My Seven Year Old Son and Being Emotional.

I struggle with these issues with my youngest son. Both of my boys are gifted, but my oldest managed to escape the more difficult issues that many gifted kids (and their parents) deal with. My youngest is much more challenging. I found this link http://giftedkids.about.com/od/gifted101/a/overexcite.htm very helpful. My oldest is almost entirely intellectual, where my youngest is emotional, imaginational, and a bit sensual. No wonder my youngest is more complicated. This link helped me to at least understand him better. Now I'm reading a book called Living With Intensity, and it is very interesting, and I think it will be helpful. It is about Dabrowski's theory (he's the author the website is about). I'm g/t certified, but I teach AP English, so I know more about older gifted children. This is helping me understand my own children who are younger. I hope this helps.

Counseling is a great idea. At home, show him some 'mistakes' to let him know it's ok - like, put water in cereal instead of milk, and says "oops, I made a mistake. No big deal, let's start over'. Silly things, yes, but it might make him see a different side of things.
Don't beat yourself up about it - it's not something you are or aren't doing - it's his personality and the fact that you noticed so early makes it so much easier. Try not to let him see you upset about it - it sounds like he has a lot of his mom in him - very aware of his surroundings, very smart, and maybe a little too critcal of himself (or critical of yourself!) I mean this in a good way - you are both very self-aware of your actions!

Highly gifted kids expect more of themselves due to their brains being way ahead of their bodies/abilites. Not sure counseling will help unless you have him tested for giftedness and have a therapist that understands it (not all do). I have raised one and was one myself - you don't feel that you ever quite fit in the regular world. My son had difficulties because he was always so very bored - poor behavior and grades followed.....good luck and feel free to contact me.

Any chance he is aspergers? I ask becuase being gifted and a perfectionist and having this sort of anxiety are traits of it. My son is autistic so it is clear he has issues. My friends who have higher functioning kids have a more difficult time getting help (especially from the school), or even determining how to help. This may not be your son's issue but it is for some people.

Counseling is good. Be sure that you take time alone with the counselor to get tips on how to respond to his outbursts.

Remind him that he is seven and that he isn't supposed to know how to do certain things yet. Tell him how long it took you to learn things and what you are still trying to learn. Tell him something you didn't learn until you were grown, or that you still want to learn, etc...

I doubt it is something you are doing, but be open and honest with the counselor and let him/her help and guide you. If you are married consider family counseling. The teacher is probably right. He is just smart and therefore has too high of expectations for himself. He is lucky he has a Mom that is paying attention and willing to help him learn how to relinquish some of that control.

My son is almost ten and this describes him to a T! He has always been very smart and he, too, is "gifted". Gifted children, I think, are always ahead of the game and most things come very easily for them......so, when they don't come so easily, they have a meltdown. My son gets all worked up if he doesn't make straight As, cries if someone hurts his feelings or when everyone doesn't want to be his friend and when he has tried to put something together over and over and it keeps falling apart on him, he melts. He is truly a perfectionist........BUT so am I. I have rubbed off on him. I don't see it being anything to worry about, personally. My son is a very smart, emotional and compassionate boy. I embrace it as a gift God gave him. He will make an amazing husband someday!

A.,
Give him ways to express his emotions instead of bringing it back on himself. You could get him a journal and he could write or draw pictures of the things that bug him and then at bedtime you can talk to him about that days jounal posting and explain the situation to him so he does not feel bad. It's important to remember that you are his guide to understanding what is going on and how to handle it. Make him understand why things happen and how little many of these things affect him in the long term.
I would also suggest religious guidance if you are in a church.

My nephew was the same way and at 13 now he has calmed down a lot, but is still serious about his commitments (school/sports). Keep encouraging him, compliment him specifically (traits he exhibits that are his strengths) and follow through with the counseling if you sense that is needed; mommies know.

Please don't be offended, but have you ever thought of having him tested for ADHD? My daughter is 7 and last year in 1st grade we had a very difficult year for a lot of the same issues you have stated that your son is having. Her teacher suspected ADHD, but due to all the red tape they have to go through, she was not allowed to suggest anything until the school year was almost over. But we did end up getting her tested and put on the very lowest dose of medication and it has made a huge difference. She has been doing phenominal this year so far. She even recognizes how different she is when she takes it. And it has not inhibited her creativity or personality at all. Her 1st grade teacher insisted that she be tested again for the gifted program this year and we were just informed last week that she's been accepted.
We didn't know anything about ADHD before this happened so it never even crossed our minds. Like you, we were at a loss as to what was going on with her, but once we learned more, it seemed so obvious.
I wish you luck and hope you find some solutions. If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.

I don't understand why anyone would rule out a condition without being tested first by a professional. Or why anyone would rule out trying medication if they have a good diagnosis. The concerns you have have not been turned into questions for the professionals yet.

I am sure you don't want to hurt your child from lack of knowing and understanding. With my daughter, she was hesitant to take meds and so I said, let's see what the meds do. If they work, you will know at least know what normal feels like. Then if you want to try other things (excercise, extra sleep, supplements recommended for that condition, etc), then at least you will be able to compare the results.

Do know that the talented and gifted can also have challenges in other areas (i.e., memory or being overly detail oriented where fewer things get done on time), etc.
My daughter took her strengths, turned her weaknesses into strengths, learned the tricks to make things easier for her in things like memorizing, etc., and became a happy, balanced college grad with a B+ avg all the way through. (Her H.S. counselor predicted she would be lucky to make it through community college.)

Don't cheat yourself and him out of feeling normal by not completely understanding what his challenges are and having some tools to make it better. (ADD meds never took away her "creativity" which is a theme I hear now and then. It did remove her depression and her lack of a sense of humor and lessoned her perfectionism - a burden no one would want to live with.)

Does your school have a gifted and talented program? If so, I would get him tested and involved with that as soon as possible. One benefit is that they will talk about what makes someone gifted and how that could be different for different people. Perfectionism is definitely one of the traits and that is one of the things the GT program can help him deal with. It will be good for him to find out that he is not the only one with this issue. And he will learn that he doesn't have to always be the best at everything.