My "Energetic" Kindergarten Son Was Invited to His First Birthday Party...

Just respond with "Bobby and I would love to come...you don't mind if I stay, do you? He's still at an age when he does better at parties if I'm there." At this age, staying (or not) is totally appropriate. When hosting parties for kids this young, I've always let the parents know that they were welcome to stay or drop off, whatever they and their child are comfortable with.

And he won't be the only energetic child there - my experience has been that there are at least two bouncing-off-the-walls kids in every class, and all of the kids are fired up at birthday parties anyway. Go and have fun!

At that age I would not expect the parents to leave (though that would be OK too) and I would be fine if you stayed. You are very thoughtful to leave the little ones with a sitter.

Hope he has a great time!

Believe me, you will not be the first mom to ask this. I have been giving these parties and dropping off my daughters for years and it is absolutely a legit question/concern. LOTS of parents ask. I would respect the parent that asked, rather than one that just drops and runs off w/o even checking in (and believe me there are those out there that do that!) Let us know what you decide and how it works out.

Drop him off-he may surprise you-don't tip-off anyone-it may change their behavior towards him-he may just blend in!

At that age many parents will stick around. Especially when they have a child who isn't always socially appropriate like my kiddo. I also had a high energy fireball (with SPD) who could get out of hand at that age. I also had moms that would stick around at the parties I threw because they knew their child had social difficulties due to ADHD or Aspergers or other. Your idea of getting a sitter for the younger kids and then hanging out is appropriate. If the whole class is invited you can be sure that some other parents will be hanging out but it doesn't hurt to just let the parent throwing the party know that you will be staying.

I'd call the mom and talk to her just like you did us.
She wont want a party with a "manic uncontrollable child".
What do you you think is the appropriate thing to do?

Call up the mom and ask. It's really that simple.

Are you sure it's a drop off party? My son is in first grade and so far all the parties we have been invited to are not. Especially whole class parties. It's unrealistic to expect an average set of parents to supervise a whole classroom's worth of kids!

Sounds like your son may need more supervision than the hosts will be able to provide and its not fair to expect them to. I doubt they will mind at all if you stick around. At that age probably half of my son's friend's parents did. They either mingled with eachother, helped me out or read a book.

My son is 5 next month, has SPD and is usually fine at drop-off parties. I find he is not too much more worked up than the other party guests (kids + cake + excitement = a lot of energy for everyone) and he is good about keeping some things under control for the short amount of time a party requires.

However, he has been attending friend birthday parties since he was one and is pretty used to what goes on and usually has spent a lot of time with the guest of honor and other attendees.

Last year we did have one drop-off party where I had to stay. It was at a house he had not been to and was playing fine for the first two minutes until The Little Mermaid showed up. That is something that will set him off and he clung to me like a starfish for the next hour, venturing only to peek around the corner at the activities before finally getting the courage to interact. Then he had a great time! I hated it because I didn't know the host at all and I had no one to talk to once he started to play. :(

Unless your son is experiencing a lot of problems at school, on play dates, whatnot, due to his behavior, I wouldn't worry. He might even dial back the fireball and be a little shy at first instead. And I have seen plenty of energetic little girls!

You can certainly ask to stay, without having to go into too much detail, and enjoy the event either with him or from the sidelines. You might want to check with him to see if he would feel embarrassed if you attended. Whatever makes you both comfortable is what is best.

I tink you would be fine just emailing to ask if it is alright if you attend. Honestly, I would never even think to ask this question because I am not ready to leave my DS 6 year old at a party yet. My attendance would be a no brainer!

I would email though if I were wanting to bring a sibling along.

When my granddaughter was invited to bd parties at that age, parents could stay if they wished. I remember on in which the whole class was invited and I stayed for a few minutes, long enough to see that there was enough supervision and then left. I suggest it's reasonable to just call to share your concerns and ask if she'd like for you to stay.

You need to go with your little boy. At his age it is not a matter of inviting yourself.....you don't know the family and that is the most important reason. Just because your son is a ball of fire...don't be too quick to put him on medication....Just channel his energy and watch his diet.

Maybe you could just ask the hostess mom?
"Is this a drop-off party, or is a parent expected to hang around?" Most parents will know what they are expecting or wanting to happen. And at that age, it can go either way, depending on the relationship between the kids/families.

Some kids they may know well, and the parents may drop off and run errands. At the same time, some kids/families they may know well, and a mom might stay to HELP with the party and supervising the kiddos.

Since you don't know the mom well, or the family, I would expect you (if I were the hostess) to ask about dropping off vs. sticking around. And most moms will anticipate a few of each (some will drop off, some will stick around) and have a plan for that. So just ASK. :)

i think if it is a little girl that just invited everyone, it's not a required event by any means. if it was a friend of your son's it might be different.

i'm a pretty private, quiet person, and we don't do a LOT of parties, etc. i have no trouble saying "no".

to me it comes down to, do you feel comfortable approaching the parents with your concerns? or would you feel more comfortable just not going. OR would you feel comfortable letting him go and seeing what happens. it's really your call.

with our recent experiences with adhd, i have to say, if my son was so difficult to handle in social situations, that i worried about him being disruptive or impacting the party negatively, and we were that close to (hopefully) getting him help, i might have to bow out this time. but that's just me. i know that every child and every situation truly is different, AND i know that what we moms feel comfortable doing is going to be different.

If the party is at a public venue many parents will most likely stay, so I wouldn't worry about checking with the family hosting. If it is at the girl's house then I would mention that you would like to be there with your son.

I'm always grateful for any parent who chooses to stay and help with the party. Especially if I don't know them well because then I might get a chance to get to know them. I was once afraid to invite one of my kids' favorite friends because his ADHD, high pitched voice, and tendency to steal spotlights (only child) were just too much for me. For me, an hour was too long of a playdate with this kid. But my kids begged to invite him to the party and of course I caved. That kid was so much fun! He enjoyed every moment of the party with such enthusiasm that I gladly have invited him to every party since.