My 9 Year Old Daughter Seems Overly Concerned with Her Appearance.

I think it's just who she is, my daughter is the same way. I'm not a tomboy, but I'm not a girlie-girl either. I do my nails once a week, I do wear light make-up daily, do my hair when I feel like it. I wear jeans/khakis/capris every single day with either flop or uggs depending on the season. My daughter does her nails much more often, has more jewelry than me, wears dresses & skirts every chance she gets, etc.

She actually asked me once where she came from since it couldn't possibly be me! She told me last week that she already knows what she wants for her next birthday (which isn't until Feb 27th!): a mannequin (sp?) & fabric so she can start really designing clothes instead of just drawing them.

She's just her own person & I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

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I think this is fairly normal. My 9 yr old daughter and most of her friends are the same. My daughter used to be more of a tomboy, so this is new for us. She changes outfits five times a day. In fact, she just got off the phone with her friend-she'll be hanging out with her in a couple of hours and she's already in her room figuring out what to wear and asking me where my red nail polish is. Ugghhhh!

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I am not familiar with this first hand...or at least that end of the spectrum. I was more of a tomboy myself and my daughter is also. She just turned 10 and rarely bothers with any lipgloss or nail polish. She prefers jeans, etc. HATES to wear ANY sort of dress or "girlish" colors like pink or lavender.

I know some girls are MUCH more "girly" acting than my daughter, just not sure HOW much more....
My daughter DOES once in a blue moon get a more girly itch and will look really cute. But that side tends to mostly come out when her brother is away (like now when he's at camp for a week) or when she has spent an uninterrupted 24 hour period with a friend who is more "girly" acting.
Now, my SON on the other hand, has been concerned about his hair and clothes for a long time now.... starting getting interesting around age 9, lol. So maybe she is just going to be girly. :)

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Does she watch those Disney shows or like Hannah Montana? There are lots of pretty girls in those shows and i hear my daughter comment how pretty they are all the time.

Hi, T.!

I wish MY almost 9 yo daughter had just a bit more of that! LOL She really doesn't care that her hair is always a mess! So I remind her that she has to at least look neat and clean, and I let it go at that.

All girls are different - varying degrees of attention to their appearance - and all perfectly normal.

Kudos to you for just allowing the lip gloss and making her dress appropriately.

It drives me INSANE that once our little girls pass the size 6x mark, the retailers think they should dress like a prostitute! I mean, really?! They are 8, for crying out loud, not 18!! And why any parent would allow their daughter to dress like that is beyond me. Anyway - I'm glad you don't do that! : )

The only advice I would give - and I suspect you already do this - is to remind her that while it's nice to look pretty on the outside, it's more important that she is beautiful on the inside. And you are far prouder of her kind and beautiful actions than you are of her beautifully coiffed hair.

Blessings!

I think is it part a stage and partly their personality.
Not all kids are that way, nor at that age.

It also has to do with their self-identity (which ebbs and flows throughout childhood), and it also has to do with their own sense of self-confidence and knowing WHO they are.

All I know is, I have always taught my kids to be themselves. Not being a "copy cat." My kids are 4 and 8, and they really just know who they are and don't just do what other kids are doing. They will even say "I am myself." That is what we taught them, since they were Toddlers.

But, yes, it is a personality thing too, and how a child either needs/wants 'approval' of external influences or not. Or tries to be like other people, or not.
Even some adults are that way.

Just guide her. Teach her to be herself. Not just a 'follower.'
Sure, at the Pre-Teen or Teen ages and beyond, 'fashion' is important to kids. But make sure she KNOWS the difference between what is appropriate or not, and what it means to be herself. Not just going along because other girls are doing things or looking a certain way.

No matter what, no matter what 'phase' a girl is going through, you GOTTA guide the child... .and teach them to "DISCERN" others, and to know, themselves. To be who they are, and to be self-assured, and not just a follower.
Also teach her, that the way she presents herself.... can be appropriate or not. Even for adults.

When I was a Teen, sure, fashion/dressing/looking nice or hip, is a phase you go through. I did that too. But there is a difference between it being a 'phase' or if it is a preoccupation... that makes the child insecure or more in line with their own values and identity, and which is healthy for their well-being.

My own daughter is 8 and will be 9 in a few months.
She is girly but not always. She likes to fuss around with her hair and nails too. But, even she will tell me "I dress for who I am... I don't have to dress like my friends or those sassy girls...." She knows the difference. But we let her play around with her clothes and nails and hair. Its part of growing up. But, of course we teach her, that that is not all there is, that makes a person who they are.

Girls, just like those things. Hair, nails, clothing and trying to see what looks nice etc.

I think it's pretty normal, I remember being that way at that age.
I used to love the little Avon lip glosses and Love's Baby Soft perfume.
My own girls didn't really get like that until they were around 11 or so. I was glad too because before then I couldn't get them to brush their hair for the life of me! I was glad when they started to "care" about their appearance :)

My daughter is 8. She likes doing the 'girly' things, but it's not a constant. Like you, I'm very much a tomboy. But her stepmom is a very girly girl type. And my DD will come home from her dad's with her nails and hair done because her stepmom likes doing those things with her... Her stepmom has 2 boys from a previous marriage.

I would say that this may be just who she is. She might just like to look pretty. Hopefully there isn't a big pressure already to do this in school.

I would be more worried if she were saying things like, "Mom, I think I need to go on a diet. Do you?"

ETA- Yes, Suzanne! My daughter will change her clothes dozens of times a day if I let her.

Sounds like she is just the polar opposite of you at that age, but very normal for a 9 year old girl. My 14 year old is tom boyish, no make up, definitely no pink anything, about 6 very close friends who are like-minded and shop in the boys department for dark t-shirts with game characters on them. My now 11 year old started at about age 6 with wanting to try make-up and uses nail polish, will wear a little lip gloss and even blush to school concerts, and prefers frilly pink and bright clothes. For her next birthday you can have a spa-theme where the girls get pedicures and style their hair and get their make-up done. My hair salon has a room set aside just for such a thing and the youngest girls that get this kind of birthday party away from home are about 9. (You can easily do something like this at home yourself as well, but you'll be busy the whole time.) Enjoy her girlie-ness, she will be the one to take good care of you when you are old, lol!

I haven't looked at anyone's reply but I have a 9 year old daughter and she does not really care how she looks, so I would say your daughter might be a little overly concerned about it.
by the way my 9 year old is also our oldest :o)