July 07, 2010,
M.T. asks from Traverse City, MI on July 06, 2010
My Nefew Is Aggressive and Violent Towards My Son.
My son, is 5 years old. We live in Cincinnati, away from our family who live in Detroit. It is 4 hours away. I am the youngest of 6 childeren, my mother had me late in life at 42. My mother is now 78. One of my sisters daughters had a son who is a year older than my child. He lives with my mother and that sister, since my niece abandoned him. He has many issues, has been diagnosed with childhood Bi-polar and Anger issues. He was prescibed medications, which they haphazzardly give him. He has been thrown out of 4 Detroit public schhols in 2 years. He has sexually assualted another child in his school. He will be attending 2nd grade this fall, with an aide. I just wanted to give you a background, before I gave you my dilema. We will call him Bob. At family functions, wich we attend mostly, no body supervises him, and he runs wild. I watch my son around him because I am very nervous because of Bob's history, and aggresiveness. This last family BBQ I went to the bathroom,. and within that 5 minute time frame, Bob had my son pinned to the ground, and it took one of my male relatives to pull him off. My son had three big welts/bruises on his legs, and a bruise on his shouldar. When I confront my mother and sister with this their reply is "Boys willl be boys" This to me is not normal behavior, and I refuse to let my son be tormented by him any longer. Half of my family agrees with me, but my Mother, the sister that raises him, and my oldest sister think thta I am blowing this out of prportion. I do not and refuse to attend anymore family functions until they decide to supervise his behavior. IS this to harsh?
So What Happened?™
Also, I'd like to add that Bob is the family favorite because of his disadvantaged life. I do not begrudge him this bec my son is very fortunate with having a somewhat normal funtional 2 parent household in a nice home/subdivision. My son is very loved by us, and very spoiled by us. I agree with the Honolulu lady, thank you for your advise. Now, I know that when I inform them of this, I will start a big family fight, which I am not looking forward to being that I am 6 months pregnant, but I will do whatever I need to to protect my son. I wou
R.P. answers from Denver on July 06, 2010
Hi M. T.,
I want to tell you that I went through the same thing with my niece who was the same way with my daughter. me and my sister tried everything. Then one day it happened again and I had enough! We told my daughter to hit her back and after that we have not had anymore problems out of her. I think that once she seen that both of us (sisters) were on the same level that she took heed in what she was doing and changed up. Unfortunately we did not have majority of the problems you are having I just think it was a association thing for some reason my niece did not get along with my daughter at first and she was the younger of the two.
We had a similar situation with a neighbors son who is much older than my daughter. We went and spoke with his grandmother who gave us a little more insight on him which is very similar to your situation. She told us to let her know if he does anything wrong or do as the older generation would do (give them a spanking then send them or bring them home and he will get another one). After that conversation, we have had no problems out of him. We even invited him over to play with our child with out any problems. He see us and waves say hi and just give us more respect. Maybe you, your sister and mother should get on the same level on this to where he understands how you and your son feels with them backing you and hopefully this can change his behavior. I think it would be a little harsh however, if you cannot get the other family members to compromise with you on this then if it were me, I would be incognito on some family functions to let them know that you are serious. Good luck!
Y.C. answers from New York on July 06, 2010
I don't think you are blowing this out of proportion at all, and I agree with the others, you MUST keep your kids safe (even from family) until they can defend them selfs. I also think you should not stop going to your family reunions, you and your child and soon your new baby need the interaction with your families. I would go with my husband and talk right to the eye of the boy and tell him, you don't allow him to get close to your boy until he doesn't apologize let him now, you and your husband will keep a VERY close eye on him.
However, I do feel really bad for this little boy, he is just 6 and have such a difficult life, this are the moments where I am so thankful with the little o much I have.
Poor thing, I am almost sure he was molested and hurt as well. Is anybody helping him, taking him to counseling? Doctors? I am sure you will have your hands full with your boy and new baby, but if you can, try to talk to your relatives about your niece, he still very young and things can change positively if somebody help him.
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D.F. answers from Boston on July 07, 2010
Your mom is to old to care for a child of this age and mental issues. With that said I agree with you. I would not let this child behave like this. Consequences are needed. If you decide to go to family things, you need to have your son with you or a family member. Keep Bob away until he is supervised properly. He is only going to get bigger and stronger, harder to handle unless they take action. good luck!
S.B. answers from Redding on July 06, 2010
that child has problems.
And, in my opinion, for one thing, your 78 year old mother is in no condition to try to raise a child who needs this much help. A 78 year old trying to raise an ANGELIC 6 year old is too much. Where your sister's head is, I have no clue. (No offense).
I'm surprised with the child's history that someone hasn't stepped in to take a closer look at what's going on at home because seriously, your nephew could be headed for serious, serious trouble.
My nephew is 4 years older than my son and he went through a phase of being mean to him and thinking it was funny. For no reason at all, he would just haul off and punch my son in the arm or in the stomach. HARD. Knocked the wind out of him. Left welts on him.
The difference in my case is that my nephew got in BIG trouble! His parents, my mom, me....we didn't pussyfoot around about it.
I wouldn't let him come stay with me no matter how much he begged because he wasn't nice. I wouldn't let my son alone with him at their house because he wasn't nice.
Avert your eyes for those who are sensitive, but there were a few times my brother in law just out of the blue slugged my nephew in the arm. My nephew would be like, "Why did you do that to me?" And he'd say, "Why did you do it to your cousin 10 minutes ago? It's not that funny having someone bigger than you just punch you, is it?"
My nephew got the gist. And, I'm certainly not advocating that in your instance. My nephew didn't have all the issues your nephew has.
Until or unless they get a grip on that child, I wouldn't let my son out of your sight, or around that child, and your mom and sister can just deal with it.
The child has agression issues that even have presented with sexually assaulting children.
If they can't see there's something wrong with that, I don't know what to tell you other than to keep your child safe from harm. You can't fix the other child. And if child protective services hasn't stepped in by now, perhaps they never will, but he's on a path of destruction and I feel sorry for him.
I don't feel sorry for him to the extent I'd let him have a chance to hurt my child, but he doesn't seem to be getting the help he needs.
It's a bad situation.
I wish you the very best. I really do.