19 answers

My Daughter Cries When I Drop Her off at School She Is in 2Nd Grade

We are in the 3rd week of school.And last Tuesday I dropped off my 2nd grader and she went to the school door and truned around I thought that she had left something in the car.Tears were comming down she said that she had a stomach ake.
Every day now she has a stomach ake and cries when I drop her off.I asked her what is wrong she use to love school.She said that the work is to hard.When her teacher said that she is doing very well.She says that she misses me all day.I just don't know what to do.

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So What Happened?™

I went to drop off my daughter yesterday.She got up and could not wait to get to school.When we got to the play ground I had to go to the office because my son was sick.She was fine untill I came back onto the play ground.She started to shake and cry then 4 little girls came up to her and come to find out that this one girl said that April took her pencil.April stood thier and keep on deffending her self.Now if this was my son I would have thought secondthoughts but my daughter is pritty good on telling the truth.The other girls said that April and this little girl did not get along.So today I am going to the teacher to find out what to do.I had my husband drop her off and she said that she was shaking.I will keep you up to date.

Featured Answers

If possible I would plan a day to volunteer in her class. This will allow you to observe things, her in the environment.

When you get home spend the evening chatting with her in detail about all that went on. Really act excited about what you saw at her school, act like it was Disney land, and go on and on about how awesome you thought everything was.

Pick up a new cool supplies kit for her for school with her favorite characters, etc.

Set up a play date with school friends to establish more of a bond with them so the environment will be more pleasant for her.

Hope this helps.

Pam A.

That is so hard, I am sorry. My daughter did it last year for 6 weeks in the middle of 1st grade. After asking her many many questions, we finally found that she was being teased by other girls in her class. Look into that. Bullying starts so early now. Good luck!

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Hi L.,

The only thing that I can tell you is that my daughter was being mistreated (for lack of better word) by her teacher for months and I IGNORED all the red flags. Until my daughter started getting physically sick. I contacted the school and met with all parties involved including the director… All my concerns fell on deaf ears - the teacher had an excuse for every incident my daughter complained about. Long story short, there was an investigation launched and the teacher was released. All of my daughters accusations were confirmed by other students and teachers (based on the investigation). I was told other teachers knew what was happening and were afraid to loose their jobs.

I’m not saying that’s the case with your daughter, but PLEASE listen to her. If this behavior is unlike her then you as a parent have every right to get to the bottom of it. Ask questions, meet with the teacher ask your daughter why she’s afraid and how you can try to make the situation better.

It might be one of her peers, kids can be very cruel.

Best of luck

1 mom found this helpful

This is hard, but you will need to just let the teacher or principal handle it. I work at my son's elementary school and we see this during the first couple of months of school and it is normal, especially after a long break such as summer. Keep in contact with the teacher regularly and it will get better as the school year goes on. My girlfriends daughter would hang on to her leg and not want her to go, she did this from kindergarten to second grade. They will eventually know that it doesn't change, that they need to be at school.
Also check to see what it going on in the friend category. Sometimes that may cause stress too. She may be being shunned or something, so it doesn't feel good to go to school. Unfortunately girls start very young being catty and mean. Just make sure no one is treating her indifferently. It will get better.

maybe send her with a special necklace or a picture of you in her folder????

First of all, it's right out of the "Your Seven-Year-Old" book. My daughter had 3 days home with terrible stomach aches. I took the day off and went to school with her the next day. I found out that the teacher had made her write "standards" after she had yelled to warn the other kids that the teacher was coming. I saw how stern the teacher was. She was very different from her first grade teacher. Since she was the only second grade teacher, I would've had to move my daughter from the school to move her out of that class. Instead, we sat down every night for her to tell me everything that happened during the day. (I was actually hoping to gather evidence against the teacher, so I typed it all as she spoke). However, after just a few days, my daughter was happy again and didn't have any more trouble with that teacher. (She continues, at age 23, to have stomach troubles due to anxiety). She stayed and did her best work that year. I agree with all the advice to listen, listen, listen.

If possible I would plan a day to volunteer in her class. This will allow you to observe things, her in the environment.

When you get home spend the evening chatting with her in detail about all that went on. Really act excited about what you saw at her school, act like it was Disney land, and go on and on about how awesome you thought everything was.

Pick up a new cool supplies kit for her for school with her favorite characters, etc.

Set up a play date with school friends to establish more of a bond with them so the environment will be more pleasant for her.

Hope this helps.

Pam A.

Happened to my son when he was in 2nd grade too---the tummy aches, not wanting to go to school...turns out he was being bullied at recess. It was resolved quickly and the teacher was very supportive. At the time I didn't think of volunteering at the school, as the other moms have suggested---which is a great idea.
I don't think it is simply a case of her missing you, unless there are some changes/issues at home too that she has trouble coping with.
But please do not ignore the situation. Good luck!

It's funny, I am mid/late 30's and I remember 2nd grade being VERY hard. I agree with the previous comments and have the counselor meet with her regularly to see if they can figure it out. I'm sure you won't, but do NOT ignore this or just wait for it to pass. She is still young enough that how she learns to deal with these situations now (and how others help her with them) can influence how she deals with stressful situations for the rest of her life.
I like giving her a picture she can hide in her school supplies and the handful of kisses (or a whole bunch of hugs in the morning and she can "use" one when ever she needs it). Good luck, I'm sure you will figure it out.

Hi L.,

I think it is a stage of life. My son did this in the middle of first grade. One day he held on to me for dear life crying and saying he didn't want me to go. This was a child who gave me a casual wave as he left for preschool. He was quite independent.

Let me tell you, the situation got worse before better. There were days when he teacher had to peal him off my leg. I asked him if kids were picking on him - No. His school work was fine. We both loved his teacher. I spoke with all of the recess and lunch supervisors who watched for bullies. They reported back that he played fine with no problems.

His teacher made him a sticker chart. Each morning that he went into the class with no problem he received a sticker. When he had a few days he received a prize, then a week's worth another prize. I think it took three weeks to send the last of the tears away.

To this day we do not know what triggered his mommy missing. And, that was the only explanation I ever received. He missed me.

So my daughter is seven and in 2nd grade like yours. A couple of weeks ago she had an anxiety attack while waiting in line because she misplaced a math paper. Then we had an occurances at the baseball field where she was with her dad but freaked out because she didn't know where I was - thought I had left her. This has happened a few time since and I've been close by each time. She'll even panic when I am going around one side of our truck and she the other.

Last night she had three nightmares where I left her, the last one a monster ate me. Today I let her have an anxiety day, but I let her know there is a one day only rule. I am at her school all the time since I am active in the PTA. I know what is going on in her class and on the playground. Once again I am attributing her behavior to a stage of life. It is bothersome and worrisome but I am comforted that my son went through the same stuff just a year earlier in time than his sister.

Just give your daughter support and love. I would bring the teacher and supervisors into the loop. In time it will work itself out.


That is so hard, I am sorry. My daughter did it last year for 6 weeks in the middle of 1st grade. After asking her many many questions, we finally found that she was being teased by other girls in her class. Look into that. Bullying starts so early now. Good luck!

Request that a school counselor start meeting with her to find out what the issue is. There might be something she's not telling you. Even though she's doing well in school she might be feeling too much pressure, or there might be a bully she's not telling you about. Her teacher may even be making her feel nervous. Pursue this until you get some answers!

Put a note in her lunch. Tell her how much you love and adore her. When you drop her off, remind her that you have tucked a little note into her lunch so she has something to look forward to reading.

Make sure she had done all of her homework, and is ready and well-prepared for the day.

I had the same issue with my 1st grader. Turns out she was being over worked by the PE teacher....long, long story. But do listen to you daughter, you are her advocate. Most schools have a counselor that can help your daughter transition if she is just truly missing you! I would talk to her, find out what's really making her upset!

Hello, This is interesting because I was just talking to a couple of second grade teachers at the school where my grandsons attend and I volunteer. Our oldest grandson is in all Honors classes and our next one is in the G.A.T.E. program. Our second grade grandson may very well be even smarter than the first two. He has had a bad start in school and was crying when his mommy would drop him off at school and when she volunteers and also when I volunteer in his class. He started going to the school when he was 2 months old when I would take him to volunteer with me. All of the teachers know him and love him. Anyway, the two teachers I spoke with said that the curriculum is much harder now. When I worked in elementary education third grade was a year of much learning and now it is the second graders who are learning so much. With trying to improve our children's education we are now expecting so much more from them at an earlier age. I'm sure it must feel overwhelming to some children. Hopefully, she will adjust to the new school year. If the teacher is saying that she is doing okay, I wouldn't make a big deal of it. However, I would make sure that she knows that you are listening and let her vent. I would also make sure that nothing else is brewing or bothering her. I used to make sure that my own kids knew that I was thinking about them during the day. I would give them a bunch of kisses in their hands and tell them that they could get one out if they needed it. They could also give me some. This even worked with my grandchildren that I babysat.
Good luck with your precious little girl.
K. K.

Hi L.-My children are younger so we haven't quite entered this stage yet, but I just wanted to tell you that my prayers are with your daughter and your family for things to work out well and for your daughter to feel confident and happy about being in school and especially for any bullies to leave her alone. My heart just goes out to you as a fellow Mom. Hang in there!!

Listen to your LO, something is going on. My friend's LO had a similar issue. Also was in second grade. Child had stomache aches, eventually would spit up every morning because she was so nervous to go to school. The parent went over and hovered around the classroom one day after classes started. Turned out the teacher was yelling and threatning the kids over silly little things. The LO was scared of the teacher. Not to say this is the case with yours, but I would just explore the situation, maybe even try switching her to another class and see if that works better.

Hi L.- I read most of the responses and didnt see what Im about to say.my niece was in second grade and didn't want to go to school, same situation that eveyone else is saying. My sister (her mom) kept checking with the teacher and with her to see what the problem was. Finally she called me and asked if I could talk toher and see what was happening. My sister left the room so she could talk openly on the phone. It didnt take long to find out that a 4th grader bully was bothering her at recess and lunch time. She was so upset, yet relieved to finally tell someone. The parents talked to the teacher and they both watched at recess to see what was happening. Eventually the boy got kicked out of school, but at least my niece was protected and knew we were there to listen and help!!
It may take some time to find out the root cause, but be loving and supportive, she will always remember that!

Good Luck!

It is true that 2nd grade is appreciably harder than first grade, and that they expect the kids to be far more independent. Right now, though, you don't know if the reason for your daughter's anxiety is the school work alone. Have you had a sit down with the teacher? Is there a specific subject she's struggling with? Sometimes when a child is doing well in general the teacher might not notice that they're really struggling in another arena. Does she need some extra help? Is there anything else going on? See if you can get your daughter to give you more detail. Is there a school counselor? Second grade is the dividing line, when it's clear that they're not babies anymore. Give her some way of knowing that she'll always be your baby. Let her say goodbye to that stage of her life in her own way and time. Good luck - this too shall pass.

S. Eiges, M.S.W.

I know it's tough for both of you but you should try to ease her seperation anxiety by talking to her and letting her know that you miss her too but she must go to school. On the first day of school for my first grade son, I packed him a lunch and wrote a little letter to him that said I love you and a BIG happy face. Or a secret picture that is of you and her and you can laminate it and she can place it on the bottom of her pencil box and discreetly look at it for support. Also,there is a book called "The kissing Hand". Read it and then plant a kiss on your daughters palm & it comforts her to know a part of you will be with her during the day. On the way to school if you take her distract her by talking about other things and reassure her that you will be back for her. Second grade is tough and maybe she is overwhelmed too, be there for her. Good luck hope this is useful.

I would say this is unusual, at this age/grade.
HOWEVER.. it does happen, when the child is unhappy or stressed etc.

You need to pursue it further... to see WHY your daughter is having physical stress symptoms and emotional hardship about going to her class.

Is she being bullied/teased/picked on/ignored? ASK OTHER PARENTS from her classroom if their child "complains" about the Teacher/class etc.? Ask fellow classmates... how their Teacher is or what EXACTLY happens in class etc.

Does your daughter have a "reason" for "why" she is so unhappy? Because until now, she did enjoy school. So, to me, this is a red-flag of some kind.

IF the school-work is too hard as your daughter says.... BUT her Teacher says she is doing fine... Then, what is the contradiction here about?
Your daughter missing you all day, means to me that she is experiencing some kind of unhappiness or trouble or something is not, well. A child this age misses their parent when they are having problems or feeling at a loss for something.

SEE what is really bothering your daughter.
I would trust your daughter... and go according to her.
MAYBE, is she really ready for 2nd grade? Is she 6,7,or 8 years old? In my daughter's class, (she is also in 2nd grade), some kids are still 6 going on 7, some are already 7 going on 8, and some are already 8 years old. SO... there is a range.

I would also, make an appointment with the Teacher to discuss what is making your daughter so unhappy etc.

The previous respondent, Bea, had a good point.

All the best,

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