29 answers

My Husband Spends Money as If It Will Never End.

My husband spends all the money in our checking account even when all the bills aren't paid, He takes care of the bills but if didn't have enough in the checking he would charge it. Our credit card bills are over $30,000. I have taken all of his credit cards and his ATM cards. He still can go to the bank and get the money out of our account if he wants to. He has said he would turn over the accounts to me so he can't get in them with out me. He said he just doesn't trust himself not to go get money if he wants to. MY QUESTION is do you think I should take controll of all our accounts and just give enough for his gas and what ever I feel he needs.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

He's telling you he has a problem and wants you to take over finances - DO IT!! Do it before he digs you into a financial hole you can't climb out of.

2 moms found this helpful

Think of him as an addict, not to drugs but to another compulsive behavior - over-spending.

He's reaching out for help, so yes, do take over the accounts and give him an allowance. My advice would be different if he didn't tell you to cut him off, so to speak. He's asking for help.

2 moms found this helpful

Yes! Give him an allowance (you both should have one) of money for the week, then once it's gone it's gone.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

I say yes as well. My husband gets paid, brings me his check, I go to the bank, pay all bills, grocery shop buy what we want, ect. And give him 10 or so for snacks for the week. He has no responsibility of due dates, ect when it comes to money. So I control every penny. We have alot of credit card debt too, most from me using them for things we can't afford. So recently I gave him all of them, he hid them, and just last month we payed off our 2 smallest :) Good luck, budgeting money is the hardest thing we have trouble with.

3 moms found this helpful

Think of him as an addict, not to drugs but to another compulsive behavior - over-spending.

He's reaching out for help, so yes, do take over the accounts and give him an allowance. My advice would be different if he didn't tell you to cut him off, so to speak. He's asking for help.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi C.,

I feel for you in this situation. I know that you want to do the responsible thing, but you are not his mother and he is not your child. If you "take control of your accounts and only gave him what YOU think he needs" you are becoming the worst kind of enabler and you are just feeding the problem. That is absolutely not the solution, though some will agree with you.

HE has to get ahold of his issues or HE will destroy your family and your finances.

Perhaps he should go see a counselor - either a debt mgmt counselor or an individual therapist to determine why he can't control himself and what at the heart of his financial management issues.

Now - a responsible budget plan where you each have a certain amount that you both agree on, is different. If he is on board with that and can stick to it, then go for it - that is a different dynamic than you being the parent and him being the child.

Good luck

2 moms found this helpful

He's telling you he has a problem and wants you to take over finances - DO IT!! Do it before he digs you into a financial hole you can't climb out of.

2 moms found this helpful

Yes! Give him an allowance (you both should have one) of money for the week, then once it's gone it's gone.

1 mom found this helpful

How much deeper do you need to be in this kind of debt and money crunch before you take over. I would set up a separate account and link it to the main checking account. I would then transfer funds accordingly and immediately.

Perhaps your hubby needs to not just consider but get involved in some counseling. Money must represent something to him and he really needs to master his emotions and stop allowing money to rule over him like this and negatively impact your family.

1 mom found this helpful

It may be best for you to take over the bill-paying, but make sure it is a joint decision and you are not making him feel like a child about it. He probably feels guilty about the excessive spending- I know I always did, but then I would justify purchases and push it to the back of my mind until the day my husband did bills. Then I would feel anxious all day long, apologize like crazy for spending so much, promise to do better, then repeat the whole process again! Yikes.
I think you should sit down with him and go over all the bills as a team. Figure out how much you spend on groceries, gas, etc. It may really help to go to a cash-only system, which is what we did. My husband pays our bills online but then we have a cash grocery allowance and a spending cash allowance. Part of the spending cash is for the kids: allowance, birthday parties, kid activities like going to museums or whatever. the rest is for gas, haircuts, and fun money. This is helping so much! I have to be very mindful of what I am spending my money on, because once it is gone, it's gone! As a result, I make better decisions and waste way less money, and we are able to put a lot more in savings each month.

1 mom found this helpful

He is telling you he needs help and I think you should jump at the chance to help him.

1 mom found this helpful

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