My Mother Forgot My Son's Birthday!

OMG the birthdays!!!! I do not understand people who care so much when people forget birthdays! Maybe because I always forget everyone's birthday, And don' expect people to remember mine. My parents forget my birthday sometimes as well as all 3 kids. Birthdays are like ______. Everyone's got one. Who cares-let it go!

If it were my mother, I would just call her and ask if she forgot something. My husbands mother always calls him in the right month, but the day his brother was born.

If this gives you any peace, consider that forgetting is NOT something people do on purpose. I don't forget things on purpose. You don't forget things on purpose. But sometimes anybody can space out the most obvious things – for no discernible reason at all. Or sometimes there is a good reason, and the "forgotten" party is unaware of it.

If your mother was deliberately trying to hurt your son, or you, then I could understand your anger. It might be a good idea to hold that in check until you have a chance to communicate with her. I'll bet she'll be shocked and contrite, and very embarrassed.

As an older woman myself, I find that remembering dates has become considerably harder since my late 40's (hormonal high jinx and the natural aging of the brain), and now that I'm in my 60's, I even occasionally am not too sure what week I'm in on the calendar. Thank goodness nobody in my family gets furious with me when I goof. My husband and I simultaneously forgot our anniversaries two years ago. We were both embarrassed, but just laughed about it. What are you gonna do when the mind slips?

I hope you'll use this as an opportunity to model graciousness and good humor to your son. I'll bet he's disappointed. If this is the worst let-down he ever experiences, he'll be a very lucky guy.

That has happened to us before. We just call and carry on a casual conversation and mention how child A or child B liked his/her party, what the presents were, can't believe they are that age already, etc. That typically prompts a response or action on their part. I don't know how old your mother is but my parents and my in-laws are all in their mid to late 60's and I can see how they are changing, inclucing becoming forgetful. I don't hold it against them.

Even though the timing of the birthdays should make the boys birthdays not easy to forget, maybe she did. Since she has always been so good about celebrating their birthdays with them, I would give her the benefit of a doubt. It's hard to be perfect all the time. And who knows, maybe she has a reasonable excuse for not calling or not getting her package out in time. I'd call her and see how she's doing, let her know how your son's birthday went and see what she has to say. If you call her and unload about how she didn't call and send a gift as she was supposed to, and how it hurt your feelings, and it turns out that she had a really good reason why it didn't happen, you are going to feel like an a$$. Just sayin'....

I can understand that you're hurt, but I'd have to agree, that yes this is a bit childish on your part. After all, your Mother, regardless of her age, or what you might think, does have her own life. Maybe she just plain forgot. It does happen. I'm sure it wasn't a malicious way of hurting you. If you two are as close as you sound, just call her and say hey....what gives Mum, are you okay, or did you really forgot so and so's birthday? Laugh it off, you might be surprised to learn that maybe she's got something going on in her own life to deal with....who knows. Don't sweat the small stuff! I lost my Mum a long time ago, and I have to admit sometimes, when I hear people getting upset with their Mother's over the littlest things it's upsetting to say the least. I would give anything for my Mum to be around to even forget a birthday. Try to keep life in perspective ; ) Just call her. Tell her you love her and see if she needs you.

I would call and tell her. She may be going through a stressful time and not telling you, to not make you worry. This may be causing her to be distracted and forgetful of things like birthdays. OR, she may have simply forgotten! It happens. Don't worry, with God's grace your son will have many many more birthdays and your mom can make it up to him with a little extra next year.

I still remember the day I turned 15....we were moving into our first home in the suburbs out of Brooklyn, so it it was a busy moving day...and my parents - my OWN parents, yes, BOTH of them -- they both forgot my birthday! I waited and waited all day, maybe waiting for them to surprise me with a cake or something at th end of the day, and I got nothing! I was so upset at the time, but now we just laugh about it, and I tease my parents about it - how could they have forgotten the birthday of their only child? And I was with them all day. They felt so remorseful, and the next day I got a really nice cake and gift, and felt a little better :-).

I think you should call your mom and tell her how utterly selfish she is to forget your son's birthday! It's a big deal to you and how could she? Maybe after you chew her out and hang up on her you'll feel better for telling her off and letting her know what a horrible mother and grandma she is. And maybe you'll create enough hurt and anger between you and her that you don't speak for years. You'll really show her, won't you! ..........

Or maybe you should give her the benefit of the doubt and realize that when you're pointing a finger at her, 3 fingers are pointing right back at you. We all make mistakes, get busy, forget, and sometimes we keep telling ourselves that we need to get that package in the mail and we don't, or we need to call little Johnny today and we get sidetracked. Yikes! I hope my daughters give me just a little grace when I disappoint them - and I will. I'm only human. I hope they know that I love them and my grandchildren and that I'm not perfect. So...if your mom's birthday is still coming up, bless her the way you would if she hadn't forgotten this birthday. When she realizes she forgot, forgive her and you will not regret it.

You get to choose. Take offense or give grace. I hope you give grace - for your sake, for your mom's sake, and for your children's sake. I also hope your children haven't been hearing you speak badly about their grandma. If they have, when you become a grandma, you have taught your kids that it will be OK to talk badly about you to your grandchildren when you disappoint them.

Best wishes to you and your family!

~P. G.
Owner, Portland Preschool Directory
Author, Mrs. G.'s Kindergarten
http://www.PortlandPreschoolDirectory.com
http://www.MrsGowing.com

Is that childish on your part? Yes. Although these birthdays are something that you and your immediate family look forward to and plan for for quite some time, this is not the case for everyone else. Give her a break. Forgetting a birthday is not the end of the world. If you make a big deal out of it, then your boys will feel slighted. If you just let it go, they'll realize that in the grand scheme of things, this is very trivial. Not something worth getting so upset over, and definitely not worth making your mom feel crappy about. You really have no idea what is going on in her life (I assume since she lives so far away from you) no matter how much you think you know. Let it go. Its not worth it.

relax. people forget. there are plenty of things in life to come unglued over, but this is a simple case of someone getting busy. it's not like your son didn't have a birthday celebration, right? do you REALLY think this means she doesn't love him?
i'm a little appalled at one poster's advice to have your son call her in tears. i hope no sane people think it's okay to traumatize a child in order to get revenge on someone for any reason, let alone a grandparent who made an honest mistake and has no malice.
if you are worked up that you can't get over it, then by all means call your mom and tell her you're upset. but THEN get over it.
khairete
S.

These things happen. Once my mother turned 60, she really did start blanking out on stuff she NEVER would have forgotten in the past. I will be 50 soon and I have black out moments.. It is pretty scary..

Give her the benefit of the doubt. When she does realize she will react 1 of 2 ways.. Totally humiliated that she forgot.. OR very defensive because she forgot because it is freaking her out that this is happening to her..

I try to give my parents a heads up about stuff now.. I send them a email.. then I continue to give updates and many times, I ask their opinion about the activity our daughter is considering.. I am trying to be subtle with them, and help them along..
Please try to have compassion for your mom..

Yes, you are being childish. Your mother has a life of her own and is doing things that she wants to do. Sometimes things get pushed to the side unintentionally and get forgotten. Mom maybe taking a class or working or some other thing that took priority in her life.

You and your nuclear family are what is important and you all celebrate ane enjoy the birthday.

As another poster said everyone has a birthday every year. So if one is missed it is not the end of the world. When we get older we sometimes don't want to be reminded of the number (years) the it represents.

I forgot my son's 18th birthday. Yes, the scene from 16 candles comes to mind. We had just moved back to the states and we needed to find a home and we (hubby and I) were thiniing of where to buy a home near a school that we would like and since son had just graduated before the move it was not about him at that point. We (hubby and i) decided on a house on his birthday. Daughter advised us that we forgot the birthday. We did feel bad about no remembering but we would have felt worse if we did not have a place to put the household goods that were coming in from Europe and the ones that had arrived from Las Vegas, NV. The next night we made up for the night before and all was good. So stuff does happen.

Give you mom some slack you are a big girl now.

The other S.

This same exact thing happened to us last year. It is so upsettlng to say the least. What I did was call and say today is ------------ birthday, did you forget? Don't beat them up or anything, trust me they will be doing it plenty to themself. Just keep it simple and direct. I hope this helps. I know the feeling though. It feels like they don't care, but you never know what went on today with her. Who knows it could be memory loss from menopause. I feel like I'm already going thru it!

Maybe she's horribly busy and preoccupied with something right now. Are those 4 her only grandchildren or does she have more? It could be hard to keep up with many! I understand your feelings are hurt, but I think you're overreacting a bit. My first thought would be to worry about my mother if she had forgotten one of my sons' birthdays. Sure I would call her, but ask her if she's doing okay and just say, "Today was _____'s birthday, and you usually call, so I just wanted to be sure everything was alright." Has your son said anything? After all, it's HIS birthday, so if his feelings are hurt, you need to deal with that once you find out what's going on. Given what you said about all the birthdays being so close and what she always does, it sounds like something must be going on with her -maybe something you don't even know about -that has her forgetful or stressed or with her mind on something else. How do you know she's "fine"? Sure, you haven't gotten any phone calls from an emergency room or anything, but that doesn't necessarily mean she's "fine."

I know that you are upset now, but it happens to older people! My parents FORGOT my birthday last year. Even worse, grandmother sent the birthday card and a gift to my BROTHER. His birthday was 4 months earlier.

I NEVER say ANYTHING to or AROUND my kids if a grandparent is absent minded about this sort of thing.....it upsets them and the slight will last for a while.

Forgive your mom!

i think you should call her and ask her why she hasn't called or acknowledged the birthday? your feelings are justified. i'd be mortified if i forgot a family member's birthday, especially, child's one.

I have four kids, my sister has four kids. My mom forgets a birthday occasionally. She will remember one but forget another.
I usually call her and say things like we must have missed your call, Jessica picked Chili's this year. She then feels terrible for a long time.
Call her and be nonconfrontational. She may be dealing with a stressor you are not aware of.

Or you could do this. Have the grandson call in tears. THen she'll never forget a birthday.
My MIL did that to my hubby one year, 20 years ago he missed and when he called the next day or so she cried on the phone. I have been married for 17 years and every Sept I get "Don't forget my mom's birthday."

I would just call her and while talking say something like so and so got this for his birthday you should see him he just loves it or something along that lines maybe it will jog her memory about his birthday then.

I'm sorry, but if I were you I would have called her and made sure she remembered before the day was over so that your son didn't get hurt feelings. Just call her and have her call him even if its the next day!

I am sorry you are upset about this!!! I am the WORST at remembering, someone always texts the day before to remind of any b-day. Even worse is they can wait up till 6 months to receive the box in the mail!! Granted these are adults I am speaking I forget, I actually forgot my in laws anniversary this past year, yes, I felt terrible, but they understood!
Yes, call her and explain to her that your son was upset that he missed her call.... Hope everyone had a happy birthday!

You should tell her how you feel, but accept that we are all capable of making mistakes. Based on what you have said, I think she will feel real bad when you remind her.
C.

I think sometimes we parents forget that OUR children are the center of everyone else's universe, just OURS.