!!! Believe me it's ooooo soooooo hard but if you say things like
I like the way you.. stacked your blocks
You put... those red blocks together
I'm going to make a stack just like...you did
giggle when he giggle
and do it all with enthusiasm then he will relax even more and so will you.

I'm learning this all in Parent Child Interaction Therapy. G-man's bad behavior has destroyed our relationship and it sounds like you're not too far from feeling the same way.

I'll be here for you if you need to vent. It's better if we vent here rather than screaming anyway. I've been so out of sorts, I know G-man's bad behavior is just feeding off my own.

T.,I have 2 sons one has ADD and one has ADHD.It is very frustrating I know.My oldest was held back in 1st grade and now my youngest may also be held back in 1st grade.My youngest has horrible outrages and does not think the rules apply to him.They both are on meds for it.The only thing I can tell you is if you haven't already take him to the doc.and go from there.For as homework don't fight him on it I ended up doing this I told him you either do it or you get a zero the teacher tols me if he don't do his homework he will do it at recess.It his on him and he has to learn the concequences for his actions.That help you I don't know but don't fight him that just gets you worked up and it's not good on you I have the same anxiety problems too and it's is not worth having an attack.If he sees that what he is doing isn't affecting you he may stop a certain behavior at that time.When my son gets too out of hand we make him go to his room and he does not like that because he can't do any thing that he wants to do he has to sit there that helps at that time.I hope this helps good luck.Try different things til you find what works for you.
J.

Hi T.! I definitely think medication could help your son, but also, it could help you! My son does not have ADD/ADHD, however, I personally have suffered from severe anxiety since I was 5 years old. I really feel for your situation. The more anxious you are, the more your child will pick up on it. I never wanted to take meds for my own anxiety situation, until I realized that my son was being negatively affected by it. One day he asked his daddy, "Why does mommy always feel sad?" And I knew I had to call the doctor, suck it up, and get on some medication. And it really turned me around! I have taken 50mg of Zoloft, plus Xanax as needed, for three years now. It's like I got myself back! You don't need to be worrying about going to the hospital with an attack, or worrying that your son is becoming fearful of the world or of you because of the attacks. Both of you have to get better to have a highly-functioning family! Don't hesitate to e-mail if you have any other questions. :)

Hi T.,

I don't know if you have been educated on this subject by any dr's. This is something they may not tell you about this so called disease. It is not a clinically diagnosis, only a hypothesis. I went through this same battle with my son. I worked for a chiropractor and learned many things while I was there about ADD & ADHD. I've seen many children while I worked there (including my son) who were diagnosed with ADHD, and whose parents didn't want to drug their children. It stems from a pinched nerve in the Cervical area and causes children to act out like this, due to the nerve signal not being at full function. In fact there was a study done at the University of Texas and is still in their archives if you would like to check it out, about children with this disorder who stayed on meds and the ones who got chiropractic attention. The results with the 2nd were 100% different than the ones who oppt for meds. I would really just suggest trying it for your son and for yourself. I can recommend your name to the Dr. I worked for and he would be more than happy to at least give you a consultation free of charge if I give him your name. It really is worth a shot. I hope this may help you.
A.

i ahve an 14 year old who was diagonsed with adhd when he was 2
he is better now and has to take meds daily to kep it to where he can concatre at school
what meds is he on and maybe talk to his teachers

I would have your child formally tested by a doctor and then the school. Before trying meds I would look into modifying his diet. Research what foods are triggers for children with ADD and ADHD and avoid them. It has helped so many kids. I am a special education teacher if you have other questions I would love to answer them.

Hi T.,
I thought I would write and let you know about a series of seminars that were sent to me. It is a meeting held quarterly for parents of children w/ ADD/ADHD. This meeting will be about strategies to uncover the causes of challenging behaviior in the hime and how to discipline w/o screaming. I recieved this flyer from my daughters pre-k teacher. I had been to another meeting and found it very resourceful. I may even attend this meeting if I can get my husband home on time. It is this monday evening January 29th from 7-8:30. I can forward the flyer to you if you'd like also. Best of luck to you.

T., I'm sorry you have to go through all of this with while having your own difficulties to deal with. My recommendation is to have a very structured schedule and activities for your son. Positive reinforcement helps and set very clear boundaries even if it may be easier to give in. If you give in once, he will try harder the next time to get you to give in. At the same time, please have him evaluated by a child psychologist to confirm the diagnosis as well as learn other behavioral interventions. If this does not work, the last line of defense should be a consultation to a child psychiatrist to prescribe medications. There are many around and each child will respond differently to each (Adderall, Concerta, Strattera, Ritalin SR (slow release)). Medication is best when treated with behavioral/psychological intervention and not just by itself since you don't just want him to be medicated but to learn adaptive skills to live with ADHD. Most adults don't outgrow ADHD, they learned adaptive skills to handle them. Lastly, it is crucial that you take care of yourself as well. Children are sensitive to those around them. If they see or feel you being anxious, they too will likely feel the same way. Take care and good luck!

My 10 yr old son has ADHD and it has been exhausting working with him. In my experience, the schools simply are not set up for what he needs. I homeschooled him through 3rd grade and when he took the state tests at the end of the year, he scored 96-98% in all four areas. :) I don't know if that's an option for you or not, but it worked the best for my son. He is very social though and this year I let him go to public 4th grade. (He has 2 d's and 3 c's and 1 b.)
Also, behavior modification has helped, though not enough. I made him a very specific checklist that he completes every morning, afternoon and evening. It includes basics such as brush teeth/hair, get dressed, go potty, do homework and chores such as take out the trash, clean room etc. I was as specific as possible and that checklist has saved much of my sanity. Plus, he loves it! He is allowed to play if everything is checked off for the day and at the end of the week, I give him a reward. It can be as simple as watching a movie or playing play station. When I can afford it (I try to make it at least once a month) I buy him something cheap but exciting, such as a new $5 toy or a used playstation game.
By the way, my son gets over stimulated VERY easily, so I try to keep him away from "busy" and loud places, such as chuck e. cheese, etc. When he reaches overstimulation, he has a melt down and can't stop bawling.
Also, if he is in school, talk to the teacher about getting him a DESK (not a table!) that is very near the teacher. My son gets distracted very easily and I have even received a phone call telling me he shoved bologna up his nose. :)
On the plus side, his mind is amazing. He does not have a very good short term memory and still has trouble following 3 step directions (only give one step instructions at any one time or they just are not capable of remembering them at least until 8), but he has always been good at fine motor skills and loves books!
I don't know if you're aware, but several famous people have had ADHD, including albert einstein and Jim Carey. (Couldn't you see your son being a jim carey?) Try to stay focused on his qualities, they are many, though usually hidden.
Good luck.

I have a 7 year old step-daughter, and a 10 month old daughter of my own. My 7 year old also as ADD&ADHD. It is very tough at times (alot of times). I couldn't get my husband to see for 3 years that there was something wrong. Now after book, councling, and trying everything under the sun. We have her goning to a child Pschy, and on medication. Things are getting better. It is a slow process and takes all and then more of my nerves somedays. But I just keep telling my self that it isn't her fauld. I also have to deal with my husband with ADHD himself that he won't do anything about. I live in Troy MO, let me know where you are and maybe we could talk more about this more.

T.,
For starters, you need to get him to a Dr. who will prescribe meds. My son is 5(6 on Feb 2)and he is taking 20 mgs of Metadate CD everyday. I could not believe the effect it had on him-you can actually have a n intelligent conversation with him without him running in circles. It brings out his personality so much and allows him to concentrate at school. When he first started K., he was behind on his reading because of the ADHD, but since he has been medicated, and with a little extra help at home, his reading skills have drastically improved. Everyone that knows him see the tremendous difference in his behavior and overall demeanor, not to mention my sanity. I honestly don't know how we got along without the medication. Anyway, if you have any qualms about medicating your son, I would at least try it and see what affects medication would have on your son. I think we went through 3 different kinds before we found one that didn't "zombify" him. Hope this helps!

My son is now 11 and his ADHD is pretty wel under control. He was diagnosed with it in 2nd grade. He has been on a few differnet medications and they all help. He just builds up a tolerance after a year or so and they switch it. I would recommend getting him evaluated by your regular dr and then take it from there. Ours sent us to KCPG adn Dr. Rahman who is great with my son. We worked with him and his teacher adn the other staff at his school and it helped him almost immediately. It doesn't take a big dose of the meds to see a change so please don't be so concerned about the side effects that you are unwilling to try them. I understand your frustation with the homework and behavior very well, I am bi-polar and my husband has general anxiety disorder. It can be difficult all the way around, but concerta and adderall xr have worked best for my son. Feel free to email me if you need to talk or if you have other questions I maybe able to answer, or at least can point you in the right direction.
Good luck!
H.

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P. D.

Okay this is some thing that I had to deal with when I was a young woman and a child you have to be very understanding with him you have to let him know that he is just as good as every one else and when he says some thing take it to heart

first off I have 2 boys that have adhd and you are right it drivees you up the wall. What I did and would do it again take him to a psychiatrist and ask about medication to control it. He will not be able to sit still and learn in school attend sports or anything else. One of my sons is on adderall xr which he takes once a day the other is on concerta which you also take once a day. He is just so hyper that he can't still for long periods to do any one task and you need some help with that.

i know my son is the same way and i am too it is very hard at time but you just have to be paitent and consistant keep at it eventually it does get better and its better for him too routine set a routine and stick with it. it does help and i never had to put me or my child on medicine just more frequent nagging i guess is what my husband calls it but i call good parenting.

OkI can relate totally. My twelve year old girl has ADHD. For starters he needs meds. They help so much!!!! I hated to turn to medicine but it was the turning point for my daughter. Second get him tested at school for an individual education program. This will allow him to get one on one help from the school resource teacher. Third when you notice that he is starting to get out of whack tell him very firmly to control himself. Dont worry he can. Make him sit in a chair on his hands if you have to. This teaches him how to control his outburts just enough to get a grip on what is going on. Finally, get out of the house for some adult time once in awhile. You need to have time to get away from him. They literally drive you nuts.
My daughter was on meds for six monthes, has the resource room teacher daily and knows how to control herself better now. No more meds either.
TAKE AWAY the caffine and sugar he doesnt need the stimulation!

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