22 answers

My Daughter May Be ADHD:(

Help! My 4 year old daughter is getting out of control. She is very active, does not sit still, does not nap, will not go to bed until approx. 11:00pm sometimes 11:30! She was kicked out of her daycare once already for behavioral problems. The doctor said she may be ADHD. It is making me extremely extremely depressed and making me feel that I am not doing my job as a mother right, but in the same breath my other daughter who is 15 years old is a straight A student who will be attending a for a 6 week program in the summer for extra education. So I know I'm doing something right. But What am I doing wrong??? Any responses are greatly appreciated!!!

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

It could also be sensory integration dysfunction. It sounds exactly how my son was a few years ago. We had Early Intervention out and they did OT with him. He is SO much better now, not perfect. We still have issues but no where near how bad it was.
I suggest you google it and read up on it to see if maybe it applies. You can also read The Out Of Sync Child. It is a book about Sensory issues in children. A lot of children get misdiagnosed with ADHD just because small time doctors do not know much about it.

2 moms found this helpful

First of all you are not doing anything wrong. It is something tht just happened but she needs help so i would take her and get the help she needs. ADHD children are very responsive once they are on the medication adn you will be able to handle her better. But it is also controled by her diet so chaeck in to a web site abut the child's diet with ADHD. Good luck
Jade

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

Hi K.!

First of all I DO know what you are going through! My granddaughter (3) is the same way, and my daughter has suggested that I give you some valuable advice.
DO Not Medicate! No matter what any doctor will tell you the psycological effects are irriversable, because mainly these drugs interfere with the brain chemistry. We know of one friend whos daughter now suffers from tremors as a result of these drugs.
More than 50% of the children today are "diagnosed" ADHD. What does this tell us? It tells us that the children are "evolving", and the "system" is not. What is really going on here is that these children are "multidimensional", they are capable of learning at an incredible rate, and learning many things at the same time, which is why they cannot sit still, and get bored very easily.
I am a healer, and I know this to be true. There is NO Fault that is yours. The established school systems need to re evaluate and evolve with these remarkable children.
To learn more, google in "new children", "Indigo's". You will learn that these children are here to change the current structure of education. It's fun to learn how to interact in a new way with them, and believe me, your daughter will know that you are trying.
Another thing that my daughter want to let you know, and this may also be a bit of a challenge in these busy times, but if you can spend one hour of time completely devoted to your child, this will really help...just you and her...no phone, no other person, no TV (maybe a movie together),in giving her a bath, you get in the tub with her too (I do this now) this has helped us over here.
Also I include my GD in activities that I do as much as I can. She appreciates being involved, and she is learning at the same time.
Some say that diet plays an importnat role here too.There are books to help you with this...seek and find!
I hope this helps...really I do.. You are doing a fine job, this one just needs something a little different!
Love and Blessings,
M.

2 moms found this helpful

ADHD doesn't appear because of poor parenting...it's a chemical and physical thing. ADHD symptoms can be controlled with good parenting techniques...but you don't 'cause' a child to have ADHD. Please know that. I am a special education teacher.
Kids with ADHD need consistency, more so than other kids. They also need to know consequences right up front ("if you do this, then this is exactly what is going to happen"). Making little charts for her behavior, using stickers and positive reinforcement should help. Giving her a goal (and start small, since she is so young) to work towards...with a fair reward (ie: make a sticker chart for brushing teeth-this is just an example-for every time she brushes her teeth, she gets a sticker on her chart. When she gets 5 stickers or however many you set the goal to be, she earns a reward-computer time is a huge reward in my house, so are Jr.Frosty's from Wendy's, lol). When she meets with success, up the goal a little. That makes it a game for her and she can see how close she is to meeting her goal.
Using a timer also works well...kids with ADHD distract very easily-I use a timer at school with my students...so they know exactly how much time they have left to complete a task. She is a bit young to grasp the concept of time, but if you start doing it consistently, she will start to develop an idea of how long a minute is, etc. I use the timer for time-outs...for how long we are going to do something, and when it dings, we're done...I also use it for "you need to have your dinner done by the timer the timer dings, or you will not have that piece of cake you want" and that does the trick.
Whatever you do-stick with it. Consistency is what she needs...if you're a softie and give in (like I used to be, lol)...she will keep pushing until you give in.
When you lay down stuff like this-it does get worse before it gets better-because they want to test you...hold your ground...they are SO stubborn at this age-ADHD or not! My 4 year old is giving me a run for my money lately! Good luck and hang in there. You are not doing anything wrong...a true ADHD kid does not have the self-control the rest of us do-and that has to do with her body makeup, and NOTHING to do with your parenting style!

2 moms found this helpful

Hi K.,
Don't beat yourself up. Parenting is not an easy task and each kid so different. You basically have to figure out what works for each child. I have a 9 year old daughter who is an excellent student and well-behaved and a 4-year-old that sounds a lot like your daughter. It has been a learning process. My son never wants to go sleep and is full speed ahead until he finally does go to sleep. It is frustrating because I don't have any time to myself to unwind.

One thing that I did learn about him early on is to watch his diet. His behavior skyrockets when he eats foods with red dye. (Some kids also have problems with yellow #5).This is very limiting because red dye is everything from certain pancake mixes to candy. I first noticed the behavior change whenever I gave him grape or cherry cold medicine.

I also monitor his sugar intake. I talked to his pediatrician about ADHD, but she stated that he is able to concentrate on some tasks so he is not ADHD. I also realized that he likes to draw pictures and is very detailed at it, so when he mixes up a lot, I give him paper and a pencil and he sits and draws for long periods of time.

He is still very difficult at times, but doing these few things have helped a lot.

2 moms found this helpful

It could also be sensory integration dysfunction. It sounds exactly how my son was a few years ago. We had Early Intervention out and they did OT with him. He is SO much better now, not perfect. We still have issues but no where near how bad it was.
I suggest you google it and read up on it to see if maybe it applies. You can also read The Out Of Sync Child. It is a book about Sensory issues in children. A lot of children get misdiagnosed with ADHD just because small time doctors do not know much about it.

2 moms found this helpful

My primary care treats this naturally and is VERY good at what she does. I highly recommend her for a consult, she is in NJ but allows for alot of follow up phone consults and emails, so it really is worth it! Her website is www.holisticfamilyhealthcarepc.com and you can even email her ahead of time and ask questions if you'd like. She treats it drug-free!! hth!

2 moms found this helpful

K.,

Get the diagnosis and then get the help you and your daughter need.

The responses about the sleep methods will be useless if your daughter has ADHD or SPD.

My daughter (age 4) is SPD, my nephew (age 13) is ADHD diagnosed when he was 6. There are no meds for SPD but therapy works well (OT).

Contact the Child Development Unit of your local hospital for an appointment. The local IU (in PA) can do some diagnosis but not ADHD or SPD, they are limited to school-related issues. All of these appts take time to get. I had to wait months.

In short, find out what it is and then treat it. And yes, to all of you people out there, I tried the diet - behavior modification thing as did my sister but the scientific truth is SPD is caused by lack of mylenization in to the neural pathways necessary to process sensory input and no diet is going to change that.

Good luck. You are not a failure and you are not alone.

2 moms found this helpful

K.,
If your daughter has ADHD it is not because you are a bad parent. It's not taught...it's biological. She can't help it any more than you can. Please don't do that to yourself. It won't help anyone. You are not doing anything wrong.

Now what you need to do is get your girlie some help. Unfortunately Autism is my area, but there's got to be someone here who can tell you how to help her. I would also be careful to get a good, thorough evaluation by an Occupational Therapist. Alot of children get the ADHD diagnosis when in fact they are dealing with Sensory Processing Disorder. They have a lot of the same symptoms. A great book you can read is The Out of Sync child...but for immediate help google Sensory Processing Disorder or Sensory Integration Dysfunction. You will find lists of symptoms and you can see if they fit your daughter.

Please, please, DO NOT beat yourself up. I did that for a year, and completely isolated myself and ended up majorly depressed and sick. You did a great thing by reaching out here. Keep it going. There are Yahoo! Groups for moms with kids who have ADHD and Sensory Processing disorder...get in touch with other moms who can help you. That is the best thing you can do for yourself and both of your daughters...

God Bless!!!

1 mom found this helpful

HI K., The first thing I noticed is that you say she is "getting out of control" so this hasn't been an on-going problem it's one that has been evolving? If it is one that is evolving then your answer may be in changing your daughter's diet. Removing as much sugar and caffeine from her diet and increasing protien and veggies should have a calming effect on her (it will take a few weeks however). Watch what fruit you give her (some are more loaded with sugar than you realize) as well. Keep to a strict routine and hang in there! You are not the problem!! Follow your instincts and don't let "them" lable or drug your daughter un-nessessarily!! Lables and drugs have become overused and abused and many professionals have been using them instead of really finding out what, if anything, is actually going on. Best wishes.

1 mom found this helpful

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