My Baby Won't Sit in a High Chair

At the risk of sounding tough, it seems like this is a staging ground for lots of future power struggles. He needs you to set boundaries for him now and learn to work within them. If you give in to him here, in a situation in which your expectations are sound (ie the high chair is your chair of choice for him at this age), then he needs to learn to accept your loving authority. If you flex on issues like these just because he refuses to obey, then he will learn to respond to every undesirable situation the same way...that spells a lot of stress for you both. So, my suggestion would be to strap him securely into the high chair, tell him simply that this is his chair, and don't bed to his tantrums. Give him food when he learns to sit without having a tantrum. It will be hard for a day, maybe even a week for the very strong willed kid, but once he gets you mean business, he will settle down...both of you will be glad for it in the long run. He doesn't really want to run the household, he only thinks he does! The hardest part may be both not giving in, but not getting angry either. Be strong, but not angry. You are choosing what is best for him because you love him, not to punish him. Good luck! About me: Mother of a 4 year-old and 1 1/2 year old, so I know just what you are up against. Baby number three is due any day now so being consistent in mothering is going to get trickier for me very shortly!

I had the same thing with all three of my children. I let them sit in a big chair with a booster seat attached to the chair. If they stood up, I removed them from the table by pulling the whole chair away from the table...if they still stood with the chair away from the table, I got them down...They cried and wanted back to the table...so I told them they had to sit, and couldn't stand up. The booster seat that attached to the chair also had a strap, but that lasted about a month...they didn't like it...so it was teaching them self control to sit...The above worked like a champ...but it was because everyone in the house sat down to eat...if anyone else was up doing anything else, it wasn't as effective to put them down after standing in the chair once it was removed from the table since there was something else to do. Best to you!

just take the tray off and sklide the chair up to the table he will think he is older then the 4 year old cause he's up there higher then his brother.

My third child does this exact same thing. SHe's 20 months old. I just saw online this vest that pulls over their heads and attaches to chairs and high chairs even at restaurants. I am considering purchasing one because she can unbuckle any strap on any high chair. So, the straps are useless. At home, I just don't let her eat if she's not sitting, but I want this vest for when we're out at restaurants. I have actually taken in her stroller with a 5 point harness into restaurants just to restrain her. You can google "high chair harness" and there are a couple of different options. I think they will even work on grocery carts. Yea!

No ideas but if it makes you feel any better my 18 month old does the same exact thing and she doesn't have older brother or sister to copy from. She just wants to be like the adults.
What do I do? I just let her. I make sure that I am close enough at all times so she doesn't fall and sometimes she does and bumps her chin. So if you want to know what I do, I just deal with it. She is strong willed and I had her when I was so old that I want to promote that strong will so she will be smart and have the ambition to do whatever she wants and to fight to get it so she will always take care of herself. So I just deal with it.
Sorry that I couldn't be more help.

You have a strong-willed child! Direct that energy in the right direction and he could become President one day! Just make it fun for him! Play some games in the high-chair and make it a fun place to be. Maybe, Mommy could want the high-chair or your 4 yr old or even give Dad a go at it. If the chair becomes popular, guess what, chances are, he won't want to give it up.
Good Luck and many blessings. You do have your hands full.
K.

We had twins and using two highchairs took up a lot of room. We found some chairs that hook on to the side of the table. They loved it! The ones we used were Graco Travel Lite table chairs. If you do a websearch for "clip on highchair", you should be able to find many. The ones we used were very sturdy and not too hard to clean up.
Good luck!

I know it's work, but it will pay off in time. Explain very briefly to him that if he doesn't sit and eat in his highchair then he gets a time out. Give him a warning (he really is too young to understand the first time you do this, but will catch on), then if/when he gets up again, remove him from the family table and put him in his crib. Leave the room. If he has a fit, wait until he stops then go get him and try again. Keep this up, and eventually he'll get it.

At this age, actions preceed belief. They really don't know what's best for themselves yet. And this will help you thru the next couple years in teaching first time obedience.

Good Luck!

That's about when my son started that... we also have an older sibling that he wants to copy! I pick my battles, breakfast and lunch I'm more flexible, simply because I work from home - we just do what works for us...

Here's what worked for me for at least 1/2 of the meals... (so we could eat)... I started putting him in the highchair at other times of the day (non-eating times) and tape down paper and give him crayons to draw in the high chair... I'd also let him 'finger paint' with yogurt (while messy, it's fun to do)... activities that will draw his interest back to the high chair.... so now at lunch and dinner, I have paper taped underneath his plate on the high chair tray - and I have crayons ready (but hidden under a napkin so he can't see them right away) and I put his food there for him to eat, he'll usually eat about 1/2 of his meal then get bored of the highchair, that's when I take his plate away, and let him color for a bit, then I offer him his plate again every few minutes so that he eats. May not be the best approach, and it may not be right - but it worked for us...

Now at 24 months, he sits beside us at booths when we dine out, no highchairs then, I opted out of that battle - we're not there to impress others, just to eat a simple meal, he eats, no fussing, we're good! I take the paper/tape and 4 crayons with us to every meal out as a family, I tape 2 pieces of blank copy paper onto the dining table wherever we are and he goes to town drawing while we wait on our meals...sometimes my husband will take him on a tour of the place (near the entrance or outdoors for a few min if it's nice out) just to pass the wait time on meals arriving.. and as a result of picking battles, he now sits in his highchair for 3/4 of the meal with us at home... once he gets fussy, I just excuse him from the table, if he comes back hungry I put him back in his chair to eat! I tell him 'you can either play nice on the floor, or eat nicely in your chair'. He doesn't throw fits now!!

I know you'll find what works for you - each childs temperment is different. For me it was important to try to meet his needs and my own with some sort of compromise... my main goals were for him to eat, and for the family to eat, so this works for us. Good luck!!

One other option (fairly expensive though) is http://www.stokkeusa.com/tripptrapp1.htm I've seen them in Baby USA; you may find a used one on craigslist, etc. It may be a win win for you if you're up for the invenstment. We don't have one, but I know some moms who do.... just another idea.

I have a 19 almost 20 month old boy now that is beginning to enjoy his independence more now too. He wants to determine when he can walk around getting into things in stores and fusses when I pick him up to hold him. I think it is partially the age and their new taste of freedom to some extent. My son does sit in a booster at the table, buckled. Unless your son knows how to undo the buckle, I would buckle him even though he doesn't want it buckled. If he is able to unbuckle himself, that will take a little more persistence on your part. If he throws a fit or fusses, we turn our child around facing out from the table until he is done and then we turn him back around to face us. Other times, we may remove him from the table and put him in his crib until he finishes fussing and then bring him back. All this is done in an effort to ignore his tantrum or fussing eliminating him getting what he wants by fussing. I would definitely recommend buckling your child until they are safe to leave at the table without standing in their chair. This is a difficult age as this is when they begin to push hard for what they want. But if you don't establish early that you are the one in charge, it will only get more difficult. Hope this is helpful. Good luck!

at about 15months my son started doing the same thing. He has a 4 year old sister and wants to do everything she does. You can't prevent the messes, but can do things to keep them from being so messy. Try getting them a small table to eat at, like a miniature card table with chairs. Or sit with them when they eat. I found both my kids did better if I was at the table with them. I didn't have to eat, but sat at the table and talked to them, flipped through the mail, etc.

good luck

There is a book called "The Strong Willed Child" by Dr. Dobson. Read all of it before applying it, and then don't stop applying it until it works. The problem most parents have with disciple is they give up on the solution right before it takes effect.

Hi T.

At this age both of my kids hated to be in high chairs. I bought one of the little toddler pinic tables and put it in our kitchen. My kids eat there and love it.
They prefer to "graze" and not eat all at once, but if they are eating food, they have to be at that table.
Good Luck to you.
J.

The straps are a must for safety. However, this time of year they have those cute little kiddie tables and chairs. We used one for my youngest at about that age. The chair is low to the ground so if he fell, no biggie. But if he wouldn't stay in his seat (within reason, as he was a toddler) we would tell him, okay, if you can't be like a big kid you have to go to the baby chair...and put him in the high chair. Good luck!

Hi T..

I was thinking maybe if you could find a little table set for a small child. Your child might except that and set in the chair. Put it close to you were you are eating. And see what kind of reaction the child will give you. I don't know were to find one. Hope you the best. It might just work.

I would simply tell him/her that they cannot eat without being in the chair where you want them. I am old school on this kind of thing. It's a non-negotiable item. I give my children plenty of choices but something like this/car seat/grocery cart/etc is not up for debate. If they want to eat, they sit in the chair. Always check the chair is comfortable, of course, and not poking or confining.

After sitting in the chair for the first few days offer plenty of decisions during the meal to counter the lack of control. For example, 'would you like beans or rice', 'strawberries or blueberries', etc.

If it makes you feel any better I didn't even own a high chair until my 3rd child. The booster chairs always did work for my first two. Maybe a smaller high chair that can be pulled up to the table would work? If not, then you might have to show him who's boss and put the belt on him whether he likes it or not. Eventually he will see that you're not backing down and give in. If posible try to distract him from the belt with something else. Maybe even have your 4yr old to sit in the seat with the belt on to show him he likes it. Good luck!

Who is the parent? High chairs have safety belts. Belt him in. He will quit crying in a little while.

I agree entirely with Kirsten. The ideas of getting him something like his own little chair are ok for snack times and such, but you have to address the behavior issue first. With him approaching two, you want to make sure you establish things now as opposed to when he is making everything a power struggle. Now is when children learn how to interact with the rest of the world. You want him to be respectful and aware of rules that need to be followed for safety reasons. You little one has to learn that you are the mommy and you do things for safety reasons. He can't just fuss and be stubborn and get his way. He either sits in his booster seat with the belt on, OR he sits in the high chair. No options. Then add in the things for him to choose between. If he does this and does it well for a week or so, then bring in the little table and chairs and he can choose if he wants to sit with you and eat or if he wants to sit at his table and eat. Good luck.

We had the same problem with our third child. He wanted to be just like the other 2. We had a small table and chairs so we started letting them eat on that. That worked great! We moved the table & chairs into the kitchen beside our table & even sat with them some. The tables are sold everywhere now. Our dollar stores have them and even WalMart. Most have Dora, Spongebob, Cars, Spiderman or something like that on them. Mine still wandered around from time to time but having his brother & sister sitting with him really helped. He'd sit as long as they did.

I have one the same age. I would be scared that if he were standing in an adult chair eating that he might slip and fall and choke on something in his mouth! Maybe you should look into one of those space saver high chairs that sits on top of an adult chair. These have straps like a carseat, and a tray that fits snugly in place. There is no getting out of this one... We have one for my son. He isn't always crazy about his high chair, esp since he can climb up in the adult chairs. He whines and cries about it sometimes, but he gets over it- he has no other choice and he knows it. Good luck...

Both my kiddos did this by they age of 16 months. This was als0 the time that they had trouble sitting and eating a full meal. They seemed to "graze" on their food and did much better if they could come by and eat a little and then run around for a bit and come back. I actually fed them at a smaller table that they could sit in the chairs on their own. This seemed to work well and they got out of it by about 2---and were also able to sit at the big table with ease by then. This was also the time that we had to stop dining out for a while---or at least go to places that they can move around a bit. Good Luck!!

Hi, T.!

This is just an idea--"food" for thought. I wonder if you have tried feeding him at a different time--by himself for a while--if that would make a difference. It will help if you can stay calm (easier said than done as I imagine he lets you know how displeased he is if you try to have him sit in his high chair.)

Perhaps you could move the other chairs before you put him by the table in his high chair. Just let him know that he will get dinner just as soon as he sits in his chair. If he screams and carries on, you can just say in a calm voice, "I'd love to give you your food. Just as soon as you stop screaming, I'll get it for you." Try to sound cheerful. If you have a time-out place, he could be there a little while until he calms down.

If that seems extreme or if you think he would not understand, perhaps the tray could be removed and he could sit in the high chair but with it pulled up to the table.

Just a couple of thoughts...
Good luck!

~M.

Try this new product I just saw at Target, they also have it at Babies R Us (I think) http://www.kaboost.com/

Looks like a neat idea for older kids, but I guess you'll have to be careful that he doesn't fall out it!

A.

My daughter did the same thing so I got a child dining set and she did great!!! You can get them pretty cheap through wal-mart or target... you can also try second hand shops... they're great for craft time too!!!

We solved this issue by placing a toddler-sized table right next to the adult table. Our 2 youngest sit at "their" table right next to us, and we all talk, eat, and enjoy family dinners. Having an appropriately-sized table for themselves has made the younger ones feel important, and less overwhelmed at mealtimes. I was lucky enough to find a child's table at target which is nearly identical to my farmhouse-style dining table. we just pushed them together on the end. Good luck!!
~C. S.

let him. If that is what makes him eat. If he falls, then offer the high chair again. My son has fallen out of a kitchen chair and he learned to be more careful!

He keeps standing in it and dropping food.??is this the highchair or kitchen chair? If this is what he does in the reg chair, I would explain 1 time if you stand you will fall and get hurt, you have to go back to your highchair if you stand.

both my boys weren't fond of the highchair...it ended up being one of those necessities that was a waste of money. I grew tired of mine fighting the belt and even sitting in it without. For my 3 year old, we put a booster seat in a chair at the table and recently got a child's table & chairs to sit in the kitchen. It took them a while to get used to it and want to eat at it but now they love it!

Meal time is a huge mess for us, regardless of where they are sitting...I've learned to get overlook it and be grateful that my kids are at least getting a meal in them. Good luck!

Hi!

My youngest daughter is 2 and has been sitting (or standing) in a regular chair since about 12 months old. I let her have the captain's chair at the end of the table because I felt that was safer than the regular chairs.

If the mess concerns you, just remember that he would be dropping food even if he were in a high chair. Try one of those vinyl bibs with a pocket, a vinyl place mat on the table, and a vinyl splat mat on the flood if needed.

It didn't take my daughter long to learn to be neat, and letting her sit in a big chair like her older sisters kept mealtime from being a constant fight. To me, it's no big deal. :) I hope that helps.

R. S

the best thing i have done to help my kids eat better is to have them eat at a table their size. i have a four 1/2 year old and a two year old, but they have been eating at their own table for a year. i have a little basket of towels nearby and they are responsible (with reminders) for cleaning up spills. i also keep their dishes on a low shelf and often let them set the table themselves. i still have to stay close and use verbal reminders to stay in their seats etc. but they have responded really well to it. i also take their food away when they get up or play too much. it was really hard for me to do at first because they're my babies and i don't want them to go hungry, but they won't starve if they miss one snack or one meal. and they learn quickly how important it is to stay in their seats. i am very verbal about it though, and try to keep my voice even and calm, even if i am frustrated. i tell them something like, "when you get up from the table (or throw your food on the floor, or play with your food, etc) that shows me that you're all done eating. this is one. if you get up two more times, i will take your plate away." with each chance they get the same explanation so it's very clear why their plate is removed. brace yourself for the tears, but remember they won't starve, and they'll learn to be like a little grown-up at the table in no time. my kids often do their own clean-up too. i put a little dish bin on the floor or a chair and they have to put their dishes in it when they're done. giving them responsibility helps them to feel important and like part of the household. i hope some of these ideas help.
A.

What do you mean when you say he won't put on the belt?Have your 4 year old son stand with you when you tell him to stay in his seat. He will be a good example to your little one. Make him stay in it. Let him know he is not the boss and you are. Or take him out and say" I am not putting food on your table if you don't get in your seat, and we will eat without you". If he throws a fit , ignore him.He will eventually get that his safety is of very importance rather than his "wants". Stay firm on this. Or he will do the same in the grocery store and car.

Hey, don't go crazy, my 3 year old would never sit in a booster or a high chair either. I finally just covered the chair, bought a mat for under it and had her sit on her knees. She just wants to be big mama, sometimes you just have to keep the peace and protect your stuff!