My Grand Daughter

You don't say how old your granddaughter is.
I used to cry every single time I had to leave my grandparents. I would say I didn't want to go home. It's not at all that I didn't love my parents or love being with them, I just really, REALLY adored my time with my grandparents. I would have been perfectly happy if we could have all lived in one big house.
I'm a grown woman with a grandkid of my own on the way and I still hate good-byes. I am very sentimental. My sister moved away and I got to see her a few weeks ago for the first time in over a year. You guessed it...I cried and told her I didn't want her to go.

I'm not sure about the entire situation since you don't give many details, but I think it might help for you to say to your granddaughter, "I know you don't want to go, and that's okay. But, you know the time always comes. We had a great time and we'll have fun next time too. I'll miss you. Now, give a kiss and let me see a smile on your pretty face before you go. I love you!"

In the absence of anything bad going on at home, you shouldn't assume that she loves you more. You wouldn't want her parents jumping to that conclusion and feeling bad either.
Sometimes little kids just have a really hard time going from one situation to the next. I don't think seeing her less would help.
It's kind of like when moms have to drop their kids off at daycare even if they cry. You just have to give a kiss and hug, say you'll be back and keep the good-bye short and sweet.

Hopefully, it will get easier over time. She may always have a tough time saying good-bye though. I never completely grew out of it.

Best wishes.

3 moms found this helpful

Maybe EVERY wknd is too much and you should make it once a month instead, it might be confusing to her, almost like she has dual homes. Grandma's are sweeter and more attentive than moms get to be so it's natural that she likes to be with you....

2 moms found this helpful

My grandchildren have wanted to live with me since they were small. It's because I cater to them. I'm much more fun than their parents because I have more time to spend with them. I'm not in a rush and I don't have to worry about keeping a roof over their heads, food in their mouths, etc.

Instead of telling her that if she cries she can't come over any more why don't you greet her on friday with an agenda of plans for the weekend including leaving your house.

1 mom found this helpful

Whatever is going on in her life (you obviously can't give us the full story here), she obviously loves and needs you. Unless you are absolutely at your wit's end, do not threaten to take that haven away from her.

Use a "talk therapy" approach throughout the weekend (well before the departure is looming) and try to uncover if her worry is serious or if it is simply tied to the fact that grandmothering is just nicer than parenting. Maybe that is all it is...That there are more rules, chores, etc. at home than there are at gramma's.

1 mom found this helpful

My kids do this with my parents. I don't know if this applies to you -- but with MY parents they are more lax about rules then I am. I don't let my kids watch TV every day (they let them watch hours of TV), I give my kids juice MAYBE at one meal (they give them juice on demand over and over), I enforce a 7:30/8p bedtime (they let the kids stay up to 9-10p), I do healthy snacks (they keep a cookie jar and ice cream), you get the idea. Plus, when the kids are over my parents can focus 100% on them and worry about cleaning, or whatever else after the kids leave. I don't have that luxury.. so in comparison my parents house is a fun house - why would they want to come home??

(My Dad takes it way too far though, I've had fights with him letting my kids sit in the front seat and not using car seats. Even though they live close my Dad likes acting like "good time grandpa"... anyway!)

But maybe its something like that for your granddaughter? You can give her more attention? She has special toys that stay there only? You allow some things Mom doesn't? Whatever it is --- it's pretty normal. Just enjoy your time with her and don't let her manipulate you and get her way by crying to stay longer.... or it will definitely continue. If she's old enough I would tell her that you don't appreciate the tantrums when it's time to go home, and if she wants to continue coming over after school she needs to behave when it's time to pack up and head back to her house.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi,
I ran a home daycare for over 10 years, and I had this situation with most of my little ones EVERYDAY. They would actually cry and have tantrums when Mommy or Daddy came to pick them up and take them home. Trust me, it was in NO WAY a sign of an abusive homelife, or the kids prefering me over their parents, but simply put, I had spent more time with them and kids remember what has happened most recently. It was MY JOB to do things with the kids all day, and I spent my entire day doing everything revolvig around the little ones. There were very few moments that I was cleaning, cooking, or doing something that was not child oriented. Again, it was my job, and my day was planned that way. When they went home, their parents had to make dinner, give them baths, get them ready for bed, etc. Weekends were busy too, even though they all tried to do something fun with the kids, our days at daycare were always fun. In the kids eyes, I was simply more fun and there was so much more to do at my home. I always had time to sit and read or hold them, etc.
Fast forward 14 years, and I have 2 young kids now myself. They go for overnight visits with their biological father on rare occasions. When they go with him, they think he is sooo much fun and it is sooo cool to be at his apartment because he does more with them than we do. (not really when you add up everything, but in the short 2 days maybe) The thing is, when he has them, he isn't planning on doing ANYTHHING else other than play with the kids and do fun things with them. He can clean and do his paperwork, and other important things AFTER the kids come home to me. I don't get that luxury. I have to do everything WHILE I have the kids at home with me. They don't leave so that I can accomplish my household chores, etc. It is simply part of the deal when you have kids. We do fun things, but I have responsibilities too, and they have to understand that. As they get older they will understand. Oh, and he also buys them new toys everytime he has them too. Since he takes them so rarely it isn't a big deal, but they see it as he buys them more than I do which is really funny because I buy them stuff ALL the time. LOL! It's really funny how their little minds work. Like I said, they will understand someday. Until then, just enjoy your weekends with your grandchild and don't worry about the going home routine too much. It's a pretty normal transition and unless you suspect an issue at home, you are probably just being manipulated into longer visits and more time being the center of attention at your house. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

It doesn't sound like you are doing anything wrong. You should feel blessed that your grand-daughter loves you so much that she wants to stay with you. I had that kind of relationship with my grandmother. She died when I was 9 or 10 years so I didn't have a lot of time with her but I loved her dearly and LOVED spending time at her house. Threatening to not pick her up will cause deep emotional scars for her later on. I would discourage you from doing that. You don't mention how old she is. I'm betting she's quite young so no, she doesn't understand WHY she can't stay with you. She only knows that she loves spending time with you. Give her hugs and love and gently remind her that she can visit anytime but she has a home to live in with her mommy and daddy. My children would never want to stay with my mother overnight. They just don't have that kind of relationship. Cherish what you have now.

Give her a suggestion about what she might do when she gets home, and what you both might do the NEXT time you are together (but not until then). When it's time for her parents to pick her up, be excited about their coming. Model the attitude you want her to have. You don't mention how old your granddaughter is; I'm imagining she's still pretty young.

How old is she???

Okay... so are you doing this because the parent(s) ask you to do it???

But this also means... that weekends are spent with you... NOT her own parents. Do they not want her... to be around on the weekends? Is this your Grandma-babysitting duty??? For them????

Maybe, if her home life is not real.... positive/nurturing.. she feels more comfort with you.
How IS her home life????

For any parent... if they are bumping her off to you, on the weekends, just because they want their 'own' time to themselves... well to me, every weekend is a bit too much. A parent should spend weekend with their child too.... primarily.

All the best,
Susan

As we get older we begin to see the bigger picture, the pleasure of talking to a child, of spending time with them just daydreaming, making dinner and letting them help, the joy of a hug, the simple things. Kids get "Do your homework", "Clean your room", "Eat your dinner", "Get off the phone", etc...at home all day long and when they get that chance to spend one on one time with a special person they really experience what a relationship can be like.

Just be there for her and tell her it hurts you to hear her say these things. ask her what's the big deal at home and how you can help. If she is ever being abused or bullied you can always know she will come to you first.

Dont feel like you have to stop taking her-she obviously enjoys your time together! My daughter had a hard time with transitions! She cried hysterically every morning when i dropped her at daycare then didnt want to leave daycare when I came to pick her up.

There is always a reason. I would see if the family should get into family counseling to figure it out before it's too late.