21 answers

My Baby Isn't Very Affectionate Towards Me

I have a very independant 15 month old girl. When I leave her in a nursery they always say she did great and never cried. She's happy to see me but not desparate for me when I come to get her (to clarify, she goes to a nursery when I go to the gym, or church for an hour or two). She has not ever been snuggly and lately she seems aggressive towards me grabbing my face, hitting, and bitting. She does not do this to my husband. This is my first child and I don't know if its normal. i think i thought babies were more affectionate than this. I'm wondering if this is typical, a personality trait, or something more serious?

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So What Happened?™

thanks everyone. I am going to bring up my concerns with her pediatrition on our next visit. Its comforting to hear that others experience this with their children at this age. I hope that as she ages she will be more affectionate and cuddly. for now I will be happy for my independant and probably spirited little girl. i will look into that book suggested about "spirited children" because we have suspected for a while now that God gave us one of those. My next baby will probably be needy and clingy with separation anxiety (one of those be careful what you wish for things). She is a sweet heart in her own right even if she doesn't snuggle up to me on the sofa like I pictured in my head.

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In herown way she resents you drowing her off dont worriy about it she will get over it you might show her a little more hugging and kissing first children are hard to understand we try to hard. Relax you will do fine. Ive raised 4 children they are all different A. in no. Hill

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This is just my opinion, but I think most of the repsponses on here are ridiculous. I have a very independent 19 month old daughter and she goes through phases of wanting Papa, Grandma, Grandpa or Mommy. Sometimes she wants her space and wants to play on her own and not be smothered in hugs and kisses. Don't worry about it. I think it's great that they can be independant. I know it's hurtful, trust me sometimes I feel like crying when she'd rather have daddy : ) I don't think it has anything to do with daycare or your art supplies. Sometime people on here want to make people freak out I think. As far as hitting, etc. My daughter went through this a few months back and I read it is completely normal at 15 months to act out when they are frustarted. Toddlers don't know how to verbalize when something is wrong, so they tend to swat, pull hair, etc. Just try to tell her to love Mama and not make Mama sad, that's what I did and it seemed to work. I would have my daughter kiss my boo boo and tell her to love me. Anyway, don't worry.

3 moms found this helpful

Hi H.:
Your gut reaction,is to feel hurt,that your daughter doesn't seem as cuddly or close to you as you feel she should be towards you. Your her mother. While these feelings are natural,you need to try your best, not to appear,hurt or angry. This merely makes her feel as though your disapointed or angry in some way.In a sense,it makes her feel like she can't be herself, you aren't happy with her.As far as her actions when you pick her up after being gone for a time. Those are feelings of frustration or anger. At her young age,she experiences the same feelings you and I do,but is unable to express them verbally. She can't tell you,that she is hurt you left her there. She may have been good,but that doesn't mean she had no fears of you not returning,or that she may have had a lousy day.When she strikes out at you,its not because she hates you,its more like"Dang it mom" "You scared me to death" "Where were you?? "I hate it when your gone" "I was bored to death" "These ladies don't treat me like you do" You of course let her know,that it isn't nice to hit mommy,but by letting her know,you understand, she missed you,by letting her know,you Missed her to,you calm that frustration.You solidify her RIGHT to her FEELINGS. She's also at an age,where she has a need to spread her wings a little as far as independence goes.She wants you to notice shes getting big.Believe me,the cuddles and kisses are still needed.I wouldn't smother her,but some toddlers,are so busy,you have to catch them,and just give them a hug sometimes.As long as she feels your receptive,that you are there with arms open wide,she will feel free to be close.Kids will go back and forth between mom and dad,all their young lives.They will be moms girl,then dads,and when they are finally grown and gone,they always look to mom for that extra support and love.I wish you and your growing daughter the very best.J. M

2 moms found this helpful

A baby who cries and fusses when dropped off at a nursery is what is called, "normal". One who is under 4 or 5 years old who happilly goes to anyone and everyone and doesn't give a hoot about you has a thing called, "attachment disorder". Contrary to popular belief of 2 income households, this is NOT a good thing.

I used to be a vendor for preschool products and would sometimes need to go to the classrooms. It never ceased to amaze me how I, a total stranger to these small kids, would have kids clammering to sit on me and be held, simply because the ratio of kid/adult was not enough and the best thing for babies is: you.

It's only a few years when they are little like that. Enjoy your girl. She will never be little again, but you will always be able to be a part time artist.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi H., I am going through the same thing with my 15 month old. From everything I've read and heard from friends and family, it's a normal stage of a loving, trusting child. At 15 months, your daughter is starting to realize that her actions cause reactions, especially in you. A couple of months ago, my son would throw food from his highchair, just to see if it would hit the floor. Gravity is amazing, right? The chicken falls faster than the bread! But now, he's noticing that I get irritated when he throws things. How do I know the difference? In the past, he'd throw something, and follow its path wherever it led. Now, he's throwing it, but keeping his eyes on me to see what I'll do. Will I tell him "No!" this time, just like last time? Or is it meal/food dependent??

Your child is learning! And she trusts and knows that no matter what she does, even if you give her a scolding for her behavior, you love her, and that is why she feels okay to hit, bite and grab you...

Here's what I do: next time she does hits, bites or squeezes too hard, stop her immediately and with a firm tone of voice look into her eyes as you tell her not to do that. Then, give her something she CAN bite (carrot?), hit (ball?), squeeze (teddy bear), etc. and then when she does it to that, you can give her a hug and a kiss and tell her what a great job she's doing with it. This reinforces that biting is okay with food, squeezing a stuffed animal is okay, and that hitting a ball is okay, but not when you do it to other people. It will take time for the lesson to go through, and there will be times when you're uber-frustrated and just wish she'd stop it already. But be consistent and your daughter will move past this stage.

I know I'm always surprised when my little boy after playing on his own for awhile, he'll randomly just come over and lay his head on my lap (if I'm sitting) or hug my leg (if I'm standing) then head on his way happily.

Like everything with babies, this too shall pass. :-)

1 mom found this helpful

Hi. I'm a foster mom and have delt with little ones with attachment disorders. What you say about your daughter does not sound very healthy. You little one seems really angry with you. I would seek help for you and your daughter before the situation gets worse.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi H.,
I have two daughters, both very different in personality. My oldest was very cuddly and affectionate and the second one not quite as much. The oldest would cuddle with me by request, while the second one will do it only on her terms. The second one prefers to cuddle with dad over me. She did used to bite my cheek and hit at a very young age, but we had to teach her not to. I believe pretty much all kids go through biting stages to some degree. Right now her communication skills are limited, so small children will do just about anything to get your attention, hence all the crying at young ages.

I think you should wait a year when she can better express herself before you feel hurt over this.

She might just be testing her limits with you, since you are probably the closest person to her. I'm sure other moms will be able to relate. regardless, sorry this is happening. :(

In herown way she resents you drowing her off dont worriy about it she will get over it you might show her a little more hugging and kissing first children are hard to understand we try to hard. Relax you will do fine. Ive raised 4 children they are all different A. in no. Hill

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