My Kid Kicked His Cousin

I would not jump to the conclusion that he kicked her hard. You don't have to kick hard for a bone to break. When my sister was maybe 3 she was sitting on the top stair. My mom was trying to go past her and nudged her over with her for. Did not in any way kick her hard. But broke 2 bones in her foot. I would get all the info before punishing. It could have just been an accident. When we were kids my brother was 7 same sister was 6. My brother was on his back and "flying" my sister in his feet. Sister let go landed and wala broken collar bone. Again just an accident. They happen with kids. I think with that many adults there and no kids screaming it was more an accident than an aggressive behavior.

After you pay the copays for her, have him do chores for money, to pay you back. Also long letter of apology to cousin & Aunt & Uncle.

Well, I am not a punitive parent. I am far more in the "consequences" camp. So, restricting him from everything he likes teaches him.... what, exactly? That you're mean?

First, I would have a conversation about what was going on that he got so frustrated he acted out in a violent manner that is uncharacteristic for him. Walk him through other ways that he could have responded to whatever the issue was so that no one got hurt.

Then what I would do is have him "help" her. While her foot is broken he gets to help around Aunties house. The things that she "can't" do because her foot is broken. What chores does she typically have? He can help her do them.

And he gets to try and cheer her up when she can't go out and play. So, he is over there playing board games... etc.

In my house you "fix" your mistakes, if you can. And the lesson is always teachable.

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ETA:

I like what Diane B said - definitely talk about the money aspect as well as find ways to praise him when he helps her.

Sounds like a bizarre fluke that her foot got broken. If he had a pattern of violent physical lashing out, then this would be really disturbing, but kids get reckless and hit and kick all the time, sometimes while playing, sometimes while fighting....so I'm not saying you should be cavalier and deny any wrongdoing..you're doing the right thing with offer to pay and he should apologize and make it up to her somehow so he realizes how serious it is to hurt someone. If she'll be on crutches maybe he could do some chores for her..but really sounds like an accident to me. My son needed stitches once because a kid thew a heavy toy at him in the yard. I had to pay for the stitches without insurance...it didn't even occur to me to go after the kid though because the whole yard was full of kids being reckless and he didn't intend to give my kid stitches.

Have him write her an apology, get well card.

He's crying, he feels bad about it, you talked to him, you don't need to punish him further. Accidents happen, kids kick each other, he didn't mean to break her foot.

I think demonizing kids for normal kid behavior is harmful. Unless your son is typically very aggressive, in which case counseling would be appropriate, I think the lesson is learned.

If it were me and my daughter hurt someone, I would do as you are doing as far as paying for any uncovered medical expenses. That is the right thing to do if your child is responsible for an injury to someone else.

HOWEVER..... before any type of punishment, I would want the entire story about what happened and the facts. I would want to hear her side and any other witnesses to this incident as well. His actions right now show remorse and he is upset that he hurt someone.

I think it is strange that nothing was said when it happened, she didn't cry, didn't tattle, and instead they kept doing whatever they were doing.

It could easily be an accident. I would ask... what did she do for you to have done something like this to her? Was she tormenting him in some way? Was he defending himself?

I don't put all the blame on your son or her. I think there is a story that all the parents need to know. Questioning the children involved is something you all should do. This strikes me as a bit of belated drama from the girl. I mean, if you get hurt (possibly broken bone) why on earth would you not go to parents right then?

You are NOT trying to get out of absorbing any costs by asking these questions. You are just trying to find out what happened and why. Why were parents not notified at the time of the kick.

I don't understand why you are so quick to punish him when you don't know the entire story. He needs to know you support him, even if he messes up and he will mess up along the way and learn from those mistakes.

Keep us posted!

I would determine if it was a kid thing or a malicious thing. Accidents happen. If she wasn't crying, then she didn't see it as a big deal at the time. If he's truly sorry, he should apologize (in person if possible) and I would move on. He knows he hurt her badly and he knows it was wrong. This is where discipline does not equal punishment. I think he's learned something if he's crying.

Something to consider as he gets bigger is that he may not understand his own power. We have a friend whose son is 8 and I think sometimes he doesn't realize how strong he's become. IMO that is when getting the child into karate or sports where they can channel it and learn to use it is a good idea. Football really helped my SS when he was a preteen.

ETA: I do agree to get the full story. Feet are weird. One day it's a stubbed toe. Another day it's a broken one. My DH has broken both feet doing normal things.

Wow if he's never been violent before why on earth would you punish him? Don't you think he feels bad enough that he may have broken his cousin's foot?
Talking to him about it is enough.
ETA: and of course have him apologize to her.

I'd tell him never to be the first to hit or kick but if anyone hits him first - then he has a right to defend himself.
He doesn't have to be anyone's punching bag.

I don't know the circumstances but it's possible it's not all entirely his fault.
So be careful about placing all the blame onto your own kids shoulders.
I have some cousins who could have used a swift kick every now and then.

Actually you're kind of jumping the gun here.
You don't yet know the results of the xray.
The foot may or may not be broken.

And whether it's broken or not - you need to find out what happened.
Did your son just lash out, was he provoked, did she hit/kick him first?
Before dole-ling out consequences and punishments - get all the stories and facts first.
Also talk to your brother and your niece and other kids/adults that were present.
I'm a little worried about how quick you are to condemn him.

I'm definitely not saying what he did is right. In fact, I think we can ALL agree that what he did wasn't appropriate. However, no one was there to see what triggered the fight between the kids. I would start with talking to your son about what happened. Get a feel for what triggered his frustration. Talk with him about the obvious (we don't kick other people). But, before you assume responsiblity for a broken foot and insurance stuff, take a deep breath.

Try to separate the issues.

1. He kicked her. It doesn't matter if her foot is broken, it's still wrong. (That's assuming that he kicked her in anger/frustration, vs. an accident when they were both going for a soccer ball or something like that.) So there have to be consequences for that. Explain that 3 year olds maybe can't control themselves, but 7 year olds are old enough to use their words, to walk away, etc. So the consequences need to be taking away something that is a privilege earned by older, mature kids (like 7 Y.O.) until he can demonstrate the maturity and show he deserves it. So choose something that is a 7 year old privilege that no little kid would get. Maybe it's video games, maybe it's computer, maybe it's going to a friend's house alone. So yes, he's crying, which shows he either has some empathy (good) or he's afraid of consequences (normal, not necessarily admirable).

2. If her foot is broken, then she is going to have significant pain/discomfort as well as a cessation of her normal activities. Yes, an apology is a good thing (if he means it) but make sure she doesn't immediately say, "Oh it's okay, it doesn't hurt." He should still have to do some things to help his incapacitated cousin - work out with her parents what she needs. Maybe he needs to spend a few hours over there on weekends waiting on her hand and foot - putting a footstool under her foot, getting her lunch & snacks, playing some board games (especially ones that she likes and he doesn't), etc. Let him be just a little inconvenienced since she is significantly so.

3. Expenses. Let him know that injuries cost money. Let him see the bills if your B and SIL will share them. Or let him see the amount that your family owes. Then assign chores that he can do until the debt is paid off. Maybe you split it with him - since of course a 7 year old doesn't have a lot of earning power, and you don't want to create problems by having him think that sweeping the kitchen floor is worth $20. He'll want that much in the future! Even if it was an accident, there are expenses. So he has to help pay for them. Make sure there are some chores he can do decently well, and make sure there are others that are unpleasant. Also say you have to save money for her now, so that means taking away some luxuries from him (favorite snacks, going to the movies, any other discretionary spending). Let him feel the pain.

When this is done, find something to praise - how he stepped up, how he took responsibility, how he grew as a person through this experience, and how he will not hurt someone again. Even if he's upset, that doesn't get him off the hook for doing something to make reparations.

I would talk with my son and find out WHY he kicked her and WHAT happened. You are only hearing ONE side of the story and even that is hearsay.

Your son will have to apologize - face-to-face, not over the phone - for kicking her and hurting her instead of using words or asking for help.

Your son is already punishing himself. He has empathy and sympathy or else he would not be in his room crying nor would he be upset. So I don't know what more could come of it. You need to find out the WHOLE story, why it happened, what was going on, etc.

Talk to him and find out WHY he felt he needed to kick instead of TALKING about it.

Good luck!

I think you need to hear the whole story. Kids argue and fight. I could see it happening. I get the feeling he really did not think about it, he just did it. Doesn't make it right though. Find out the whole story. Have him apologize. I can't imagine he kicked her hard enough to break her foot. However, we all know sometimes the slightest fall etc could cause a break much to our surprise. I think he feels bad enough. Don't think I would punish him. He is doing that to himself.

If you found out he kicked her and it hurt and that was the end of it, would you be asking the question?

It seems highly unlikely that he could have broken her foot just by kicking her, but since I have no medical training whatsoever, who am I to say it's impossible. So, assuming that she did break her foot and that his kick is what caused it, I would have to say that's a freak accident.

I would not treat this any differently than any other kick. If I found out my child had kicked his cousin he would probably have to sit in timeout and then apologize. Whatever consequence you would usually impose seems perfectly appropriate in this situation.

I agree with One...
face to face apology, and he loses something that's important to him.

Clearly he was frustrated when he kicked her. Heck my 7YO DS hits his sister daily. It's life. He didn't mean to break her foot. Personally, no need to go above and beyond because it's a freak accident.

I would have him apologize to his cousin. Have him apologize with her parents nearby so they can hear it. And I would offer to pay their co-pay (which they probably will turn down, but the offer is nice) for the doctor visit(s). I would guess she has soft tissue damage not a broken bone. That means taking it easy for a few weeks while it heals. I would also let me son know that if he lashes out physically in the future when he is not getting his way with his cousins that it means xx for a consequence. Make it a good one. If he tends to do this when he is not getting his way, I guess I'd also take turns with my husband staying close by to keep an eye on him for the next year.

First, he needs to apologize to her. face to face, regardless of the outcome of the X-ray.
Then--whatever his "thing" is (game/tv/iPod/Legos)? He loses that for a week.

oh geez. this happened with my kids- and i brushed it off until my younger was still crying a couple of hours later. talk about feeling horribly guilty!
he was naughty. but it speaks well for him that he feels so badly about it now.
i'd give him some sort of punishment because physical violence needs to be addressed. and it should include a sincere apology, of course.
but i wouldn't go full-bore lock-down. when the rubber meets the road, they were kids playing, and when kids this young play they don't always keep their cool, and sometimes accidents happen, and sometimes non-accidents have harsher results.
so a week without screens or doing some manual labor, or whatever other fairly normal infraction-breaking punishment you give should be fine. maybe he can do something to earn the medical costs? some work around your brother's house would be kinda perfect!
hope your niece is okay.
khairete
S.

I think you are done. He is in his room crying because he hurt his cousin. He feels empathy and knows his actions hurt somebody. Those are exactly the lessons you would be trying to teach him. He has already got it.

Of course he should apologize.

Beyond that I don't see why one would punish. It would be helpful to me if a parent who advocates punishment could address the why of it. Either a PM or and ETA would be fine. Thanks.

The kids need to play within sight now. If they want to play together send them out in the back yard and everyone go sit on the patio. Or let them play in the family room where everyone can see them. Kids this age DO NOT need to play in a bedroom unsupervised anymore. They are too old to play toys for the most part and the toys they would still be playing with are very gender specific. Like the girls would likely be playing with Barbies and he'd rather be building something with blocks or playing with cars or out with a basketball.

There isn't much they can or will play together doing so it's time to bring them out of the bedroom into a public area with something like a Wii or other big activity thing they can all do or take logical turns sharing.

I know it's cold and nasty up there now but what about taking them all to McDonald's for a couple of hours of play time. They could all eat parfaits and drink juice. The kids need active play so they can get that excess energy out. It can turn into aggression if there's not outlet for it.

Absolutely he should be punished! I'd restrict him from everything she's restricted from for starters... As well as some chores for you to help pay off his debts, I'd further make him spend a little time waiting on her while she is down if indeed it is broken.