My Daughter Cries If I'm Not Holding Her All of a Sudden.

Unfortunately, there's nothing you can really do to force her to be ok playing by herself again. All babies get clingy (for lack of a better term) and need us more at certain times. Teething, sickness, getting shots and being in overwhelming settings can cause this to occur. The best thing to do is respect that she NEEDS to be close to you for this time and hold her and comfort her. A sling or baby carrier are great for times like these when your baby wants to be close to you, but you need your hands to get some things done. The Ergo is awesome for older babies! Remember that this is temporary and the more love you give her, the easier it will be for her to feel okay about venturing out and playing by herself again.

And, I have to say, I totally disagree with the "babies cry, that's what they do" mentality. Being strong is not letting your baby cry when they need you - that's being neglectful. Being strong is putting your baby first and picking them up and comforting them when you are tired and have a million other things to do. Letting them cry is the easy way out. And, picking up your child who is sick and needs you for comfort is not letting them control your life. Do you want your daughter to learn that you will always be there for her or do you want her to learn not to expect much from you because you're too worried about her "controlling you for the rest of your life?" Imagine the kind of parent/child relationships that develop later in life with these two different choices - a loving, open and available parent or one that can't be bothered. I know which parent I'd rather have.

Hi C.,

Being sick can be scary for a little one. Her world has been turned a little topsy turvy and she needs you to make everything feel okay again. This is completely normal. The best thing you can do is go to her when she cries - keep responding to her needs - but also keep doing things normally (i.e. put her down to play when you normally would but if she cries, pick her up and talk to her, letting her know you understand that being sick was scary, she doesn't want to be alone right now, you're there, she's safe, etc. Eventually, she will go back to being okay on her own for a little while (She will still need lots of momma time for healthy development though of course). If you try to force her to be alone/cry it out, she'll end up more clingy/needy for a longer period of time. So try to be patient with her and know that this, like all stages with babies, will pass. Good luck!

Dear C.,

This is not an extraordinary thing for babies to do after an illness. You will need to let her play alone and cry for you for a while, she will get back to normal, but you have to be very strong, or she will control you the rest of your natural life. And you don't want that do you?

Remember that old saying: Babies cry, that is what babies do.

C. N.

I completely agree with the last post. I went through the same thing, and it's totally normal for any little break in routine to change the behavior of children this age. I'm going to guess that you or someone else probably held her a lot while she was sick (as I did and as well you should have) and all she probably remembers is that you holding her made her feel a little better. Now that she's better, she still wants that good feeling of being held. You can't force her or let her cry it out, but you do want to put her down as soon as she is calm. Then, if she starts to cry again, pick her up again. You may do this 10 or 20 times, but it should work after a few days. By picking her up every time she needs you you will assure her that you will always be there when she needs you, and putting her down as soon as she's fine will encourage her to be okay on her own. It will seem silly and repetitive, but unless there is some underlying issue it should work after a max of three days. I used a similar method to get my daughter to go to sleep on her own because I wasn't feeling the whole cry it out thing, but I did see the value of her learning to sleep on her own- and now people are absolutely amazed at not only her ability to fall asleep with no fuss, but her willingness to go to bed- and she has never been an "easy" baby. Good luck, stay strong, and try not to get frustrated.

One last thing- my daughter every once in a while will decide that she just needs to be held. Thankfully, she's past the point where one little change will create a habit, so I can do that once in a while, but she is heavy and I hate to sit still for long. I have a peanut shell (a baby sling that can be used until late toddlerhood) and on those rare days I put her in it and she can snuggle with me while I do stuff.