My Ex Daughter in Law

Don't - or if you do, tell her to call you Mama S. or something like that. She loves you. And really, not every DIL has a good enough relationship to their MIL to actually call her mom. I have a great relationship with my MIL, but she's not my bio-mom, so I call her Momalah. She'll find a name for her new MIL - or she'll just call her mom, too. And that's OK.

She can still call you mom and love another mother in law too. Just give her a hug and tell her you love her like your very own daughter and that you'll be a phone call away whenever she wants to talk.

I call both my mom and MIL "mom" because they are both moms to me.
I'm going through a divorce now, but to me my MIL will always be "mom" and I would be very hurt if she asked me not to call her that any more.
I hope you will think about your ex DIL and take her feelings into consideration before making any assumptions.
And if you think the new MIL will care, why would she? I'm sure she's more mature than that.

If you are stressing about what SHE is thinking then just say, hey, I know you are getting married soon and will have a new MIL so if you want to start calling me S., it's ok with me and I totally understand. Then just let it go. She will call you what she wants to. I'm pretty sure she is ok with more than one "mom" in her life so she probably will continue to call you mom. Good luck.

What she calls you is her decision. If she has a problem about it, she will tell you. We really aren't responsible for how others feel. She's a big girl and will handle this the way she wants.

Save your "it's alright" statement for if she does ask to change what she calls you. I doubt she will. You're still her mom. Mom is generic and usually
describes the relationship. She's not going to stop loving you. Also, you are still her children's grandmother. You deserve the name mom.

How often will you and her new MiL actually be in the same place? She can call you both mom. Or if she's getting married again she's likely older and won't call her new MiL mom. I never considered calling mine mom. I call my own mother mom. So I wouldn't worry about it or say anything. Maybe she'll start calling you Mom S. or something. If it seems like she's struggling, then say something.

I wouldn't tell her that. You'll insult her. (Even though I understand your intentions are coming from a good place.)
Unless YOU find it offensive, let it go.

I get what you are saying - you are looking out for other people's feelings here, and trying to be proactive, but I don't think it is necessary.

If she says anything to you or looks uncomfortable one day not knowing what to call you - just say "Whatever you are comfortable with - all good with me".

My MIL asked me to call her "Mom". I am not close with her and it's never felt natural, and so I call her by her name. Now she is very bothered by this as she feels it is a sign of disrespect but quite frankly, she is offended by everything and anything, so I don't give it any thought. I don't think someone should push their wants on you - especially over a term of endearment. It should be natural.

Good luck :)

My personal opinion...you are very thoughtful and understanding, but, she is an adult and she will make the adjustment as she sees necessary.

I have Aunt's who I call by name, X-Aunt's who I still call Aunt, and In-law's who were never my In-law's. I probably change that up once in a while, but I don't think that bother's anyone.

The in-law's who are not my in-laws are my X-brother-in-law's parents. I dated his brother in school (I am way beyond my school years) and my daughter (not his daughter) called them Nanny & Pappa. She will always call them Nanny & Pappa and I will always refer to them as such. My husband has never appeared offended. The brother who I dated has an X-girlfriend who had 2 of his children. We are friends and we share the use of the name Nanny & Pappa side by side. They are both aware of the life we had before them.

I know that is not the case for every family, but it works in this case. I would hope she is able to adjust that if it hurts someone's feelings.

So, in response...relax, it will all work out.

Do you not want her to call you mom anymore? If that is the case or if you are afraid it will cause her new MIL or husband hurt feelings just tell her. It sounds as if you have a great relationship so by explaining that if she needs or chooses to call you S. to keep the peace with her new in laws then that you understand and are ok with it. Hope it all works out.

don't overthink it. she COULD get offended either way. so why not trust the great relationship you've always had? i myself wouldn't say anything at all, and let her decide for herself. IF you and the new MIL are both in the same place at the same time and IF you see her looking uncomfortable about calling you mom you could murmur quietly to her 'sweetheart, if you prefer to call me S. i'm fine with that' but if you assume that she can handle it without drama, she almost certainly will. the only thing guaranteed to cause discomfort is your own worry about it.
khairete
S.

Next time she calls you Mom tell her that you understand that she has another MIL now and you are OK if she calls you Mom or S.. Frankly, she may never be as close to her other MIL as she is to you, and if you don't mind, then don't change what isn't broken. Let her determine how many moms she has.

Just tell her what you told us.

Let her call you what SHE feels comfortable calling you.
The fact that she will have a new mil does not change how she feels about you.