So....
My kids got sick last week- the stomach flu. It started with the younger one and a day and a half later the older one got it. Tons and tons of vomiting and later diarrhea. My husband and I got it the day after the older one, but had it much milder than the kids. The day after my youngest got it the babysitter came in the morning. I told her that the youngest had been sick all night and was still weak, but that I thought it was probably food poisoning (we had been to a fair the day before). I told her, however, that if she was uncomfortable with him being sick that she didn't have to stay. She said it was fine and stayed. He's a baby so this involved lots of cuddling and comforting...
When my other son got it the next day, I realized it was the stomach flu. He got it really, really bad and there was a ton of clean up to do. When my babysitter got here that day I told her I was really overwhelmed because one was vomiting and one had diarrhea and I basically had to clean the whole house top to bottom. I told her I was going to be home to take care of this. She said "If you're staying here and don't need me, I can go home". I said "I'm staying here and DO need you, but if you are worried about getting sick, you can go home". She decided to stay and helped me clean up all the mess, taking care of one while I took care of the other. She was wonderful and so helpful.
I repeatedly told her to wash her hands alot, to take vitamin C, and that I was worried about her getting sick. It was during this day that she told me if she gets a vomiting sickness (there's a little bit of a language barrier between us, but this is what she said), that she has to go to the hospital because she is unable to stop vomiting. Of course this worried me ALOT and I said that she should go home. She said that recently her doctor had given her medicine to make sure she doesn't get sick because she is watching children (and could get alot of germs). I told her I didn't understand. A medicine to keep you from getting sick? She said "YES" and assured me that she COULD NOT get this sickness that the kids had.
Well, the next day (friday)- the kids were feeling better and I was feeling awful so she helped again. Again, I told her she could leave if she wanted but she said it was ok. Again, she said that she would not-- could not-- get sick because of the medicine she had to keep her from getting sick (which I thought was totally weird, but assumed it was a language barrier thing or something I just didn't understand).
Fast forward to today: she tells me that she can't come to work tomorrow because she is in the hospital, and has been in the hospital, all weekend. She is throwing up and can't stop so they are keeping her another night.
I feel SO awful for her! I don't understand why she is so fragile that she needs to go to the hospital for the stomach flu, but I think she has many other health problems. She has been in a coma many times in the past, she recently told me.
I don't know what to do. She is not an american citizen and I know she doesn't have health insurance here. She is here on a visa. I am worried this is going to cost her SO much money! I asked my husband if he thinks we should try to cover her hospital bills. Unfortunately, we are in a very bad place financially right now after my husband was out of work for a long time.... We had to borrow/ use up most of our savings. We don't even have health insurance right now because it hasn't been affordable.
What should we do? I feel so badly for her that she's in the hospital... Are we responsible to pay for her bills?
Thank you all for your advice and for your help. Just to clarify a few things: I don't think she took a flu shot. I told her that the stomach bug was a virus and contagious. I said that I didn't believe there was any medicine that was able to keep someone from getting sick with a stomach virus and she assured me that she had taken precautionary measures against getting a stomach virus. She may have also had a flu shot but we did not discuss the vomiting as the "flu".
In response to the poster who thinks I was mean--- I guess it's hard to tell through a mamapedia post, but I treat my babysitter VERY VERY well. I was a nanny for 6 years before becoming a parent and I am very kind to everyone that has ever watched my children. She is absolutely in love with my little boy--- loves to cuddle and kiss him---and I know she chose to stay the first day because she wanted to comfort him. I gave her the option every day to leave--- did not try to convince her to stay at all. By telling her I needed her, I was letting her know that she would be useful if she stayed. She offered to go home because she knows that our funds are tight and she was offering to not be payed that day if I was not working. She is only a part time babysitter so she is usually paid for the days she works and never for days she doesn't work. This arrangement works for her because in the past it has allowed her to cancel (last minute) if she has had something come up. When I found out about how sick she gets from vomiting, I told her right away to go home--- but she refused. She wanted to finish the day. Additionally, what does being financially strapped have to do with having someone watch your children? Do your children watch themselves when your funds are tight? Or do you bring them with you to work? I barely make much more than the wage I am paying her, but I still pay her a very fair wage.
I do feel responsible because it was a virus my children had that transmitted to her. However, as someone said, working with children you get sick alot. For the first two years I worked with children, I was sick all the time. It does come with the territory. This doesn't make me feel any better because I am still very sorry that she got sick at all- and especially that it was so bad that she had to go to the hospital.
I will ask her about her insurance. I didn't realize that her coverage in Europe might continue here. That would be good.
I will also, as someone suggested, pay her for the days that she is unavailable to work because she is sick. I think that would be helpful to her and I have already budgeted for those days.
Also, we are looking into health insurance.
Anyways, thank you all for your advice.
If you get take care of kids, you can expect to get sick and I wouldn't have expected you to pay off her bills. However, it was very wrong of you once you knew that the kids had a contagious illness not to send the babysitter right home. She's here on a Visa and was probably afraid for her job so she didn't tell you that she'd rather not stay if the kids were sick. I think you do bear some responsibility in that case.
I get that you feel bad but these are the risks that come with providing child care. At a center, kids are sent home when sick but when watching in their home the risk is greater. You did tell her she could go and she stayed....there is a language barrier though.
Maybe you can help her get in contact with the right people to help her with the cost of the medical bills. One thing you could do is pay her while she's out so at least she's not racking up the bills AND having no income.
There are lots of people that can end up in the hospital with a stomach bug due to dehydration.
I don't think you were mean, but maybe a little bit irresponsible. When we have a virus, we don't let anyone in the house- including our housekeeper who is amazingly helpful. If we're sick enough for me to stay home, then I figure it out. If she gets sick, she brings it back to her children and her family and then she's no help to me when we're back on our feet.
What should you do? The "right thing" to do would have been to call her ahead of time and tell her not to come in. I'm guessing that you don't have a written contract with her, so you would not have paid for the days you were home caring for your children. Instead, you elected to expose her and now you've paid her for her work time and you should pay her for her sick time... not her hospital bills, but the time she would have been working had your family not infected her.
Be prepared for her to be quite unhappy when she comes back, as this is going to cost her a lot of money. If she needs to work "off the books" to make cash did you really think she would leave on the those days?
You could offer to pay a portion of the bills, but I wouldn't suggest it. That opens up a flood gate that you can't afford to deal with. I would offer her paid time off until she is feeling better and go from there. In the future, if your family has something contageous, deal with it yourself and don't invite anyone into your home!
I suspect she probably had a flu shot, or something similar. She likely thought (with the language barrier) that meant she wouldn't get sick . You are only responsible, if you want to be. With you being in a bad financial position, I don't see how you could even manage to make yourself responsible.
If she's on a visa, there are options for her. The hospital usually helps with those options. If she had no options, the likely would have sent her on her way already. I live in area with a huge illegal immigrant population. The public hospital just eats the cost. The bills are eventually just done away with. I hope that you can find a way to get your kids insurance, at least. Have you looked into state programs? If she is sickly a lot, then your kids can potentially get very sick from her. In the future, I suggest you not give her the option of staying. That way, you don't run into this situation again. Sorry this happened.
oh, what a shame. and you are such a sweetheart. there's no way you'll be able to cover her hospital bills, but it's very nice that you want to try. but don't. her country of origin will have some sort of deal with the immigration department, and even if they don't, it's not yours to handle.
i agree with mindy that you do have SOME responsibility, simply because she was helping you, and you are such a decent person that you recognize this. and your responsibility could entail offering to take care of her for a while when she's discharged, or providing her with some meals or other practical (ie non-financial) help.
it's a pity she misunderstood what the flu shot meant, but that's not your fault.
i hope she recovers soon.
khairete
S.
No, you are not responsible for her bills. She made the decision to stay. You did not make her sick. I understand you feeling badly that she is this sick and it's good to be sympathetic. But.. keep in mind that she is responsible for her own decisions. It was not wise for her to help you, knowing that she would get this ill if she got sick.
Hopefully, she went to the county hospital which is prepared to absorb the cost for indigent patients. Even if she went to a regular hospital, they will eventually absorb the cost. That is one reason hospital stays are so expensive. She will be billed and they will expect her to pay but she won't be able to. The hospital will eventually write it off. I have a nurse friend who has told me about patients who weren't able to pay and that this is what happens.
It sounds like she had gotten a flu shot, and because you called it the stomach flu she thought she was protected. Many people are confused about the term flu because it is so often used to describe a stomach virus. I do wish people would stop using the term altogether,
I don't think you need to feel responsible for paying anyones medical bills for infecting them with a virus, but it would be nice to help her out a bit when she gets home from the hospital..
Try calling health and human services. As long as she's here legally she should be able to have her bills covered. HHS should know the information about which country she is here from and if medical coverage is part of the visa and how to get them covered. My brother's girlfriend is from France and she ended up hospitalized in Boston. France has universal health care, and when she went home she contacted whomever she needed to there and her bill was taken care of.
It is so kind of you to think of her and consider this. I would not pay for her bills. If she qualifies, she can get health coverage where she doesn't have to pay anything or just a small sliding scale. There are options for her and I am sure the hospital will explain that to her. She can even call the financial dept and ask for them to deduct $ because of financial hardship etc.
Get some health insurance for your kids! You may need it and it would be really beneficial for your family. GL
First, you shouldn't be responsible for her medical bills.
This is one of the rare occasions that I can't help myself from stating a difference of opinion, from other posters. I'm missing the part where you're a sweatheart. You continue to expose this woman to the stomach flu , one of the the times being completely for your own convenience because you can't get it together enough to take care of two sick kids on your own ( she did request to leave & asked her not to).Not to mention, your paying her for his but you state how financially strapped your family is. This whole explanation of events, just doesn't add up to me. I think you are taking advantage of this woman. The only reason she probably stayed is because she probably really needs the money. Your story , just comes across a selfish to me.
It might not be that she is "fragile" or something else seriously wrong with her.
My sister gets an uncontrollable gag reflex which she sometimes cannont stop once it has started. Then she has to go to the hospital/doctor to get some treatment that makes it stop convulsing.
Hi L.,
You are a good person for feeling like you should pay her hospital bills, but you should not have to. First of all, she takes care of children for a living. Everyone knows that you are at risk of getting sick when you're around children all day. Secondly, you didn't force her to stay-in fact, you offered and suggested that she leave. She made the choice to stay, thereby exposing herself to the germs. If she's so immune compromised, why on earth would she be a nanny to begin with???
That's really sad. She must have been trying to be helpful, but she was burnt.
If she can't pay, isn't this will make bad credit record? That's what I heard from my pastor who works with homeless.
But as Marda said, the hospital will erase the bills?
I don't know, but I feel bad for all of you. Try to help what you can help. Explain to her that you want to help, but you have financial problem, too.
Once she is well, raise her salary if you can. Now you know she is nice. You asked her walk one mile, and she walked two miles. She must love your kids so much, unlike that ungrateful nanny in Manhattan.
Hope you get well,
Try to drink turmeric,,it acts as antibiotic and it helps a lot!
The hospitals help non-citizens MUCH faster than they'd help the citizens who've paid all these years into the system. Mission Hospital (county hospital) has an entire spanish speaking department that help non-citizens get all of their treatment covered. Breathe. I'm sure it will be fine.
PS The flu shot DOES NOT protect from the stomach flu. *IF* that's the drug the MD gave her so she wouldn't get sick.
She's probably NOT paying the hospital bills either. Pay her for the days she was there helping.
That's probably all she expects!
Depending on her personal situation, she may have insurance. We had a student from Mexico live with us for 8 months (she was here on a student visa); she had health insurance and was covered, as she would have been at home.
Additionally, when my daughters traveled to Italy we checked wi to all of you!h our insurance company and, yes, they were covered overseas.
Hopefully, she has something to help with the bills!
Good luck to all of you!
No I do not think that you should get into paying her hospital bills. She knew the risk involved. I wonder if she is a diabetic? This is one thing I do know that you cannot be vomiting and will also put you in a coma.
Now Cheryl B, weren't you the one saying Judge not lest ye be judged on another post about using public assistance?
Seems like you don't have money to help with medical bills even if you feel responsible. Can you start by finding someone to help the babysitter negotiate to reduce or eliminate these medical bills? A friend, someone at church/religious facility, ...?
If she has no health insurance, then the social worker at the hospital will help her apply for emergency Medi-Cal to cover the hospital stay. Of course, not being a citizen, I don't know if she's eligible for that.
Just more uninsured people driving up the cost of healthcare! We'll all be paying for this hospital stay!
