My Daughter Is Going Through a Difficult stage...She Won't Listen

She is probably old enough to start denying her some of her favorite toys or tv programs as a result of not listening. When mine were her age I would tell them that if they did not follow directions or were acting inappropriately I would take away their (insert favorite toy/program) for the rest of the mprning/afternoon or the whole day if the action was severe. It is also important to reward her for following directions or acting appropriately. The reward can be as simple as clapping, praising, and hugs work great. I have found that nothing is easy at that age so it will take some patience and consistency. I still battle these very same issues with my 2 and 4 year olds with a dash of attitude ;o) Good luck!

Discipline; one of the more difficult parts of parenting and one of the most important. It's true what everyone says, "It only gets more difficult if you don't start now"!
Corporal punishment was never part of my son's life. He was 9.5 at birth and I knew it would only be a very short time before he could beat the *#%! out of me. (Good call. He is 11, 5'5", 160lb.) It's difficult at your daughters age but taking away priveleges is the only way to go. It will become a very effective tool in the near future. If you can start to make her understand the cause and effect of her actions now, it will really make all the difference in the future. She will still cry and scream and do all those things that make you think you might SNAP at any moment but, well that's just part of the "Motherhood Game". Discipline is no fun & never easy. You won't get any emails telling you different.
As for bedtime: If a warm, lavender bath just before bed doesn't work...God be with you.

Is she still on a bottle or did you mean sippy cup? My opinion is you need to get her off the bottle, my sons pediatrician in the rudest way possible got all over me when he was about 14 months old and he was still on the bottle. Either way only give her water in the night she may eventually stop waking up for it if its not what she wants I think the bottle in the night might also be a soothing thing more than the need for a food. Again in my opinion neither one is good for her at this age I hear that it can help to cause ear infections(I have no clue how that is related) Also I know it can cause dental issues and buck teeth, front teeth gaps, not mention the older she gets the harder it will be.

I think the time out thing is probably a good thing, also letting her know right from wrong when you place her in time out and be consistant, If she doesn't like time out she should learn to avoid the actions that get her in there, but of course she will still be a 21 month old testing the waters with you. Whatever is a no-no today must be a no-no tomorrow, it is easier to give in if your on the phone, or making dinner, or paying bills you know busy! You be the boss and praise the possative. Good luck to you!

A couple of things: I would not hit the baby at all. Oftentimes we are frustrated but they are helpless and aren't doing it to frustrate us per se but because they are kids. And if you get angry or impatient (which believe me I feel on a regular basis) you may be likely to hit too hard. Also, I don't send my two year old to bed with a bottle, only water after her teeth are brushed. We did that with my first child and she got 9 cavities. It was an expensive lesson.

What I would do instead of punishing her is redirect her. For example, ask her if she wants to color. Do an activity with her. Sleep is a tough one because my two year old wanders around after we think she is asleep. Because we are so exhausted at the end of a work day,and it's dangerous because she gets into everything, we put her in her car seat in front of her favorite DVD movie in the living room. She is happy to be there. Sometimes she actually crawls into the carseat herself and asks for a movie and passes out. She stays asleep. It has really worked. And then we bring her into our bed to sleep.

Are there any major changes between you and her dad? Kids pick up on everything. So you might take a look at that.

Hi A.,
I also have a 21 month old daughter. She is in day care all day while we work. She gets frustrated really easily. I have found the most effective way to discipline is to be consistent. Most of the time if she knows she is doing something wrong and we catch her doing it we would get her attention, tell her no and sit her in the corner for 1 minute. Also, toddlers this age get bored really easily and they just need there attention directed in another direction. Offer something else to them to do when they are frustrated and bored. I read that eliminating the things that she could get in trouble with helps. Ex. if she continently getting in to cabinets that she is not supposed to, switch things around, put stuff she can play with in the lower cabinets and keep the other stuff outta site. They said to keep the "no's" to a minimum. Is your day care on the same page as you when it comes to discipline? Something she could get away with at daycare could be something she is punished for at home. I would talk to your care provider about how they discipline so you can be the most consistent with her. This is my first child and I still have a lot to learn myself.

C.
25 years old, 21month old daughter, and have a great husband.

Seems like a rough emotional time, and maybe more hugging and security building may be what is more effective at this time.(Splitting with dad, work, school...that is alot of separation!)

They do seem to get ornery at this age! :)

NOTHING is 100% from my and guessing others' experience.
I hope you can both be there and be compatible and on same page in regards to child-rearing. Get yourself some support. I had to leave my husband. Room mate just did not cut it (Abuse does not fly either).... (How are you going to form new relationships?)...don't envy your situation. Be glad you only have one child. Be as consistent as possible...a hard thing for lots of us mommies I find!

Good luck and stay strong....find someone safe to cry with.

Love to you and your daughter,

P.S. Try giving sippy or cup of water at bedtime, sit with her for now, and have sippy nearby and let her know it is there. I have found that old gatorade bottles with twist caps work well with my kids. JUST WATER...pain for a few days..but mean business! Just weaned my two year old, and this has worked well. Hope it helps ease things.
L.

Hi A.!

My daughter went through that same stage, and really you're right, it's the exploration stage. Also, its the stage where they can see what they can get away with. I tried time-outs and swats too. They didn't work. What did work is taking things and events away. If she wouldn't clean up her toys, I would do it. But I would put them in my closet and she would have to earn them back. If she wouldn't listen to me if I asked her to so something, I would walk her into her room and pick out something that she loved, have her hand it to me and then she would have to earn it back. Or if we were going somewhere, the park a friends house etc. I would take that away. Either for a few minutes up to just not going depending all on her. This may seem cruel but for us it works. She's turning 4 and is just a wonderful girl!! Who listens and helps out. I hope this helps.

Good Luck,
C.

i give my 20 month old twins a full 2 minute time out and if they don't make up and be nice they go back for anywhere between 30 second and 1 minute, if they continue in a tantrum because this is the stage, I will usually lay them on the couch for a very calm program like classical baby, baby einstein and winnie the pooh. with their bottle or a non leak sippy cup I use the gerber double handle, and let them be quiet with a snuggly animal or blanket or soft pillow and I go clean my kitchen. (but I can see the living room) or I will do something quiet with the other one like read a book watch the movie, play with 2 piece toys or puzzles.

Hi A.,

my 23mo has trouble listening, and I find that if I crouch next to her and say "look at my eyes" and then tell her what I want, she is much more likely to listen. I also keep my expectations in line with her abilities and just get really excited when she listens. I am sure it will get better, I know it is hard when you're stressed and busy and have too much to do, but kids can tell when you're stressed and it stresses them out. I recommend "Parenting with Love and Logic". They have lots of tools for keeping parents calm. Also - is her father consistent on discipline? If he does something different, that could cause confusion for your daughter. Good luck!
M.

Hi A., It sounds like you just really have to practice tough love. When my sons would act up I have a little plastic chair (the naughty chair) Every time they are misbehaving they go in the naughty chair. 1 min for each year. I then talk with them and if they are not sorry for their actions they stay an additional minute until they are better. It has really worked and I do not have to use it to much anymore. As far as the bottle and binky, she should not have one anymore. My son was so attached to the bottle when he turned one I did not know what to do. So one night I just took it away and also the pacifiers. Out of sight out of mind. He was not happy that night but the next day he never asked for it. I gave him a sippy cup to take to bed and that was that. You just really have to stick to your guns. Don't let them control you. You are the parent. I hope this sheds a little light and maybe helps some. Take care, L.

I recommend looking into the Love and Logic approach to parenting. Jim Fay and Foster Cline run the Love and Logic institute and have many books written, cd's and travel the country doing workshops. You can also find certified teachers doing classes as well. They have something they call room time or crib time. They also stress lots of empathy. Good Luck!

My son is 22 months and is going through all this too. He now just learned how to jump out of his crib. I find that making sure he looks at me and repeating what I expect of him helps - not always but many times. I heard repetition helps the child and remaining consistent. My personal opinion is if you want to break her from the bottle and binky. Take one thing away first - probably the bottle. If she wakes up and cries for it, let her cry. I know it's easier said than done and takes a lot to do but she will learn to comfort herself and will hopefully forget about wanting the bottle during the night.
Good luck.