16 answers

My Daughter Doesn't Want to See Biological Father

I am married with three kids. My oldest is from another relationship. My husband has been raising my oldest since she was one. Her biological father has been in and out of her life for seven years and only comes around about ever two years. Well this year at Christmas time he wanted to see her. I have been fairly straight forward with her. Telling her that he just has never grown up and I don't know that he ever will. Of course it was in words that she would understand. We (my husband and I) asked her if she would want to see him and she told us no. Because of her decision, which I am extremly proud of, we have heard that he is seeking vistitations. he is not someone that needs her every other weekend. He is not responsible enough. His own family agrees with me. Does anyone have any suggestions or no any of the laws if a child doesn't want to see the father? Please help!

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

Does he know she doesn't want to see him? See if he will go to mediation, otherwise hope you get a judge who will listen to the child.

More Answers

I would sit down with the bio and discuss what he wants and try to come up with a reasonable compromise. I'm just afraid that the lawyers and court may take some of the comments that you say to be hostile towards the father and say that you turned her against him. I'm not saying that you did, but in this day in age, you have to be careful of what you say as anything can be used against you.

If your daughter doesn't want to see her, ask her why and then that that info to him in a calm manner and explain that you just want to respect your daughters wishes. Then tell him that maybe some time in the future, she may change her mind. She may want to get to know him.

Hope this helps.

1 mom found this helpful

If you think you need a lawyer, I actually am currently using one out of Olathe for my husband and I to get custody of his oldest daughter.
I think that if you can get his family on your side agreeing that he doesn't deserve visitation, you have it made. What more evidence would you need? If that doesn't work, maybe you should just agree to supervised visitation. That way, you and your husband could still be there for her while she's with her biological father.
Please doen't tell her anything negative about her father. It is her right to develop her own opinion.

In the state of Missouri if you were never married to the father, the mother has sole custody unless custody and visitation have been ordered through the court. My 7 yr old goes through spurts on seeing his biological father and I even had the school counselor talk to him about it. My ex only comes around and is consistent when it is football season b/c he is my son's coach. The other 9 months of the year we have to track him down like Magnum PI. The counselor said if the child has already determined in their mind that they don't want a relationship and they are ok with their life how it is, it's actually very healthy and adult of them. Alot of kids carry around unnecessary guilt about thier parents and if your daughter has come to this conclusion on her own then good for her! Maybe calling her school counselor and having a 3rd party involved may help...best of luck to you!

I do have a suggestion. I'm not an expert on this, but here lately I've been in family court for child support and have observed other cases. What I've heard the mothers do is make a case for why they feel visits should be supervised or why the father should not see the child at all. I understand that she may not want to see her father and I'd tell the judge as much. Who knows? The judge may deny visitation, grant him one supervised visit a month or whatever. Could you get him to sign off on his parental rights? That might be an option as well. Good luck!

It is going to depend on what state you live in and whether you and the father were ever married. In some states, Oklahoma for example, if the mother and father were never married, the mother assumes sole rights and sole custody. He is not intitled to anything. If he sues for visitation and presses the issue, you can always request supervised visitation. He is responsible for paying for the supervised part. Make sure it's someone with the court and not a family member. If you live in another state, you will definitely want to check with an attorney.
I am a single mom and am going through this with my daughter's biological father. I contacted my lawyers and that is exactly what they told me. Let me know if you have any more questions.

I would definitely talk to a lawyer. He may advise a child psychologist to talk to your daughter and on your behalf. I would also make it clear to him that I intended to fight this, and he may back off. Good luck, K..

The only thing I can think of is to seek a lawyer (for your daughter, not you) and have it legally documented and from your daughters own mouth that she does not wish to see her father. Hopefully that will stand up in court... I can't see why it wouldn't. She may even have to make her statement on the stand. However the legal system works, it is your daughters decision and not the biological fathers. My stepfather raised me from when I was 5. My biological father and your daughters biological father have a few things in common. When I got a lot older, I went to meet him and I wasn't missing too much. But you must make it stressed and noted that this is your daughters decision and not the biological fathers. Hope this helps and God Bless You and Your Family.

Does he know she doesn't want to see him? See if he will go to mediation, otherwise hope you get a judge who will listen to the child.

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