28 answers

My Daughter Does Not Want to Do Her Homework

I have a 2nd grader, that absolutely hates to do her homework. She spends an average of 3 hours playing and humming on her homework. I tried time out, offering money as a reward, I tried a hundred things. If I'm by her pushing her to get it done, she gets too upset and starts to cry. I ran out of ideas to make her homework time pleasureble and likeble to her. Please, help me. I'm getting already very tired of this situation.

1 mom found this helpful

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So What Happened?™

Thank you so much for all the help. We are finishing the year and my daughter did it beautifully. The problem was the teacher. She was intimidated and unhappy with the teacher. I took her to the doctor's office because the teacher said she was ADD. The doctor talked to my baby, and said she was an adorable healthy child and probably just bored, and also he suggested to chance teachers. And so, we did it. Worked great!!!!
She went to school once, without her homework done, and she felt horrible, after that she never wanted to do it again. Her new teacher is wonderful, and my daughter loves her. Also, my husband is back from Iraq and that helped her to stop being so much in "la la land".
She was awarded "the queen of reading with feeling" and tested as a 4th grade level reader. She is also in the honor roll.
thank you again,
S.

Featured Answers

Hello S.,

I think you got plenty of good advice. I just wanted to say that I'm Brazilian too. If you ever feel like talking to another Brazilian, you can write to me. My name is S. and I have a 3 year old daughter.

1 mom found this helpful

I am a 4th grade teacher who deals with this issue quite a bit. My suggestions, don't force her to do her homework. Let the teacher give her the consequence for not finishing her homework. I tell my parents that their job is to provide the time and space for their child to do the homework, but it is up to the child to complete it. She'll learn a good lesson of responsibility in the process and you will probably have a less stressful evening. :)

1 mom found this helpful

hi
i'm an elementary teacher. i am wondering if the homework is too hard for her. i would talk to the teacher immediately about this. maybe the 3 of you together can work out a plan. maybe she's getting too much?????

good luck
A.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

I don't know if you've ever heard of Flylady, but she's an organizational guru who helped me get my life and home in order and helped me implement routines into my schedule (she used to be scattered, chaotic, unorganized, and messy but gained some peace and order in her life and her mission is to help others find that peace and order for themselves).
Anyways, she has made a routine list for students (called a "Control Journal") to help them get themselves organized and disciplined. I really suggest checking it out and printing it for your daughter at http://www.flylady.net/images/student_CJ.pdf

Her ideas have made a big difference in my life.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi S.,
It seems that you may have to do some investigating to see what is beneath the surface of your daughter's stress over homework.I am a retired teacher and have had years of practice trying different strategies to help motivate children to learn. There are a few things that come to my mind as I read your letter. First, homework should be an opportunity for children to practice the lessons they have been taught in class. A talk with your daughter's teacher might give you information about how well she is grasping the lessons in class. If she is having trouble with the material, the teacher may be willing to modify her assignments. Second, as a general guide, about 20-30 minutes per grade level is a good amount of time to spend on homework, so 3 hours for a second grade child is way too long! She may see the tasks as huge, so you might try breaking them down into smaller segments with little breaks - a snack, a little outdoor playtime, etc. Even in school a teacher doesn't expect a child her age to sit and work for 3 hours straight without diversifying the activities. She may be humming and playing just to survive what she sees as overwhelming! Third, money is usually a poor motivator, and time out may be just the break she needs from her work! Try offering to spend time playing a short game, dancing to her favorite music, face painting, or any special activity with your daughter in a one-on-one activity each time she finishes a segment of her homework. She may be wanting your attention, or if her dad is away, she may be missing his attention more than she lets you know. A little 15-20 minute activity after each segment of homework could be fun for both of you. Crying is a child's natural way of telling you that something is wrong, so if you think the crying is more than frustration with the homework, you may want to ask if there is a school counselor available to visit with her. Try hard to offer her praise and hugs every time she accomplishes a task. The mantra at our house has always been: "You give power to what you focus on!" Focus on what she does well, and build on that. Your patience with her is such a gift! Best of luck to you and your daughter!

2 moms found this helpful

Hi S.,
I am an elementary school teacher, as well as a mother. I have worked with students your daughter's age for several years.
You could try setting a timer, and just having her do homework for 10 or 15 minutes at a time, then take a break. She could have a snack, run around outside, watch a little TV, or whatever for a few minutes, then set the timer again for more homework.
If she CAN'T do the homework because it's too hard, you should let her teacher know right away.
Another suggestion is to find out what the consequence is at school for not having homework done. Allow her to suffer that consequence and maybe that will be enough to get her inspired to do it at home.
You could also try doing it at a different time of day. If she's too frazzled to do it right after school, try after dinner or even first thing in the morning.
Good luck!
-P.

2 moms found this helpful

Dear S.,

I am an educator and I am currently working in the vision special education population as a braille paraprofessional.
I have also raised two sons and now they are both in college. For a second grader, school can be a very long day. I always gave my children (when they were little) a snack when they came home and a 30 minute to a one hour break time before they began their homework. I played with them during the break time in order for us to have quality time together, unless they were playing with their friends. They knew that when the break was over, it was time to do their homework. In other words, I was establishing a routine with them. I tried to let them do this work on their own, but they knew that they could come to me if they had questions or problems with their homework. One thing that you should do is ask your child's teacher about how long the average 2nd grade student should take to complete the homework (length of time depends on the age of the child and the type of homework). Children should not be bribed to do their homework. You do need to explain to her the consequences of not getting her homework done, such as receiving a lower grade. The more important consequence is that if she doesn't finish her homework it will make it difficult for her to understand other homework in the future; school work builds on itself. She must learn the consequences on her own. If she is really struggling with her homework, you need to speak to her teacher. Her teacher may be able to help you adjust this work for your child. Today, teachers adapt homework for those children who are struggling. For example, I work with students who are blind. Obviously, they can't see the writing on the board or use traditional print. We must adapt lessons so that they can braille their materials, use manipulatives, talking computers and talking calculators in order for them to solve problems. Homework should not be a miserable experience. It is only a tool for the teacher to see how your child understands what she has learned. It also allows your child a time to practice what they've learned. I hope this has helped!

A. D.

1 mom found this helpful

Do you sit down with her? Sometimes, kids just want support, someone to just sit with them, and talk to them about the work, find different ways of making it fun for them, especially when there that young.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi S.,

I have not been through this situation (yet) but my feelings tell me to advise you just not to pay too much attention to her homework issue. Basically give her a break for a little while and see what happens. (I personnaly don't think they should give homework to 6 years olds). If this situation is not acceptable to you maybe you should seek advice from a professional. But what I would avoid in the meantime is bribery, punishment, money as a reward etc... And spend a little more quality time with her (maybe that's what she really needs now) instead of spending 3 hours getting her to do her homework and ending up both of you stressed, frustrated, upset...). I am not sure how present her father is (being in the military) but he also should spend s much quality time with her as he can. At young age children need their parents even more.

Hope this will help. Good luck and all the very best.

1 mom found this helpful

have you tried letting her have a snack after school, like carrots or apple slices. I agree that you should talk with her teacher, school counselor and doctor.
We have had a difficult time with our daughter as well. If she has just learned something she does great, but once she knows it, she is bored and it takes fffffooorrrreeeevvveeerrr to get her homework done. Last year, after much discussion with her teachers, doctor, etc. we took her to be evaulated for ADD (not ADHD). They tested her and told us she was just over the line for ADD. We tried a non-stimulated medication and found no improvement. We are waiting to see how this year goes before we make the decision to put her on a stimulate.
If it is decided that she should be evaulated for ADD/ADHD make sure you take her to someone that is trained in doing so, not just her pediatrician.
Good Luck

1 mom found this helpful

Hello S.,

I think you got plenty of good advice. I just wanted to say that I'm Brazilian too. If you ever feel like talking to another Brazilian, you can write to me. My name is S. and I have a 3 year old daughter.

1 mom found this helpful

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