My Misbehaving 5 Year Old

S.. it is just a phase, you will have to have a lot of patience and be consistent. He does not have ADHD. I don't know why, but this is the first thought so many people have in their minds. Your kid is just being a kid. Spanking does not work. I had the same problem time ago. I have a 7 yr old boy who talks a lot..I mean a lot, but he is more mature every school year, and he is learning that there are situations or moments in which is not allowed to talk or being disruptive. Just choose one, just one kind of discipline (taking the toys away, give one to Goodwill or whatever you see works a little better than other disciplines) and BE CONSISTENT, that's the key. Do not change so often the way you discipline him, that makes it worst.He will learn, believe me..You are having the same problem, I had time ago...) Be patient and firm but let him know that you love him.And, do not forget to praise him or reward him when he behaves a little bit better (a hug, a sticker, a favorite treat..etc..)
Good luck

A.

You are right, spanking doesn't work, ever. It sounds like taking things away is working you just are having trouble dealing with the consequences. I would continue to take things away and when he whines or cries, put him in his room and tell him he can come out when he's finished complaining. Do you always explain why you have taken something away? "You can't run in to the street when I tell you to stay put. I am taking away your favorite truck for a week. If you do it again, I will keep it longer." Another option is to start making him donate the toys. "You can't hit Jimmy. Pick one toy and we will donate it to the Good Will for kids who act nicely and don't have toys."
Just remember, he's not bad, his choices are bad. Don't tell him he is a bad boy or he is naughty. Instead, sit him down, explain that he needs to make better choices and give him an example to follow next time. "Why did you hit Jimmy?...He took your crayon?...next time ask for it back, if he won't give it back, tell the teacher you need a new crayon." This way, you aren't just expecting him to figure out how to change his behavior, you have given him a way to change his behavior.
Good Luck!

Sounds to me like he could be suffering from ADHD/ADD. I would take him to his doctor or pediatrician for testing...the non-stop talking is the first indicator of ADHD, which is Attention Defecit Hyperactive Disorder, a little different than regular ADD. His teacher should know the signs...ask her what she thinks after she has a little more time to observe him in the classroom social setting. Most teachers are trained to know the clues and signs of lots of common childhood afflictions. Good luck to you, i know it can be frustrating!

Do you think your son is getting enough sleep? I don't know how good of a sleeper he is, but I have taught for 6 years and the kids who stayed up late always seemed to be more challenging the next day. I have a 2 year old and he is a crab if he doesn't get enough sleep and can be a real challenge. When he has enough sleep, he is usually a pretty easy child, for the terrible two's.

I do think taking things away seems to work well, even for a short time. Sometimes we have to put our toys in time out and that seems to work well here. Good luck!

I feel like we are the same mom, same kid, different bodies. My son is exactly the same way, but I haven't gotten a bad report from school yet (but I'm waiting for it). Just know that I feel your pain. I've taken my son to be evaluated for ADHD and they told me that I'd have to wait until he got in trouble in school to really take any action on it.

I get very frustrated with people who are so quick to say "It's ADHD!" What a convenient way to explain away their kids' poor behavior.
Now for the most part my 5 year old behaves well at school, but when he doesn't behave I get the same results as you. He cries and whines incessantly if I take his stuff away...which is how I know it's working! He always behaves better after being miserable for a night without TV and coloring books and having much of nothing to do. And it's been made abundantly clear if he would rather whine when Mom doesn't want to hear it, he can just go to bed. And if he continues to act like that I literally will not talk to him, he can have dinner, a quick bath and go straight to bed at 7:30. I'll tell him good night and I love him but that's it. And he knows I'll do it because I've done it before.

He has his days when he talks non-stop. Here lately it has been an everyday thing. I try to be more lenient on that because he is just a happy, chatterbox of a kid, so I will tell him "Matthew I am trying to concentrate on something important and all of your questions are not helping me". Kids want to help, so if there is something he can do, divert his attention and tell him "Doing ______ would really help me" he may feel like he's actively involved in something with you. There are times, like this last Sunday, where his motivation for all the chatter and questions is purely to annoy me...he'll get his mouth washed out with soap if he can't keep it closed, and he is very aware that's exactly what will happen when he has been warned to shush it. Another thing, no kid has ever been harmed by being actively ignored while they talk. I love my iPod for that very reason. I can watch him (make sure he isn't running through the house with scissors), and drown him out with my favorite music at the same time. Sometimes in the car it's the only way to maintain my sanity.

There's nothing like the threat of soap to get him to stop doing something. Try that...some people are really against it but it works great for me!

Hi S.,

Like you, I have a 5 year old that doesn't want to behave, either. She defies me every inch of the way and has since she was 2. I tried everything from spanking, time out, taking things away, etc., but to no avail. I finally had to have her evaluated for behavorial problems. The doctors recommended counseling for her, because they say she has authority and anger issues. Maybe, you ought to see if there is some underlying issues with your son that you may not be aware of. It is at least worth checking into, especially with him being in school. My just started kindergarten last Wednesday and I have already gotten 3 calls from her teacher about her disrupting the class and no following the rules. The teacher is prepared to work with myself and the counselor to help her with whatever issues she is dealing with. Look into it, it just might be what you need to understand what is going on with your son. GOOD LUCK!

Hi S.! I'm assuming that there is nothing wrong with him like ADHD or anything. If he has no medical reason to be behaving badly you might try sports. I know he's young but it may help him run off some built up energy. Also he'll have to listen to the coach or he can't play. I'm not sure if it will work but I'm getting ready to try it myself. My son will be 7 in October and is in the 1st grade. Last year was okay but I had to remind him every morning that he'd better get good behavior marks. Then I'd run him down a list of consequences if he acted like a fool at school.He is getting ready to start playing soccer for the YMCA this week. That is all he has talked about. He chose what sport he wanted to play. AND he has had good behavior so far(since school started on the 13th). He minds me pretty well but he is very mouthy. If I say NO to something he tries to beg me for it. And I mean he asks at least 100 times and with attitude...I'm not gonna put up with that and he knows it. Just don't give up on discipline. His behavior might just be typical 5 year old stuff. You just have to stick with what you say.GOOD LUCK!!!

I have a 3 year old, so I haven't been through the 5 year old stage yet, but both of my sisters had sons who went through a similar phase you're describing. I think a lot of the issue their sons had was that they were bored. When they were interested in what they were doing, they behaved very well. One of the boys has been tested for ADHD twice, and both times the doctor adamently agreed that he does not have ADHD. He is just an active boy who gets bored if he isn't challenged, and is very bright, so he can get bored easily in situations like a classroom where he isn't allowed to work at a challenging pace.

Another deterrent to a child responding to discipline is if it is applied inconsistently. If they get away with something once, they will try again. I think you just need to be consistent and deal with the whining the same way you deal with other misbehavior. Because your son has had a chance to get these habits ingrained, it will take more effort on your part to break them, but with consistency I know you can do it! Once he realizes his behavior always has negative consequences that he really doesn't like, he'll start to change his behavior.

I can totally relate to the talking, though. My son NEVER stops talking and asking questions. I try to take this in stride, though, because I know he is learning while he talks. He is a very bright kid, and I don't want to discourage him. When I need him to quiet down, I try to distract him. For example, he loves tractors and work trucks, so if he won't stop asking questions while we're in the car, I ask him to watch for those. It usually quiets him down for a few minutes while he looks out the window. At home, I get him something he can do that doesn't require my help - coloring, playing with playdough, etc. Something one of my friends suggested - and she has 6 VERY well behaved children, was to practice being quiet. To prepare her kids to sit quietly through church, she practiced with them at home. She started with 1 minute, and worked up to half an hour or so. She would let them draw or look at books or that kind of thing, but they couldn't talk or move around. Also, she didn't scold them if they started talking or moving. She would just remind them what they were supposed to be doing, or say, "Uh, oh, you're talking!" or something to that effect. She would start with them a few months before they were expected to be able to sit quietly through a church service. Of course, rewarding them with extra praise or a special toy or treat helped. Apparently it worked!

Just remember to reward your son when he is behaving. It is so fun to see my son's face light up when I praise him. My 20 month old daughter is also a reminder to me that praise is important. One of her favorite phrases right now is, "good job!". Whenever someone does what they are asked, she walks around saying it. It always brightens my day when she says, "g'job, Mommy!"

hello S.. i have a 4 yr who acts the same way. but what i have found that works so far is..
we take something away. and give them a chance to earn it back.they have to do something like pick up toys or something and as soon as they do that . they get what ever was taken away back. the first week is the hardest but it seems to work but you have to stick to it. dont give in.. this also works on older kids too.. works really good on my 13 and 15 yr.of course they get a little harder stuff to do. but i have to say my 4 yr is doing better.. hope it helps

If you like to read try magic 123 I read it when my son was born it did not work I am in the process to reading it again it is working on all 4 of my children. try that if that does not work then talk to a Dr. 2 of my children are on meds. It not a problem BUT you need to let him know who is the parent and who is the children and stick to your guns with the rules. Try reading Magic 123