H.C. asks from Choctaw, OK on October 19, 2008
My Daughter Is 10 Months Should We Try for Number 2?
My daughter is almost 10 months old. We are first time parents and have fallen in love with parenthood. My husband wants our children to be very close in age, his own brother is 13 months older than him. My only brother is 7 years younger. I would also love for my kids to be close in age. I have recently started babysitting a 2 month old baby, which has been amazing. My daughter loves him and has had an easy transition with him around. We are starting to think about number two! My husband wants to start now. Which I am almost completely on board, my question is, for you moms that have children close in age, from 1 to 3 years apart, whether you planned it or was surprised, how is it? I know there will be hard times, but should we wait longer than starting right now? If we conceived immediately my kiddos would be almost 18 months apart. Any Any Any advice would be so greatful! Thanks
So What Happened?™
UPDATE: I HAD RECENTLY POSTED MY UPDATE OF SAYING THANKS FOR THE ADICE. I AM HAPPY TO REPORT THAT I AM 5 WEEKS PREGNANT. SEEMS THAT AROUND THE TIME OF MY REQUEST, GOD WAS TAKING CARE OF THE ANSWER HIMSELF. SO HERE GOES NOTHING!MY HUSBAND IS THRILLED AND I AM SUPER NERVOUS BUT COMPLETLEY EXCITED ABOUT ADDING TO OUR FAMILY. OUR PARENTS AND SIBLINGS ARE EXCITED AND I AM SURE THAT WE WILL HAVE LOTS OF SUPPORT. THANKS AGAIN! Thanks to everyone for the great advice. I definetly learned one thing, babies are rarely considered a HUGH mistake. I realized from all those that gave me advice, from children close in age to further apart, you dont love any child any less or regret having any of them. Although having kids close in age can be trying, you dont know what hardship you may have with any child or mulitiple children. Today I saw my doctor, he didnt see any problem with me trying to conceive immediately. We have decided to take it slow. We are not going to try to prevent a pregnancy, If by next summer we have not become successful it will be at that time that we put a little more effort into becoming pregnant. Thank you so much to all the advice. I really appreciate it. Hope you are all doing great!
L.C. answers from Lafayette on October 20, 2008
When my second child was 6 months old, I found out I was pregnant for my third. Not planned. My oldest was only 4, a boy. The other two are girls. At first I was upset because I was soooo tired. I didn't know how I would be able to handle it, but I did. My husband has always been a great help with the kids. Shopping trips alone with them were kind of tricky, so I would try to wait until my husband was home to watch them or get someone to come with me. Sometimes it was tough, but I would not change a thing. They are older now. My son is 15, and my daughters are 12, and 11. People ask if they're twins. They fight sometimes, but they really are close.
A.B. answers from Jonesboro on October 20, 2008
Hello H.! You'll probably get amillion responses to this but I wanted to share my own experience. My husband and I had MANY difficulties conceiving and maintaining a pregnancy. After many years, fertility drugs and surgery to fix a malformation with my uterus we had our first son in October of 2004 after 10 years of marriage and 5 years of trying. He is the most amazing little boy ever!!! We knew we wanted another baby and were concerned about the time it took to conceive the first one. I had just turned 30 when we had our first and if it took another 5 years I knew we would be over 35. Anyway we started trying when my son was 4 months old and it took a year to get pregnant with him making them 22 months apart. It was the best decision we ever made!! We had our second son in August of 2006. They are now 2 and 4 and are so good with each other. Now don't get me wrong they have there moments but I think it was the best thing we ever did. Big brother looks out for him and, although he does pick on him, he does not want anyone else to do that. It was a little rough at first but once the baby started sleeping better it was easier. And because they are so close in age the younger one is learning so much from the older one. He talked early, walked early, most all of that kind of thing he does early because he has his big brother to learn from! I say if you want them close together go for it!! It was the best thing we ever did!
J.F. answers from Tulsa on October 20, 2008
I have 2 boys, they are 5 1/2 years apart. I thought by having my kids farther apart, that they wouldn't fight near as much, LOL. Man was I was wrong. They fight about anything and everything. My youngest thinks he should get to do everything his big brother does which is sometimes unfair to my oldest. But eventhough my children are 5 yrs apart they are very close and my oldest is an excellent big brother but I think there are more advantages to having them close in age. Christmas and Birthdays for example, they get toys that are age appropriate for them but my youngest at 5 thinks that it's so unfair that big brother has a cell or a mp3 player when he got remote controls or movies. Now my 5 yr has a 10 yr old attitude. He has just gotten too big too fast.
Just do what feels right, your kids are going to fight no matter what, lol.
Best of wishes to you and your little family
B.C. answers from Alexandria on October 20, 2008
The choice is completely up to you. My husband and I decided to have our kids two years apart. It can be crazy sometimes, well most of the time, but that is how we wanted it. I personally think 2 years is just enough between them for us, but I know people who have less of an age gap and love it. It's one of those things you wont really know if it works for you until you try it. Just make sure you are really ready for another, because sometimes it only takes one try :) Good luck!
T.H. answers from Baton Rouge on October 20, 2008
My oldest and middle sons are 20 months apart and it was very difficult when they were babies. Both of them in diapers and both always wanted Mom. It was a constant battle for my attention especially when they were sick. And of course they always got sick at the same time. I was a stay at home mom for 10 years with them and we added a new addition when the youngest was in pre-school. In both situations there are pros and cons so ultimately it is a personal decision. My boys are 12, 11 and 6. They fight amongst themselves a lot but they are all 3 loving and caring children. I don't feel like I got to spend the quality time with the older two as I did with the third one. It was just the two of us (youngest and myself) until he went to school and it was great.
R.F. answers from Fayetteville on October 20, 2008
Our oldest will be 3 November 28th and we have an 8 month old as well. It was a bit hard in the beginning, just because I was trying to care for a newborn that needs attention 24 hours a day and trying to potty train a toddler, but my son was very good at entertaining himself, and sometimes he would climb up in the chair with me and baby brother and "read" a book for us. Now that the little guy is older, it is great.....they play together really well, and if I need to get a load of laundry done or do some dishes, big bubba loves playing with little bubba and making him laugh.
A.H. answers from Pine Bluff on October 20, 2008
There are so many different philosophies. My siblings and I were quite spread out. The gaps between my kids are 27 mos and three years. I love it. I met a mom yesterday who has a one-year-old and seven-week-old twins!! She looked very cheerful, relaxed, and glowing over her little family. (I could tell Dad helped out a lot and was very involved in parenting.) I don't know if this is applicable to you, but we just did a lot of praying and letting go of our decision making to let God be in control. He did some things that really weren't in our "plans" or even what we wanted (both giving us a child before we were ready and in giving us one after we thought we should have had him!), but they turned out being the best things imaginable for our family and the situations He placed us in. Everyone will give you very different advice on this (I haven't even read any other responses, so I don't know what advice you have.), but all in all this comes down to what you and your husband feel is right for YOU. Be bold and confident, and trust God with the rest.
S.W. answers from Fort Smith on October 20, 2008
My first 2 girls were planned and our 3rd was a surprise. My 2nd and 3rd are 14 months apart. It is very hard. I know once they get a little older it will be fine and fun. My oldest is 4 and a BIG help to me. I think I'd go crazy if she wasn't around to help me. ha! If we are home, it's ok, but when we go anywhere it's alot of work having to get the 2 small ones in and out of the car. My 2nd one is 17 months now and can walk, but I either have to old her while carrying the carrier w/the other one, or hold the carrier while bending down to hold her hand to walk.
Plus it is very hard on your body. My youngest is 3 months now and my body is still healing.
My husband and I do want one more, but we will wait at least 2 more years.
God Bless, D'Anne
T.J. answers from Oklahoma City on October 20, 2008
My first 2 are 17 months apart. I was 34 when I had my first so I thought it might take a while to get pregnant (even though it happened the first month we tried for #1). We wanted them 18-24 months apart. Well we had the exact same luck with #2 & got pregnant immediately.
It was hard for the first 2 or 3 months with a small toddler & a newborn but having them be so close has been great. They have the same friends, play really well together & are into the same things. They're 3 & almost 5 now and will start school just one year apart.
My only regret is that I feel like my first missed out on being a baby. She seemed so grown up at 17 months compared to the new baby. When baby #2 was 17 months I realized what a baby #1 had been at that age. :(
Then a month after #2 turned 2 we unexpectedly became pregnant with #3 & what a huge difference having #2 and #3 them be 32 months apart is!! Both older girls understood and enjoyed the pregnancy & have been such great helpers with their new sister.
So both worked well in different ways for our family - but I don't think you would regret having them close. :)