My Son Beats His Head!

Oh that is such a scary thing. I can remember my cousin doing it as a child. I am six months older than him and he did until he was 5 or 6. My aunt and uncle were told to just leave him alone and leave the room and he will eventually stop which didn't really help. Which is why I feel he did it for so long. He would even do it on concrete. It was very scary to watch as a child. It is best to grab a pillow or somethign soft to cushion his head and then once he is done talk to him about what he did and perhaps other ways to release his anger and frustration. Then he feels you usnderstand the emotions he is feeling but there are other ways to release it. I have found with my son who is now three, that the more I talk to him about his emotions the better he responds to his frustrations. My son likes to hit and kick when he is angry. He can be very aggressive. I have also found that if I give him a choice when he can't have something he wants it helps distract him. Then he feels like he is getting to make his own decisions. It works great when he wants junk food. So if you have to say no to something, say no and then say would you like to play with this or that? Then he feels better about the situation b/c he feels he has control. Here is a link you might find useful.

http://www.becomingtheparent.com/subsections1/question18....

I hope he will grow out of it quickly. Good luck

Hi J. M My twin brothers are 27 now,they both would get up on their fours,and rock back and forth hitting their heads over and over.I remember our concern and anxiety over it.The cribs had flat panels on the ends.they were warped in a circular shape where their heads would bang.I was the oldest and took care of them with mom and nothing we tried would make them stop.I wish I remembered who I looked this same thing and on because I wondered if there was any concerns we should have long term.All I recall reading was that there was no harm,if it hurt them,they will not do it.That it was a nervous tic.So my guess would be instead of trying to make him stop.Have some special mom and baby time with him and do some relaxing things.At 21 mos he's not going to do it correct but make it fun.Breathing exercise, stretching and screaming in a pillow in a fun way.All those things will help him to feel relaxed and when he feels anxious or uptight he will have new tools in his arsenal for relaxing and that will help you have some free time also.My son is 17 now and his fave music is alternative ,rap,r&b.,but he remembers when younger I would put nature scape music,instrumental,even just with the flute.It's the only time he is clear and relaxed. Good Luck and enjoy your son!!! Roni707 .

I agree with the previous response - you should ask his doctor for some advice. That being said, my daughter did the same thing around that age. I think part of it is about not having words to express the frustration. When my daughter would start doing this I would put her in my bed and stay with her until it was over, making sure she didn't hit her head on anything else. (I figured she had some energy and frustration that she needed to get out, so I didn't try to stop it.)After it was over, I would give her alternatives, say "It scares me when you hurt yourself like this. Next time you feel frustrated, you can yell, or hit the pillow on the bed, stomp your feet, etc." I would also try to put words to the emotions I thought she was feeling, and would ask her "Are you frustrated because I didn't give you what you wanted? Are you mad because I'm not paying attention to you?" Needless to say, she learned how to say frustrated pretty quickly. She also switched tactics from banging her head on things to pulling her hair out, which drives me mad, but at least she is not injuring herself.

You are right, of course, if you pay attention to him after he beats his head on things, to comfort him, it will seem to him like he is being rewarded for bad behavior.
Does he have things like play-doh and finger paint? These types of things are good relaxation for a child, and they can work out any frustration they have that way.

Hello J.,

My oldest son who is turning 4 in November used to do the same thing, he would get frustrated and angry when he would get in trouble etc. and start banging his head on the ground, floor, on hard objects like you were describing, I told the doctor about his tantrums, and mom told me to put a safty helmet on him, we were very worried about him, he just stopped on his own, and hasn't done that for a while now. I have heard of other children doing the same thing, I do believe it is just from frustration, or sometimes they are too advanced for there age, and get very angry, and do things like that to express themselves. ???? You are not alone, hopefully he will grow out of it, hang in there, ........good luck.

I have a 17-month-old who bangs his head, too. He started several months ago and it comes and goes. He tends to do it more when he's tired or when his teeth are bothering him (perhaps to distract him from the pain?). For him it seems to be primarily because he's frustrated (not able to do something he's trying to do, trying to tell me something that I'm not understanding or not getting his way). I talked to my pediatrician and he said it's developmentally normal and not to worry about it - he said that unless he's banging his head on the corner of a wall or table that he can't bang hard enough to do any serious damage (except for a few bruises). When my son does it I give him a stern "no" look and ask him to tell me what he wants instead. That seems to work in distracting him. When he does it at night I know it's because he's tired so I put him to bed and he goes right to sleep. Your son's reasoning might be different, but you might find that once you figure out what causes it for him, it's easier to head it off. Oh, and as for comforting him when he does it - I know what you mean about not wanting to encourage the behavior but I usually acknowledge my son's pain with a hug and then tell him that's why he can't bang his head and should TELL mommy what's bothering him. He gets over it pretty fast and it keeps him from banging his head (at least for a little while!) :) I hope any of this helps!

My little brother, now 19, used to do the same thing. My mom ignored him. One day he was banging his head on the floor and I think it dawned on him that he wasn't hurting anybody but himself and he just stopped. My advice to you is just ignore it and he'll stop eventually, he'll come to his senses.

I'm not trying to make you paranoid but my son started banging his head on the floor when he was a toddler. I tried everything to make him stop finally I talked to my pediatrician who suggested I have him evaluated by our local early intervention program. We have since found out that he has sensory problem and thats why the head banging we also found that he has a autism spectrum disorder called PDD.
Like i said not trying to make you paranoid but that is something you might want to check out. Good Luck

My first son did this for a long time. Although, he started much earlier. I talked to his pediatrician, and she felt there wasn't concern about it. I ended up padding his crib, and trying to work with him on his frustration. I really didn't reprimand him as much as tried to help him through whatever was bothering him. He's 4 now, and has stopped. He doesn't show any sign of developmental problems. I say, talk with your doctor so they can help you watch it and get ideas of how to handle it. Probably depends on how he reacts to the attention he gets, and so on... good luck

J.,
My daughter Mackenzie does the same thing. It's really frustrating and scary. I read through most of the responses everyone else wrote and I pretty much agree with what they said. My pediatrician also agreed that most of the time it is done out of frustration because they are unable to express themselves in a way that you can understand, and that the best thing to do is to tell your son that you will talk to him when he is calmed down and then walk away from the situation. HOWEVER...one thing that I did not read anyone else mention is to MAKE SURE your childs head is protected (someone did mention using a safety helmet) or place a pillow under his head, or move him to a carpeted area. B/c even though they are young, it is possible for a chile to give himself a concusion on a harder surface such as wood, lenolium or concrete.
BEST of LUCK.

You say you are getting married next month. Maybe your son is getting a bit stressed out right along with you. Is it possible that while you are busy planning the wedding you are spending less time with your son? He could be acting out in frustration at Mom being busy with other things. If he's banging his head about you taking off his jacket or shoes maybe you could leave them on a little while longer. Maybe he's cold with this chilly weather we have been having. I don't know how you disapline him, but make sure you are not yelling at him when you tell him no. Be very extra nice about it, cause he could be overly sensitive. I don't know what to tell about the comforting part when he hurts himself. It's seems obvious that he's doing it for attention, but you don't want him to think you don't care that he's hurt. I'd definately talk to his doctor about this as soon as possible though. You could also try explaining to him why he has to take something off or why he can't do something that is wrong. He's old enough to understand at least part of what you are saying. I do have a 20 month old, but none of my children have ever hurt themselves like that. These are just some thoughts I had. Good luck. I know it must be scary to see him hurt himself.

Hi J.,

I too had the same problem with my son. As hard and frustrating as it is. You have to ignore him. My son hit his head on everything including, a grill, sidewalk, kitchen floor, fish tank, the car, TV...The list goes on. I finally took him to the doctor and she told me he was doing it for attention. She said that no matter what we do, We have to ignore him. It was hard watching my son do that to himself. But I did it and it worked. Sometime I redirected him to something else, which helped too. But for him to see your reaction when he does something is just a way for him to feed into it. Say stuff to him calmly like "oh boo-boo" or "Oh no" You could even fake a "boo-boo " on you. It has been 6mos now that my son has stopped banging his head on things... I'm very grateful for that I was so scared every time I saw him do it... But the complete ignoring him really works.. I hope this helps. Also, I didn't run to my son when he wanted comfort from him hurting himself. Every time I did the crying would stop immediately, and I new that he was faking it. It's all about attention.. Good luck to you and your son.
-K.