16 answers

My Six Year Old Daughter, Is Driving Me Crazy.

She wont listen, she tells me she hates me. I can't brush her teeth without a fight.
She hit's me and yells at her brother's and father. I feel I am not doing a good job as a parent.What can I do to fix this problem before she gets older.

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

First I would like to say thank you for all of the responses. I have tried a bit of everything, not yelling and getting down to her level seems to work the best. We are working through it and staying concistent. Thank you!!

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I am in exactly the same situation. Everything is a yelling match and I also do not know what to do. My daughter will be 7 in two days and now school is becoming a problem. Taking things away from her doesnt work and I would also like some solutions.

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First, time yourself out, yelling does not work. When she decides to act out. Wall away count to 20, keep her in sight.

Then go back and face the situation calmly. She must be told she is part of the family and her behavior is not acceptable. So from none on when you act out in anyway. You will receive a time out in a chair for 10 mins.
Then you must do what you say everytime. In time she will decide that this time out for 10 mins., with no one to yell at, hit, or fight with during the time is not fun. I am not in control like I have been. She will realize that to be part of the family she must behave as do her brothers. They too can receive a similar punishment for misbehaving.
Remember your husband and you are the parents, not your daughter who feels now she is in control. Take back control, but do not yell this will not work with any child.
Can this from a parent who has an ADHD child, time out works.

2 moms found this helpful

Try reading 1 2 3 Magic. I'm sure you could get it at your local library. It really works. Not sure why, but it does.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi N., Wow, take a breath! Sounds like your definitely stressed out. I've never been one for 'TV advice' but I have noticed a lot of friends using the Techniques that 'The Nanny' suggests. They ALWAYS work from what my god child's Mom told me. With children or any other problems in life, Nothing changes on it's own. But sometimes the way we LOOK at things, the things we look at change. Hmm...Yelling helps nobody. Remember, the way we raise our kids does affect them for life. Any of us can look back...It's called the writing on our walls. In fact from birth to 6 or 7, most of the limiting beliefs we have about ourselves are ingrained during that time period. How many parents (our own) said foolish things like "Why can't you be more like your Sister" (or brother, or whoever)
I know 1st hand all that does is tell the child "Your not good enough" Coaches and Teachers at school have said things like "Your Brother was such a good student..." Again, the same thing "Your less than, not good enough" Trust me, to go thru life feeling inferior is horrible. Parents, Teachers etc. I seriously beg of you, when we compare, we are passing judgement. None of us did it intentionally, but never the less it does damage. Now I have probably said this in the wrong forum and maybe it doesn't apply here. If I have offended anyone I do apologize. When the subject of yelling and arguments came up, it was the 1st thing come to mind. Life, it sure ain't easy...N., please know your in my thoughts, eventually things will work out. How about if you approach your daughter before an argument, when she might be more receptive. (My biggey was my own mom did nothing but yell, had more children than she was prepared to deal with,5. She never once took time to do anything with us) How about if you said to your daughter, "Sometimes we both get tired and frustrated. Maybe we could find something we both really like and take a class at the Y or a community center." Even Yoga is good for any age. Its relaxing and would do you both some good. Good luck hon!

1 mom found this helpful

Hello N.. I have been taking a class about discipline. One thing that was said, is bring ourself to their level. Which means get down to their eye level to talk to them. I have learned that the behavior may be her way of trying to get our attention. Maybe ask her if something is bothering her, maybe something has happened and she doesn't know how to explain it. I have a five year old that does similar things. I realized that she wanted more of my time or something at school happened and she was upset. A lot of times we see the anger, but that is usually masking more..like hurt, scared, lonely. I just try to reasure her that I'm there for her and that she has choices. I try to make it clear that she can decide to behave or lose out on fun things to do. The behavior may continue but in time they may lessen as you both learn to communicate. That's what I'm trying to do, some days are good and others..well you know..lol It takes time, just know you are doing what you can and give yourself credit. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

I have a 4 year old with the same problem. I have learned that yelling only makes her yell. My sister gave me a book, "How to Behave So Your Children Will Too." They have it for preschoolers also. I am reading it and it seems to work so far. The main thing to do is not yell and remain calm when trying to discipline. I have tried that and it works, but of course, we all lose our cool once in a while. Try this book. I think it's great!

1 mom found this helpful

Im not sure why, but the trend I see lately is that 6 is the new 14, complete with mood swings and defiant behavior.
You need to adopt a zero tolerance policy. EVERY time she acts like this follow through with a time out or take something away (a favorite show). Hard as it is, skip the yelling. Some kids actually seek out this kind of reaction. Praise the positive. Also look at her diet. Is she worse when she hasn't eaten or has had too much sugar? Despite the recent studies, I am a big believer in removing sugar. It has really helped with my four year old (who pushes every button I have)
Good luck

1 mom found this helpful

It sounds like something may be going on with her. Perhpas she'd talk t oa neutral; person, such a a school counselor??
Will she talk to you if you ask her " If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?" Then, if she does respend, be cool about your reaction. She might say "you." but that would be just her acting out. You can get to the real reason, because I am guessing this is deep rooted.
I know that when I was young, like 100 years ago, I acted out with my mom. looking back, I felt safe with her, and she was the one I took my frustrations out on because I knew she'd stick around no matter what. I wasn't old enough to have the resources to communicate effectively, and often, I felt that my frustrations were all my fault. It's a heavy load for a kid.
This is just a guess, as I do not live with you and do not see the daily routines, so if I am way off, I apologize.
Good Luck with her.

1 mom found this helpful

My daughter is going to be 4 in January and she is at the beginning of this. In our house we don't use the word hate. If she does, it is corrected right away and she is given another word in it's place. My pediatircian tells me to be consistent with everything. The one time you are not they catch it right away and they remember that you can be "broken." Maybe with brushing her teeth you two can have "special" time and go pick a toothbrush and toothpaste that she likes. I believe that you just need to be firm. I know some of my friends have literally taken everything out of their childs room and only when the child does something correctly and changes do they start to earn back their toys and animals etc... I know it is difficult but at some point she will turn around and love you and listen. (I started when I moved out ;) ) But just stick to your guns!!It will get better.

try points like stickers. she hits it gets takin away. shes good she gets one. and just keep reminder her that yelling hurts people and she can spend a lot of time in her room. and wont get points when shes good. and yes im a meanie. while everyone else gets treats (desert) she wont when she doesnt get enough sticekre.
im usin this method wiht several issues my son has we have a sticker chart when he does somehtin he gets a sticker and we have bonus spots for not yellin or hittin. and those can be taken away. good luck if it gets tooo bad u should talk to ur pediatrician

Hey N. S. There is a solution I call it nonni 911 or straight one on one love . Nonni 911 not Nanny 911. She says put her in a time out spot and just tell when she is done yelling at you we will talk and just walk away. Then there is just straight love tell her to her level that she can not yell it is not nice and when good girls yell it is ugly not nice. so try to take my advice and tell her it is going to be ok.

oh boy sounds like our girls are the same in one I just posted about my problem mine is 7 drives me out of my mind read it and maybe we can network together about this issue seriously thought i was the only one

I am in exactly the same situation. Everything is a yelling match and I also do not know what to do. My daughter will be 7 in two days and now school is becoming a problem. Taking things away from her doesnt work and I would also like some solutions.

If she's six and you're still brushing her teeth for her, no wonder she gives you a hard time. She isn't two years old. Six year olds brush their own teeth, if your child isn't capable of doing this on her own at her age, you've done something wrong, sorry.

Patience is the key. Not only am I a parent but I am also a godmother of 5 kids. I have helped raised all of them especially my godson who is 5 years old. He practically lived me most of the time. His mom didn't know what to do with him we he started walking & talking. He was practically doing the same thing you describe as your daughter doing. And I don't think by YELLING at her is helping the situation. You'll just have to be persistant and patient. When my godson was with me he was a totally different child. At home his mother always was yelling at him about this and that and calling him bad and his big brother was always rough wresling with him. Children do not hear you when you are yelling. I always handled my godson calmly and most of the time he was in a more relaxed environment that he became more calm. But unfortunately when he was home he was a "wildchild". A parent can only be the best that they can and I'm sure you are but you do need to evaluate the environment she's in and it also stems what she eats (too much junk-food). I am not a hitter myself and seldomly yell, just pray for patience, she'll come around. Also maybe signing her up for Karate or some kind of program that can teach her discipline is good. Have you ever watch Nanny 911? She's a good tool to go by.

just be very consistant. if you give in when she is crying then she will just be persistant untill she gets what she wants. she has to learn that no means no.

well yelling won't get you anywhere...take it from a yeller myself. you need to put your foot down. the hitting part i agree with. good for you. but fighting with her is out of the question too. when you fight with a child you become a child. and so on...when you fight with an idiot you become and idiot...its a saying i heard and i apply it to everything. it helps me and keeps me in check...
well. i just don't know where to start. i would just take a few when she starts acting up. when she gets out of line say to her..."we are not doing this or that again". put her right in a chair and tell her when "she" is ready to do what she knows is right then you can do whatever she is suppose to do. she has controll of the situations. and you unfortunatly are giving it to her when you fight back or yell. make her think about what she is doing or how she is behaving. when she appologizes ask her what she is apologizing for. when she tells you the right answer then go on to do whatever the obedient way...i hope i am making sense. my friend goes through this and i get sooo mad. it is not soo bad if you take control. my arm is killing me today soo i have to get back to you...i hope i helped a little. you are the mommy and she needs you to be the mommy and not the sister. i don't mean to sound sooo harsh. i guess i just want to say sooo much and i can't cause of my arm... sorry...bye for now

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