My Nine Years Old Is Having a Hard Time in School.

Hi N. ..

Just reading the title, I knew you had a boy. Typically Boys are the ones that teachers have problems with. Especially one that doesn't have the button for teachers to push to run like a robot.

You are a stay at home mom, have you considered Home Schooling?

I am so glad you decided against meds, especially if there isn't a problem to treat! My Pediatrician told me 15 years ago that meds were handed out for ADD years ago and now they are finding out the kidney and liver damage they caused.

I would NEVER allow my children to be a medical lab animal.

If you stick with Public School, you will most likely find more teachers like the one you have now. Plan to be his only voice in school for many years.

I fought that fight for grade school and ended up HSing so he actually could learn to read and write. He will be 18 this year and tells me he is thankful that his Mom and Dad didn't listen to the schools and give up on him. He is greatful that we made the choice to Home School so he could have oppotunities in life.

My goal is to raise Assets in life, not a Liability.

I really feel for your situation. I will pray for you to have the answers you need.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi N.,

I am 36 years old and have 5 half brothers between the ages of 9 and 16 yrs old. Here is a great article that my step mom and I have found to be helpful.

http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=the-secret-to-raising...

I commend you on not allowing a doctor to put your son on any kind of medication. That in my opinion is so last resort and many times a cop-out/quick fix. I am sure that some kids might need meds, but I feel like most just need lots of love and adult guidance -- teachers, parents, family, friends, etc. I also commend you for reaching out for help = )

It could be an EMOTIONAL THING. #1 thing here is to remember that the HOME life is a place to build confidence without comparing with others. Very difficult concept to not only grasp and understand, but to practice with your child when the moment arises. What about karate, yoga, thai chi (any kind of Eastern Art) which will help him to understand an inner MENTAL strength in comparison with what we in the USA/Western world always see as physical being better), or Boy Scouts Eagle Scouts, other Sports he may be interested in, Music instruments -- these are the kinds of things that helps to build identity and confidence (not to mention the wonderful brain stimulation it will provide). I am sure you probably already know this stuff so sorry for being condescending. PLEASE do not let him watch TV for more than 1 hour a night or play video games....unless homework is done and reviewed by you or husband. He might be either 1) bored b/c school subjects are too easy and therefore he has a lack of interest 2) anxious and not understand what the schedule is or what is coming next in the day at school - this can make a child feel somewhat panicked and in a constant state of anticipation/panic (talk to teacher about this perhaps??) 3) feel inferior to other kids if they tease him and he does not feel like he is included or is different if he is not included 4) depressed b/c of what is going on at home?? (have no idea, just something to think about if the home feels stressed or there is a lot of arguing going on or he is constantly told that he is not doing well in school, would make anyone including an adult feel overwhelmed and discouraged), therefore simply doesn't feel like focusing in school on subjects. Might need emotional support and the need to feel that there is stability, love, security -- feeling of being "OK" consistently whether he is at school, home, with friends, etc....

I'll bet he is a sweet heart and always wanting to help out with not only things in the house, but help other people in general. I can picture him being very considerate of other people's feelings??

If it is not emotional -- then it could be his DIET -- NUTRITION -- FOOD! Food is medicine and can play a huge role in all human behavior. Everything we eat will either Hurt or Benefit our bodies/minds! Things to completely eliminate - POP/SODA -- no high fructose corn syrup in ANYTHING (just do it for a week and see what happens, which will include most cereals), incorporate 70% more vegetables into his diet whether it is steamed or lightly sauted or baked into another dish, NO white flour, NO Hydrogenated Oils at all and NO MSG.....I could go on here, but let's just start with these few things. It may be hard since most large grocery stores like Meijer and Krogers have their shelves packed with this cheap fake food --- he might be addicted to sugar/caffeine and feel nervous and anxious or just be irritated with the white flour, or feel sluggish with the hydrogenated oils and MSG (these last 2 are man made and should not be consumed by ANYONE). If you live near a Whole Foods go there and shop -- take him with you, teach him about food, allow him to participate in grocery shopping and Cooking! In any case -- again --- I could go on and on about the food thing -- BTW --- there are lots of yummy recipes and foods that kids will eat so that they do not have to eat that junk. If you are serious, this way of eating for life will be huge not only in your sons life, but in everyone in your family = )

Send me a private message if you want to chat more --- sorry for writing a book. Just feel like I know this topic being so close to my 5 little brothers and seeing them go through some of the same things = )

1 mom found this helpful

Hi N.,
I feel for you. It is hard when you see your child struggling in school. Does your son seem happy or is it a struggle for him to even go to school? What came to my mind was that maybe he might need a different teacher or class. People are so different and being in the right environment is essential for our own personal growth and development. A teacher that is sensitive to your concerns about your child is a huge must have, and one that is emphathetic towards your son when he is struggling during this time is greatly needed. He needs some things that will build his self-esteem especially when he is struggling with his peers. I will tell you something. If he is being picked on, this greatly affects a child's learning and attention. They just want to be accepted. If the environment is not right as sometimes it isn't, get him a new one and watch him bloom. Sometimes a change is all your child needs to help him. We did this for our son and it made a huge difference.
I hope this helps N.. Your son needs a lot of love and understanding right now and I think you are doing a great job. Be strong and perservere for your son's sake. Blessings, R.

I have a ten year old son, he was having a really hard time in school this year, fourth grade also, what I found was that there was bullying in the grade level that was making him uncomfortable. Also something we found was that he was having a hard time sleeping therefore when he was at school he would go into kind of a trance state, it wasn't he wasn't listening it was that he was almost sleepig in his chair!! Check on your son after putting him to bed at night, this is how I found out my son was having sleeping problems, he never told me!! All it took was a little adjusting of activities, and he is doing fine now. Best of luck!!!

Stick to your guns on the meds thing....I don't believe children should EVER be medicated! Good for you!
Its hard when the kids have problems in school. i don't have a good solution, i just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Since this is the first time you've had problems, try to figure out what is different. Is there a kid in class that intimidates your son? can your son hear ok? is he easily distracted by other children? Try things like having the teacher sit him in the front, or next to him. That would rule out if he can't see, or hear the things from the teacher. it may also rule out a child near him that is bothering him. At my kids school they make the kids have a water bottle at their desk...they say that being tired and dehydrated takes away from learning, and it does. maybe they could let him do that as well. Other kids are mean, and he will get picked on, you are right...reassure him that he is a great kid!!
other than that...i don't have much advice...just know that you are not alone!

I am so sorry for your son and you. It is so hard as mothers to see our children hurting:( Is your husband his father? Are they close? I would satrt with lots of one on one attetion at home, then look into a tutor. This may be a self esteem issue.

GL:)

Have the same, a nine year old boy. Sometimes it is not the child, but the teacher. May not be a good fit. Or is the teacher just putting in the MDR. Ask around to other parent's and see if their children have dropped in grades. Chances are if you are honest about Zach(that is my son too!) they will come "clean" on their kids too. Goodluck.

Just a question - how is he doing with reading? About 4th grade there is a big shift where kids are expected to be able to read a lot more not just to learn to read (like in the younger grades) but to get information for all of the subjects. This requires much more time working independently, quietly, time on task, etc. If he is struggling at all with reading it is something that can affect other areas. Also, maturity-wise, does he seem on par with his classmates/peers. This is when all of those preteen peer pressure types of things get started and they are starting younger and younger now-a-days so that might be part of it, too.

Hi N. - 4th grade is a very hard year for many children, I agree with much said by the other Mom's. The work level picks up drastically, strong readers will do well weaker readers tend to struggle.

My daughter had lots of trouble. She did not get the teacher she wanted, she got a hard teacher who set lots of rules and ran a tight ship. My daughter at first was caught up complaining about the expectations and comparing everything her teacher did with the other classroom (with the more fun cooler teacher). Once we got her to except the situation and concentrate on what she needed to do things got better. We worked very close with her teacher to understand the learning plan and where she was struggling. This meant more work for us at home, watching over her work and checking that she followed thru. The second half of the year she blossomed and embraced the classroom and teacher. She ended the year with good grades and strong reading skills. I know for a fact the other fun teacher would have been a horrible match for her.

Regarding the teasing - braces and glasses is a hard combo add the red hair and you have a beacon for teasing by those unsecure children. What can you do? Build him up as much as possible at home. Highlight his strengths. Let him have some freedom to choose what he wears. If HE wants do something fun with his hair, a cut that might be fun for him. Ask you eye care professional for help picking out a modern frame style. If he decides his look is cool, unique and fun then his behavior will change and give him confidence. My son has had braces and glasses since 5th grade, he is in 8th grade now. We have let him do some different things over the years with his hair. It became kind of his thing. It gave him confidence and he actually started some hair cut/color trends in his school. Another thing we did was help him make a group of friends in his class. We had hangout time at our house, went places they liked etc. With the exception of one kid this group still hangs together. There is strength in numbers against those bully type kids. It's also good to help him understand what motivates the bully. It is less about what your son does and more about what the bully is lacking in his own life and in his (bully) own security with who he is. Once my son had some confidence and understood the motivation of the bully he was a much happier child.
Good luck and God Bless