My High School Son's Burnt Out from School Homework Load.

When does he begin his homework? Even with a VERY full homework load, it is not usual for students to be spending more than 6 hours a night on homework. If he is up until midnight or 2am and it isn't because he waited until 8 or 9 to get started, it may be because he is to overwhelmed to focus while he is working (so a 20 minute assignment ends up taking 2 hours leaving him more frustrated and even less focused for the next task).

I would suggest allowing him 1 hour of scheduled relax time when he gets home before he begins his work. Then have "mandatory" break times every hour.

Also, have him experiment with his productivity starting with the easiest assignments vs the hardest (some people do best when they are fresh for the hardest task, while others do better to get the easy stuff out of the way and see a lot of things checked off the list).

HTH,
T.

1 mom found this helpful

Try getting him a tutor - it is likely that he is taking longer because he is struggling. If he can learn to get his work done quicker then he'll have more personal and rest time. Also encourage him to have study groups at home and allow him to learn from his peer network - this mixes fun and learning which is always a good experience and will make his workload more enjoyable.

Your son could be over his head if he is taking advanced courses or he could have some mild and as yet undiagnosed learning disability. My son skated through school until high school and then we found out he had a problem processing what he wanted to say and put it on paper. It hadn't shown up earlier because the work load had not been that great but when he got to high school he was overwhelmed. Your high school should have a resource person who can test him.

Please avoid energy drinks. They don't stop you from needing sleep, but just keep you awake longer. It doesn't fix the problem, it just patches it up.

To invigorate his mind your son needs enough sleep, that's eight hours a night. He needs exercise too. He sits all day at school, all day at home doing more school work, that's not good for him. He needs to MOVE to get blood flowing into the brain. He needs healthy food, complex carbs and protein and such. He needs BREAKS.

I'm a college student, taking 13 units of online courses (which always end up requiring more time for school than a regular class), AND a Mom. I can not do school work for more than two hours at a time. And I'm twenty eight years old. School is a JOB. If you work an eight hour day you get two breaks and a lunch. When you take a three hour block class in college you get two breaks. Your son needs the same thing.

Oh gosh, D., get the boy some good vitamins, healthy energy snacks & drinks and if one of you can rearrange your schedule to drive him that may save a bit of time too, plus allow you extra communication and connection time. It doesn't sound like he's not disciplined enough to do his work, he's probably just exhausted. Prolonged stress like that will only lead to physical or emotional challenges. If he is not getting the nutrition he needs (which 95% of us are not), that only makes it more challenging for him to recover. You can also try affirmations & encouragement and offer solutions if he's open, such as: I know you can do it honey, you're a brilliant young man.; How can I help you perhaps organize your study time and fit in naps?; Let's try to work out a better schedule for you so you can have some fun being a kid too.; How can I help? and so on. I'm sure you've thought of rewards for his achievements and encouragement with failure. The most successful of us certainly fail again and again. How about a car as a reward? That was a terrific incentive in our family. Check out www.nutrilite.com for the world's best nutritionals. You can buy them at www.bbu4u.com.

You'll be fine. You've already raised 3 other children and I'm sure you know how tough it can be growing up. I wish you and your family many wonderful blessings.

Oh my Gosh! You poor things! I feel so bad for you going through this.
Well, it sounds like we should be proud of him for working so hard on the subjects that he doesn't understandand and trying to overcome. It sounds like he should get into a "homework club" or something where he can get support and help on a regular basis.
If you believe any of the homework seems "overwhelming" then I would meet with the teacher and let them know you're son is struggling to keep up, what can you BOTH do help him. At any age, help should be a combined effort from the Parent AND teacher. Most teachers are always willing to help their students.
Your poor son is trying to make everyone happy and avoid getting into trouble, but is exhausting himslef in the process, and that's NOT how it should be....at least on a regular basis, anyway.
What I would do is to meet with ALL his teachers and find out what's expected of him. Maybe he's bringing home too much, or maybe he's not taking advantage of classtime to work on things. Who knows! But whatever the reason, it doesn't sound right to be doing this over and over.
The one time we went through this with our Junior HS daughter, the teachers were all so willing to help her get back on track because SHE wanted that, and was working so hard to get there. The teachers are so much more willing to help the students when they see students trying so hard to help themselves. But, it IS your son's responsibility to ask for help....yeah right! He never will, because he's probably like mine! But in the end, if he doesn't, then you should ask for him. It sounds like he needs it.
Hope that helped! Good luck!

N.

My son had a terrible time in high school with all the homework and once they fall behind, they feel like "why bother" - Talk to his teachers and see how he does in class and if other kids have the same proble-Does he understand the work?-Does he do well on tests? Does he even care about school or is there something outside of school that has his attention? All good questions his teachers can answer since he's with them all day- You're his only advocate-stick with him and you'll work this out. Being the youngest could have something to do with it, alittle. Does he spend all the time actually "doing" his work while you "think" he's doing his work? If so, how's his reading- something sounds like its hanging him up. Maybe the school could offer a tutor. Work to find it now so soon you'll be supporting him at college and enjoying that golf course with your husband!

Hi D. - With another school year starting, I just wanted to let you know about something I wish I had been aware of when my kids were in middle and high school - online tutoring. It is available 24/7, on demand, for homework help or test preparation. You son can try a 25 minute free session to see how it could work for him. Best of luck to you and your lovely family - hope you're still enjoying the golf with hubby! :o)

visit: www.tutor.com Use FREE Code MGVIP50F

Is the homework-all-night always in the same subject(s)? I always had difficulty in one subject, and when my parents got me a tutor, it not only helped me understand what I was doing, it shortened the amount of time I spent on homework because all of a sudden I "got it".
If he understands the subject matter, talk to some other parents with kids in the same classes, do their kids stay up all night, too? If so, talk to the teachers and see what can be done to shorten the assignments. Your son needs a little room to have some fun, too! He will get very burnt out if his every moment, every evening is spent on homework.
On sleep: you can not "bank" sleep. Sleeping in on weekends is as bad for your son than missing sleep all week. He needs adequate sleep every night. Even if it means his homework isn't done! He needs to go to bed around the same time and wake up around the same time every day. Sleeping in a little on weekends is ok, but should not be used as a substitute for getting enough sleep during the week.

Your Son seems to be a very diciplined young man, He just has a heavy homework load. I know this isn't for everyone, and it definately depends on what state you live in, but....I home schooled my two children from 4th grade all through high school with the help of a Charter School. They keep the records, and give assignments, and offer classes at centers for the students to take. Often much more college prep. than the high schools offer. My kids are average, not extra smart or anything, they even took college classes that gave them both highschool and college credit. 3 high school credits for every college credt. The students can graduate early this way as well. The student works at home or wherever, and meet with a facilitator either once a week or once a month. In California, where I live, Pathways Charter is excellent. My kids are in College now excelling in all they do. The homework done for class is actually schoolwork, and evenings are not spent doing the work. Day hours at highschools are wasted in the classroom much of the time. The result is homework! I have freinds(both working parents) that just started home schooling their 10th grader, and it has been the best year ever. They had never thought of this option but were in the same situation that you are in.
Just my two cents, and like I said, it isn't for everyone.
E.

Hi D.,
Sounds like your son is spending an abnormal amount of time doing homework. Have you verified that he's really staying up to complete assignments? If he truly is working on homework till 2:00a.m. then I would suggest you review his classes and figure out if it's just too much for him or if he feels an overwhelming amount of pressure to do well in school.
Does he participate in other activities? Does he have a social life? What he's doing doesn't sound healthy, physically or emotionally. Teenagers just need more sleep. Please read the article on this site. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006...
Hope you can figure out the problem and he can get some more sleep.
E.

I would suggest you start by talking to his counselor at school and explain the situation. I think you need to determine if he is struggling because he has too much work and his schedule doesn't have balance. Or is he struggling because he doesn't have affective study skills. Or is he just wasting time because he doesn't want to do the work. Then I would talk to the teachers of the classes he is struggling in and ask the same kind of questions. Are these classes too difficult for him or does he need help with learning how to study? His teachers see him in class and should have some insight into his skills. I think you need to support him so that he isn't burnt out before he even starts college. Good luck

I have 3 teenagers (and a 6 year old) and the homework load and sleep deprivation is a familiar challenge, add sports and their social life and frankly its astonishing what our teens handle. My number one goal with my teens is to help them listen to their own intuition and stay in touch with their own limitations, boundaries, and balancing their lives. Not giving advise and my own solutions but helping them find their own.

That being said, there has been many a conversation beginning with "how's that working for you?" If my teen tells me he/she is overwhelmed, I ask questions and listen more...until he/she comes up with their own revelation as to what is too much, where he/she can make changes, where he/she wants to make changes and am always willing to help them acheive their solutions.

Sometimes they need to have frank discussions with their teachers, sometimes they need to be realistic regarding the academic load and need to change classes, lighten the load. Their mental and physical well being is not worth pushing beyond their limits.

I've found, its really important for them to have an enjoyable experience with school, where they can handle what they are given and still feel challenged. Teens know so much more than we give them credit for. Listen to what you're teen is telling you even if you have a totally different take on things, and honor what they are saying. Walk through their plans with them, curriculum, sports, arts, other interests and ask which is most important to them right now, know where their hearts are, help them get in touch with their own hearts. After that its a matter of guiding them through to their own solutions and letting them deal with the outcome. I'm just happy my kids are learning to trust in themselves and feel they have a great deal of control over their own life and what they make of it.

If I were you, I'd find out what your son wants to do, what would he change? Etc...Then support him with those changes.
I hope this helps in some way.
M.

My oldest is 16 and an ok student. You have two battle here. The first is the natural sleep cycles of teenagers. They are biologically wired to go to sleep around 1am and wake up around 10am -which doesn't work for school. one sleep expert I heard talked about the teenager being constantly with jet lag by about 2 hours. This is why so many of them sleep so long on the weekends. They are trying to catch up. The next is homework. Boys deal with homework differently than girls. The way how much time it would take to get an A vs B vs C and often take the shortest route. Look at the classes he is taking - there is too much homework in many classes and studies are starting to come out saying this is a bad thing. We are burning out our kids - won't make them successful in the long run. How many AP classes? I know some parents who won't allow their child to take more than one. Some of the big name colleges are no longer looking at AP classes. Too many can mean the kid is being pushed from the outside and not internally motivated. Does he need a tutor for certain classes? D.

I have the same problem. I know my son has some learning disorder, even have a diagnosis from CSUS but the schools tell me it is not a disorder they recognize. He also supposedly has ADD so he takes meds for that, he says it helps him focus (he is 12 and in 7th grade).
I go back and forth all the time. The school says they expect him to do 1/2 hour homework for each class. The teachers have suggested writing the time he starts an assignment on the paper and then drawing a line and showing when 1/2 hour is up. I hate having to be constantly on top of him with his homework. He is a good kid, smart, funny, a boy scout. Last semester he got all Fs for not turning in homework and out of class assignments.
He stays up late because he spends all his time doing homework, then says he wants to spend an hour to do what he wants so that he can have a life. As a result he gets to bed at 10 or 11pm and is too tired in the mornings.
Our general rule is no electonics until homework assignments are complete...but he can't finish them half the time...gets confused, loses things.
The school isn't helping. They won't give me a list of his assignments ahead of time so that I can help him plan the week. They sent me to Sylvan, $4000 for a study skills course. Which is taking away even more time from his homework (6 hours a week).
I am seriously thinking of homeschooling or sudbury method or something! I can't stand the fact that he gets such poor grades, but excells on their dumb STAR tests. I keep thinking that this will damage his self esteem.
I'll be looking at other's answers cause I am past desperate.

Hi D.,

I would talk to his school counselor, if not his teachers to find out how to make it more manageable. That sounds like way too heavy a burden for a high schooler. REcent clinical studies have demonstrated that teenagers actually need more sleep than adults, to counteract the unbelievable amount of neuron and bone/muscle growth going on, so depriving him of sleep will not help him learn more, it'll only make him miserable. Good luck.

Maybe he might benefit from a tutor who can help your son prioritize his workload. Sometimes the right strategy can make all the difference in cutting down on the time spent doing the work.

Also, if he isn't taking breaks, then his brain is probably exhausted and overworked which could also prolong the time spent studying. Maybe he can get a few 20 minute "my time" breaks each night so he can give his brain a rest. Music, art, walks, sports, are all wonderful ways to relax and rejuvenate...whatever it is let it be something he enjoys.

My daughter does the same thing, and she's an A student. I figure if it works, don't mess with it. It sounds like he's a hard worker, and pretty disciplined - they are getting near to their independence at that age - this is the time when they figure out what works for THEM.
He's doing a good job!

I would speak w/his teachers with your son present and see what their take is on this situation before going any further. ( I know, teenagers hate for you to have these conversations.) Then, perhaps he needs to be "monitored" while doing his work (They hate this, too!). Many of my students are wasting time in their rooms, daydreaming, distracted by music, easily distracted by anything around to keep from focusing attention on the task at hand. Maybe you can sit and read a book, do a hobby, etc. in a nearby position to keep him attending to his work. I have a son who was a similar student; he even had to drop out of Boy Scouts because his workload was too intense. Doing all that assigned work at home was not fun! I have been a teacher for 30 years and have often seen this pattern. Please discuss this with his teachers right away. Good luck to you.

I had the same type of issue with my 8th grade son and his Enchriced Algebra class and I called to talk to the teacher and his advisor to let them know what was going on. I also talked to my son regarding how he was feeling in every way regarding his work, lack of sleep, and understanding of the work he was and was not getting done. My husband and I also told him that regardless if the homework was done or not that he had to put it away and go to bed at 11:00 and I let his teacher know that if his homework was not done it was because he was following our directions. I think the most important thing is to communicate with your son and with his teachers and then go from there with your your sons input as well. I recently finished a book called The Five LOVE Languages of Teenagers and I highly recommend that anyone who has a Teenager reads it.

Hi D.,

I think I would try signing him up for a Mentor program. Either getting a mentor for himself or BEING a mentor to another younger boy. That way he would feel more of a personal responsibility and get some non-family attention. I know his days may seem too full now to add a relationship to but it might be just what he needs. At least one or 2 days a week.

N. :o)

It's a difficult place to be in. I have a son who is a junior who goes through similar cycles but not as constant as what you describe. Not knowing your son or what kind of help he would be willing to accept here are some things that seem to make a difference for us. He does his homework in the kitchen and I make myself available to him to listen to mostly. He reads history and talks about what he's reading, making connections, taking notes as he goes. It seems it makes it more interesting. Sometimes he'll have me read it, to get my opinion and have a conversation before writing a paper to clarify his ideas. He asks me questions that I rarely know the answers to, but he tells me the right answer and studies as well. As a teacher I see many students who have poor study skills and spend way too much time on school work. My son's school has had one evening classes for parents on study skills, essay writing, and note taking. You can also find turors and places who offer this kind of information for a fee. Perhaps the biggest thing, depending on the help he'll accept, is letting him know that you're willing to help him. I find that even subjects where he is far beyond me, like math, I can still listen or look in the book and try to find an section where he might find the answer to the question that he some how missed.
Taking everything away hasn't worked for us, He needs some gaming time just to unwind. He also needs breaks during studying. Sometimes I'll just say take a break. I'll make you some hot cocoa. I like to think that it makes him feel more supported. Good Luck!

Hello D.,
It seems like your son has taken on a workload that is too heavy for him. I'm guessing he is in honors classes or advanced placement. He could down grade his classes...or...He can get help right at school. Most schools offer one or all of the following: office hours once or multiple times a week for teachers to be in thier classroom, available to help whomever shows up; math or science or language labs for drop in toutoring; and leads on private toutoring. This same scenario happened to me in high school when I wasn't allowed a break when I got home. He might just need some time to relax or nap after a long tiring day at school. He might need a snack and a conversation about the day. Also, does he do homework alone in his room? If he does, he might not be doing what he says he is...Have you considered letting him drive to school so he can sleep in a little more?
-J.

Hi D..

First of all, how old is your son and what grade is he in?

I have a 23 yr. old son who used to get bad quarter grades (about giving me a coronary)and then miraculously bring them up to A's & B's by the end of the semester! Somehow when he turned 16 he realized it wasn't cool to have good grades so he slacked off and then had to work double to bring them up. I didn't get it but thank God he pulled it off.

Anyway, I'm asking about age because there could be more to it than the homework. Is he taking too many major classes and/or does he have a choice? Is it possible that he's bored or depressed for some reason? When he's supposed to be working on his homeword is he possibly fooling around in his room? Maybe you can require him to work in a place with less distractions - like a den or kitchen table. Are you helping him at all?

Don't give up - keep praying for him and with him and really try to get to the root of whats going on!

Good luck and God bless you!

I've heard great things about Sylvan. They are basically tutors, but will help w/ homework. Many near drop outs that I know started going there and made a total recovery (getting A's and B's.) Sounds like your kids is falling through the cracks at school. Why not have him go there after school rather than trying to tackle the homework on his own? You could start on a Monday when he's not as sleep deprived.
Good Luck.

I think the advise you are given is great. I think I would try to have him tested for a learning difference if he has struggled before this year.
Look at his class load to see what he is taking and see if he can rearrange some of his classes. If he is taking 4 classes that require tons of reading, he may need to change one to a different one with less reading. Books on tape can, also, help lighten the load.
Also, have him take an organizational and study skill class. Many tutors will do this for you.
I like the idea of an alternative high school There are many options out there. The colleges in San Mateo have 2 options for students. One is middle college and/or concurrent enrollment. Middle college is where the students go to the college and have there main subjects taught to them language arts, math,etc. at the college. There electives are college courses normally taught at the college. Concurrent enrollment is when they complete part of their day at the high school and the rest at the college. My daughter was able to take her last 2 high school classes and the community college through concurrent enrollment.
Also, why don't you look for a class or extracurricular activity that he will be successful at. All work and no play is not fun for anyone.

How is your son doing in the classroom? Is he participating in class or is he bored? I entered my son into an independent study program (this is different from home-schooling) and I found it made all of the difference in the world. My son is not a morning person (he prefers to stay up late) and he wasn't doing well sitting in a classroom all day. Now, he attends class 2 mornings a week for 4 hours (afternoons are an option, too) and is able to do his homework at his own pace. I find he gets himself to school on time (without any nudging from me) and completes his assignments in a timely manner. There are labs open during the week where he can go to get extra help if he needs it. The best part for me is that he and I don't argue about homework anymore :)

D.:

You might have him tested. He may be dyslexic and therefore have trouble understanding subjects. If he is left-handed, this is more of a possibility. The school could then work out a program for him to make things easier. Many kids have subtle learning disabilities which are not diagnosed. He could also have eye trouble...focusing, etc. These things can be easily dealt with with proper testing and evaluation.

J. B.

First, Ive been out of high school for almost 8 years, but I still remember very very clearly the endless nights of no sleep. It is a part of being in high school these days, teachers give so much work and expect a lot out of you. Now, I'm not saying you should leave it like that, because there are ways to help him out. Get a tutor. I work at a great place called Lafayette Academy. They are in Moraga, Lafayette and Danville, not sure where you are located. But what's great about this place is if you go to one near your house, they have all the text books your high school uses, and they have tutors there that are familiar with the classes taught at the local high schools. It's a great place, and always bustling with high school students. If you arent near one of those places, something like Sylvan might be ok, but I know they concentrate on improving math and reading skills rather than helping get through the huge load of homework, so something like a one-on-one tutor might be more beneficial. You can try Club Z. I have worked for them in the past as well. They hire teachers to tutor, and only teachers qualified to teach high school would be your son's tutor. So, for example I am an elementary teacher, so I would not tutor your son, but my friend who teaches high school math could tutor your son. Those are just a few ideas. But, youre son is not alone, I went through the same thing in high school, and in college...i learned to sleep till noon on the weekends and deal with no sleep during the week...wasnt fun, so maybe getting a tutor will help.

Two of my boys had this problem...and i have four...
there most likely is after school tutoring and they can come in with any subject and do their homework...it is more motivating if others are sitting there doing it as well...and the teacher who is holding after school homework, would help with any questions...or ask for tutoring after school in the subject he is having trouble with....this happened two or three times a week, what ever is available until maybe 5:00, then when they came home...there wasn't so-o-o much to do all alone, when they may be more distracted. Even tho they start school so early, having a group to study with sometimes was more productive...Good Luck!!!

Have you spoken with his teachers? There may be some way they can help you figure out what to do. Our son had a lot of problems with homework when he was in school. Now, as an adult he tells me that he was really bored with school. He has a learning disability which is part of the many forms of dyslexia, and that contributed to his problem. What he says though is that the teachers just didn't present things in a way that caught his interest. The educational system is often set up for certain types of learners and just doesn't meet the needs of some. I also would take time to look over the homework load and try to determine what seems most productive. Often there is a lot of "busy" work included simply because teachers are pressured into giving homework. Above all, don't allow homework to become his life. He's a kid and needs to have some free time. I know it's difficult to find a good balance in these things, but as the old saying goes "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy". I hope this is of some help. Just wish we'd found a 'magic' solution for our boy, but we didn't. He turned out fine, and went to community college after a stint in the Army. There he found the work interesting and asked why it couldn't have been that way in high school. It's all a 'trial and error' process in my experience. I wish you and your son well.

D., I am a high school teacher (although currently taking a break to be at home with my girls)so let me help you from a teacher's perspective.
Please call, visit, and email teachers. Almost every teacher loves communication from parents. It shows you care and that we can count on you for support in educating your son.

Also, it is possible that your son is having a difficult time planning out his work. Maybe he is up til 2am finishing a paper that was assigned a month ago. While many teachers assign daily lessons, they also assign weekly and monthly lessons. So if you are able to start up regular communication with your son's teachers you will have a better idea of what his assignments are, how much time he has to complete them, and what the objective of the lesson is.

It could also help to learn from the teachers about your son. How is he at school? Is he tired, alert, focussed, socializing, participating, hiding out etc.?

All this information should help you make a plan to help your son. It may be one subject that he is struggling with and that is taking time away from doing other work. Teenagers are not very good at assessing themselves, so it will be good to compare his thoughts and presepctives with his teachers' views. It will give you a more complete picture.

In the end if he needs to drop a class or go take away an advanced class, then that's ok. As long as he is comfortable with the decision and he still feels he can accomplish his goals. It could be that time management is the key. Sometimes participating in a sport can encourage better time management because it is necessary. That worked for me.
Good luck!

.

Dear D.:
Because of my ADD, I read a lot on the internet (mainly)about homework helpers.
You may use my advice if you like:

Sometimes, it's best to take 5 minute breaks every 10-15 minutes of homework. This will release his tension, and he can do some of his fun computer/phone for the five minutes.

About the subjects he doesn't understand, have you asked his teachers in those difficult areas for advice?
The other thing, there may be tutor practitioners in school who know of the subject that go to the same school. This way you can use a less financial burden.
If not, I am a tutor myself.

C. M
a homestay mom of a first grader with high degrees in math.