My Daughter Keeps Biting Her Older Brother...

Dear E.,

I feel you are doing the right thing and it will pass. Be firm and strong with the time out and punishment (maybe take away a favorite toy or something for the rest of the day) the next time, but hopefully there wont be a next time.

My son bit me on the sholder when he was almost two and I know the pain. He's 10 now.

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E. - listen to Heidi's advice - do not bite her back! That does noting but reinforce that it is ok to do, despite the pain! Yikes! It is totally developmentally appropriate and like Heidi said, it is because she is lacking the verbal skills to express what is going on for her in that moment.
Don't fret - it will pass. Again, follow Heidi's advice - she is spot on!

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Please do not bite her back because this will just teach her that it is okay to hurt someone back that has hurt her in the future. I am the mother of two and both of my children went through the "biting" stage at 2 y.o. I am also working on my Master's degree in counseling...with a specialization in children. It is very normal for a child to go through this stage...the important thing is for you to let her know that what she did was wrong and that she hurt her brother.

At two years old the punishment should fit the developemental stage she is in. Time out should only be for 2 minutes. You shouldn't take anything away for a whole day, because she will forget after a little while what she was being punished for. The important thing is to really "shadow" her. Keep an eye on what she is doing and try prevent her from biting her brother before it happens. This is something we did with my daughter, and as difficult as it was...it really worked.

She will outgrow this phase soon enough, but at your next pediatricians appointment you should mention it and see what he suggests. If she continues to bite and you do not have an upcoming appointment...call and make one.

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Hi E.. After reading your story my heart goes out to you because it's very clear this is really bothering you. I had a friend whos son bit everyone if he got a chance, and it was very hard for my her to get him to stop. But he did. Really think about why you think shes doing it. Could be for attention, or simply because she wanted something and didnt get it. No matter the reason its wrong though, and i advice talking to her first, to see why at least, so you can better deal with preventing it. In the end though my friend had to made her son's punishment very harsh, he had to go to time out, lost his favorite toy, and activity for the day. And it's a punishment they both (mother and son) had to go through, because she had to be firm all day, and she had to give him other options with what to do for the day. But everytime he whinned, or even when he asked 'nicely' for the item or activity he lost, she reminded him of what he did, and showed him that it hurts long after he bites, so he eventually learned that it will hurt him too, by not getting his way. It took a few times for the point to get across clearly, but dont give in. And always talk to her, explaining why she's getting the 'cold treatment' for the day. Ignoring her may only fuel the feeling and make her act out more! Good Luck, and I hope i was able to help in some way!
xoxoxo G.

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I am a new mom, so I don't have any "real" advice, but do you think your daughter could be trying to get your attention. Is she getting enough one-on-one mommy time? Just a thought. Best of luck.
L.

You could always bite her back. Seriously, my brother (2 years or so) bit my mother's upper leg when she was doing dishes and she turned around and bit him back. He is 30 years old now and doing fine! We laugh when we bring it up!

Anyways, he never did it again... and guaranteed my mother wasn't antagonizing him while she was doing dishes :)

Good luck,
T.

This may seem harsh but it worked for me. My son would not stop biting so I bit his finger (not very hard) enough so that he knew what it felt like. He never bit again. I was at my wits end and that is what I was driven to do. I only did it once and it worked.

I was a preschool teacher for over 15 yrs. and my experience has been that 2 yr. olds can go through a biting stage and yes, it is horrible. There could be some bizarre reason or no reason at all why they bite. Which makes it hard for you to "deal" with the actual act. Try Supernanny's book, Nanny Jo from tv. It's supposed to be really good. Good luck. My daughter is 15 mths, and very spirited, so I'm sure I'll be dealing with the same thing really soon. : }

I know this sounds mean but they do learn when my daughter starting biting after trying the time-out deal I couldn't take it anymore I bit her back in the arm she is now almost 4 and she has never bitten anyone again since that day.

I completely know where you are coming from. My twins were biters. They bit each other, me, and everyone else that happened to be around when they felt the need to bite! They did grow out of it pretty quickly thank goodness but until they did I kept stressing how it was not acceptable. I did however give them an alternative object to bite instead of people. What worked best for them was a washcloth fastened to a beltloop or like a bracelet on their wrist. I think they just did not know how to express emotions that they had any other way, they bit when they were angry, very happy, frustrated etc. any strong emotion. I don't know if this applies to your daughter, but I hope it helps, at the very least she'll learn not to bite poeple :-)

Hi E.
Biting is age appropriate at this age. She's still learning to talk and express herself. It could be that she's defending herself, or that she wants her brother's toy. I would continue with the time outs, maybe offer her something that is appropriate to bite, like a teething ring or apple. At the daycare I worked at, we taught the 1 and 2 year olds to stamp their foot and say "I don't like that". The 1 y.o. wouldn't have the words yet, but the action of stamping the foot gave them a way to communicate if another child tried to hurt them.
Anyway, good luck.

J.

Your daughter needs to know what it feels like to be bitten. Think about doing it to her after she does it to her brother and ask her how she likes it. It worked on my sons.