21 answers

My Best Friend Keeps Blowing Me Off

I am not really sure what to do about my best friend. She is a wonderful person, but not the greatest of friends. She will tell me she is going to be somewhere or do something and she ends up blowing me off. Sometimes without a phone call. I invited her and her family to go on a vacation with us and she wasn't sure if she could or not and then a week later told me she was going with her husbands family to the same place after I asked her about. I really enjoy our friendship, but I sometimes feel I am in it by myself. My husband seems to think she doesn't want to be friends anymore, but I just can't seem to let it go. Any advice would be great!
Thanks,
A. H.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Some things never change. I feel like our best friend status is pretty much over, but we will probably always keep in touch.

Featured Answers

I recently found myself in similar situations with ppl. I had a few ppl I considered friends, but I felt like I was always the one doing the calling, inviting, etc. I decided to let it all go. I stopped calling these ppl b/c I didn't want to keep feeling like I was "begging" for friendships. It made me depressed. I would try it... just don't initiate anything anymore. See where that takes ya'll.
Good Luck. I know it sucks w/out true friends.

2 moms found this helpful

I would just back off. Stop inviting her to go places with you, and if she doesn't make any effort to invite you out, then maybe it's time to let go of the friendship. I have to say that as far as going out, I don't do much of it. I've blown my friends off countless times (mostly because they don't have children and still frequent places that I as a mother wouldn't be caught dead in) and now they rarely invite me to go out with them. We are still friends, but I know that if I feel like going out, I better call them and invite them out!

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

I recently found myself in similar situations with ppl. I had a few ppl I considered friends, but I felt like I was always the one doing the calling, inviting, etc. I decided to let it all go. I stopped calling these ppl b/c I didn't want to keep feeling like I was "begging" for friendships. It made me depressed. I would try it... just don't initiate anything anymore. See where that takes ya'll.
Good Luck. I know it sucks w/out true friends.

2 moms found this helpful

Life is way to short to waste even a second worring about something like this. I have had a very similar circumstance and I know it hurts because like it or not we truly care about our friends. What is important is for you to refocus all your time spend trying with your friend and focus on your family. The rewards are so much more benificial. Hope this gives a little inspiration.

2 moms found this helpful

I am sorry that you feel that way. I know that I may not call or email everday but I always think about you. It is hard to hang out like we used to. We both have families and it is hard to get together. As far as me not pulling my part of the weight, I feel like I do my best. I can't think of my not doing what I said I was going to do and I would totally call if I could not make it or do whatever I said I was going to do. As far as vacation goes, if I didn't go with my in-laws I would not get to go to the beach at all. It is all about the money. It is costing me $150 for my room compared to $500 if I split it with your family. I had no choice. I am so upset about you thinking I am blowing you off. I would NEVER do it on purpose. You are the ONLY friend I have that is not a family member. I get jealous because you have other friends you can hang out with and I don't. I feel like you have more fun with them then you do with me. You just like to hang out with them alot more than you do me. I got my feelings hurt at the rodeo. Since your other friend was there you hardly said 2 words to me. I just try to be the best friend I can be and I guess that is just not good enough for you. I am so sorry!! I wish you had just talked to me about this!

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The only way you can continure a friendship with this person is to expect nothing. Try enlarging your circle of friends.

2 moms found this helpful

I have a friend like that and I can feel your pain. I made the decision about 3 years ago that I was going to quit being the one to make the friendship work. If she cared at all about the friendship then she would play an active part in it. We didn't talk for about 8 months and then one day I got a phone call with her apologizing for being such a rotten friend. We still don't talk a lot but she does call every now and then. I have a wonderful, beautiful family. They take all my time so I don't have the time or energy to keep up a friendship that someone else doesn't want to be a part of in the first place. I know it's hard to let go. It doesn't mean that you don't care for her anymore but if she doesn't want to be friends anymore then it is her loss. Luckily you have a husband and 2 beautiful children to make your life complete...you don't need her bringing you down. Good luck with this!

2 moms found this helpful

Good morning A.. It sounds like your "best friend" really isn't a friend. This sort of behavior just isn't friend-like. I knew a gal like that once upon a time - it was not a good thing. It may be a control issue. Obviously this lady is not dependable and seems to follow a path of "toxic friendship" You need to ask yourself, are you better off with or without her? If she constantly hurts you and blows you off, I suspect you already know the answer. How about your other friends? You may want to consider looking more to them for true friendship. Good luck honey - I know it's not a comfortable path to travel, but sometimes we need to make decisions that hurt at first, but turn out for the better.

2 moms found this helpful

It's easy to take things personal when they aren't meant to be. Misunderstandings have ruined many friendships. Is it possible for you to gently talk to your friend and let her know this concerns you? Maybe you could write her a letter in a non-accusatory manner and let her know your friendship is important to you, but that you are concerned and need to know if there is something that you could change to help the friendship grow? If not, just give her some time and space. It may not be you that is the problem at all.

1 mom found this helpful

I know it would be hard but you should stop inviting her out with you. I had to do that with my best friend b/c she was doing the same thing to me. You could try inviting some other friends out with you. I hope things work out for you. Good luck!!

1 mom found this helpful

I have also had similar "friends" in my life who were what I call "flaky". I learned this about them a very long time ago as they are the people who really only come around when there is something in it for them and the ones you can't really count on to be there, even when they say they will be. The best way I have found to deal with it is not to completely exclude them from my life but to expect nothing from them, knowing how they are. Your true friends will be there when they promise without excuses and will invite and include you without you having to initiate. I have also found that some "friends" want more to do with me when they aren't spending every free moment chasing after a man in their lives. I include these fair-weather friends when I send out invitations to events, knowing and expecting that they won't show even if they say they will and planning on that accordingly. 99.9% of the time, I am right, but every blue moon, they might surprise you, so I still include an invitation. I keep them on my Christmas card list, and I send out e-mails now and then to stay in touch from my end. These are the friends who will send you hundreds of stupid e-mail forwards but won't take 5 minutes to type a personal e-mail to you updating you on their lives. These friends are the ones who expect you to come to their wedding and baby showers bearing gifts but won't reciprocate and come to any of the same for you. These are the ones who want people to come to their kids' birthday parties with gifts but again, they don't show for your own. I am giving a baby shower for my real best friend this weekend, and we have had this situation with some mutual fair-weather friends over the years. I invited all of these friends to her shower that I'm giving, especially since my best friend went to their events bearing gifts every time, and this is the first baby for my best friend. So, it is time for all of these friends to reciprocate their attendance and a gift for her baby! Well, so far, none of the fair-weather friends are coming. They all have excuses that are lame, or they just haven't even responded. We totally expected this, and once this happens enough times, you learn several things: A--don't expect these people to ever show when they promise, B--don't make plans with just these people and be disappointed as it's better to invite them only to group events where you aren't left in the lurch if they don't show, C--don't ever EVER "go in on" something with them as you WILL be left paying for the whole thing (or their share) or left with the responsibility of it all (like sending funeral flowers, giving a shower, purchasing a group gift for someone), and D--make sure this person has your current contact information so that isn't an excuse for them to not get in touch with you, but don't find yourself putting more effort into sustaining a friendship with the person that they show to you. There is someone out there somewhere who would value your friendship enough to be there for you, to reciprocate, and to show when they say they will. Some people are just the flaky type, and you have to realize what a waste of your time it is to try too hard with these people. You have better things to do, so put your time toward those things, such as making new friends or doing things with the people you can count on, such as your family. That is what I learned a long time ago with people I've known as long as 25 years. I hope this helps, and also, don't take it personally in thinking that their behavior has anything to do with you as a person. I would guarantee it does not. It is just how that person is, and now that you know it, move on to better things and keep that person on the fringes unless she puts forth more effort.

1 mom found this helpful

I would invited her to lunch one day and have a heart to heart time about how you feel about her actions. I would ask her if she feels she has out grown the friendship or is there something going on in her life you are not in the know about. I would tell her you will understand both ways. I also would like you to know that if lose your friendship, you do nothing right sometimes friends just grow apart.If this is the case just let her know but only if you mean it that the door is open if she changes her mind. God bless!

1 mom found this helpful

I was that way with a particular 'friend' as well. I couldn't let it go even tho she did a lot of blowing off, and I was the one with a kid and a full time job, etc. Friendships require nurturing and give and take; this chick is doing neither. I'd write her a letter asking her what her deal is and make it clear to her you notice her actions (or non-actions) and that it hurts you, ask her if you have done something to upset her in any way. Don't be defensive, there could be an explanation. Maybe she likes her alone time but doesn't want to hurt your feelings at the same time. That's hard to say to someone esp. a friend. In the meantime, nurture your other friendships.

1 mom found this helpful

I would just back off. Stop inviting her to go places with you, and if she doesn't make any effort to invite you out, then maybe it's time to let go of the friendship. I have to say that as far as going out, I don't do much of it. I've blown my friends off countless times (mostly because they don't have children and still frequent places that I as a mother wouldn't be caught dead in) and now they rarely invite me to go out with them. We are still friends, but I know that if I feel like going out, I better call them and invite them out!

1 mom found this helpful

Just share your heart with her about your concerns about yours and her friendship. Maybe you could have her over for lunch and then open up about your concerns. Of course, if she blows the luncheon off you may have to just move on ~ as hard as that may be. If you were close with some of her extended family maybe you could ask around to see if there are other things going on in her life that just has her preoccupied right now. Best wishes!

Got to reading some of the responses then ran across your friends response. Glad things are in the open and hope it all works out for y'alls friendship.

1 mom found this helpful

Hey A.-
Sorry to hear about your situation. I've just recently been through something similar myself. You have to evaluate things and ask yourself some questions. First off, you mentioned that she isn't the greatest of friends. That's a red flag right there that says that she really shouldn't be in the place of "best friend" to begin with. I hung onto someone as a best friend, but it was only recently that I realized that she wasn't a very good friend at all and that my best friends were right there in front of me helping me and advising me and conforting me in this entire ordeal! I decided that for my emotional health and well-being of not only myself, but for my family and my other relationships that I am now placing this person in the category of "acquaintance". I don't know how escalated your situation is but you may first want to consider placing that relationship on the back burner for a while and wait for her to make the next move. There is the chance that she may not make another move, and that is a decision that you will have to have peace about doing knowing that you did all you could to work things out but that she may not have wanted to work things out. You may have heard the saying "If you love something (someone) let it go and if it really loves you back, it will return to you". This is a hard thing to learn and I will tell you that I have my up days and my down days, but at the end of the day I have peace that I did everything within my power to make it work but it didn't work, but it isn't my fault. I've had other relationships restored, and some not restored. Sometimes there are just breakdowns in communication that result in the dissolving of relationships and sometimes there are bigger issues. My heart goes out to you. I hope that you can get things worked out. If not, hang in there and take one day at a time and surround yourself with people that you know love and care about you. God bless!

1 mom found this helpful

A.,
Hello. I read your friend's response and hopefully this will open up the dialogue for you both to have a heart to heart discussion. It really sounds like you both care about one another and your friendship (and that at times you both have been hurt). Remember that true friendships change over time and as we have families we tend to each get busier. My best friends and I love one another deeply and there have been times in our lives where we talk everyday (sometimes several times a day), but lately it's more on a weekly, sometimes longer basis. But, we all know that we love one another and think of each other often - we're all secure in that. We have to take time to catch up, talk, and get together - it's important to make that time on both sides, but it's also important to be understanding of situations too (remember the intent was that she wanted to get together but life happens). I got the feeling from your friends response that she would be there if you "really" needed her. I would have an open discussion with her, it sounded like she never meant to come across the way it's made you feel, but both of you should talk about your feelings and really listen to each others response. And maybe set a specific day each week to either talk or get together (just the two of you) if you can and go from there. Best of luck to you both and your friendship.
~ J.

1 mom found this helpful

A., I would back off of this one. Let your friend start doing all the work. Look for new friends in other places like church, school and playtime. I have no patience for the kind of behavior and your husband is probably right. Husbands can see these things very clearly sometimes when it comes to the wife's friends. Good luck.
M

1 mom found this helpful

Just let her go! There are plenty of people out there that would welcome your friendship. Good luck
Well.... I wrote this prior to reading Tricias Response. I think before you post these things you should try talking with your friends. Sounds like her reasons are legit. If you would have taken that time to ask her about it then you might feel the same way. Sounds like you both care about one another and if you want this friendship to work I agree with one post DON"T EXPECT NOTHING from your friends and no body gets hurt.
AGAIN GOOD LUCK!

1 mom found this helpful

I love the response to what happened. Thanks for sharing!

Well it is just that she is blowing you off.....maybe something happened that she is not telling you about or maybe she is trying to keep you away from something she doesnt want you to know about....either way it looks like you will no longer be calling her your friend...

Hello A.,
I caught your friend's response a while back but couldn't reply until now. I hope things have been resolved. You both needed to come face to face and ponder with care your relationship and misunderstandings. I'm sure you are feeling much better about the whole situation. Peace be with you both forever.
Sincerely________________

This doesn't sound like a best friend...I think you should let it go and be friends from a distance, meaning, don't get so caught up in this person. It is what it is...an associate.

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