29 answers

My DH Not Invited to Son's Wedding

My step-son is getting married in February next year. His Fiancé does not want us there.

Her parents were killed in a car accident 2 years ago. She told my step-son that having us there would be too painful. My DH is very upset/sad about this. They have said that we were invited to the reception after but NOT the ceremony. My DH is not O.K. with this as he wants to see his only son get married and exchange vows. It’s very important to him. The ex wife/Mom is not in the picture.

The fiancé is not budging on this and my step-son feels so torn.

My DH is coming to me about this and ultimately thinking he is going to go no matter what and just not say anything. Basically, just show up. I'm supporting him no matter what.

If she found out (not from me) she would likely encourage my SS to elope without saying anything but this will cause so much resentment. No one wins either way you slice it!

Any advice?? What do you think of all this?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you all so much! My DH and I are going to talk with them and have a heart to heart. I plan on incorporating some of the advice I received here. Although I agree with all of you I don't think I'll tell her she is being a selfish b%*ch though... LOL!!

Featured Answers

I think its really sad. I understand that it must be really hard for her that her parents died and wont be there, but it isnt fair that she is withholding the joy of having his dad there. If it were the other way around, I would think he wouldnt do that to her. She needs to understand that she is being selfish, and yes its her wedding day but its his too, so he should be able to have his dad there. Its craziness. She should be happy for him.
Think the son needs to have a talk with her, and stand up for his dad.

5 moms found this helpful

It sounds like she needs grief counseling. She has many unresolved issues that need to be addressed. It is inappropriate and irrational for her to demand that you not be there. I agree with other posters who said that it might help to reach out to her now and try to build a relationship.

4 moms found this helpful

More Answers

This is horrible!
I understand this will be hard on her after having lost her parents, but is she going to use that as an excuse for excluding you from every single thing for the rest of the marriage? If a wedding is too hard on her, then they should just go away and do it somewhere. As hard as that would be on your husband, it would hurt a lot less than being singled out as not welcome.
I hate to say it, but your son really needs to be thinking this through. Maybe she is not emotionally ready to be married until she resolves some of her grief. (?)
Just because she lost her parents doesn't mean she has the right to take his away from him.
I, personally, wouldn't marry someone who wouldn't allow one of my family members to attend something that important to me.

I hope you get some great advice.

8 moms found this helpful

My personal opinion: This marriage is doomed to failure. What kind of person would not allow their fiance's parents to attend one of the most important events in their life? But it's OK to go to the reception...huh? Who exactly DOES get to go to the ceremony. What else won't she allow? Do you get to visit them? Will you get to see any grandchildren? Marriage is about compromise and excluding a persons parents from a wedding is not compromise. It's cruel and controlling. It seems like she's jealous of the fact that he has parents. If your SS doesn't stand up for himself and his family NOW she will walk all over him for as long as they're married.

8 moms found this helpful

My dad died February 21, 2003. Just the day before he was telling me he was going to take dance lessons to dance with me at my wedding. June 19, 2003 I was married.
Absolutely the most bittersweet day of my life.
I could not even imagine wanting my husband to go through the pain of what I was suffering, just because I was suffering. Our day was made better because his parents were there to share in the joy of that special day.

Love doesn't mean make another suffer simply because I am suffering.

7 moms found this helpful

Why would she want to make the wedding painful for her future husband as well? She sounds very selfish. Good luck with that one!

7 moms found this helpful

WTH??? She is being so totally unreasonable here. The grooms father not coming to his own son's wedding shouldn't even be in the realm of options here and I cannot believe that somebody would have the balls to even suggest it . She is a total control freak and a b#$$ch and I feel so sorry that you guys have to have her in your family. Shame on the son for even letting it get this far. It does not bode well for his future and seriously he should get out now when he has the chance. Can you imagine how she will act with kids???? They should elope if anything. Let this unholy union happen without the "happy" event of a wedding taking place-they do not deserve it.

6 moms found this helpful

I'm sorry, but has any asked her what the death of her parents has to do with the presence of her future FIL? Painful and sad for her? Can't even imagine. But yes, she is starting everyone off on the wrong foot.

Is it possible to meet one on one with her over lunch/tea? Take a walk? And find out why her heart is so lost?

This does not bode well for a happy future for all still left here, now, in the present. She sounds incredibly stuck and getting married will not fix this.

6 moms found this helpful

I don't have any grand advice, but am stunned that a bride could be so selfish and insensitive to her groom. Does she not realize that she wouldn't be having this wedding without her groom? That her groom has feelings and needs too? How does her keeping her groom from having HIS family present serve to help anybody? Is she going to feel the loss of her parents any less because he is also in pain?? That is just absurd!

I think the SS needs to take some time here. He might want to reconsider the whole thing, if his bride is incapable of taking his feelings about this into account. Perhaps he could suggest to her that they post-pone the wedding until she has a chance to grieve more fully, so that having his dad present at the ceremony won't be such a distress to her.

5 moms found this helpful

Does she feel like she is becoming an addition to the family? It sounds as if she resents him having a family when she lost hers. Has anyone made any extra attempts to include her and let her know that by marrying your SS she is becoming a part of the family and you want to be there for her just as much as for your SS?

5 moms found this helpful

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