My Baby Cries Constantly Unless She Is on Me

Hello M., This sounds normal and healthy! Children instictively know they are safest when they are very close to their immediate caregiver. I remember being told over and over before the birth of my first daughter, "nine months in and nine months on." Mothering.com can be a great resource.

To relieve your back and body and psyche, enlist the second most trusted person in your child's life to help.

I remember feeling like it (the need for holding and touching) would never end with my first child. I promise it will and the payback will be immense in the internal security your child learns to feel within herself.~T.

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My oldest daughter was just like this until she was about 18 months old. She also would not go to anyone else, even Dad. I gave her all of the love and attention she wanted at that time and I am so glad I did. We were both happy when I held her and she would get very frightened when I put her down. She really needed the attention. As she got older she became more independent as she was ready. Now she is a very independent, confident, and well adjusted little girl. I really believe this is because she knows I love her and I will always be there for her; she doesn't have to worry that she will be abandoned or have to handle difficult situations on her own because I was always there for her in her infancy. Because of this she is not afraid to try new thins or be in new situations. I agree with being skeptical of Babywise. That method works well for some children, but I know that if I had followed it with my first child she would have lasting scarring from not getting all of the attention that she needed.

If your back is sore try using an Ergo baby carrier. I don't know if your baby will tolerate a baby carrier, but this particular brand is very comfortable and is supposed to be very enjoyable for baby. If your baby doesn't like the carrier it's okay to let the house get a little messier than you like and let a few more things slide than you planned on. This time is so important in your baby's emotional development it really needs to come before the chores. Also, your baby will let you know when she is ready to be more independent. Gradually introduce her to situations where she has the opportunity to be a little more independent. Make sure you are always there if she needs reassurance or a hug so that she knows you aren't going anywhere. It may take a lot of time, but it is totally worth it.

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I would recommend watching the video "The Happiest Baby on the Block". Our second son was this way, and this gave me a lot of freedom. I still snuggled him a lot, but it wasn't overwhelming. He also slept a lot longer at a time. Congratulations! Enjoy that little one. One thing to remember is you'll never have this time ever again. Next time around you'll have an older child who will interupt the total mommy and baby time. Remembering that with my first helped a lot those frustrating times (helped sweeten them, too.) GL

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Hi,
Congratulations on your new little one. Babies are so beautiful but you never know what you're getting or how much work you might have to put into them! I have 2 kids. My first one was similar to yours. Because he was my first & because I had a c-section & was recovering, I didn't mind holding him most of the day. But eventually I did start to feel better & I did have other things I needed to get done. I don't know if I got him in the habit of needing to be held or if he would have been fussy anyway but eventually he grew out of it within a few months.

My 2nd child will be a year old next week. He was the opposite. He seemed so easy because I could set him down & he was fine. But now he is starting a phase where he wants to be held all the time. Now he wants me to hold him whenever I sit down. Again, it was nice at first but now I'm ready to get back to him being able to entertain himself & not be so clingy.

I just wish you luck & hope you can figure out what to do. Sorry I don't have any advice. Enjoy it while you can because soon enough she will be a toddler & won't want you to hold her.
T.

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I am a mother of 4 my oldest is 11 now. I had two of the very attached ones. Mine went through the same thing about the same age. Just make sure they always safe, fed and put them down in a place where you can watch them even if they cry. I know its hard to just let them cry but remember, that is there only way of talking and they're just trying to see what you respond to. good luck and know it does get better in time.

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If you haven't detached from her at all for the entire six weeks, it may be a little difficult at first, but I wouldn't give up or despair. You can teach her.

One thing that may help is a vibrating bouncer seat like the Eddie Bauer Soothing Bouncenette - B Is For Bear or the Adventure Pals Cradling Bouncer...any bouncer that vibrates. Not all of my kids liked the swing when they were infants, but they all like the vibrating bouncer seat.

You may need to let her cry for a few minutes when you first put her in it. At that age, I wouldn't let her cry for more than 10 minutes. If she doesn't take right to it and crys for five to 10 minutes, I would keep introducing it to her throughout the day until she adjusts to it. It may take several days, but don't give up. Your teaching her that she is still okay without being right on you. I wouldn't try this with the swing though because some babies just hate the swing. AND, with a vibrating bouncer seat, you can bring it in the bathroom with you and set it on the floor and put her it in while you take a quick shower or bath. She may cry the whole time, but at least you will feel refreshed.

Once she adjusts to the bouncer seat, she may decide the swing isn't so bad.

One more thing, are you bundting/wrapping her in a receiving blanket to keep her real nice and snuggly when you go to put her in the seat or crib/bassett? If not, that may help until she gets use to not having you right next to her. The sudden feeling of coldness and not having the warm body may be making her insecure. The blanket wrapping, like they do in the hospital, may help.

Hope this helps.

P.S. I agree with Hope's note as well.

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Reflux? I'd definitely talk to dr. about that. If she cries when put down, but is good on you, which is upright, may be acid being able to stay down better when she's in the upright position. Also, my son was just very, very needy at that age. He did grow out of it. Denver has an attachment parenting forum you can join for even more support for your babywearing choice. That's all I did, too. It can be exhausting, but I have a very confident, explorer 16 month old now.

Also, what kind of carrier are you using? The baby bjorn did not give me enough support at all. There are many other options with better support. If you need suggestions, send a message. Good luck! :)

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My daughter was similar. She was an angel if I fed her almost constantly and held her the rest of the time. She hated swings and seats and actually didn't like most of the carriers either.

Have you tried swaddling her tightly and patting her firmly until she falls asleep, then laying her in the crib? This worked for us when my daughter was about that age. It worked best when my husband did the patting because he was much more firm.

Also around that age was when I started to be able to distract her for about 15 minutes at a time. Tiny Love "Symphony in Motion" mobile would keep her happy in her crib for about 15 minutes. And we had a little swing that would keep her happy for about that long as long as she could still see me.

My daughter is 13 months old now and still loves to be carried a lot of the day. I recommend some core exercise classes, like yoga or pilates, to strengthen your back!!!

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Hi M. K!!!
I have three boys ages 3-7. When my first born was little I was only 20 and although I had babysat kids for years parenting was a whole new ballgame! Something that worked for me was to sleep one night with a blanket. My smell rubbed off onto it and in the morning it was this blanket that I wrapped my son in and for him it seemed to really do the trick. He felt close to me even when I had him in the bouncy seat. I also had one of those heart bears that had the sounds of a heart beat. He liked this too but it was my smell on the blanket that worked best. Hope this might help. Don't give up though....treasure each day. It is over before you know it! Good luck!

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Wear your baby constantly! Get a great sling (soft wrap type) where the baby can sleep by your heartbeat. It is a comfort thing to get their acadian cycles in order by hearing mom's breathing and heartbeat. It is a good thing, trust me! Think of yourself as a tribal woman until your baby is off crawling and exploring...it makes for a very happy child! It will all be too soon before that phase is over.

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Hello M.~ Two things. First and foremost, DO NOT let her cry it out. Babies need to learn that their environments are safe and secure, and that their needs will be taken care of. These are the basic needs of food, sleep, cleanliness, comfort. "Teaching" them to soothe themselves should not even be a thought until 3 to 4 months of age. You CAN'T spoil her right now. She needs love, not lessons. Secondly, both my daughter and newborn son had(have) reflux. Neither liked being down or out of anything that didn't hold their torsos up; being held almost straight up and down was the biggest clue to this, along with what seems like congestion, clearing the throat (not coughing, but clearing), etc as more subtle clues. My oldest son, who did not have reflux, did not have these characteristics. The other thing I noted about these two is that they seem like motion kids. That is, they liked the motion of movement of cars (though the car seat squishes them and pushes the reflux), being held, vibrations - but neither liked the swing at all. I have a bouncer by fisher price that is an infant to toddler rocker. My husband recently replaced ours and only found this particular model at babies r us on clearance (a newer model with red material that plays music is out for $35, ours was on clearance for $20). The great thing about this is that you can lay it flatter like a "bed" for them to sleep in, but it gives the ability to lift the head/torso area up to help with the reflux. PLUS, even if they don't have reflux, it vibrates. The motion always helped my kids sleep...so much so that I had to shut it off when it was time for them to eat to keep them scheduled or they would keep sleeping. Anyway, it goes into toddler chair mode and also rocks. It's the BEST baby gear we've had for 3 kids! Here's a link on fisher price to see what it is (copy and past). http://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=2002&e=product... I hope this helps. Good luck.

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Hi M. K,
I'm sorry, I can imagine how you feel. I've had 6 kids and to be honest they are very smart at a very young age. All she knows is when she cries she gets your response but then it will escalate as she gets older. Put her in a bouncer or a swing where she can see you as you do your chores, she'll still cry but instead of picking her up just talk to her in a soothing tone. This will be difficult because she's been getting what she wants for quite some time. Let her cry, as long as she can see you she'll soon learn. They need to learn how to entertain themselves, as well as put themselves to sleep. Always put her in her bed awake, play music or read to her before you put her down. They need some kind of ritual that tells them that it's time to sleep, even at naptime. If you have a husband let him take care of her when he is home. Parenting is the most difficult thing I've done, being consistent is the key. Stick to your guns, you do not want to be a slave to your children. I have teenagers now, I'd go back to this any day! Good Luck, H. G

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It's possible that she just really likes the feeling of closeness she gets when she's being carried...right up against your body, warm, and probably a good tight hug sensation. You have to remember that she was getting that sensation 24/7 for the first 9 months of her life. Suddenly, she's in a place where there's space...lots of space, and she can move more freely. She's not used to it yet. Try swaddling her, not just wrapping her in a blanket, but actually swaddling her good and tight, wrapping her arms and feet against her body. You might try recreating the sensation of the womb. Warm, tight, motion (swing or vibrating chair, car), and white noise (vacuum, hairdryer, static from a TV, the car, shushing). And don't be afraid of being too loud for her. She was right up against your stomach every time it rumbled. If it was loud for you, then it must have been deafening for her...but it wasn't. Different things work for different babies, but usually in the combination of swaddling, stomach (have something touching her belly or put her on her side), swinging (motion), shushing (white noise), and sucking (binky or bottle or you). Get the Happiest Baby on the Block, read it, there's more detail and it's not just for colicky babies. I used it every time I had to babysit my nieces (born within 2 weeks of each other). It worked so well, I had to show my older sister and brother-in-law how to do it.

Good Luck!

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M. K,
MY name is also MeriKae, So I had to write, I Am a mother of 7 children and all I can offer is the words please be patient
she will probably grow out of it by the time she is four months, THIs kind of life is new to her and all she is asking for is for you to comfort her until she gets used to it. I Fear that I have had my last child and they are 15 months old and don't let me hold them much anymore my heart aches and I long for the times of when they depended upon my craddling arms. this time goes terribly fast and I Hardly remember my children's infancy and holding them except for the one who had collic and I reget not enjoying holding him more, I resented having to be trapped to the chair, and now that is all I want.
Remember to smell the top of her head often as you can to keep that memory of her close to your heart.
Best of patients to you, because she really is giving you a gift of memories, so bear them with tenderness so your memories aren't regets as are mine.

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Oh boy.. that was normal for me too. My baby would not let me put him down, but was perfectly content in my arms. It was frustrating to not be able to get anything done. It was a phase for us. As he grew older, he was interested in other things. I got play mats and overhead toys for him. That helped and entertained him for a while. It slowly got better and beter. He was then able to grab at toys. Then able to sit up on his own and play with toys. Now he's in the other room contently entertaining himself, and it's wonderful. There might be some better advice out there than mine.. I guess I'm just here to say that it was normal for us. But it passed.

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