74 answers

My Friend Is Putting Me in the Middle

I have a good friend that I dearly love that is putting me in a situation that I feel uncomfortable with. She is married and states that she is not happy in her marriage anymore. She is seeing someone on the side, where she knows it will go no where. I don't think what she is doing is right, but it is her decision to make not mine. She just asked me for a favor that I am not quite comfortable with. She wants to purchase a gift for her admirer and have me put it on my credit card so her husband will not see the transaction on their credit card. I am not sure I want to do this because I don't want her to think that she can do this all the time. But first of all, I know her husband and so does my husband, and I don't want to get in the middle of this. How do I deal with this? Any suggestions?

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What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you all for your advice & support. It truly has been very helpful and soothing. I finally called her up and told her that I have been stressed and dwelling on her request and she cannot expect me to do this for her. That I don't feel comfortable with it. What she does is her business, but I love her daughters and if this ever exploded, I don't want to be part of it. I don't agree with what she is doing but it is her business. If I did do the purchase for her, I wouldn't want to lie to my husband and tell him it is a gift for her husband which she wanted me to say if my husband asked. I told her I didn't want any problems in my marriage. She actually had the guts to tell me that she should have said it was for her husband and not her lover, then I would have done it. I actually was shocked that she said that, and I told her that I can't believe she would lie to me. I told her that I don't lie to her, and that I thought our friendship was based on honesty. So through this all, she said that she knew I didn't feel comfortable and it was fine. She will figure something out. I am not sure if she is upset with me or not, but truthfully I don't care. If she is a true friend, she will leave me out of it and stop discussing her personal problems with me. From here on, I will be trying to distance myself a bit from her. I have a baby on the way any day, and a wonderful husband I love so much to focus on. And in the future if she decides to continue bothering me, I will tell her that I am too busy to hear her drama, that I have a family to attend to and not be a shrink. FYI, she was also suppose to ask another friend of ours for the same favor she asked me for. When I spoke with her today, she still had not been able to make the purchase. I assume our other friend may have told her no as well. Maybe she will get it, but I doubt it. I think after this talk, she will leave me out of it. I feel so much better. I felt a huge relief off my chest when I spoke with her. Thank you all, you have all been very helpful!!

Featured Answers

You're right. You're friend is being no friend and putting you in the middle of something. She's clearly not thinking of anyone but herself.

I would tell her no. It's an unreasonable request and completely unfair to you.

Good luck.

-M

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I haven't read the other responses, but simply tell her you're not comfortable with it. If she has a fit, she is not a good friend, so let her go. It's really as simple as that.

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You should tell her exactly what you stated here: what she does is her decision, but you are not comfortable being put in the middle of it. You are under no means obligated to say yes to her. Just say no, you are not comfortable with it and then try to change the topic. Don't dwell on it and hopefully she won't either.

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More Answers

Hi M.:
You Love your friend,sadly the feeling isn't mutual or she wouldn't attempt to involve you in her infidelities. She hasn't given a thought,of this possibly destroying your own marriage over this. How are you to explain these charges to your own husband,if he sees them on your credit card? Why should you jeopardize your relationship,so she can slide by unscathed? No friend of mine would ever consider doing such a thing.You know M.,cheating,having affairs,is probably one of the most cowardly,selfish acts there is. Not only is it dishonest,but extremely selfish. You rob the individual your cheating on of any true happiness for himself. If your friend is no longer happy in her marriage,then she needs to set him free,so he can move on,and be with someone who genuinely loves him.He deserves to be HAPPY to.Don't you think? If the four of you are good friends,eventually your husband is going to discover you knew about her sneaking around,and it will give him reason to wonder.Would your friend do you the same favor? Tell your friend, NO ....she needs to stop and think about someone other than herself.Like her husband and her best friend.I wish you the best. J. M

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Hi M., I would not do it, it's wrong in every sense of the word. You mentioned you are expecting your first baby, this is a joyful time for you, and you don't have the time for this mess. If you do, do it the thought of your husband and this other man finding out will always haunt you. Just know what she is doing and keeping her secret could affect your marriage. If your husband does not know tell him, and tell him what she asked of you, so when the you know what hits the fan and it will, you come out as being honest. That's what I would do in this situation. In was in one simular to this, I told my husband everything because he and my best friend's husband were on the same ship together. Don't let her deception becomes yours. I have to really wonder how good of a friend she really is to ask this of you. J. L.

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Just tell her no.
You will be an "accomplice" in this, and partly to blame, if all this information gets public and she gets caught in her affair.

Just say NO.
She can't reasonably expect you to do this. It is NOT your behavior, it is hers.

It is not complicated... just say no. She can vent to you, but that's it. And that you no longer want to hear about her affair... that it makes you uncomfortable.

You do NOT have to be in the middle of this, if you don't want to.
A friend, is one who will not "guilt" another friend into things like this. And realize it is their own "adult" responsibility to handle it, on their own, WITHOUT implicating others. What she is asking you to do, is selfish. AND you are pregnant... she should not be bothering you with these things, nor getting you tangled up in her web of deceit and her affair.
She needs counseling...
Does your Husband know about this? What would he think, if you did this? It affects TRUST of all persons... your "friend" has involved.
Just stay out of it.
Your friend, if she is responsible enough, WILL understand without making you feel guilty about it, for not helping her.

All the best,
Susan

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You say she's a good friend? Then be straight with her, tell her no and tell her why.

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Trust yourself and don't do it. Be honest with her and explain it in a kind and sincere way. You need to prepare yourself for her possible responses, including anger. In the end, you need to follow your own moral compass and be true to your values. This is a stressful situation and I'd recommend getting through it as quickly as possible and put the focus back on you and your soon-to-be-born baby.

Best wishes...and congratulations on your pregnancy!

P.S. My gut also tells me that your husband wouldn't be too crazy about the "help" that your friend is asking from you.

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Congrats on the new baby!!!!

You have more important things in your life, like your hubby and new baby coming,you do not need a toxic friend like that. No dear friend would ask such a sneaky dishonest request like this. I would tell her she is on her own. You don't agree with what she is doing. I would keep a close on on her in your own home too!!!

Good luck

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"No" is a complete sentence.

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If she is really a true and good friend, she would NOT ask this of you. I would refuse and distance myself from her altogether until she decides what she wants to do about her marriage. You have a husband, a happy marriage and a baby on the way. Please don't jeopardize your marriage by getting more involved in this...it will only lead to fights with your husband and problems in your own marriage. Just tell her that you need to focus on your own home life, marriage and baby and that you will continue to be her friend but that you do not want to hear about her marital situation any longer as this is stressful for you and provokes anxiety. The thing to remember is that you are married. You husband and children come first, your family second and your friends after that. If she really wanted to purchase a gift for the admirer, she could always use cash to do it and not involve you. THAT is what a true friend would do.

The very best to you. Also, congratulations to you and your husband on your new little one. I know you will be a wonderful set of parents.

Best of luck,
J.

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Hi M.--
This must be a very uncomfortable position for you. Here's my suggestion. Restate to her what you've said to us. When she hears it back, it'll sound uncomfortable to her too.
1. "I dearly love you, and you're putting me in a situation that I feel uncomfortable with."
2. "You're not happy with your marriage, but by your own admission, you know this new thing will go no where."
3. "My husband sees all the credit card statements and I don't wish to lie to him about the purchase."
4. "Please don't ask or expect me to put both my marriage and my friendship with you in trouble."

Of course, you can tailor the wording yourself, but you've already explained (and replied to her) beautifully.

Hope that helps.

--L.

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I would suggest bowing out of this right away . Giving in will only open the door for further more intrusive requests. You might tell her that you care about her and feel for her unhappiness but what she is doing, although it may seem ok to her right now, will only lead to more hurt later and you don't want to be a part of that.

I went through a similar situation with a friend several years ago and we are still friends today, thanks to being honest with her!!

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Tell her no. She is doing wrong and she wants you to help her do wrong. That makes you wrong.

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Please stand your ground and be true to yourself. It is wrong to help your friend carry on a deceitful existence...on so many levels. You need to stay true to who you are and just let her know that you are sorry that she is going through a tough time but you can not become part of the problem. If she's a good friend, she will understand.

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M.,
I think you have already said it. You don't want to be put in the middle. She is acting like a child if she can't face being in a marriage that might fail. The best advice to give her is get counseling or get divorced and that you are not comfortable with knowing all that you know since you and your husband know her husband. She needs to stand on her own and fix it, go with one man or the other. Don't be the one to enable the situation.

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The biggest treasure we have is our principles, both personal and moral, if we mistreat them, we mistreat ourselves; if we give them away..... What do we end up being? What is there to respect , and admire in us?
I am 64 years old and have friends of ALL ages. I have had friends that have tried to to the same and had to say no. I lost one but have kept all the other ones; the ones that are worth keeping. Above all I have myself.
Your friend will ask you again, more and more compromising things as she goes deeper into the mess. Compromising things involve you, you will be taking the "walk" with her. Love yourself, respect yourself, and your husband's friendship with her husband.
Be strong, she puts her pants the same way you do. She is no less than you BUT she is no more than you either, remember always that.
Values are never outdated. You do not 'need' to compromise yourself.

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I think you've gotten some great advice already; am just adding my 'two cents.'

The most important part of any close relationship is honesty. As you say, what she decides is her choice, and she will have to live with the consequences. But you shouldn't.

Given the fact that you and your husband both know her husband, I would definitely advise telling your husband what's going on. Putting you in a position of having to withhold information from him/lie to him doesn't just affect you or her--it affects your own marriage. At a time in your life when your focus should be on your own family, and such a joyous event, you don't need this stress.

Please be straight with her. If the friendship crumbles because you aren't willing to participate in this major deceit, the foundation is shaky to begin with. I think you are a very loving person, and want to please others, but your conscience is bothering you, and that's a pretty good hint that you need to stand in your own integrity and be courageously honest.

Best wishes for you and your new family!

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You're right. You're friend is being no friend and putting you in the middle of something. She's clearly not thinking of anyone but herself.

I would tell her no. It's an unreasonable request and completely unfair to you.

Good luck.

-M

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Hi M.,
Don't go there. If she really wants to buy a gift for her admirer she can buy it herself with cash, or by taking a credit card out in he own name. In any event, it is not your problem. Please stay out of it and concentrate on keeping yourself well for your new addition!
J.

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Why would it be so hard to do the right thing? Why do you question yourself? You know what she is doing is totally wrong, and to even support her in her indiscretion is being a part of it. She is no friend if she drags you down like that. Shame on her. HAVE NO PART OF IT.

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I think you should be honest and simply tell her you or not comfortable with doing that. Simple, sweet and straight to the point. If she objects just keep telling her you aren't comfortable with it. And also, what do you say when your hubby asks you about the charge??? Then the mess and lies just keep getting bigger.

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honestly,
just say it like it is.

tell her, "<friend>, i don't judge your actions, but i don't want to be in involved. Please respect this in the same way that i'm giving you respect by not meddling in your choices."

if this makes you uncomfortable to say it in person, then just email her. just tell her honestly that being in the middle makes you uncomfortable and by emailing her you hope to quench this "impending fire" and just move forward with your friendship - minus this.

Tell her that you are not going to tell her how to live her life; you're going to love her the same and promise to not judge her. But request that she doesn't in any way talk about her affair with you when you guys are together. that she keeps it a personal/separate thing - COMPLETELY APART from yours and your husband's relationship.

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Tell your friend that you love her but that you can't support her extra-martial relationship in anyway. I feel sorry for her husband - no matter what their situation is. If she gets upset tell her to pay for the gift in cash and to respect your decision.

Think about how you would you feel if you found out that she was supporting your husband if he was doing the same to you?

Good luck and hang in there. Don't ever do anything against your conscience.

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M. L

I am sorry you have been put into this situation. If your friend were a true friend she would not, I repeat NOT ask this of you. Be her friend and refuse. She will learn from this experience and not ask you again. You don't want to be an "enabler" and allow her to continue this behavior. You can explain that your reasons for refusal is that you will not get involved in her extra-marital affairs. You will listen to her, but not enable her to continue using you as a go between for her.

She can get cash and buy it for herself. Don't loan her the money, let he find her own means of purchasing items for her lover by her self. I don't mean to be so harsh, but if you enable her---you could cause her to ask this of you again and again. Give in once and she will keep coming back for more and maybe end up owing you money. She will be mad at first and accuse you of not being her friend, but she will realize later that she should never have expected you to do something she should not have begun in the first place. She is not being fair to you and/or respecting you at all asking this of you.

Like you I don't appreciate anyone using me like this and from what you say you don't appreciate it either. Stand you ground and be a true friend and don't enable her to continue. There will be consequences is or when she is found out, but she will have to face them by herself. There are also the consequences such as when your husband asks you and you talk to him, he could very possibly tell her husband and then both you and her will be in similar situations of fighting with your husbands for very different reasons.

Save yourself some heartache and don't allow her to use you in this way. I hope this helps, I know it won't be easy for you. Good Luck

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You said that she is a good friend that you love, so walking away from the friendship is just not reasonable. Obviously she is terribly confused. She has lost herself for the moment.
Let her know that not only won't you help her... you disapprove of her behavior and you are disappointed she would try to make you an accomplice in her wrong doings.
If you do anything to support this behavior, she'll be asking you to cover for her and provide an alibi before you know it.

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Hi just wanted to share a little advice to you. A good friend would just stay out of it. Tell your friend that because you care about her marriage you want to stay neutral, in any information that you don't know would make it easier to stay that way. And as the words say do unto others as she would like them to do until you.
PS
If you care about your friendship do not start sharing credit cards becaused that's the number one way to mess up a good friendship.

In hopes that your friendship will last.

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You should tell her exactly what you stated here: what she does is her decision, but you are not comfortable being put in the middle of it. You are under no means obligated to say yes to her. Just say no, you are not comfortable with it and then try to change the topic. Don't dwell on it and hopefully she won't either.

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I haven't read the other responses, but simply tell her you're not comfortable with it. If she has a fit, she is not a good friend, so let her go. It's really as simple as that.

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M., I absolutely would not do it! I think your friend is putting you in a terrible position. I would tell her that I would not feel comfortable doing it, and would not do it. Period. If she says that you are not a real friend or whatever for not agreeing to it, so be it.

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You tell her "NO" and that's the end of it. I personally wouldn't have anything to do with somebody who was cheating on their spouse. In the past I have stopped being friends with somebody who was doing this. To me the behavior is NOT ok and I will not be a part of it, at all.

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tell your friend to play it safe to allow no gifts from there to here or viceversa . she should receive not give gifts. but either way gifts can lead to disaster.
Furthermore ask her to place her old relation in the scales versus the new one... is it worth the risk?
the bill for her actions will be quite costly...in marital terms...and most important stay away from the middle tell her you love her dearly as a friend but do not approve of what she is doing... because it is not right.. tell her to open her eyes she is being blinded by sex??? it all passes too quickly then you find yourself in a quagmire.....good luck!!!!

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Oh my gosh!!! Honesty is always the best policy...just tell her straight up that you support her as a friend but that you are not comfortable getting mixed up in the lies that goes along with this "situation" (aka: mess that's going to blow up in ALL of your faces, eventually)especially where it comes to you/your husband/her husband all knowing each other!! If she can't understand that then she is off the deep-end and too far gone to reason with as far as I am concerned! Good luck with that...wow what a situation to be in.

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Congratulations in advance on the new baby! I know this is an overwhelming time but it will all be worth it. : )

As far as your friend is concerned, if you feel uncomfortable with putting the gift on your credit card, just tell her that. A real friend will understand. You are not being judgemental to her, but you also don't have to become involved. You said it exactly how I would have siad it - you don't think what she is doing it right, but it's her decision (mistake probably) to make. So, be her friend in a way that you feel comfortable with, and if she can't understand or respect that, she isn't a friend. If you get involved, and it blows up, you are going to be in the middle of some drama! You have a new baby on the way and no time for drama, trust me. Good luck, I hope this works out for you and good luck with your new little one.

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Tell her what you told us: you don't think what she is doing is right, but it is her decision to make. You do not want to be in the middle, so you will not allow her to put a gift for her admirer on your credit card, nor will you do anything else for her in that relationship.

If she is a good friend, she will honor your request. Friends do not put other friends in these kind of situations.

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Tell her to save up and PAY CASH. If you have to tell her your husband is monitoring your card or your card is MAXED, otherwise just tell the truth that it is WRONG and you don't want to be a part of it.

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How about: "I'm sorry, that's not something I am comfortable doing."

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M.:
Your "friend" has some nerve asking to use your credit card to buy a gift for her lover. I'm sure. She is obviously trying to suck you in because if she wanted to buy him something she could pay in cash or get him a gift card from Vons and make it look like part of her grocery bill. I would not trust her at all, especially around my husband or teenage sons.

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take yourself out of the middle, it's bad enough that she told you about it - don't allow yourself to be further involved. if you help her in any way, in her cheating, you are condoning it, and what kind of message does that send to your family - moreover your husband? I'd ask her not to tell you another thing about it if she's really your friend.

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M.

I am so sorry your selfish and very foolish friend is putting you in the middle. You simply tell her you don't agree with what she is doing and since both you and your husband know hers you do not feel right condoning her behavior. There is NO WAY I would ever purchase something for someone which whom she is cheating with. Just think about how your friends husband will feel towards you both if he found out. Good Guy or bad guy, no one deserves to be cheated on.

Good Luck

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Tell your friend to figure out a way to pay cash or use a debit card. Tell her that you can't, and don't, make her decisions for her, so it's unreasonable for her to want to dictate your decisions. She might get angry - but then again, she's not making great decisions at the moment. You'll be doing the right thing.

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Yes, get a backbone and just say "NOOOOO". Tell her you will not be party to it. It doesn't feel right and she knows it isn't right and she is trying to take you down morally to her level. I pray that she doesn't have any children, because they are going to have a broken home soon. You are right it is her decision, but you don't have to be a facilitator. Your conscience is telling you that it is wrong, which is why you are asking for help here. Well, your conscience is correct. If you can't say "NO" then ask your husband to say "NO". Better yet, find a better "friend", because a real friend would not ask you to do something that she knows is wrong. If there is any religious person you could talk to like a priest, minister or rabbi, please ask them about this to clarify it for you. If you have doubts you can also call Dr. Laura.

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Hey M.. I would say don't do it. This is something that she needs to figure out for herself. If she wants to have an affair then she needs to leave you completely out of it. Especially being a happily married person. If it were me, I would NEVER involve my married friends in something like that. I might tell them what is going on in as little detail as possible, but I would never ask for there advice or help. It's different if you were a single girlfriend, but your not, your married and she should respect that. Yeah, that has got to be uncomfortable for you especially knowing her husband. I'm sorry your friend is putting all this on you. It isn't right. But that is just my opinion. You might also want to think about what will happen if it comes out and your husband finds out you knew and you were keeping it from him, unless he knows already. That may cause a trust issue between you two. How would you feel if her husband was cheating on her and your husband knew and kept it from you? I'm just trying to give you things to think about. No judgment at all from me. It's just sometimes we do things for our friends that may hurt our marriage's and I would hate for that to happen to you. Good luck and stay strong in your decision. M.

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Oh M.,

M., M., M.!!
You began with " I have a good friend...".
She is not a GOOD FRIEND. She is not a FRIEND at ALL.
Put it this way hypothetically:

Your husband is not happy in your marriage. He is seeing someone on the side that he knows is not going anywhere. He asks your "good friend" 's husband to put a gift for his affair on their credit card so you wont know. None of them tell you. How cool.

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Wendy

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She's not a Friend. Leave her to herself. She should not have included you in the first place. Stand up for your morals.

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Well, I'm going to TRY not to be too harsh here....

My FIRST reaction is this : you say you love her dearly & I believe that you do, BUT - SHE obviously does not feel the same way about you, or else she wouldn't be asking you to do this.

Secondly, if you really are that close, then it should be no problem for you to say, "I don't want to get in the middle of this & risk MY OWN marriage", and SHE should completely understand that. She ought to be ASHAMED of herself for even asking you, in my opinion.

There are plenty of other ways that she can do this gift thing for her lover without involving you & without her husband knowing. (I wont list those ways here, because I don't agree or support that kind of activity at all)

M., STAY OUT OF THIS!! YOU are happily married & have a little one coming ~ you do NOT need this drama! You need to be focusing in on your OWN family that you are creating with YOUR husband...don't put your own happy home at risk by catering to your friend's request - PLEASE!

Good luck to you, mama!

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Tell her that you don't agree with what she is doing and you cannot provide her with your CC info period. say I will not encourage your affair.You better choose marriage therapy instead of cheating! good for you to stand up for your self.
Best
P. Khorsandi, MD Pediatrician
BTW I can be your new baby doctor!
###-###-####

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Don't do it. Allowing her to use your credit card is like giving her your approval for her actions. If you disapprove of her actions (which it sounds like you do) then don't do it. How would your husband feel if you helped your friend sneek around? It's like showing your husband that you approve of the situation which could damage his trust in you too. It's not a good situation to be involved in.

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Easy. Tell her no. That's an incredibly inappropriate request. Just say, "No. I can't do that. Please don't ask me that again." And leave it at that. No need to go into why. She knows why. She knows she's doing wrong. Don't let her drag you down with her.

(((hugs))) You can be supportive without being an enabler. Sometimes it takes a true friend to tell someone the truth. Sometimes the best way to support someone is to say, "What you are doing is not okay. It's self-destructive and harming those around you. Because I love you and care about you, I will not sit back and watch you crash and burn without saying something." Then you tell her. It's not right. It's not okay. She needs to be honest with herself and her husband and get into counseling ASAP. Lifes not always rainbows and unicorn farts, but being an adult is dealing with that in an adult manner, and adults don't run around on their spouses. Does that make sense?

Good luck in a very tough situation.

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Hello M., I'm in favor of adopting the Nike slogan, just do it! Meaning in this case, just say no!!!!!!!!!!!! A real friend would not put you in this situation, however it is possible she isn't thinking clearly, and has no idea what weight this would bear on your and your family. If she is one of those people that will not accept 'no' for an answer, or asks a million questions about why you can't, you can easily explain to her that being that you are due any day now, you would like to keep any and all credit cards open and 'free' in the event of an emergency or unforseen purchases that need to be made, even last minute items that you don't already have for the baby. I really feel for you, this is not a compfortable situation to be in, and hopefully your friend will see that she has put you in the middle of her web of deception and decide to leave you out of it. Also, what are you supposed to tell your husband (assuming he reviews the credit card statement) regarding the purchase? If it is a large dollar amount purchase, he might become suspicious, and that is a strain you do not want, nor need, in your family. I wish you the best of luck regarding this, and hope that you are able to say no (because I know it's easier said than done, trust me!) and maintain some civility in the friendship. Take care.

Don't compromise your ethics! Put yourself in her husband's shoes. Would you want someone doing it to you? If not, then you KNOW it's wrong.

My personal opinion, but I would let her know that you are her friend and you are there for her but that you cannot do something that you feel is wrong or makes you uncomfortable. I have had to tell a friend before that she could no longer live in my house with her son if she made a particular decision that was bad for her and her child. She still made that decision. She knows that I am her friend and we can talk, but I can no longer provider her shelter if she keeps making wrong decisions even after we've discussed them. Friends are there for each other......and we can talk about things and express our feelings. That's my 2 cents.

Tell her that you have been thinking about the favor she wants & that it wouldn't be a very good Idea. Your husband will question you when he sees the credit card statement! He wants ALL the finances in order since you guys are starting a family! No foolish spending from the both of you! I hope that helps! Congrats & good luck with your new baby! Cherish EVERY moment because flies by. My beautiful baby boy is 12 months old already!! I feel like I just gave birth to him. Enjoy it. Its amazing!

Say NO! Tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable.

Hey M.,
You are not "helping" your friend by supporting this behavior. In my opinion, the more you hang out with a person that behaves is such a way, the more likely you are to behave like them. Do you really want that stigma? You need to encourage your friend to come clean with her husband and to attempt to work things through. Just think how you would feel if your husband did this to you and his best friend supported him through it. You would be devastated.
I would cut your ties with this friend. Explain to her that you care for her, but you do not support her decision and until she chooses works to make an honest woman of herself that you want nothing to do with her.

M., I feel for you on this one. My BEST friend and I went to dinner one night, we don't get out much so this was the first time in about 18 months...at dinner I knew something was up, she finally said she was thinking about a man...etc, well I sat and listened and then told her that she was thinking about an affair(emotionally she was already there), and that I would not stand for it. I do know her husband and like him, we are not great friends, but she took a vow, I reminded her of it,(my husband cheated on me a few years before this). I told her that it was not fair to anyone involved, he was married and so was she...etc...I also made it clear that I treasured our friendship (of 20+ years) but if in fact she went on with this, did not stop it or went further I would tell her husband. I know people have a hard time with this one, but I believe that if no one else is going to hold you accountable it makes it so much easier in some situations to follow the bad path.(it also creates a bad feeling for you). I would have LOVED for someone to confirm my situation, but everybody pleaded the 5th. Your friend needs to COMMUNICATE with her husband if they agree to have an open marriage fine, but do NOT put yourself in the middle of the friendships. Does your husband know yet? How will he react towards you if and when he find out, because they ALWAYS FIND OUT. This situation will only produce a wedge between you-husband-friends. If she was a true friend, she would not be asking you to do this, it is deceitful..you would be lying, but it sounds like you are already in that position :( You could simply say, I can't...my husband will see the statement and I AM NOT GOING TO LIE TO HIM!! or something to that affect. Good luck.
Congratulations on your new baby!!

***my friend and I are GREAT and so is She and Her husband..they opened up a whole new relationship...much better than before..

No way. I would not do that. How would you feel if that happened to you. Tell her you you don't feel right about doing this. SH offers very good advice.
Sue

Hi M..
My rule of thumb is that if it doesn't feel right, don't do it! Don't let your friend use you to do something she doesn't want her husband to know about. If you aren't comfortable with the situation, tell her so, and refuse. If she is a friend, she will understand. Tell her to buy a one time only credit card to use, or use cash, but please leave you out of the middle of a bad situation!

Lots of luck!

I'd say no way!! and it sounds like you already know you shouldn't. She has already put you in the middle enough as it is, just by telling you. My suggestion? Don't let her use your CC, and encourage her to end that relationship! You say she knows it isn't going anywhere...what is the point of it? It will only serve to destroy her marriage. You obviously care for your friend very much...love her enough to help her put an end to this mess!!

I would not bring that kind of toxic raletionship into my life especially if I wer in your position. I remember getting ready to have my baby and the last thing you need or will want in your new babies life is to have anyone in or around it that is toxic and what your friend is doing will not ultimatly bring joy into your world just chaos and trust me you will have enough once the sweet little one arrives.

I can only tell you what I would do, and that is "Go jump in a lake!" Put your self in her shoes, would you ever ask a friend to do what she wants you to do? No? Because it is shelfish? Because you'd keep an affair a secret from everyone? Tell her how you feel, she kas already put her affair 1st, she may be mad at you, but, do you, deep down, care? Would a a friend do what she is doing?

I love all the advice that others have given you. I think they are right on.
I would add one more thing and it is hard to do.
A good friend does not stand by and watch friends destroy themselves or others. I would suggest telling your husband and then letting the other husband know. It may cost you the friendship but i think in the long run you will both be better off for it. Why? If you have knowledge of this affair and you don't say anything to anyone, what happens when it comes out? It WILL come out, they always do. How will your husband feel if he finds out afterwards? How will the other husband feel towards you and your husband when he finds out that you knew about it? Betrayed? I think your friend is in a selfish place right now and if you care about her you will let her know that because you care you can't have any thing to do with her actions right now. I would suggest you tell her to tell her husband or you will.
I know that people would say to stay out of it but usually people don't tell others about their deception unless they want help. And you not saying anything in a sense says you are okay with it. You said she knows this relationship isn't going anywhere and the longer she stays in it, the more painful it will be to stop. And what if it was you? Wouldn't you want someone to tell you if your husband was cheating on you? It would be painful but less painful than wondering who knew and didn't tell you.

I think you know what i am getting at and it is a very hard situation. I am sorry that you have to deal with it. I am not saying it will be easy but i do think it is the right thing to do. That is my opinion and i know that you will do what you think is best since you have all the facts and i don't!

Good luck and congratulations on your new baby!

Tallyou love her dearly but you dont want to get in themiddle of this and you can suggest thaat your husband wont like someone else yousing your credit card and stick with it A. no. Hills

Easy answer: Do not do it.

Hello in the middle???? I really would suggest to you what does it mean to be a good fried???? When you see yourself do you see the truth??? I am not going to judge you or your friend, but I would question how you see a "good friend" And how is that so many times we say one is GOOD or BAD?? We all should have a part in being honest to each other. Help your friend by being HONEST. Maybe she is having a hard time with her husband but, she will have even a harded time with herself.I would help my freind by reminder her of her choose that could cause a lot of pain to others. As a new mom to be we all must be true to are souls for are childeren. Always be a good person first. Even if truth hurts. Our job is to help each other with TRUTH.P.S.You stated it is her decision, but it is also your dision. Be a real GOOD FRIEND and be honest to her the way you want your child to be honest.Remember it starts with each of us.I hope this helps. P.S. You have a choose I hope you make the right one. Good luck with your new baby.

No. No. No. Absolutely not.

1 - it sends the message that it's okay - when it's not
2 - it makes you part of the deceit - which her husband may resent

Tell you don't approve, but it's her life not yours so you won't judge her, but you also won't assist her in this deceit.

absolutely don't do this for your friend. this directly involves you and will come back to you. if she want to purchase something and not have her husband see the transaction then pay cash for it. how was she going to pay you back anyways?

Hi there,
I'm sure that everyone will tell you to stay far, far away from this situation. It's bad enough she let yo in on her little secret. Tell her you love her, but in no way are you willing to get that involved. Tell her that you think that it is wrong, and she needs to divorce. I know you can't make her do anything, but as a good friend, it is your job to help her "see the light" and do the right thing. Cheating is never ok.....
Good luck to you!!!

Be straight forward with her. I would tell her that you don't want to be put in the middle. If she cares for you and your friendship she will understand.

Run away as fast as you can. This is ridiculous!!!!!!!!!!!!! You should absolutely NOT get involved in this DECEIT!!! What are you thinking even asking IF you should??????!!!!!!!!!!!! If she is not happy in her marriage then she needs to deal with it and get out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How dare her even feel comfortable enough to ask a 9 month PG woman to be involved in such an under handed situation!!! What kind of life would you be living? WWJD. "What would Jesus do?" You MUST do the NEXT right thing, always. This is NOT RIGHT. So DO NOT DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not to mention. NEVER put anything on your credit card for someone else, UNLESS it is a dire emergency!!! This does not sound like an emergency!

Don't do it.
Tell her to find the cash to buy what she wants.
She won't be your friend much longer no matter what you do.
What if she doesn't pay you back?
This won't go down well with your husband.
Don't be a party to this relationship You will only be blamed what every way it all goes.

B. v. O.

trust your instincts!
this is not right of her to do to you and least of all her husband!

It's a tough situation, but tell her you are not comfortable with it... she should understand.

Just curious, if you did do it, how will she pay you back? Cash? If so, she can pay cash for it herself.

Don't get in the middle.

Good luck!

Tell her just what you told us here, in a gentle and kind tone. You should not do something that you are uncomfortable with, and you need to tell her that. If she is a good friend, she will understand - if she doesn't understand - she is not the friend you need around you.

Friend??... No way... Don't do it!!!!! This friendship would be so over if I were in your shoes. How would you feel if one of your friends helped your husband out with a similar situation while he was cheating on you? Blame this lapse of judgment on pregnancy hormones. Good luck with your pending bundle of joy! :)

Very simple!
Don't do it. Better she's disappointed and mad you and she'll get over it than for you to go through it and will call a lot of chaos between you and your husband. Very importand - how would you feel if your husband does not "trust" you? I've been in the same situation not once, but twice. First, it was my supposedly best friend and then she lied to her husband of not knowing that i was trying to hook her up with someone else. Her husband then accused me of trying to ruin their marriage...i swore i would never do it again till my own cousin convinced me to help her out. Again, i fell into the trap after she was caught...to this day after 15 years - i don't speak to them again..."don't do it." it's not worth losing your husband's and other's trust out of it." if you ask me...i call it children's kiddy game having someone do the work for someone else's stupidity...

If you aren't comfortable with it DON'T DO IT! You will be resentful and what if he husband finds out. Remember your boundries. Good luck!

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