I am desperate to address some serious things that have been on my mind lately with my MIL. I understand that this is his mother, so I have reluctantly held my tounge and not phoned the woman myself. I defriended her yesterday after I sent her a message about a problem when she wouldn't respond.
He and her both share traits of sticking their head in the sand. I am a pretty direct person so this entire beating around the bush thing is putting me off.
Any advice?
My advice ... if you are happily married and want to stay that way, do not ever get in to a confrontation with MIL. Unless it's something that involves someone being in danger, just simply ... "let it go." She may not want to get in to a confrontation with her DIL (out of love and respect for her son) and is simply being polite. I am also a "pretty direct person" but I know when it's better to be a "smart" person and keep my mouth shut.
Why can you "defriend" her but not call her? Get off Facebook and pick up the phone! This is your family! Don't you think a family problem warrants a phone all as opposed to a facebook defriending? Ridiculous!
Honestly, after reading your previous post last year about her, I would just flat-out tell your husband that you don't want to have anything else to do with her. She's nasty, unpleasant, mean, disgusting and a bad influence. Let him know that if he wants to see her and if wants your son to see her, then they can arrange to see her on their own. Let your son know that you REALLY disapprove of her attitude and actions, and that while you will not deprive his dad or him of a relationship with the woman if they want it, you just aren't doing it anymore. She and that daughter are nothing more than trash, and they will never do anything but cause trouble and make a mess.
I wouldnt have anyone as a friend on facebook that pissed me off or made me depressed.
HEAR ME.... TOO much communication with family makes things crazy. We are talking about people that are very emotionally involved.
Friends are best to vent to, they are different than family. Family has a hard time with logic, they base things on emotion. Family should not know your personal business, only things you want them to know.
I see your problem.
I looked back at your other question about her. She sounds dreadful. You aren't going to change her or anybody else for that matter. All you can do is decide how much contact you want to have and your kids to have with her. I don't think you are going to get anywhere without your husbands full support. Set your boundaries, get hubby to agree to them and stand by you when they get challenged.
Direct people use phones not Facebook.
When I deal with people that would rather ignore a problem than solve it I go with this is what I think the best solution is, do you agree, is that okay something on that line. They will say sure and you can go ahead. Thing is that only works if you really are direct and can handle the potential that you had the wrong solution.
What I mean is some people don't want to put their solution out there because they don't want to be the only one responsible. They say things like it is our problem, it is a group problem but that doesn't solve anything any better than burying their head in the sand, ya know?
Wow after reading the post everyone is talking about what can you possibly have to speak to her about. You should be glad she doesn't respond.
I think there will always be a line between your spouse's family and you. I don't think it's right to have full control over how your husband interacts with his family. He grew up with them, not you, so you can't completely understand how they communicate (or don't communicate). You can talk to him about your frustrations and ask what he's willing to do to help, but after that it's up to him and you need to respect that. I agree with you that being direct in some situations can help, but I really don't think this is one of those situations. Move on with your life without them. If your husband wants contact with them, he can take your son with. Your son won't be super influenced by bad behavior if it's a couple hours a month. Just don't be the mean wife who forces her husband to choose between his childhood family and his new family. Remember, he CHOSE you! He didn't choose them!
Either call her and lay the lae down or ignore her behavior while keeping a wide path of her.
I dont blame you for defriending, I never accepted my MIL's friend request to begin with, for that matter many family members requests. If your husband is not willing to confront the situation you do need to call her and have the concersation you need to have with her, otherwise you will never get resolution to your issues. Good luck!
