A.M. asks from Sarasota, FL on May 14, 2008
My Ex Wants to See My Kid as a Way of Forcing My Husband to Adopt
My ex is trying,so he says, to see my daughter through the courts. He hasnt seen her since she was 8 months old. She only knows my husband as her father. He is only trying to scare us into siging adoption paperwork so he doesnt have to pay child support. I dont know what to do. Can he legally get visitation? We were never married and it isnt court ordered for me to allow him to see her. Are the courts going to let a dead beat even see her he owes a few grand. He is such a loser. What would you do? would you let your husband adopt or make that SOB pay?
G.M. answers from Sarasota on May 15, 2008
I would allow my husband to adopt and shut the door on the negative in my life and that of my child and husband. However, this is only my humble opinion.
J.D. answers from Tampa on May 15, 2008
I personally would not accept money from my daughters' biological. My husband is the only dad she knows as well and the best thing i could do for my daughter is give her a stable family without an 'outsider' having any say. In my opinion if he did contribute financially he would have a voice in her life. Better for the mom and dad to be the one voice in the girls life, especially at a young age. When she is older, let it be up to her, to know her biological or not, for now it sounds like you've given her a good dad. If you could make it without the money, i would tell him to bugger off. Hope that helps. Blessed Love
J.C. answers from Tampa on May 15, 2008
yes unfortunately in the state of florida a dead beat dad can still see his children even if there is no court order,and disreguarding the fact you werent married does not matter. if you put his name on the birth certificate, he is the dad. if you didnt he can ask for a test. my daughter is going thru the same thing and she finally took him to court and they told us they dont care if he is behind he has a right to see his son and daughter. he is over $50,000.00 behind in support and my grandson is 17 and grand daughter is 14. they see mom working her tail off and doing the best she can and he just does nothing to try to help.
my mom had the same problem when i was young and she chose to let my step dad adopt me, i am still ever grateful, i had a daddy that loved me and wanted me.i am 64. i never saw my dad until i found him when i was 25 and introduced him to his 5 grand children, he let me know i had never been a part of his life and there for my children were not his. the woman he married had 5 children that he adopted and that was his family. i am very very thankful for my adopted father.
remember the decision has to be yours and your present husbands, GOD BE WITH YOU IN YOUR DECISION.
1 mom found this helpful
M.H. answers from Sarasota on May 15, 2008
I can't even begin to understand this "make him pay" point of view. I can't understand why this is even a question. You don't spend the rest of your life and your daughter's life punishing someone just because he is a looser. The only thing you should be thinking about is your daughter, hello? If her step day is her true father because that is what she knows and he wants to adopt, I just don't see what the issue is. If her biological dad is such a dead beat, cut the cord! You don't string him along and force him in her life just to get money. I'm not saying this to make things easier on him, I'm saying it for your family. Having this guy still in your life could end up ruining your new life, why risk that? Being a mom means you don't use your daughter as a pawn in a game to get money, it is just beyond my comprehension. Move on with your life and say good-bye!
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T.H. answers from Tampa on May 15, 2008
the courts will let your ex have visitation rights if he wants to. My friend has the same situation. He has custody of his 8 yr old and his ex just showed up and wanted visitation. not only was it granted but he had to drive to Orlando from tampa every other weekend. If your husband wants to adopt let him. stop trying to get money you will never see. Let him go and get on with your life. He can be a dead beat and behind in child support but the courts will give him the right to see his child. Sign the papers to get him out of your life and avoid confusion with your dau and having to explain why she has to spend the weekend with a stranger
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C.H. answers from Sarasota on May 15, 2008
Hi, my cousin had the same experiance and finally came to the decision that any money he might give her just wasn't worth the trouble. Her new husband adopted the kids and her ex signed away his rights. She said she's glad she just let go of the child support issue because you can't really rely on them paying like they should anyway. Now are a happy family and have no worries that the ex will pop into the picture. Good Luck!
R.C. answers from Lakeland on May 15, 2008
You need to get all the paperwork you have together and find a good attorney. I know one in Lakeland, but I don't know where you are located. Gregory Ruster is great and he does family law. This is a situation for an attorney. There are legal battles here and he very well may have to visit with his daughter if he wants to. It is very difficult. Good luck!
E.B. answers from Tampa on May 15, 2008
He can get visitation because it is his daughter, regardless if you two were ever married. However, I agree that he won't go to court to get visitation if he owes child support. But another question- is the child support court ordered? If it isn't, If he does go to court to get visitation, they'd also set child support for him too... At least you'd think so- that seems logical. And he'd more than likely have to pay back support too.
I say sign the adoption paperwork. Is it because your husband isn't willing to do so that this is an issue? You'll spend a LOT of money trying to force child support to get a little bit from him, and the courts will more than likely force visitation. If your husband is the only dad she knows, why not make her legally his? You've done without child support and visitation issues for this long, why not make it legally done and over with? It's in your daughter's best interest.
K.H. answers from Fort Myers on May 15, 2008
i would let your husband adopt her. the other guy obviously this guy doesnt give you money anyway, so its not like its gonna be a big loss. goodluck.
S.L. answers from Lakeland on May 15, 2008
My advice could be totally wrong but b/c I have never been in this situation....but I feel that if he has nothing to do with her then to let you husband that has been there for her adopt her and not worry about the little bit of money you might get! Her well being is more important than any amount of money! Also if you haven't seen any money yet who to say he will ever pay you know what I mean! Personally I wouldn't put your baby girl through all of it and see if he will sign his parental rights over to your husband! Good luck and God bless I hope it all works out for you!