Toddler My Son

In my opinion, the words they BROKE UP AGAIN is like a red flag screaming that this is going nowhere fast. But, if she is persistent and he doesn't have the oppurtunity to deal with this in his own time, it will just happen again and again.

It is sweet that you are involved in your son's life, but this is something he HAS to do on his OWN. Regardless of whether or not you are FRIENDS or have been FRIENDLY with her, this is not your call.

My sister has ALL kinds of ups in downs in her marriage but, I would never tell her to outright leave her husband. It is my job to support her and love her and respect her choices, and her husband is a decent guy whom I think is okay...just not with my sister. But, it's not my life.

I would politely tell her that you appreciate her feeling comfortable coming to you for help but, because of the nature of the issue you don't feel comfortable getting involved. Leave this up to your son, and respect what he chooses. He'll thank for giving him the chance to make his own mistakes...even though he might not see it now.

Good Luck.

1 mom found this helpful

Is your son an adult??? If so don't get involved, let him settle the problem and tell her that you can't get in the middle of things.

She's looking for support, but it's just inappropriate to involve you in their personal decisions. Tell her that you do not want to discuss their private lives, and ask her not to phone you. Tell her if she does you'll refuse to pick up or hang up on her. Then do it.

Tell your son the same thing. Explain that it's BECAUSE you love him that you can't be involved in making decisions about who he dates or marries.

On a side note, there's no way to really tell if she's excessively needy or if your son's friends actually make her feel unwanted or are bad news. Either way, it's between HIM and HER, NOT YOU.

I wopuld suggest that they see a marriage counsler , if they won't go alone then they should go on their own. I don't know what her issue is with his friends. Maybe she has a valid reason. Or is it all friends.

I hope you get some good advice on this. She may just be very jelouse and that can be a problem.

Sandy

I think the best thing to do is to stay out of it. Just lend an ear if your son, or his fiance need someone to talk to but don't say anything, just listen. But to be honest--there is something wrong with her if she doesn't want him to have friends and socialize with anyone other than her. Who's not to say in a while she wont tell him not to have a relationship with you? or other family members? They should go and speak to a nuetral party like a counselor because maybe there is something they're not telling you. Maybe his friends are a bad influence or cheat on their wifes/girlfriends and this is what she's scared of? Just pointing out things from both sides. Good luck!

Maybe if you just tell her that you would love to give her advice, however you feel they would both be better served to seek out a counselor. That way you are not taking sides and giving out advice that apparently has fallen on deaf ears ("...they broke up again..."). She is seeking validation for her demands and you are not the one to give it to her. Good luck, I know this must be hard for you.

Even in a good relationship, each person needs friends. I don't think it's healthy to not have friends. Unless his friends are doing illegal things she really has no right to tell him he can't have them. And if he did go along with her, he would only resent her later for making him give up his friends. If he chooses to spend all his time with only her than that's ok, if not then things will not end well.

i think u should tell her the truth. that your son should still be able to have a life outside of her (as long as it is respectful of the relationship)& vice versa. they have possibly the rest of their lives to be together if she plays her cards right. she shouldn't try to be so smothering & to grow up! after that, u should probably let them work it out or break up completely if that's what your son decides to do.

Stay out of it. Be a listening ear for your son but try not to give advice. If he asks what you think, tell him the truth. Best of luck to you!

STAY OUT OF IT!!!!!!!!! Your son will make the right decision. She can't have him all to herself, that's just not realistic. He will resent her in the end. Just be there for him as a mother should be.
Good luck!

Stay wayyyyyyyy out of it.
You will loose.

Try to keep neutral on this issue, especially with your son's on-again off-again fiance. Anything you say can and probably will be used against you at some point. As for your son, try not to give unsolicited advise because, again, if you do, it may backfire on you. If he asks you for advise or your opinion, definitely do so but do it in a way that is like planting a seed of knowledge for him to ponder and come to his own coclusions rather than telling him what to do.

This girl sounds like she's a lot of drama and, from my experience, people like that don't mind conflict; just the opposite really, they thrive on it and seek it out where ever they can. Depending on your son's maturity level and emotional needs, she may or may not go away any time soon, in which case, you will not want to be starting world ward 3 with her anytime soon and risk having her alienate you from your son.

Wishing you the best of luck.

Give her a book called Love and Respect. If she really wants to make a great marriage she can use it.

T., personally, I would stay out of it. I would leave it up to the two of them to work it out. You want your son to be happy and this woman seems like a roller coaster. They may get back together again and you certainly don't want him bring up to her anything negative you may have said while they were broken up. She will then insist that your not in the picture. Just love your son and let him know that you support him no matter what. Reassure him that you only want him to be happy and he has to make the decision as to what happiness means to him. If the girlfriend calls and you answer let her know hat you just want them both to be happy, but you have made the choice to stay out of it and let them work it out on their own. If she calls and you're not able to take the call, I would not call her back. I would just stay out of it.

The most diffcult part is not getting involved. Let him decide what's best for him and then love him through his decision. Best of luck to you all. - L

Call her back. Be friendly and polite - it may work out and she could end up being your DIL. But be firm. Explain that you don't think it's healthy for either person to give up their friends and that you can't support her in that request. Explain that he loves her and if she is willing to give him space and share him with others, it will work out. If you like her, you can say that you hope it does work out, but you can't be involved anymore.

My MIL of 12-years and I have a great relationship because from the day her son and I started dating - she stayed out of our relationship. She has never questioned the way I treat her son or grandchildren or given unsolicited advice on how to do anything. And, in the beginning, if I asked for relationship advice, she simply told me I was talking to the wrong person, that if I wanted to know how to please or change her son, I needed to talk to HIM and not her. If you do call her back, I suggest telling her that you are not a counselor, your son is an adult, and he will make his own decisions.