13 answers

My Son Has a Sense of Entitlement

My 2 girls are the most generous, thoughtful people I know. My 2 boys, on the other hand, are all about what they want and expect everyone to give it to them. One of them has an excuse........he is only 2 months old. lol The other one is turning 10 in a few days. He just gets down right angry at us if we don't buy him something or he doesn't get his way. We don't give him an "allowance" anymore (for any of the kids, for several years), because he never seemed to connect the weekly allowance to the "chores" he did. So, we created a commission chart. Each chore on the chart was worth so much money. If he did one, he got paid for it. If he did none, he did not get paid. He still has certainly "family chores" that he has to do everyday without getting paid.....make his bed, help with the dinner dishes, and help with the laundry. He still cannot seem to connect work with money. He still thinks buy him whatever he wants.

Part of the problem is that he gets whatever he wants by asking Grandma and Grandpa. They lavish tons of presents on the kids. We have talked to them and asked them to narrow the gift giving down to just a few gifts for birthday, Christmas and Easter, but they refuse saying it is their right to "spoil" their grandchildren. We even tried asking them to just get a couple toys and make the rest clothing or something they need. Or even to give the kids money instead. When our kids get money from people, they can keep up to twice their age in spending money and the rest gets put away into savings. Still they won't agree to that. This past Christmas, they bought him an iPod along with tons of other toys. Now, this is what he said when he got it. "I thought about trying to save my money to my one of these myself, but I knew someone would buy it for me, so what's the point." Ouch!

Both of us are giving people. We volunteer constantly. We always give our used, but not needed items away to people we know or GoodWill. We always put money in the offering plate at church. etc, etc. So, I don't understand where he is getting this and what to do to get the Grandparents to stop buying them so many things every time they see them! We are a 6 person family that is trying to sell our house and move into a 2 bedroom house/apartment. We don't want any more THINGS. We won't have the space.
However, I am more concerned about the attitude my son has about all of this. How can I teach him to respect and appreciate what he has and work hard for what he needs/wants??? I am at a loss.

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

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Just because Grandma and Grandpa give the gift, it doesn't mean he gets to keep it. I have taken all kinds of things that Grandparents have given my children and linked them to good behavior, chores, reading and writing time...... etc.

7 moms found this helpful

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Just because Grandma and Grandpa give the gift, it doesn't mean he gets to keep it. I have taken all kinds of things that Grandparents have given my children and linked them to good behavior, chores, reading and writing time...... etc.

7 moms found this helpful

Your PARENTS need the Berenstein Bears book "The Gimmes"

You're trying to teach a lesson that will NEVER be learned as long as you keep being undermined. They may have a "right" to spoil, but your right to PARENT *trumps* that as needed.

6 moms found this helpful

All I know is... at a certain age.... it is no longer 'cute' that they act like that with that attitude.

If I did that as a child... I would have been really reprimanded.

I've seen bigger kids with attitudes of entitlement... REALLY noxious.
Then they grow up into adults... like that. More noxious.
But... yes, sometimes it is just a phase... and the kid gets more real.

The thing is.... does he have empathy? Sense of caring? Thoughtfulness?

Maybe, each day... have him write down, instances in which he thought of someone else... in a kind way. And what he did to help his family, for whatever reason. It NOT being... for some kind of reward or money or object. It being... just because. Just because.... it felt good, inside.

He is 10. He is a Tween. I think, no matter what... he needs to learn humility....
via humility... he 'might' learn... appreciation and/or respect. Sans his ego and arrogance.

all the best,
Susan

3 moms found this helpful

Keep modeling your values, and continue to make him work for his allowance.

I've never given my kids allowance and have been pretty stingy on "stuff" (except for Christmas), but a certain amount of entitlement has crept in anyway. I think it's because it's so culturally pervasive right now, that regardless of what you do in the home, they learn entitlement from their friends and the current pop culture, especially tv.

All you can do is keep modeling what you want and continuing with your own rules. Let grandparents do what they want.

2 moms found this helpful

we had a similar problem with my grandma and my MIL. Eventually, my grandma started getting her treats or books instead of toys, and the new rule with my MIL, is that unless it's a birthday or Christmas, any random toys she buys become toys to play with only at Grandma's. This really cut back on it, because she doesnt want it cluttering her house up either.

2 moms found this helpful

Are Gma and Gpa aware as to what they are feeding into when they purchase such lavish gifts? My son's gparents are HORRID about the amounts of money they spend on the kids but I am VERY vocal on what my 4yr old can/can not have. Really, Daddy and I get the big gifts and tell others to get supporting items.
Ex we wanted him to have a Wii so we bought it and told everyone to get Wii items/games/game stop cards.
I am not blaming it all on Gma/Gpa however they are feeding a flame that is typical in today's world especially in our "tweens" and teens.

1 mom found this helpful

I am right there with Dana K!

Sure he can have tons and tons of stuff from the grandparents, but they are the 'currency' he earns by fulfilling his family responsibilities. I'm sure you've spoken directly to the grandparents but they just don't care. Maybe they'll get the message when they see the unopened toys/items gathering dust on a shelf in the garage or still in the box in mom and dad's closet?

1 mom found this helpful

Allowance is not only used for chores. Actually paying for chores can create an entitlement expectation. I did something I get something. Getting an allowance is supposed to be used to teach a child how to manage money so when they are older they are prudent with it. SO you know I have and tried many methods and failed at many. Dave Ramsey has a great program for adults and kids. Also having kids help at local churches with the poor and needy helps them see others around us and there needs. It can start as small as making sandwiches for a charity that goes and feeds the homeless to more hands on like serving in a soup kitchen. It depends on the child's age. If you are in a church family find out what they have there or join a local church and let your kids get involved. It can really change anyone's heart.

1 mom found this helpful

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