25 answers

My Little Girl Is Becoming a Youg Lady

ny 12 yr old daughter has become a young lady. if you know what i mean. i would like some advice in teaching and telling her about the facts of life and using products. any advice please. a crazy teenages mom.

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So What Happened?™

i would like to say thank you to all you great moms out there who have given me all this wonderful advice.i have talked to my wonderful daughter , and she is a little scared but understands that this is the next stage in her life. in a way i think she is happy about becoming a woman. we have discussed all the issues of becoming a woman and the resposibilities that come with it. we have looked things up on the internet and bought some coming of age books that some of you recommended. once again thanks too all of you!

Featured Answers

Hi J.,

I know that you have to keep the communication lines open. My mom would freak out over little things so I never went to her for the big ones until I had no other option. I know there are great website, only because I hear about them. I did find the one parentingteens.about.com. I have a 15 year old boys and I've made it a point to put my self in his shoes and he has come to me with problems and questions. I also get my husband (his dad) involved. Teens need both parents and or both views of a situation and honesty. I love that sex ed shows the after effects of STDs and other kinds of stuff. I tried really hard to listen to my son and the less you say and more to the point you are the better. I wish you all the best.

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Be direct and use anatomical terms. I think making it more "clinical" makes it less awkward for both of you. Let her know that you are there for her NO MATTER WHAT. You may want to ask her what she already knows, what her friends have told her, what she thinks, etc. Also, if you don't know the answer to a question she has, tell her that you don't know and then try to find the answer together.

I know when I was at that age there was a lot of misinformation that talking to my mother helped to clear up.

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She's 12 she knows.ask her if she has any questions go from there. She's too young for tampons so take her and let her pick out some pads

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This is something my daughter (now 12 and a half) talked about before hand. She has older female cousins and of course me, so she knew something was coming. Once she started, she came to me and told me, asked me not to tell ANYONE,especially GRANDMA! LOL I told her that I would have to tell her dad, but no one else. She is mortified of her brothers finding out - they are all older than her.

I took her to the store to pick out tampons and pads that she wanted - gave her advice on which ones I liked best and let her try a couple until she found ones she likes. We got out the package instructions and read how to insert the tampons. I told her that if she could feel it then it wasn't in right and it might be a long time before she was able to put it in properly. She learned very quickly.

It's nice because this is our private thing. She had a doctor's appointment for something completely unrelated last month and they asked her about her period. Then they asked her if there was any chance she could be pregnant! I thought she was going to die of embarassment. I told her that from now on, that's a question that she would be asked at every doctor's appointment.

My biggest advice is to be open and honest with your daughter. Tell her that you are there to answer any questions she may have. It can be a very bonding time for mother and daughter.

3 moms found this helpful

Hey, J.! Wow! I'm sure you and her are excited. My daughter is 11 and we have not experienced that yet. I did, however, talk to my daughter about 2 years ago. We used the book "The Care and Keeping of You" by American Girl! It was wonderful! Of course, at the time, we skipped some sections, but it explained everything from how to bathe and shave to how to insert a tampoon. Very good book. I highly recommend it. You can usually find it at any bookstore and you can definitely find it at www.americangirl.com.

I also want to give you some advice. Please also make sure that if you are talking about sex, that you cover oral sex. Oral sex is the number one "sex" used by middle schoolers in America today. The kids just don't think that it is sex and therefore don't think they are doing anything wrong. However, any disease that you can get from vaginal sex, can be transmitted orally too. You just get the disease in your mouth! I am on the Board of Directors at my local Pregnancy Care Center (not an abortion clinic -- the opposite, we are pro-life) and the statistics are astounding. Please make sure you talk with her about this topic.

Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful

Congratulations! I can empathize about the "facts of life" part -- we have a 12 year old son and we have been talking, with increasing openness, about human sexuality & behavior that matches our faith since he was 8. My advice to you would be to talk with your daughter often about the facts, and what you expect of her, with regard to behavior with boys. I watch and learn from my friends with older kids -- I see that, in my opinion, open and honest is best. It may be very uncomfortable to talk about, but do it anyway, and talk often -- I think it helps to keep the dialogue open, and when they need advice, they will seek their parents first! All the best to your family!

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They grow up so fast. I have a son who is 10 and the other day he was not feeling good - I took him to the doctor. While we were waiting in the room to be seen I noticed some free pamphlets one was about puberty for girls and the other was puberty for boys. I have tried talking to my son a some. It is very awkward stage when you have to talk to your "baby" about becoming an adult and all the responsibilities or headaches that come with it.

Reinforce that you will always love her no matter what her decisions are as she faces the hormonal challenges that lie ahead, but encourage her to resist "hooking up" and wait for the one who truly loves and respects her. For most of us our spouse is the only family member we can say that we chose to be a part of our family.

I had a teacher in junior high that always told us "girls he says he loves you, but if he truly loved you he wouldn't ask you to prove your love to him with sex."

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I have been very straight forward with my kids from the beginning. Kids let you know what they need to know. Any questions they have I answer because I dont want them to go on their own and find out. My daughter was 9 when she started her period. Very young because I was 13 and thought it was the end of the world. She adjusted very well and when she was 13 found out about tampons from her friends. She knew I had them but I guess she didnt know what for. So I told her and then let her read the pamplet. She prefers them over pads. I answer any questions about sex. I tell them I prefer they wait till they are married along with it is Gods wish that they wait till they are married. I also tell them if they think they can not wait to come to me and I will help them with birth control and condoms. You can never be too careful. I dont want them to find out on their own that there is bad things and people out there. Be honest with her and answer what she asks. You may be suprised at how much she already knows at her age. But I would let her know that she is a woman now and able to have babies. Keeping kids in the dark is not good.

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Try this site http://www.always.com/products/perfectpad.jsp and click on Being Girl on the left hand column. When my daughter was in the 5th grade the nurse gave a talk to the girls and gave them a sample packet. It comes with a little book, a free sample pad, and some coupons. I went in to a little more detail, but the book sure helped!

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My children are 3 and under so I have a few years to go yet. My mom had the sex talk with me at 10 years old. Although the information I had was not all factual, I had definitely already begun to hear things at school. Since my mom never brought the subject up in a natural, non-embarrassing way, I didn't think it was okay to talk to her about it. We learned about periods at school, and I was terrified that I would get mine and not be prepared. So I sneaked one of her pads to keep in my bag. Later, when I did start my period, I had questions. Instead of asking her, I looked up the 800 number on the pad package and called them to ask!! So my advice would be to ask if she has questions, fill in information she's missing, and let her know she can always come to you again if new questions come up.

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The book "Are you there God, it's me Margaret"

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Hi J., I was going to say, my sister took my niece to a class at the hosptial where they live. I'm not sure if they do those classes around here at all but might be something to look into. My niece is 11 and I dont think she has started hers yet but I'm sure will be soon. HTH!!

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She's 12 she knows.ask her if she has any questions go from there. She's too young for tampons so take her and let her pick out some pads

2 moms found this helpful

J.-
WOW, I'll be there in a few years, but have already did the "talk" about EVERYTHING! I suggest you wait til there is something that can lead you into that conversation, weather it's seeing a tampon comerical, or walking past the condoms in Wal-Mart. Be cool about it, even though you have knots in your stomach... and just start talking, like Honey, do you know what those tampons are for? Let her answer, and see what she already knows (you'll be shocked) and start from there, let her know that you are always there to talk about things, and that this will not be the only conversation you have about the facts of life...
Be honest, up front and understanding.... remember how embarassed you felt at 12 while going through puberity. No question is too stupid, let her get the answers from you not her friends... I remember a friend of mine told me that you can't get pregnant if the girl is on top! Go figure, you don't want her to get the wrong information!
Best of luck...

2 moms found this helpful

Be direct and use anatomical terms. I think making it more "clinical" makes it less awkward for both of you. Let her know that you are there for her NO MATTER WHAT. You may want to ask her what she already knows, what her friends have told her, what she thinks, etc. Also, if you don't know the answer to a question she has, tell her that you don't know and then try to find the answer together.

I know when I was at that age there was a lot of misinformation that talking to my mother helped to clear up.

2 moms found this helpful

J... you might be too late?? She should have seen films in school and have other friends that mothers didnt wait until the last minute. Teach her respect of herself, modesty, privacy and normalcy. Let her know she can always turn to you, and to use her head. As many 11 year olds that are now sexually active, in some form, make sure she knows the consequences of her actions. Love herself and respect herself first and foremost. Good luck!

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I think she probably knows more than you think by 12. Buy her a good book and sit down with her and read it together. I talked with my kids from the time they were young, so when the time came, it was expected, and we just spoke more.

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You might look at www.always.com for ideas; there's a section "for moms".

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Good evening,
my name is S. and i have a 13 yr.old daughter.even though i have two other daughters,i still get that jump in my stomach when they say"mom,its that time!"i encourage my daughter to use the massengil cleaning wash or anti-bacterial soaps(with less harsh perfumes).as you know always encourage the pads and never the tampons!!!it is good these days to be very forward considering they are facing very"forward"issues in society.sugar-coating things sometimes doesn't allow the child to take things seriously and we want them to know the real facts by us telling them than by the others on the outside telling them things they shouldn't know.keep me posted.

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My Mom took me to the library and let me pick out some books on the subject. Of course they had already taught about it in school in fifth grade. As far as products she just gave me a box of Stayfree and told me to tell her when I needed more. A good book that I would recommend and found later in my life is "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler. It is the best book that I have found that explains the female reproductive cycle. It will also help her learn how to protect her fertility so that she won't have any problems later in life when she wants children. My cousins Catholic School actually uses it in their health class. I plan on using it to teach my daughter when she comes of age. I wish it had been around when I started because what I thought was normal wasn't and I suffered needlessly for years.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi J.,

I know that you have to keep the communication lines open. My mom would freak out over little things so I never went to her for the big ones until I had no other option. I know there are great website, only because I hear about them. I did find the one parentingteens.about.com. I have a 15 year old boys and I've made it a point to put my self in his shoes and he has come to me with problems and questions. I also get my husband (his dad) involved. Teens need both parents and or both views of a situation and honesty. I love that sex ed shows the after effects of STDs and other kinds of stuff. I tried really hard to listen to my son and the less you say and more to the point you are the better. I wish you all the best.

2 moms found this helpful

their is a book at our local librery i am going to buy for my children called "what's happening to my body for girls" one for boys too. you might look at your librery and take a look. it tells you everything you and think of. good luck, R.

2 moms found this helpful

I'm behind, of course, but there is this book for new young ladies. http://www.betterworldbooks.com/Cycle-Savvy-id-###-###-##...

Some nice cloth pads may help her look forward to her cycle (they do me). http://www.sckoon.com/clothmenstrualpads.html

And, if you're spiritual, this group has a good perspective on "maidenhood". Less a curse and more a blessing. http://www.blessinggodsway.com/index.html

2 moms found this helpful

Tell her congratulations! It is such a special moment, even though we dread it each month! Be honest. I never lie to my children, sometimes I think it's too much but my 12 yr old said it helps her to know the truth and what to expect in life. Esp with peers that aren't getting told the truth and the things they end up doing because they are not taught. My daughter just had her's 3 months ago. We still discuss the different things, such as changing often. She says one girl at school really smelled bad so what could she do to keep that from happening...also talk to her about what happens like with sports, taking showers after, if they are allowed, at school. Even how to wrap and discard it is important. I'm all about cleanliness so we've discussed that ALOT! Pain management has just become an issue for us, and they are not allowed medications at school, so, have been working on taking Advil before school. I wish you the best of luck, I have another daughter turning 10 tomorrow so will be dealing with these teen years for awhile! Take care and hope this helps!

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Congratulations, J.! This is an exciting time for you both. It's a perfect opportunity to give your daughter sound advice and keep things quiet (I remember being embarrassed when my mom sent a note to my p.e. teacher). My son is 13 and has already begun his own change. I found an awesome book at a local book store that talks about EVERYTHING going on with his new body and why. It's called 'Just For Boys' by Matt Crossick. The lady that helped me showed me a book for girls, which I'll need in about 4 years for my daughter. I wish I remembered the name. You'll be able to find it in the children's/youth section. I highly recommend you sit down and read it first before introducing it to your daughter. It's got lots of explanations, diagrams and pictures...LOTS. I plan on doing the same. Good luck with the transition! Remember: it's intimidating for both parent and child alike.

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HiJenny.
I also am 37 yo and I am looking forward to hearing what people tell you because my 10 yo is becoming a "young lady" as well and I am always looking for very gentle ways of telling her about "life" and things that happen. I am always afraid I will get too informative and freak her out. But the time is coming and it is necessary.
I am praying for you. Please pray for me.
In this together.....
W. from Sellersburg

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This is tough for us Mom's. It is so hard to see our baby girls enter womanhood. For the girls though, it is a right of passage. I have a friends daughter who did not start until she turned 13. This little girl spent about a year and half, wishing she would. Welcome your daughter into this phase of her life! Let her know all the facts associated with this monthly ordeal. Being informed will help her know how to deal with it. Our daughter was only 9 when she started. At that age I could not be completely open with her. I had to give her bits and pieces. By the time she was turning 11 she knew all that she needed to. I work some in Middle School. Most of these kids know things that I did not, until I had reached full adult-hood. It's so sad, but a fact that we can't ignore. Just keep communication open with your pre-teen. With the girls puberty usually brings drama.She will need you, but it is really not all that bad. Enjoy the new stage. M.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi J.

I become a young lady at twelve also.
And of all days it was April Fools day.
The joke was on me, ha ha.
Anyway. Get books on the subject and set together and study.
And if she has question try to answer them.
Maybe going to the library together.
Picking the books out.
Show her that you want her to understand the facts of life.
that you are there for her always.
Her moods will be different as we know so expect it from her.
And give her support and a big hug.

Just some suggestion.

Take care
God bless
Vicki W.

1 mom found this helpful

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