My Nine Year Old Is Scared to Sleep Alone

Hi- I too cried reading your post. Your poor baby, I think about my two girls and how emotionally devastating something like this would be. The fact that the creep was never caught has got to be a source of deep fear. We had a traumatice incident a few years ago involving someone shooting into our home. It was really frightening and what I noticed was that the older the person the more deeply we were effected. My littlest was fine and didn't really understand what happened, my older girl (7 at the time) we took to counseling but she seemed fine after a few sessions. I on the other hand I still jump at every loud sound and it brings back the moment. When my oldest daughter and I speak about it now she is so much more scared about what happened then she was right after. I think your daughter may just be mature enough now to understand the severity of what happened. At 6 she just knew someone hurt her and tried to take her, at 9 she is probably aware of the horrors that would have happened to her if the monster had succeeded. That's alot to think about, especially at night in her room. If she were my daughter I would get her back into counseling and let her sleep in my room for a while. I would take this very seriously as I said I am a very strong woman, went through something far less traumatic than your daughter and was surprised at how deeply it effected me and for how long. We live in a very safe place and I NEVER thought about someone shooting me before. Now it pops into my head whenever there is a loud sound or even for no apparant reason. Do whatever it takes to help her feel safe so this incident and that man do not take anything else from your sweet girl.

Take her to the Dr. they will help her.
Put her bed in your room. She needs this for now.

She is not being a bad child and giving you a hard time about this, she has been through hell and nobody would want to go through what she went through.

She will need lots of time to heal from this.
Put her in your room, she needs peace and a good nights sleep.

God bless her.

You said you tried couseling and it didn't help, then you did not have a good enough counselor. Please try again with someone new

She needs additional counseling right away. God bless.

OMG, how absolutely horrible!! I'm so sorry that happened to your daughter!! First, get her into child counseling right away. Do not delay. Second, do whatever it takes to help her feel more secure at night. If that involves her sleeping with you, or even setting up a pallet on the side or foot of your own bed... Much peace to your family, and especially your daughter.

I know how you feel and what you're going through. My son is almost 6 years old and he went through a similar experience when he was 4. However, the man who molested him was not a stranger, but someone my son trusted. He's had a very hard time trusting since then. He cannot sleep alone or without a nightlight. Luckily he has a younger brother (3yrs) who shares a room with him. At night, when my oldest son gets scared in his bed, he'll take his favorite teddy & blankie and crawl into bed with his brother. I don't mind them using each other for comfort. And it's very adorable the way they sleep. The oldest ALWAYS makes sure his little brother is covered up to his chin with his blanket, has his stuffed lion tucked under his arm, and his pillow under his head.

I think what your daughter needs is just some extra comfort and security. Have you tried a pet? Such as a kitten or puppy? (One that's already trained, of course!)

Or, another excellent idea that I got from my son's therapist... Get your daughter a small flashlight. Let her keep the flashlight at night. That way, when she gets scared, all she has to do is shine her flashlight around the room to see that there is nothing to be afraid of.

I know it's hard... But you guys will get through this. Trust me. Right now it probably feels like her wounds will never heal, but you have to give her some time.

I was told that my son will need even more therapy once he hits puberty years. That once he fully understands what was done to him it will be like going through it all over again. I am terrified of the day when this happens. But we have to get through it. And I have to be strong for him. So, until then, I'll keep finding ways to help him cope with what happened.

I don't know if you can use any of this advice in your daughters case, but I hope you can.

Good luck to you both.

I suggest buying her a dog! It can be trained to sleep in her room. No one will enter your house with out the dog barking. Might be worth a shot and give your daughter the much needed peace of mind...and picking out and playing with a new puppy might take her mind off of it for awhile...

My big dog brings me and my children much comfort...just knowing he is there...with his super hearing abilities...makes the fear of an intruder diminish a bit.

Post traumatic stress.
AND, she is a 'Tween"... pre-teen, so it may be affecting her differently now, per her current age and development.
She is still scared... and rightly so.
Just let her sleep with you, or in your room on a floor mattress.
She needs her Mom now more than ever.
Maybe try therapy again... maybe the other counselor you had was not a good fit for her.
The thing is, she is having a hard time... and no child knows how to cope themselves. How heartbreaking.
Being sexually molested/abused, really affects a child's or womans self-esteem too... and in their seeking out of security. Make sure she does not seek out bad negative influences. Some kids will act out, and seek what they suffered. So abused kids sometimes end up with abusive friends/boyfriends too. Because they already feel so "dirty"... and unloved or just have no self-esteem. So monitor her for any inappropriate behavior too, with friends.

I would really try and find another Therapist for her. She still needs help.
Yes, get a dog, chaperone her anywhere, talk with her no matter what. Would she be into taking martial arts classes?
Its good for confidence in a girl.

Keeping in mind that "braveness" or seeming to be "brave" is just a way of coping and to shut-out the bad that happened to her.... it is a diversion. So now, she is really having her emotions come up again... because before, she was essentially "avoiding" her emotions about the incident. And, she was not able to deal with it before. Post Traumatic Stress. That is why NOW... she is having a hard time coping, still. It has not been resolved, nor dealt with in a way that she was able to, when she was younger.

All the best
Susan

Wow. Aside from getting her some additional counseling, I would definitely consider getting her a dog. We have a German Shepherd and she is wonderful. NO ONE could sneak into our house. She "makes her rounds" at night while we are sleeping and sleeps in each of our bedrooms at different times of the night. When the kids go to sleep, she will pick one of them and sleep in their room for an hour or two, then come back out to the family room. Then when I go to bed, she will come in and sleep in our room. If we have guests, she usually chooses to sleep in the family room (so she is right outside the guest room area).

She is very comforting to my kids when they are afraid or upset.

A "big" "scary" "fierce" appearing dog (who, when brought up properly in your household will do nothing but LOVE and PROTECT you and yours) might be just what she needs.
Blessings to your family, and especially your daughter.

Try counseling again. Possibly a different counselor. Absolutely let her sleep in your room, possibly on a mattress on the floor. Do what it takes to make her feel safe. I loved Karma's suggestion of buying a dog. Let your daughter pick him out and help with training. It would be a great diversion.

K.,
if you are religious, I would try talking to the pastor/priest etc. I would pray with her every night to keep her safe and keep the bad guys away..
I am very sorry for what happened to your daughter. My daughter is 7. Nothing has ever happened to her, but she still likes to sleep with us ( we allow on special occasions).
I would try praying over your house. encourage her to talk about her feelings. Do you have a security system? I would also suggest getting a dog. Let her pick one out and let it sleep with her. (her guardian "angel" or whatever you want to call it.) WE have Lab/Australian cattle dog mixes and let me tell you... they are two of the most protective varmints I have ever seen. they are extremely friendly, but if they sense I could be in the least amount of danger, they go into guard mode.
Ask (other than the obvious) is there anything else you can do to help her feel safe. Maybe even let her camp out in the floor in your room for a while to help her get over these feelings.

I cannot imagine this trauma to your daughter. I cried just reading your posting (and I don't even have a daughter). How devastating. Absolutely don't give up on counseling - if it doesn't seem to be working, switch counselors. She needs more help than you can give her.

Since you have no idea what restarted this issue for her, you may need to address every aspect of it. At this age, she probably feels targeted. Because this sicko was never caught, she may feel stalked, or it might just be that she had never realized bad things could happen in her home. Did she see someone who looked like him? Was there something on the news that reminded her?

How did the man get into your home? Make sure you address that, and make sure she's aware of it. Windows must always be locked, a security system might help (some security-systems can be set up to monitor windows and hallways as well as just doors), and they also make film you can put over windows to prevent them from breaking. Take big steps - more than is necessary - to make sure she knows she is safe. Another thing you might consider - a sound/video monitor in her room so that you can always hear what is going on in there and she can call you for help at any time - she doesn't have to scream because you would hear her whisper. Summer makes a very good video monitor. Remind her over and over again that her step-father came to save her once, and he would do it again and again for her. Consider getting her involved in martial arts or some form of self-defense class so that she feels empowered. Also, talk to her therapist about other steps to help her. And, since she is so young, at this age if she wants to sleep you with, I might put a mattress on the floor of your bedroom. When she is a bit older, she will have to deal with it and learn to be strong, but she's still a baby. My heart breaks for your daughter, and I wish her the best of luck.