26 answers

My Daughter and Dogs

Hello,
My daughter loves dogs, but my husband does not care for them at all. How do we get past this? Eventually Evangeline will have a dog.

What do you recommend?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks for all the great advice. I will listen to most of you for now and just put it on hold. My daughter is not old enough to fully take care of a dog. for the record, I would never do something that my husband was against.

Thanks
B.

More Answers

It's your husband's home, too. If he does not want to have a dog right now, you should respect his wishes. I assume he goes out and works hard to provide you with a nice home. For you to disregard his wishes is quite rude and selfish. Your daughter can wait until she moves out on her own or go volunteer at an animal shelter. But I don't think you should try to force this issue on the man you love, the man without whom Evangeline would not exist. You need to read the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands and maybe call Dr Laura for her advice.

2 moms found this helpful

You haven't said how old your daughter is, but you seem determined to get her what she wants. I think the best thing my parents ever did was to NOT give me everything I wanted. They wouldn't buy me a Nintendo. They said that I could earn the money myself, so I didn't really feel like they were the big, bad parents who forbad the Nintendo. And you know, I got to play more than enough at friends' houses, and eventually I stopped wanting my own.
There will always be something that your daughter wants that she absolutely cannot have, whether it be a mansion, someone else's boyfriend, a spot on the dance team, etc. She needs to learn how to deal with that. It's part of growing up. Kids who don't are usually called spoiled brats. Especially if they MUST have everything they want, without regard to anyone else's feelings (like your husband's).

1 mom found this helpful

My daughters also love dogs. AND my husband is also against it. I must agree with him because at 4 and 2 they have no clue how to take care of a dog. I had 2 at one time and was horrible with them. They stayed in alot and I rarely walked them. They were good watch dogs when I was single but I was not a good caregiver. So, my husband said until they are old enough to have the responsiblity of REALLY taking care of it. No. I tend to agree.

1 mom found this helpful

I recommend waiting until your daughter is old enough to really take care of the dog before getting one, unless you want to bear the full responsibility. It's not fair to your daughter, your husband, you or the dog to get one and then expect your husband to help if he has no desire to. It will only cause your entire family, and the dog, problems.

In the meantime, you could always take her to visit friends with pets or to an animal shelter or Humane Society to play with their pets. (Although that may just increase her desire for a dog.)

1 mom found this helpful

"Eventually Evangeline will have a dog"?!! Wow. But will she have a daddy living in her house?

Think carefully about your priorities. Life is not designed for each of us to be indulged by some God-given right. If a spouse is strongly opposed to something, to go ahead with the idea is tantamount to starting a war -- or a divorce.

We don't do dogs either, and believe me, life is a LOT HAPPIER around here because the parents respect eachother's preferences, plus the kids learn that sometimes we have to wait a long time for things that we want. Nobody walks around whining about it.

Sorry to sound harsh, but your spousal relationsip is more important than the whim of a child.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi Bonnie,
Is your husband not a part of the decision making team? Having a pet is adding another member to your family, one that never gets potty trained. Having your husband ambivalent to the situation from the get go, you should not get a dog. It's not fair to the dog to if everyone in the house does not absolutely love it unconditionally. There is too much commitment to training, clean up, discipline, and affection for YEARS. The dog needs to feel accepted by his entire "pack." What does that teach your daughter about marital respect if you overrule him on such an important decision without compromise? What will she learn from his resentful attitude toward the animal? If you want to teach your child about the value of caring for animals, take her to a shelter and help her volunteer to pet and walk the animals and clean out their cages. I guarantee at least some of the animals are there because not everyone in the household was fully on board with the decision from the beginning. For the sake of the dog, wait until the time is right, or don't do it at all please.
S.

1 mom found this helpful

B.,

B.,

What you want is important as is what your daughter desires. You don't need to be a doormat! Expressing your opinion matters but hearing your husband's opinion is equally important. How have you handled disagreements in the past? How has that worked for you? Are you already building a wall between you?

I've got to agree with Christa - even though she was tough on you. Respecting your husband is at the core of his needs just as his love for you is at the core of yours. My husband and I have agreed to work things out w/o insisting on our own way. You can do it if your marriage really is important to you. Evangeline's daddy is certainly more important to her than a dog would be.

Please try not to take a hard line on something like this. You probably wouldn't want him to! Other people have dogs and you can visit them w/o the work and strain on your relationship with the man who should be the most important man in your life.

1 mom found this helpful

Yes, in fact, eventually your daughter may have a dog - when either you AND YOUR HUSBAND AGREE TO GET ONE or she grows up and is living on her own. Maybe you didn't mean your post to come across as blatently disrepectful of your husband and his wishes, as he also shares your home, but it did. Dogs are a big responsibility, and one that will most likely fall to you and/or your husband when your child is in school, or when you get one and she sees how much work it can be to take care of one and decides she doesn't want to do it. What then? Do you get rid of the dog because she doesn't want one any more? It is not fair to the animal if it is brought into a home where it is not wanted, even just by one member of the family. My husband would love for us to get a dog - I am the one opposed to the idea at this point in our lives. I know that I will be the one having to deal with the messes, vet visits, etc. 99% of the time and I don't want that right now. That is besides the fact that we can't even agree on the type of dog to get, if we did get one. I love big dogs, but want something smaller because my husband is active duty military and a smaller dog would be easier to move with - but hubby is stuck on getting a large dog, so we are at a stand still. EVENTUALLY we will come to a consensus on this issue, but neither he nor I would EVER go behind the other's back and buy a dog for our child just because she wants one - and that is kind of how the latter part of your post came across. Good luck - I hope you and your family can figure out what is best for ALL of you.

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