25 answers

My Little Girl Is Becoming a Youg Lady

ny 12 yr old daughter has become a young lady. if you know what i mean. i would like some advice in teaching and telling her about the facts of life and using products. any advice please. a crazy teenages mom.

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So What Happened?™

i would like to say thank you to all you great moms out there who have given me all this wonderful advice.i have talked to my wonderful daughter , and she is a little scared but understands that this is the next stage in her life. in a way i think she is happy about becoming a woman. we have discussed all the issues of becoming a woman and the resposibilities that come with it. we have looked things up on the internet and bought some coming of age books that some of you recommended. once again thanks too all of you!

Featured Answers

Hi J.,

I know that you have to keep the communication lines open. My mom would freak out over little things so I never went to her for the big ones until I had no other option. I know there are great website, only because I hear about them. I did find the one parentingteens.about.com. I have a 15 year old boys and I've made it a point to put my self in his shoes and he has come to me with problems and questions. I also get my husband (his dad) involved. Teens need both parents and or both views of a situation and honesty. I love that sex ed shows the after effects of STDs and other kinds of stuff. I tried really hard to listen to my son and the less you say and more to the point you are the better. I wish you all the best.

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Be direct and use anatomical terms. I think making it more "clinical" makes it less awkward for both of you. Let her know that you are there for her NO MATTER WHAT. You may want to ask her what she already knows, what her friends have told her, what she thinks, etc. Also, if you don't know the answer to a question she has, tell her that you don't know and then try to find the answer together.

I know when I was at that age there was a lot of misinformation that talking to my mother helped to clear up.

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She's 12 she knows.ask her if she has any questions go from there. She's too young for tampons so take her and let her pick out some pads

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This is something my daughter (now 12 and a half) talked about before hand. She has older female cousins and of course me, so she knew something was coming. Once she started, she came to me and told me, asked me not to tell ANYONE,especially GRANDMA! LOL I told her that I would have to tell her dad, but no one else. She is mortified of her brothers finding out - they are all older than her.

I took her to the store to pick out tampons and pads that she wanted - gave her advice on which ones I liked best and let her try a couple until she found ones she likes. We got out the package instructions and read how to insert the tampons. I told her that if she could feel it then it wasn't in right and it might be a long time before she was able to put it in properly. She learned very quickly.

It's nice because this is our private thing. She had a doctor's appointment for something completely unrelated last month and they asked her about her period. Then they asked her if there was any chance she could be pregnant! I thought she was going to die of embarassment. I told her that from now on, that's a question that she would be asked at every doctor's appointment.

My biggest advice is to be open and honest with your daughter. Tell her that you are there to answer any questions she may have. It can be a very bonding time for mother and daughter.

3 moms found this helpful

Hey, J.! Wow! I'm sure you and her are excited. My daughter is 11 and we have not experienced that yet. I did, however, talk to my daughter about 2 years ago. We used the book "The Care and Keeping of You" by American Girl! It was wonderful! Of course, at the time, we skipped some sections, but it explained everything from how to bathe and shave to how to insert a tampoon. Very good book. I highly recommend it. You can usually find it at any bookstore and you can definitely find it at www.americangirl.com.

I also want to give you some advice. Please also make sure that if you are talking about sex, that you cover oral sex. Oral sex is the number one "sex" used by middle schoolers in America today. The kids just don't think that it is sex and therefore don't think they are doing anything wrong. However, any disease that you can get from vaginal sex, can be transmitted orally too. You just get the disease in your mouth! I am on the Board of Directors at my local Pregnancy Care Center (not an abortion clinic -- the opposite, we are pro-life) and the statistics are astounding. Please make sure you talk with her about this topic.

Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful

Congratulations! I can empathize about the "facts of life" part -- we have a 12 year old son and we have been talking, with increasing openness, about human sexuality & behavior that matches our faith since he was 8. My advice to you would be to talk with your daughter often about the facts, and what you expect of her, with regard to behavior with boys. I watch and learn from my friends with older kids -- I see that, in my opinion, open and honest is best. It may be very uncomfortable to talk about, but do it anyway, and talk often -- I think it helps to keep the dialogue open, and when they need advice, they will seek their parents first! All the best to your family!

2 moms found this helpful

They grow up so fast. I have a son who is 10 and the other day he was not feeling good - I took him to the doctor. While we were waiting in the room to be seen I noticed some free pamphlets one was about puberty for girls and the other was puberty for boys. I have tried talking to my son a some. It is very awkward stage when you have to talk to your "baby" about becoming an adult and all the responsibilities or headaches that come with it.

Reinforce that you will always love her no matter what her decisions are as she faces the hormonal challenges that lie ahead, but encourage her to resist "hooking up" and wait for the one who truly loves and respects her. For most of us our spouse is the only family member we can say that we chose to be a part of our family.

I had a teacher in junior high that always told us "girls he says he loves you, but if he truly loved you he wouldn't ask you to prove your love to him with sex."

2 moms found this helpful

I have been very straight forward with my kids from the beginning. Kids let you know what they need to know. Any questions they have I answer because I dont want them to go on their own and find out. My daughter was 9 when she started her period. Very young because I was 13 and thought it was the end of the world. She adjusted very well and when she was 13 found out about tampons from her friends. She knew I had them but I guess she didnt know what for. So I told her and then let her read the pamplet. She prefers them over pads. I answer any questions about sex. I tell them I prefer they wait till they are married along with it is Gods wish that they wait till they are married. I also tell them if they think they can not wait to come to me and I will help them with birth control and condoms. You can never be too careful. I dont want them to find out on their own that there is bad things and people out there. Be honest with her and answer what she asks. You may be suprised at how much she already knows at her age. But I would let her know that she is a woman now and able to have babies. Keeping kids in the dark is not good.

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Try this site http://www.always.com/products/perfectpad.jsp and click on Being Girl on the left hand column. When my daughter was in the 5th grade the nurse gave a talk to the girls and gave them a sample packet. It comes with a little book, a free sample pad, and some coupons. I went in to a little more detail, but the book sure helped!

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My children are 3 and under so I have a few years to go yet. My mom had the sex talk with me at 10 years old. Although the information I had was not all factual, I had definitely already begun to hear things at school. Since my mom never brought the subject up in a natural, non-embarrassing way, I didn't think it was okay to talk to her about it. We learned about periods at school, and I was terrified that I would get mine and not be prepared. So I sneaked one of her pads to keep in my bag. Later, when I did start my period, I had questions. Instead of asking her, I looked up the 800 number on the pad package and called them to ask!! So my advice would be to ask if she has questions, fill in information she's missing, and let her know she can always come to you again if new questions come up.

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The book "Are you there God, it's me Margaret"

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