17 answers

My Child Is a Cryer and He Is Being Picked on at School.

My oldest son is a cryer and he is being picked on at school. He is the oldest and I need some help from other moms. I try to teach him to be a big boy, he is very sensitive. He has at least one bad day a week at kindergarten and he is getting teased and sometimes hit. I teach don't start it but finish it, but he doesn't want to hurt anybody or he says that they hit harder. He has now started to retaliate but I would like some feedback. Thanks

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Thank you for your responses, The teacher is aware and is also very concerned. She has had talks with the boys, maybe they can at least be cordial to each other. I will start role-playing with him and remind him that he is special because he is sensitve. I have heard a lot of benefits from putting him into some sort of self-defense class.

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I don't know if I have good advice to help him be tougher, but I do believe that helping him recognize that being sensitive is okay and actually good sometimes. I have always been overly sensitive. My brother used to be... he was teased and taunted within the family for being a baby... he ultimately smothered his emotions and I feel very bad that he has become so insensitive. If he could have gotten through those difficult times and remained sensitive, I think it would have been much better for him and his family. I feel sorry for him... I see he misses out on better relationships with others because he now seems to lack sensitivity. On the other hand, I always have had a hard time with my own sensitivity, but believe it is healthier than no emotion. Good luck strengthening him against the blows he experiences socially! Give that precious boy so much love and acceptance that he will always feel very loved.

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Not acceptable behavior or supervision at school is what I would be concerned with. Are they his friends that are picking on him or just other kids. Either way there should be some supervision going on that sounds like may be lacking. I would go talk to the teacher and or princpal at the school.

You can continue to help you son toughen up at home partly by encouraging words and helping with his self esteem. You might try a self defence class like karate or a sport like wrestling or team sport like soccer to try to build his self esteem. Not for fighting skills but for self esteem. So that he can see he can do it or that he is strong.

1 mom found this helpful

My oldest son is the same way. He wouldn't hurt a flea. He is 9 now and we are homeschooling this year, but when he was in kindergarten he rode the bus everyday and was being hit, kicked, tripped, etc. by the older kids. I found out he was going to the back to try and find a seat and this would happen. Pecking order, I guess. I went and talked with the teacher and it didn't stop, so I talked with the principal. He took me out and talked with the bus driver and assigned my son to a front row seat and that stopped it. He also had a girl that "liked" him treat him so mean at recess the next year. She would punch him, trip him, hit him, etc. He ended up in the nurses office once because she pushed him on the pavement. I was furious and had had enough. I called the girl's mom and asked her to talk to her daughter. She said her daughter had told her that he was picking on her! I said, "I would believe that if my son was aggressive, but he won't hurt anyone and has never done anything like that to anyone." I knew her daughter was aggressive, especially toward boys and I wanted it to stop. After that, it stopped.

Through the years he has continued to be bullied. He is very smart and kind to everyone. I ended up putting him into karate in kindergarten because of the bullying and it helped his self confidence. They teach not to ever start a fight but to protect yourself when needed. He was in that for several year, he was a blue belt when he quit because the place ran out of business. But that was the best thing we did for him.

His younger sister, 1 1/2 yrs. younger, loves to pick on him too. He won't fight back when she is pounding on him. I hated to tell him to hit her back, but it got so bad that he needed to show her he wasn't going to take it anymore. After he started sticking up for himself, she stopped. He is getting better at defending himself with words and occasionally with actions only when necessary, which is almost never. But it takes time. Try to instill confidence in him with other areas. The karate instructor told me not to tell him to be aggressive and to encourage hurting others. There has to be a balance. I think it is good for boys to be tender. I always praise my son for his kindness. But I tell him he has a right to stand up for himself and to try and talk it out first. He has a tendency to stuff his feelings inside, and I will sit with him and be patient to wait for an answer to my question of what is going on. He will usually tell me and then we can role play and figure out how to deal with the problem. It is important to keep the communication flowing and help him deal with his hurt feelings. I've always talked with my kids about drugs, drinking, bullying, etc. since they were young. I like them to know they can talk to me about anything and I will listen. Role playing is important too. It is a time where they can get up and say how they feel. I ususally start first and show them what I would say, then encourage them to show me how they would react. We work through problems this way and it gives them confidence when they are away from home. Then they will come home and tell me how it went.
I hope this helps.

have him or you talk to the principal or teacher

I am a teacher and a mom. You teach "don't start it but finish it" ??? Frankly, I don't think this is teaching your child good problem solving tools. How about teaching your child two wrongs don't make a right? Or using your words? Or don't sink to their level? There is enough violence in our world, we don't need to be encouraging violence. One of our society's problems is that we don't teach our children to problem solve. I think you should talk to the teacher. Maybe the teacher, you, and your son can brainstorm some strategies. Those two Columbine teens were picked on. And they finished it with guns. Do you really want to be teaching your child these strategies? I know it's a reach from kidergarten to Columbine. But you really need to think about what you are teaching your child. Also, you should look at why your son is being picked on. Children can be cruel. Parents need to think carefully about the life lessons they teach their children.

I don't know if I have good advice to help him be tougher, but I do believe that helping him recognize that being sensitive is okay and actually good sometimes. I have always been overly sensitive. My brother used to be... he was teased and taunted within the family for being a baby... he ultimately smothered his emotions and I feel very bad that he has become so insensitive. If he could have gotten through those difficult times and remained sensitive, I think it would have been much better for him and his family. I feel sorry for him... I see he misses out on better relationships with others because he now seems to lack sensitivity. On the other hand, I always have had a hard time with my own sensitivity, but believe it is healthier than no emotion. Good luck strengthening him against the blows he experiences socially! Give that precious boy so much love and acceptance that he will always feel very loved.

Having four boys of my own, I have gone through this also. If you are thinking of moving, the easy solution is to change schools. Explain to him that he will have a new start at the new school. The kids will not know on his first day what kind of a boy he is. Ask him what kind of boy he wants to be. Encourage him toward embracing the idea of being the confident, nice boy that will let any challengers know that he doesn't want to hurt anyone but he'll stick up for himself if he has to. Do some roll playing with him. Success comes when we know ahead of time how we will respond to a situation; whether it's the business world or preschool.

It sounds like he is having confidence issues. Enroll him in karate.

I agree, martial arts class. It teaches so much more than what people typically think! Try it! If you already have the attitude "don't start it but finish it" it seems like a good try. That is the same idea they teach. You don't touch until you are touched and you defend yourself. You don't just start "karate chopping" people or try to hurt people. If you are "violated" if you will, you don't put up with it. It is very controlled.

If you can get him to stay in long enough, it will teach him different techniques to stick up for himself or anybody else that is getting picked on.

If the bully was hitting our son and your son asked him to stop and he didn't, he would be able to take him down to the ground without hurting him. He would be mad, I'm sure. But he wouldn't pick on your son again.

My cousin, when we were younger, was a big cryer. He was always crying. He would cry over running and his sandal came off. He just cried about everything. Now he is a Marine (but he was never in martial arts)! =)

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