My Son Has a Mean and Rude Friend

I'm sorry to hear this kid is causing your family all this stress, it's a shame when your child has a friend who can be horrid. Firstly, I would definitly suggest that he not spend any more time over at this friends home, unless the father (who must be the disiplinarian) is home. It may mean having to awkwardly explain to the Mom of this kid that you're not comfortable with how your son behaves when he gets home after being at their house - but just keep reminding yourself that YOUR family comes first and all your doing is whats best for YOUR family. Treading around anyone elses feelings just takes a back seat to looking out for YOUR children first. And when this kid is in your home, tell him you have rules and lay them down. NO being mean, NO namecalling, NO excluding others. And if these rules are violated, he goes home and your son comes inside. And stick to it, if they're outside playing and one of your other children comes in complaining, bustle your son inside and send the other one home, explaining why. Remember M., it may be hard to have to distance your son from this friend of his, but this is for his own good. YOUR family comes first, ALWAYS. I recently had a friend (a good friend) that I had to cut off contact with because of her son. It was hard, but MY family comes first. Sorry this was so long, but I hope this helps. Good luck!! :)

1 mom found this helpful

I don't really have any advice, my kids are still pretty young, but I think this is a good opportunity to teach your children how not to behave and also that there are some unkind people in this world and they will unfortunately have to learn to deal with it.

We had a similiar situation with my daughter (she is 4 - friend is 5 but has never been around kids her own age - always older cousins until starting kindergarten). It was a very toxic situation and I had just finally had enough when the "friend" continually insulted my child and started to try to touch our 2 month old without permission. When the friend thought I wasn't paying attention, she would be extremely rude, use bad language, and try to get my daughter to do things that would get her in trouble. I finally said they couldn't play together anymore because the "friend" didn't know how to play nicely. My daughter seemed relieved when I told her and barely asks about her anymore. My daughter's behavior improved dramatically and I know that it was the right decision. I know you hate to ruin a friendship but if it is a toxic situation, your child is better off without it. Bless you for taking on another's children and good luck!

i think that you should monitor their playing time and when he says anything mean or rude you need to tell him that is not right and that you dont tolerate it in you home and that if he cant control himslef he has to go home. im sure hell tell his parents and when that happens you need to be frank with them and tell them that you dont approve of that kind of behaviour . i think your child needs to learn now that you will look out for him and that ifhis firneds anrent acceptable that he cant play with them. just imagine it a few years down the road. if this neighbor kid was stealing or in gangs, would you accept him at your home?

First off I want to say that you are an awesome person and even greater mom! You've taken on so many responsibilities and obviously care a lot about these kids.

At this age (but not for much longer) you have the right and responsibility to choose your 7 year olds friends. You are his example, he is looking to you for the answers. If someone your age was treating you this way would they be YOUR friend? Guide him towards healthier friendships. It won't be possible to isolate him from the rude friend. Limiting his exposure to his behavior IS possible. Talking to your son about how he feels after playing with a nice friend vs. playing with a rude friend may be helpful. Perhaps eventually the rude friend will get the message that his behavior is causing him friendships.

That's when you need to tell the mom and dad that their son is not welcome to play with your son. You have to put your foot down and protect your kids from your neighbor's kid. Once he realizes that he's the PIA, then he'll be nice again. He's probably the only child, and jealous that your oldest son has siblings.

I have an almost 4 yo mildly autistic son who was jealous the first month our almost 4 month old was born, and he now dotes over him, helps me take care of him, and don't let any other kid bully his lil brother.

Good Luck!

"But I am so tired of the kids being mean to all of our family and making our family fight. It causes stress in our home cause the kids come in crying due to the neighbor kid being mean to them. I don't know what to do."
yes you do. It sounds like he is a good playmate when it suits him but not a very good friend. Talk to your son about the difference and help him find new friends. Or talk to the kid and say hey, be nice to all in this family or go home, and stick to it. Maybe he'll learn and you will have done him a great service.

I had the same problem with a boy down the street. But, one thing that you have to remember, is that when any kid is at your house, your rules apply. What I did was to sit this kid down one day and have a serious talk about the rules in my house and if he couldn't, or didn't want, to comply, then he wasn't going to be welcome. He straightened out real fast. He was still bad with his mother but at my house he was good as gold. I even got some pleases and thank yous out of him and a lot respect that he apparently wasn't being expected to show at home.

You may just teach this kid something his mother isn't. That way, your kids learn a huge lesson also. Mine did.

Good luck.
J.
www.livetotalwellness.com/janislanz

Congrats on taking these children in and raising them to be polite!
I was starting to think that nobody did that anymore.
I had the same situation with my daughter and a neighbor girl up the street. I actually caught this girl "who was 6 at the time" pushing my son who was 1 yr old, it had happened before.
I hate to say it, but my daughter was not allowed to play with her after that. I also explained to her that she is never to let any of her "friends" ever bully her brother. Her friends will come and go in her life, but her brother will always be a part of her life, also if she allows it and I find out, she is the one that will get into trouble.
I do believe that family members should defend each other, if needed.
I can't say that this is the right choice for you in your situation.
Good Luck,
~G.~

M. H. Let me start off by saying BRAVO!!! You are not just raising your own children on your own, but you have brought in other kids. That in itself is a very big accomplishment.
Now, with the neighbor kid. I would personally go to parent, and tell them what the child is doing. If the kid denies it, I would tell your son, "Just because he says mean things, it does not mean you are those things." I understand that it's the only child his age in the neighborhood, but I would ask your son if he would mind having that boy as a nonfriend, and explain what the boy is doing is wrong, and it's hurting you to see him hurting.

The cool thing about being "Mom" is that what you say goes. And as "Mom", it is your responsibility to protect your child from harmful influences. If 7-year-olds were mature enough to choose their friends on their own, they wouldn't need us.