Found this article, and thougth you may find it useful---happy reading
Living Ephesians 5: Wives, Respect your Husband
by Nancy C. Anderson
My husband, Ron, admits that he used to be jerk, but I discovered a
formula that turned him into a loving husband: I started treating him
VIP. Ron always wanted me to respect him, but I thought he had to earn
and I had to feel it, before I could do it. Wrong.
We women are very good at pointing out our husbands' faults and
punishing them for not meeting our needs, but that only leads to
and distance in our marriages. We all know that yelling, nagging, and
belittling are disrespectful and ineffective. So I'm suggesting a
concept: Treat him like a king, and eventually, he will begin to treat
like a queen. <
Instead of waiting for him earn your respect, behave respectfully and
him grow into the man God designed him to be.
Twenty five years ago, our marriage was on the brink of divorce. I was
controlling, critical and disrespectful so Ron was defensive and angry.
were both Christians but neither of us was living a sprit-filled life.
letting my emotions determine my actions and thought it was Ron's job
make me happy. But through a series of miracles (read my book for the
story) we made a decision to rebuild our marriage.
We went to a Christian counselor who read Ephesians 5:33 "Nevertheless
each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let
wife see that she respects her husband" and said "Nancy, the only way
will win Ron back and stay married is if you begin to respect your
I knew he was right so I swallowed hard and came up with a plan. Here
three of the ways I began to respect Ron: They are easy to remember
they spell out the goal -- to treat him like a V.I.P.
Respect him Verbally, Intellectually, and Physically.
Cut out (ok...cut back) complaining and add in compliments.
If you want to have a peaceful, happy marriage, learn the art of the
compliment. Compliments are like magnets and the more you compliment
husband the more he will be attracted to you. Begin to notice when he
it right and verbally encourage him by complimenting him at least once
day. If you are having a hard time thinking of anything to admire,
these categories: physical traits, mental skills, financial strengths,
spiritual growth, or healthy relationships with others (children,
You may be asking "Hey, why should I compliment him when he NEVER
compliments me?" Because, if you want your marriage to grow and bloom,
you'll have to water it with kindness and encouragement. Then, as he
your sincere efforts, he will begin to change too. Don't give up.
If you do need to bring up a difficult issue, place it between two
compliments, also known as a "Compliment Sandwich." Here's an example,
"Honey, I know how hard you work for our money and that Sally's braces
be expensive, but I need your decision before her appointment tomorrow.
hope we can do this for her, but if you want to wait, I trust your
What should I tell the orthodontist? "
Men like to solve problems and fix things. So appeal to his
asking him to help you solve a problem. Instead of saying "This garage
mess, clean up your camping stuff!" Try, "I'd like your help with
Could you figure out a storage system for all the camping supplies?"
Don't imply that he isn't smart. Instead of saying "I think you are
about..." Say, "I'm confused about...please explain it again" (Remember
keep your tone of voice sarcasm-free.)
Request his help on Spiritual matters too. Ask him to explain a passage
Scripture or ask him to pray for you when you are going through a
time. If your husband is not the spiritual leader in your home,
pray for him and ask him if there is anything you are doing that is
hindering his relationship with God.
Men don't give a lot of weight to feelings -- show them facts and
more likely to listen. For example: if he wants to buy a car that you
is too expensive, don't launch into a hissy-fit, write out your monthly
expenses and ask him what other things should be cut out in order to
car. Let the facts speak for you.
When you cannot reach an agreement, instead of trying to wear him down
nagging or crying say, "Is that your final decision or can I still try
convince you?" If it's his final decision, then honor it. It's freeing
him carry the responsibility of your family.
Physically -- ask what he would like you to do and then, do it. Find
what his top three needs are. Ron likes the laundry done, physical
a least twice a week (guaranteed) and he likes me to keep my
stuff" off of the bathroom counter. If these top needs are met, he's
and easy to get along with. I know it sounds simple, but each of us
different things that make us feel loved and appreciated. You won't
what he wants unless you ask him.
Be aware of your body language. You can communicate disrespect by
your eyes, crossing your arms, or slamming doors. Reflect your new
to respect your husband in your heart, mind, and body.
Change your attitude and actions
Respect is both a verb and a noun: an action and an attitude so begin
to respect your husband in thought, word, and deed. He will be more
and able to give you the love and affection you need if he is respected
admired. When I began to respect my husband, he was skeptical at first.
However as he saw that I was committed to change, he began to treat me
differently - lovingly. We now teach at couples' events, helping others
discover the blessings of true love in action.
Ask the Lord to strengthen you as you obey His word.
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.