My husband does not work. All he does is play his computer game pwi 24/7. He will stay up all night playing, he will go to bed about 7am and when I get off work he is either still asleep or just woke up and I get off work between 2pm-4pm depending what time I go in. All he does is stays in the bedroom.He will eat in there and everything, there will be so many pop can and dirty dishes in the room for days before he will bring them down to the kitchen. I really don't know what to do,I don't even sleep in the bedroom with him cuz of it being dirty and him staying up all night. Sometimes there are even days he doesn't take a shower. He played this game before he met me but not like this, we don't really talk anymore and when I try he doesn't even look at me,he keeps his eyes on that computer and it really pisses me off. He chat in game and talks on vent in game to all the other players and most of them are female, it hurts my feelings and I have tried and tried to talk to him about it but he tells me I'm crazy. I just don't know what to do.
I do have kids but they are not his kids...(thank god)!! I tried to talk to him about what's going on, now he tells me he stays in the bedroom because of my oldest child,which is a 15 year old girl because she has a smart mouth and some other things but what teen age girl isn't? I can't just lock myself in my room away from her or her sister and brother. He has no kids of his own, which I think is a good thing he don't. He now tell's me he is going to college online, just another reason to be on that computer. But every time I go in that bedroom it's always on that game. I let the Internet get cut off today and I got cussed up and down and got called every name in the book "cuz he needs it for school" then I guess he called them and got it cut back on somehow. His own dad has told me that he has spent so much money on this game and he would not sleep and he would stay in the room playing this game. I don't know why I stay with him for...I wish he would just leave!!
It sounds like he's addicted. It's a real addiction. Brain scans show gaming stimulates the same areas of the brain that drugs do. But like all addicts, they have to want to conquer their addiction before any change can happen, and it doesn't sound like husband has any interest in changing.
Do you have kids with him? It sounds like it's time to move on, if you don't. I don't know what's attractive about this kind of guy.
You leave his sorry butt, THAT'S what you do. You aren't his wife. You're his mother. This is the way a teenager acts, whose parents haven't taken the computer away.
Stop letting him treat you like you're the mom and he's the teenager. Move OUT. He's not going to move out. Why would he do THAT? He's got you to pay all his bills for him.
if this is for real, you need to go get some help as to why you're allowing yourself to be a doormat.
i don't really buy it, though. who financially supports a man who plays a computer game 24/7, and waits on him hand and foot, and accepts that he lives like a hog, and doesn't share a bed with him, and accepts being talked to like dirt?
not anyone who doesn't need serious help.
khairete
S.
Go in. Sit on the bed. Calmly tell him that your marriage is not working for you anymore. You want to be married to a person who is a part of a team with you, respects you and himself, works and is productive in society, showers, helps clean up, and lives life...real life. Tell him it looks to you like he may be depressed. And it also looks to you like he has an addiction. Tell him that if he wants to make this marriage work he needs to 1. Go into an addiction type program and 2. Go to counseling with you and alone. Tell him you don't want to break up but that you are at the end of your rope. Tell him you found counsellors and addiction programs...and set the pamphlets/business cards on the bed. Tell him he has two weeks to decide. Get ready to live without him if he does not take you up on this offer.
Seldom do I tell anyone this but here goes...leave him.
Why would you allow this to happen and tolerate being treated this way?
Next time he tells you you are crazy I would agree with him. Tell him a sane person would never had tolerated his behavior but you now have your wits about you and his behavior is going to stop or you are moving on.
Best of luck!
I truly hope this is a fake question and that no one would live like this. But having seen people stay with and enable drug addicts and cheaters and abusers, I know it is not impossible.
Do you get anything out of your marriage? Anything?? A marriage is a partnership, and that means both of you putting something into it. You are putting in the money, security, keeping the household, making an effort at emotional connection...what is he putting in? Helping your spouse through an illness or addiction is one thing, but it sounds like he is not even interested in being a husband. Reading your question, I can't imagine anyone saying that you should stay with him, especially if there are no kids in the mix. Find someone who wants a partner, not a free ride.
I'm actually hoping this is a troll, because it hurts my head to think that any woman would live like this. Honey, if this is real, I really hope you haven't yet had children with this man, because that will make the next step simpler. (Not easier, just simpler.) Even if you do have kids, it's way past time to go. This is not a marriage - you are acting as this man's servant and crutch. Why would you choose to live like this? It's not love - it's hosting a parasite. It's also not helping him in any way. Supporting a person's descent in to addiction is not love. On your way out of this "marriage", be sure to stop by Al-Anon (a group for spouses and others who love an addict) or meet with a counselor. What you've described is a severe addiction, and your role in this is as an enabler. You need to learn to stop being one.
You don't mention kids so why are you still with him?
It sounds like you have a teenager who's obsessed with computer games, not a husband.
What do you want to do about it? Decide what you want to see happen - if it's he has to get a job, he has to stop gaming, he has to clean up .. and get him away from computer (go out somewhere say for a meal or a coffee) someplace neutral and tell him what you need of him to make this marriage work. If he's talking to women all day - tell him this bothers you and you need it to stop where he's not spending any time with you. Just make a list.
Then decide what you will do if he doesn't stop. Because really this will mean he doesn't care how you feel. You have to be prepared for that. Then the choice is yours.
Many times we stick with a person or in a bad situation because we don't want to be forced to make a decision. It's easier (or so we think) to go along with it. Facing up to - Do I still love him? Do I like him? Does he add to my life? Would I be happier/healthier without him? Etc. are questions we don't always want to face.
If you're ready to face those questions and answers - get out, have that conversation.
There's always couples counselling to help you get back on track (I get the feeling a lot of people don't go for this advice, but it can really help). He made need help if he's got a gaming addiction. Or you could talk to someone for a session or two to see how you feel and what you want to do about it.
Good luck :)
There's such a thing as video game addiction.
He doesn't see that he has a problem so he's not going to do anything to fix it.
He needs ongoing therapy but you can't make him go and so far he doesn't want to quit.
You need to divorce him and either evict him or you need to leave him.
http://www.psychguides.com/guides/video-game-addiction-tr...
http://www.video-game-addiction.org/
http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/features/vid...
In the mean time - cut off your internet access.
Access it through your phone and have no access from your home.
Don't pay for any phone or device that he can use for internet access.
He'll have to go to a library or cafe.
Additional:
You need to leave him, file for divorce asap.
Lawyer up and get moving on it.
He'll find another meal ticket to to fund his game habit.
You're not married to a man - don't feel bad in the least for divorcing him.
Time to take stock of your life. You might want to let him know you're moving out. See if it even phases him. Other than to realize he won't have a free ride anymore.
I don't really get why you are with this guy? He sounds like a teenager. And you are his mom. Gross :-(
Per you SWH, I think you need to talk with a professional, a counselor or therapist, to make a plan for yourself. You say you don't know why you stay with him and wish he would leave. That kind of thinking is very passive, and if you continue on this path, five years from now, you'll still be in the same situation. Wishing won't change things. YOU have to change some things.
You've got children watching you and how you react to this situation. You're enabling your husband by allowing him to do whatever he pleases while having no responsibilities whatsoever toward the family. It doesn't matter that your children are not biologically his, when he married you, your children became part of his responsibility, too.
Can't say whether your husband has a video game addiction, depression (or both), or is just lazy and irresponsible, BUT you can't allow your kids to think this is normal and okay for a grown man. What message does that send to them, not to mention what this is doing to you?
Even IF he is going to school on-line, a grown person with a family should still be working and contributing around the house.
Go talk to someone and figure out how to make the changes you need to have the life you deserve.
Good luck and stay strong.
Why doesn't he work. If you're not willing to leave for yourself, leave for your kids!!!
here's the link for online gamers anonymous.. http://www.olganon.org/self_tests_on_gaming_addiction
on there, they have a questionaire for people to answer so they can find out if they might be an addict or not..
additionally, while you can't get your husband to get help if HE doesn't want it or think he needs it.. you can get help for yourself as they also have a have 12 step for co-dependents... in that group, you can get help and learn tools that can help you learn to deal with an addict (which it does sound like your husband is)
it's important to note that while they say alcoholism is a "family disease" so is ANY addiction, even online gaming... which means, that WE the family members of an addict are also affected by their behavior and in some way, we might be enabling it. that isn't to say we are to blame for it, but rather to say that we might learn better ways in which to deal with an addict....
addicts are all around us and because gaming is so popular, people often laugh it off and think, oh they sure love their videos games.. However, when that addiction (or any other addiction, from gaming, to alcohol, coffee, cigarettes) or what have you, turn a person's attention away from everything else in life, then that is a problem...
I would suggest looking into the a 12 step.. if your husband won't do it, then at least you can.. this way, you can better deal with him and help your kids who are standing by and taking in all this behavior. not only your husband's, but yours....
good luck
While it's not yet classified in the DSM-V as a mental condition, there is strong evidence that video game addiction is just as powerful and any other drug. You both need professional help but he won't get any until he's ready and that can mean suffering through a consequence that will wake him up to the effect he's having, like losing his wife.
oh and if my husband EVER called me crazy, he'd yank back a stump.....that is a deal breaker for me for sure. if that sounds over reactive or hysterical, I'll stand by it. It's a deflection and it proves to me that your husband has a serious problem that needs significant intervention and attention. The question is are you the one to provide it? I'm thinking no you're not.
leave him and get some professional help to understand why you would allow yourself to be treated like this. thoughts to you... S.
Sounds to me like you are getting nothing out of this relationship. Why are you staying?
