My Nine Year Old Son Was Googling "Naked Ladies"

I recommend K9 WEB PROTECTION, (just google it, I can't link). It is super quick and easy and it stops them from entering anything inappropriate, while still allowing the adults free reign. And, it keep tracks of all sites visited. And just think, he could have googled "naked men" lol!

1 mom found this helpful

You can hire a computer tech to install filtering software. They'll come out and set it up for you.

Your son undoubtedly has a friend or friends egging him on. As well as talking about sexual issues, you need to have a serious discussion about letting others push us into doing something we wouldn't on our own. All kids are terrified of being labelled negatively by their peers. Let him know that, even when it means something negative short term, like being teased, in the long run even the kids who push and tease the most are impressed by kids who stand up for themselves, not the kids who are always followers.

Explain to him that our bodies, and all sexual matters, are PRIVATE. That's why we shouldn't be looking at these things. It's not because sexual feelings are bad, it's because they are for only two people to share with each other. Inviting anyone else into that relationship, through photos, words, jokes or anything else makes it cheap and takes away all the specialness. Tell him that if he has questions, to ask you or his dad, but tell him the "information" he would get from the Internet, friends or magazines is often wrong and usually confusing. Remind him that you are a woman, and so is his grandma, aunts, or other women he loves, and your body is the same as the women in the photos. Let him know that you (and your husband) would feel terrible if someone showed a naked photo of you to boys his age.

It sounds like you have an intelligent and curious child. This is a good thing but along with this comes extra work. We have always kept computers, t.v etc. in public places which I monitored. We also read a lot of information when we were raising our kids. Depending on your belief system there are some great books out there. There is a security system out there that is free to download K-9 check it out. It is disappointing that you did not install this the first time this happened, it is tough raising a child but, it is our job and life is busy. If someone was inappropriately touching him would you have been too busy to figure out how to protect him then as well? I think us moms put stuff off without thinking it through. My belief is that this has happened way more than you think. At this point you need come up with a plan to keep him interested in other things, playing outside with Dad. At this age Dads need to step up and really focus on raising real men, which is scary for them. Get some books, read them and they usually come with a companion book for the "TEEN", get it anyway since your son has already been exposed. I used to lay books around the house that I wanted my kids to read without pressure. And it worked. Best of luck, Debbie

I think that last paragraph you worte says everything you need to say to your son. Reassure him that while what he is doing is normal and not anything to be ashamed of, the real problem here is not his curiosity or desire to learn more, but the way in which he is seeking his info. If he knows that you are more concerned about him stumbling upon something truly horrendous, it sort of takes the shame off what he did, but still lets him know that its not OK for a reason he may be more willing to accept and understand.

Hi JG,

There are two different issues going on here- your sons natural urge to learn about the opposite sex, and his willful disobedience regarding your rule on which sites he can visit.
Yes, have the computer in a public room where everyone can see it at any time & yes, get those filters installed, but first & foremost, deal with the fact that he has broken your trust by looking at these sites again after you've talked to him about it. I would tell my son that he is no longer allowed to play on the computer until he can be trusted to follow the rules of the computer. At his age, I would have it be off limits for at least a month & then, if there has been no other sneaking around that has come to my attention, I would ask him if he was ready to try and be responsible with the computer again. In the meantime, set up those filters.
As far as the sex talk you had with him, a good book to put some perspective on the facts that you shared with him is, "A Child is Born" by, Lennart Nilsson. I got this book to help my 1 year old & 6 year old understand what was happening when I had my third baby. It's full of photos of conception, a developing embryo, and childbirth, as well as diagrams of male & female reproductive organs. I like this book as a sex ed tool, because this is what sex was designed for & I think it's an appropriate subject for an adolescent to equate sex with. Once they get to puberty, the issue of sex for pleasure only will need to be addressed because of course, their hormones will be driving them instead of just their curiosities. But for now, stressing that sex is the way that a husband and a wife create a baby & how our different bodies work to accomplish that goal, is enough to satisfy their curiosities. FYI- the book is pretty graphic, so I looked through it first & then only shared the pictures that I thought my 6 year old could handle seeing without getting scared or grossed out. As he gets older, I will share more with him & stress that this is what our bodies were designed for, and the way that most people come into the world. He already knows that he was cut out of my uterus by a doctor, but we have no pictures of that, so he'll just have to use his imagination. Seeing graphic pictures of a c-section would probably gross ME out! : )

You need to say something soon, just because he could be testing you to see if you were serious about monitoring him, and once you let him know he may never do it again.

And to keep from shaming him or giving him the idea that sexual curiosity is bad, consider talking to him about how the pictures portray a negative version of women, and that you would hope he would respect women more. That might be more effective and more towards what you want him to learn from the situation.

I think you are right not to shame your son. I would go to the library and get some books on women's bodies (like Our Bodies Ourselves) or just some beautifully artistic books. I think your son is curious and needs you and his father to look at pictures with him so he doesn't feel the need to go onto the computer.

Regarding the computer I would call Microsoft or the internet provider you have and ask them what controls you can get from them. They are really on top of this. Tell them that you need help walking through it, so they can help you make sense of it.
Also, I would find out if you can get a copy of the recent PBS show that FRONTLINE did on kids and the internet. It was very enlightening. Don't be too hard on yourself. We can't always control everything. Your son has you and he will be way more influenced by your parenting than any internet site he sees.

Hello JG
You know what if we didnt have computers it would be that our boys would find our husbands stash of girlie magazines.Im not sure if you will find comfort in that. My son did that a few years ago and boy did i flip out because I dont want shame issues to arrise, I dont want my son to look at me differnt and I dont want him to experiment with his female little friends.It is more than time to sit down go for a walk get educational literal information , and show your child moral how important it is to save his eyes ears mouth and body for marriage, you are the protector as a mother , we are so sacred to our boys I always want my Elijah to adore me but to do that I do need to inform him that there is a side that wants to rule , its called the flesh, the lord ssays we have to beat that side into submission, which means even though we have the obvious things in front of us we dont have to give in to them because it is Morally Wrong, Say no way , i am saving my self for marriage, He needs to know that kids will try to get him to go there, teach him ethics, Have him set a leader standard , Teach him how to go after the positive things, redirect, If he still cant get past it take him to a few places where there are teens pregnant and where teens truelly havent valued there bodies and explain to him if he keeps up on this route it will lead him to not valueing are bodies , You see Porn is just that Those are daughters that didnt have parents like you and me, We attend church I am a full time Missionary who teachs Gods word, That your body is a temple, Take your son to church that way he can get grounded and hang out with children who wont dwell in those areas. God Be With you Romans 12:2 L.

First of all, your son is right on track to be curious about the opposite sex. These guys are smart and want to learn what the big deal is all about. In my day my brother got into a stack of stored Playboys!

Your response was great! The less of a reaction he gets from you the more trust will develop between you two.

Filters are a great idea but until that's set up try:

Think and talk with your husband about what it is you want your son to learn about naked ladies. He's going to get information wither it's from you or not. Ask your son what he's trying to discover in a scientific, detached way. Let him talk about his own thoughts, desires, fears, misconceptions. This is an opportunity to learn about yourself and your son - take advantage!

find a filter ASAP - also Parental Controls may not be sufficient as there are ways to Google past them.

What a tough situation!

A great, simple, free filter is K9. The web address is: http://www1.k9webprotection.com/ You can download it for free and then choose exactly what sites/type of sites you want to filter. It works very well and is free.

I agree that a talk may be better coming from your husband. Good luck!

Hello there,

I got a call from my ex a couple months ago and our 11 y/o son was looking at naked women on the internet. His dad called to inform me of this and also told me that he had a talk with him regarding naked women and sex. I checked my laptop and home computer and found nothing on them. Phew! His father has told me that he has installed a system called Net Nanny and it can keep him from accessing sites with adult content.

Have you tried using a password on all of you computers so that when your son goes on the computer he has to log into to his account which you can set up with only the controls and sites that he is able to go on?...

First, get that filter!

After you have your computer set up try taking him to an art museum that displays pictures of naked women who have been portrayed respectfully. I did this with my 10 year old a few months ago and it really opened the lines of communication. You never want your kids to think they have to hide something from you. Since the museum trip my son has asked me all kinds of questions, but only 2 have been about sex. Most were questions like "Do women get hairy armpits?" or "Why don't they ever laugh in paintings"? The 2 sex questions were admitedly hard for me to answer without that voice in the back of my head screaming "Don't say too much!" but I was glad that he asked me instead of one of his friends.
I think your 9 year old is just trying to figure some things out.

H. Stanley

My kids are still little so I don't know about a filter yet, but I just wanted to suggest one thing.

When I was 11 or so my Mom gave me a book - it had pictures and all kinds of questions and answers. It had a naked male body and a naked female body, etc. I remember looking at it kind of a lot at the time (embarrassing to admit!).

But, at least it wasn't an adult web site. So maybe you could find something like that to give him?

I had a similar situation with my 7 year old who tore pages out of a sports illustrated swimsuit magazine and was hiding under beds with them. I'm curious to read your responses to see how to address it without shaming as you said.

Hmm
He needs to respect your rules and I see no harm in shaming him about breaking them... However I would block the computer sites and monitor strongly, so he knows you are serious
AND ALSO very important
look with him or provide him with at certain pictures you find and down load that are ok and naked
OR
even better
get for the home a COFFEE TABLE book of artistic female nudes
chose what you think is some attractive and beautiful photos of a womans body!

It's quite right that he would want to see whats thats all about ... in an acceptable artistic way - I think it's ok with almost anyone.

Explain that statues and art all through history has depicted the beauty of a woman body
NOT that you will tolerate any nasty internet sites!
no sexually explicit stuff at this age!

Tell him what you really want to tell him
That those sites are trash
not that sex or woman are wrong just that as you say, and I agree, those sites he finds will lead to horrible sites for lower class of persons who don't really respect women
like YOU

;-)

That IT'S ILLEGAL until 18!
AND NASTY!

good luck

ps
there are great photographers all over the web
some very tasteful or excellent are mixed in with others less good on sites like

www.modelmayhem.com
for example

but their pages there may link to their own tasteful art websites

hope that helps!

I would not overreact to this, by doing so you may make him think that his curiosity is wrong, which, actually it's about time for him to start being curious about these things! I would put a filter on your computer and try to curb his curiosity a bit, but you don't want to go overboard. It's true, i'm from the make love not war generation, but I'd be much more concerned if he were playing with water guns than a naked ladies search. You can call circuit city, i think they have parental control thing not only for computers, but for television too... d.

We had the same problem with our son a while back and got Net Nanny. It was so easy to use and has saved us a few times when we've felt the need to go in and check our children's internet pathways. We are not computer literate by any means and we were able to easily set it up.
Don't worry too much. I would say it's the natural curiosity of the gender that makes them do this, just stay on top of it. :)

Getting a filter is your best bet or you can have your son log on to the computer under his name and pass which you would be able to select the content he can view and search, by changing the security protocol for that particular user it seems difficult but you can use the help feature in your computer's control panel under your setting.

Sincerely
V.

When my 8 yr old started showing curiosity about sexual things I told her that she was too young to be talking about that and I told her that those were things that you should only do after marriage.
I did make her feel bad, but explained the reasons to her, and she was fine. She also changed her behavior.
I would have that 2nd talk with your son and if he can't change his choices to more appropriate things than maybe he should lose his computer privilages. Either completely gone for a time or only under parental supervision. He needs to know that this is a serious situation and that looking at pictures like that can lead to much worse things as well as change the way he looks at and treats girls/women throughout his life.
If he was mine he would have to show that he could make better choices in order to earn back my trust concerning his use of the computer.
Good luck! I hope things get better.

our kids are still fairly young, but of all our friends with kids, regardless of age it's pretty much the general rule that kids don't have computers in their rooms, even if it's borrowing a laptop. i'm not sure if when you said 'i walked in...' you meant to his room, or if he was looking that stuff up at the kitchen table. our experience has also been that less is more in the information department. sometimes we as adults think our kids need lengthy discussions about stuff, maybe he was just curious what naked women look like, and he should have been shown a text book!

i only say this because of a funny story about a boy who asked his mom where he came from and she went into a big story about 'birds and bees' and how 'when two people love eachother...' when she was all done she said, 'does that answer your question?' he just looked at her and said 'well i just wondered, since jimmy said he came from ohio'

on another note, i think your husband really needs to be the one talking to him about this. (not that you can't have any input, especially since it's YOUR computer) but any boy, especially 9 yo ones, are going to be embarrassed beyond comprehension when their mom catches them looking up naked ladies online. he'd probably say ANYTHING to stop talking about it. most boys will be much more able to actually have a conversation about sex/women/guy stuff with their dad. (sure there are exceptions, but they're rare)

i don't know if this helps, but i hope you get it worked out!

Dear JG,

Get a book called 'Real Boys', I got my copy on EBAY for $5.00 and it is a very well written by a man that is a child psychologist. I forget his name. He is a wonderful man. Go for it, it will help you the rest of your child's life.

C. N.

try "be safe on line".

I have Family Safty through MSN. You can set up paswords for everyone in your houshold.

Safer browsing with Web site management
Help protect your kids from the online stuff you don't want them to see by filtering the Web sites they visit.
Safer e-mail, IM, and blogging with contact management
Built-in contact approval helps you know who your kids are talking to on IM, e-mail, or their blogs. You can approve or reject each new contact for their Windows Live Messenger, Hotmail and Spaces.
Professional guidance to help you decide
We provide age-specific default settings based on the recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics and other trusted sources. You can adjust these settings to fit your own children and values.
Stay informed, from almost any PC connected to the Internet
Whether you’re at work or on the road, you can access your children's safety settings from almost any Web-connected PC.

You can go to www.get.live.com and install it for free

Hi, we have 4 boys (9-18) and a filter is a MUST for all the computers. We use DLink Be Secure and have been happy with that. If you have more than one computer I reccommend hiring someone to come in and set it up. I agree that it's heartbreaking when you know they've lost their innocence and I think the internet has become insidious for that. You can't change what's happened but you can protect him in the future.
Good luck,
S.

I have 3 boys (2 in college and 1 in 5th grade.) This is a tricky situation. At 9 he probably was just curious. But the internet is a nightmare for this stuff. We had an issue with my oldest when he was in high school and did start getting alot of raunchy stuff. I suggest investing in the best computer systems that block the junk. You may need someone else to install it but it will be worth it. You can not believe what my son was exposed to before we got it all figured out. My husband would not even let me see it. Keep the computer in a open public space and have rules about when he can go on. No need to ruin their innocence!! It is a hideous problem and is very addictive. The first time it came up on our screen my son ghad googled something about golf. Even my son admitted that even though it came to him accidentally it was hard for him not to look at them. Our kids have to deal with ALOT MORE thatn we did. Good luck.