My Daughter with Asperger's Upcoming Birthday -- Party or No Party??

Updated on January 28, 2008
E.L. asks from Azle, TX
4 answers

Two years ago I threw a ballet (she takes ballet at a great dance school) party for my then 7 year old daughter with Asperger's. Out of 31 kids - only 7 showed up. People around here just don't RSVP!! My daughter cried because her favorite friends were not there. It was awful. She got depressed - long story. She is on medicine now and is doing very well. I went to a lot of expense and trouble to throw the party. Now she is fully mainstreamed and the kids in her class seem to really like her a lot. Should I try for another party? Ask the teacher to do cupcakes in class? Go to restaurant with friends. Have a few close friends over?? I can't decide. Just don't want another disaster - but want her to celebrate just like all "normal" kids celebrate their birthdays. The kids in her class are SO sweet and nice to her!! What should I do??
Thanks!

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K.W.

answers from Dallas on

I have a son with autsim but he is quite profound and it took me awhile to stop throwing parties for him. He never really liked them. I think it was more for me :-)Personally, I think no matter what you decide you should have the cupcakes at school. THis way you can include all of her class. I think if she wants a party outside of school and you are afraid only a few will show up them talk to those few parents kids and take just them somewhere special like Midevel Times or throw a party somewhere and explain to her that people get busy and only a few might show. Good luck

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E.D.

answers from Dallas on

My first thought was ... yes, have the party, just don't HYPE it up too much with her. keep it simple and if folks don't RSVP, call them. Just invite her close friends and a few family members.
With Aspergers, it could be the HYPE and the unknowns that upset her too.
My second thought... Have cupcakes in school, and a small party at home.

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M.

answers from Dallas on

Definately party. It should be a major celebration of your family holding together another year. Especially with a special needs child - you should celebrate her great year!

Since you have some time, I would call ahead to the most important guest's parents and ask them to "save the date" so you know for certain that the most important friends will be there. A lot of people believe that you should invite the number of kids of the birthday you are celebrating - for example, your daughter would invite 8 children to her 8th birthday. I never do this because with siblings and close family friends/neighbors, etc it is impossible. Plus, you don't want to upset your child by forcing her to choose between friends.

My first instinct would be to have a small-ish party of her choice with her best buds and have cupcakes at school. Either way - I'm sure she will have fun and she will really appreciate your effort!

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J.H.

answers from Dallas on

I would keep it simple. Yes party hardy!!!
But I wouldnt want to get to many people that way her heart wont break when they cant show up... I would do close friends!

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