60 answers

My Sister Is dying...should We Tell Her Daughter?

My sister was given 4 to 6 months left to live. She has been battling oral cancer since April 2010. She has had most of her tongue removed and had a trach put in her throat. She has been in and out of the hospital a lot since it started. Her daughter is 12. She and my sister live with my 66 year old parents. my mom doesn't think we should tell her that my sister only has a few months left, but I think she should know. She is a very immature 12 year old. Her fathers isn't around. What are yall's opinions? Should she be told the prognosis?

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks so much for all the advice and well wishes. I will speak with my mom and my 2 sisters and we can decide what to do together. My sister hasn't said one way or the other what she wants to happen. She's never been very honest with her daughtetr to begin with, so the rest of the family usually ends up picking up the pieces for her. Again, thank you SO much!

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I think she needs to know that it is a real possibility that her mother will not make it. Do not give her specific time frames as the drs don't really know--they're just guessing. My father was given 6 months to live and died 6 weeks later.

7 moms found this helpful

I'd be a hard thing to do, but I think that she should know. That way, with counciling and family support she'll be prepared.

6 moms found this helpful

I think at 12 years old, yes, she should be told. That will give her time to say and do anything she needs to say and do.

I'm so sorry.

4 moms found this helpful

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I think that she should know. I also think your family should look into grief counseling for her/you and consider bringing in hospice. Hospice is more than just helping people through the last days. It's for the family, too. I think that the girl, no matter how immature, would be devastated to think her mom was going to be OK and find out that everyone lied to her. Give her the news and give her the opportunity to tell her mom good-bye.

9 moms found this helpful

Yes. She should know. She will never forgive herself or your parents if she spends her mom's last few months being a brat. She is old enough to know the truth, she is not a baby.

8 moms found this helpful

I think she should know. At 12 you get death and she can go to counseling with her mom and talk things through or whatever. Everyone already know her mom is dieing and if she finds out later that she just wasn't told it can make her turn her back on everyone. At least she can have support and let go of her mom while she is still there to be had.

8 moms found this helpful

First of all, I am so sorry about this. This has got to be very hard on all of you. I cannot imagine the pain you are all facing. Especially your sister.

Second, I wish I had the best advice or the right answer, we'll all feel differently on this one. But if it were me, Id probably tell my girls. It would give them time to accept this and prepare for my departure instead of it being a sudden shock- which can make the grieving process take longer.

I'd just tell the young lady that her mother has been told that her time on earth is ending soon and she is preparing to be an Angel watching over her.

8 moms found this helpful

I think she needs to know that it is a real possibility that her mother will not make it. Do not give her specific time frames as the drs don't really know--they're just guessing. My father was given 6 months to live and died 6 weeks later.

7 moms found this helpful

I think that you should tell her that things are not looking good and that the Dr. thinks that there is nothing more that he can do. I wouldn't say she has only 4 - 6 months to live though. The dr. could be wrong. She may die sooner, she may die later - you never really know. AND MIRACLES DO HAPPEN!! I think that she will cope with this better if she knows ahead of time. That is just my opinon and I have no first hand experience with this.

I am very sorry that you all are going through this. I am sure that it is hard for all of you! I will be praying for you and your family.

6 moms found this helpful

I'd be a hard thing to do, but I think that she should know. That way, with counciling and family support she'll be prepared.

6 moms found this helpful

My thoughts and prayers go out to you. Yes, her daughter needs to know so that she can come to terms with this and maximize the time she has with her mom. It's going to suck either way, but really, to just have mom surprisingly die on her would be awful.

I would talk to your sister's doctor, to the hospital social worker or grief counselor, etc. and get some professional input on the best way to deal with this. Grandmom is coming from a good place, but she doesn't have to deal with this situation all the time. Talk to someone who does. Your neice is going to need some serious support through this and pretending it isn't happening won't help.

I wish you all the best through this tough time. Take care!

5 moms found this helpful

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