MY 9 Moth Old NEVER SLEEPS PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!

Here is what I did with my boy when he was 1: I bought a Fisher Price rocking/reclining chair and put him in it to sleep. I would go back every 5 minutes if he was crying, hold him and then put him back. If I felt like he needed more attention I would bring him down, give him some water, etc., but within 5 minutes he was back in bed. 5 minutes later, he's still crying, I go tell him good night. This way he knows I am not ignoring him, but taking a nap is not optional.

When he wakes up in the middle of the night, I lay in bed and listen for just a minute. Sometimes he goes back to sleep on his own. If he does need something, I get it for him, but then he goes back to bed.

Best of luck.

Have you read the book "Happy Child, Healthy Sleep" (I think that's the title--or something close to it)? It really helped us out with our child. We also did not believe in crying it out at all---but this book gives other options, too...like waiting 2 minutes, then 5 minutes, etc. It's hard and heartbreaking to hear them cry--but the book gives some different ways to try to get the kiddies to sleep. A friend had recommended it to me, and it was good. Also--there is this woman called, now I'm forgetting...the sleep lady or something. Anyway...she sends out good emails and newsletters in terms of advice. If I can remember her exact name, I'll repost it. Good luck! Hang in there!

When my daughter was six months old, my husband and I desperately wanted our bed back and decided to kick out our co-sleeper. We did not want her to cry it out because it seemed cruel so we tried "The No Cry Sleep Solution." We tried the method for about three weeks and it didn't work. It taught my daughter that we will always bring her back to bed with us if she cries long enough. Also, my husband and I would dread putting her to sleep because it was an hour and 15 minutes of putting her down, her crying, us soothing, and that cycle continuing over and over. Finally she would break us down and we would be too exhausted to deal with it anymore and we would bring her back to bed with us.
We talked to her pediatrician and she recommended "Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child." We were not too excited to try the cry it out method, but it worked. After three days she was sleeping in her bed and not breast feeding all night long. The first night was awful and I recommend a glass of wine. Our daughter cried for two hours, but the following two days she cried less than 30 minutes. Then the problem was fixed.
If you use "Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child," your child will cry significantly less than the no cry method. Also, you will love having your bed back to you and your husband. Now my daughter sleeps 12 hours through the night and takes two good naps throughout the day. Good luck!

Hi J.,

You sound extremely tired and frustrated. If you find the first postings about how to cry it out "without really letting your daughter cry it out" helpful, then by all means, try it and no one will judge you for it. If however, you are true in your request for assistance without crying it out, please read some information written by people supportive of attachment parenting and breastfeeding. The Mothering Magazine has an article in the most recent issue about the science behind attachment parenting; last issue was about the benefits of co-sleeping and how to make it work for you and your family. Sleep has come up at every single La Leche League (www.llli.org) meeting I have gone to in the past 2 1/2 years, with mothers giving and getting ideas to help them and their children sleep better.

The cry it out ideas work for some kids - I do not deny that, as I have seen it with one of my friends and my sister's two kids. It does not, however, work for all kids, with my son and several other of my friends' kids being some of them. The temperment/personality of the kid has a lot to do with it. Read Dr Sears's Baby Sleep Book, Good Nights by Dr. Jay Gordon, I can't remember the title, but it's by Dr. James McKenna.

There are many reasons your daughter could be nursing at night including teething. My son has food allergies and thus fills in the caloric gaps with nursing. Your daughter could be close to developmental milestones. She may just like to be with you and your husband.

I didn't start this until my son was around 15 months, but you could certainly try it now, if you like the idea. I took his crib mattress and put it on the floor wedged between our bed (which is on the floor) and the wall. I put him to sleep there. If I was awake, I would do the second nursing there. After that, he would crawl up into bed with me and nurse and stay with us for the remainder of the night. This gave my husband and I the space we needed for a portion of the night and my son the closeness he needed. This has worked so well, it is what we continue to do.

Another great resource with more non-CIO suggestions and support is the Colorado Attachment Parenting group. YOu have to apply to be a part of their forums, but definitely worthwhile.

This time of your life can be trying. I eventually found that my son just didn't fit the so-called mold that is out there spouting cultural beliefs about children should be able to sleep on their own. I had to find a way that respected his personality and gave my husband and I our space. Trying to get my son to sleep through the night was an impossible task - I was losing more sleep trying to accomplish an impossible task for my son, and finally gave up trying to meet the cultural "norm". After that, we all slept better. Good luck to you, your husband, and your daughter. Let me know if you need more support.
~ H.

One thing that I noticed with my daughter is that she had a little bit of acid reflux so that laying flat was uncomfortable for her. We raised her mattress up a litle and that helped. BUt if she is sleeping horizontal with you no problme then that is probably not the issue. But you could investigate things like possible ear aches or acid reflux to make sure she is comfortable. We also found that she slept soooooo much better on her stomach.

The other thing is that when she wakes up in the middle of the night Don't get her up right away. See if her fussing actually turns into a cry or if she will go back to sleep. My daughter will fuss a little becasue she has some gas or becasue she is trying to shift positions. After the gas passes she will go right back to sleep. Or sometimes she is not really waking up she is just going through an active sleep cycle. It is normal for babies to do that around four or five in the morning. Recognizing that my daughter wasn't really waking up just stirring was a life savor for me. Usually she will fall back to a sound sleep in like five minutes although that seems like forever when you are the anxious mommy.

My next suggestion is to learn to recognize your daughter's cries. At first I would always respond to my daughter's crying by nursing her. But then I started paying attention to her different cries. She has a different cry for when she is hungry, tired, bored, overstimulated, mad or wants attention. It was like the hugest revelation to me when once she was fussing, (my daughter hardly full out screams unless she has had it or is way overtired)and I had just fed her burped her and changed her diaper. i was like what's going on. Her eyes were droopy and I thought well maybe she wants to sleep, so i put her down and she stopped crying in like one minute and fell right to sleep. I was like Oh that is her tired cry.
So then I started this: I feed her, play with her a little and then when she starts getting droppy eyed or is not engaging in play as much I will put her down and if she is fussing a little I will wait, especially if i can see that her eyes are slowly closing and she's falling asleep then i will let her fuss. If she is full on crying and her eyes are wide open after a few minutes than i know it is something else and I get her up and try again later. Now she is a great napper and she sleeps all night. we have some days still where she doesn't really want to nap but she always now sleeps through the night.
I hope that helps, I know you don't want to let her cry it out but I just really noticed that there was a difference between her fussing to get to sleep. like she was burning off some energy, versus really crying.
Just remember that you are the mom and you know what's best for your baby, becasue nobody knows her like you.

I will bet that it might be a hard transition because she has gotten so used to sleeping with you and we are creatures of habit so there will be a hard adjustment period for you and her while you help her develop new habits.
Good luck I hope you found this somewhat helpful.

We did not want to let our soon cry it out either. He was also breastfed. He woke every couple of hours for 10 months and I would go in and nurse him most of the time. He got very used to that. He did not need it...especially toward the end. He was a big baby already....he did not need extra milk during the night. He did enjoy a pacifier, which was nice.

Finally at 10 monthes old, we were exhausted from trying everything except cry it out that we finally decided to give it a go. That is definitely old enough to learn to self-soothe...and with us going back in to hold or nurse or comfort him, he was not learning how to do it on his own.

Anyhow...I was prepared for the worst...guess what, he only cried for 8 minutes! I am not kidding! It was a terribly long 8 minutes for Mama...but he went to sleep..and stayed asleep!

Since he liked his pacifier so much, we put several in his bed. He could always find one when he woke up. If he fussed a little in the middle of sleep...I would try to wait 1-2 minutes (which also seems like forever in the middle of the night!) and most times he would find his pacifier or self-soothe and go right back to sleep on his own. The couple of times I went in there prematurely it actually made his crying worse, woke him up more, etc.

After that first night with 8 minutes of crying, he had a night of crying for about 3 minutes. Then it was over. He has been an EXCELLENT sleeper since then! - for naps and nighttime! - The ONLY trouble he's had since then is when we weaned him from his pacifier at 2.5 years. And he only had 3 rough nights during that transition!

I know you say this is not an option for you...and I commend you if you can stick with it. It will be a longer, tougher road most likely....but gentler, I suppose. It will NOT hurt your child at all to cry it out. It may actually be a much shorter transition than you are anticipating. Do what feels right for you...but if you are having a difficult time, don't feel bad about doing it this way. Many, many well-adjusted, healthy and happy children were taught to self-soothe in this way. Doing it now will be easier than waiting. Best of luck!

Ok I am not going to tell you about any books or anything..this is from experience! I went through the same thing you are going through a few months ago. I didn't let her "cry it out either," what I did was keep her bed time routine (bath, brush teeth, book) except lay her down in her crib not your bed. My daughter would stand up and start crying right away. i would let her fuss for a couple minutes then go in and lay her down. For the first few nights it was really hard. To get her to fall back asleep I rub her tummy or chest. If she is really freaking out I would just hold her and rock her in her room when it was dark. They eventually get REALLY tired and fall asleep, so then lay her down. Since your little girl is a cuddler she will probably wake up again and again but just keep doing the same thing. Pick her up, rock her, then lay her down. Or leave her laying down and rub her back, tummy, or chest. After about the second or third night it gets easier, I promise. You just have to be CONSISTENT!!! As for the napping I don't know some days my daughter hardly naps and other days she naps for like 2 hours. I just keep her same routine...or if she needs a nap and won't lay down I go somewhere in the car and she will usually fall asleep. Good luck! You can do it! Use her crib for naps too when you are home!

Honestly, if you've already tried the No Cry Sleep Solution, your only options are to continue on with the status quo, or let her cry it out. I would very strongly suggest that you pick up "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." Your daughter isn't getting nearly enough sleep. She should be taking two naps that last about an hour to 2 hours each and she should be sleeping all through the night by now... she does not need to eat in the middle of the night for nutrition reasons. And she definantly shouldn't be awake for an hour in the middle of the night.
Her sleeps habits are completely behavioral and based on what you have taught her to expect. If she wakes up and cries, she gets to gets fed, cuddled, held and played with. You need to teach her that night is for sleeping and if she wakes up, she needs to go back to sleep. Since "No Cry" didn't work for you, cry it out is kind of all you're left with. Its not easy, but a night or two will likely leave you with a child who sleeps 12 hours a night without waking. I don't know what else to tell you... I do think that continuing with the status quo will do far more harm that letting her cry it out... she'll never learn how to be a good sleeper and how to soothe herself back to sleep (those sleep issues can last into adolesence and adult-hood even!) if you don't force the issue on her.

Hi J. - I asked my sister about this because she did the co-sleeping thing with her son. It was a challenge for her as well to get him into his own bed. One thing she realized was that his crib wasnt as warm and comfy as hers. I'd be upset too! She ended up putting a soft thick baby quilt under the mattress pad. It was soft but having it under the mattress pad helped to retain a smooth stable sleeping surface so that he didnt bury his face in it. Recommended for older babies only.

It wasnt the final solution but she definitely thinks it helped.

At nine months old my son had a similar problem. I used the book, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." You do have to to let her cry it out. Honestly, I found that I really didn't have to let my son cry that long before he'd go back to sleep. I was getting him way too quickly. Letting them cry it out teaches them how to soothe themselves and they are not going to remember it in the morning. You'll find they start to wake up much happier in fact. Also the book is really informative on why helping your child create healthy sleep habits is so important. It can plague them for the rest of their life, poor sleep has been linked to learning disabilities and ADHD. The good news is that it's always reversible. The sooner you do it the easier. I really recommend the book. Honestly within a few days it was a night and day difference with my son. He went from waking up every three hours in the night. Only wanting to sleep in my bed with me, and 1/2 hour naps to sleeping 12 hours straight in his bed at night and doing two, two hour naps during the day. All within a week. I'm sorry, I know it's not what you wanted to hear but I promise it's worth it and it's not detrimental to your child.

I can share more info with you about a sleep system that utilizes the energy of the earth (magnetics) and sun (far infrared) and even negative ions (great for relaxation and health). I was a big skeptic a few years ago, but it changed my life (even saved it from a health perspective) from my sleepless nights of busy-head insomnia. My kids all have the sleep systems too and sleep through the night.

I've seen amazing results with ADD/ADHD/autism with kids that never slept through the night. It makes such a difference in how someone functions the next day. Your body needs to get the deep restorative REM sleep to enable the body to heal itself. Babies and small kids are fine with just the pet pad (has magnetics and infrared and a water proof cover over the actual pad). I can tell you stories about my dogs (almost 16 and 15 lab mixes) and the impact these technologies have had on their lives. They can't have a placebo effect.

Best of all, it is using natural technologies and not drugs. Email me if you want more info with an email that I can send some attachments. More info and testimonials on what I've personally helped people with are on livinghealthiernow.com. Getting the word out that drugs and surgery are not always the only options and how reducing environmental toxins can improve your health is a passion and obligation of mine.

Hang in there.
S.

Get a music box for your childs room. Use it at bed time for a timer. Explain to your child that its bed time. So after reading a story and singing a song, you tuck her or him in and wind up the music box. If they cry, let them be, while keeping an unseen eyes and ears on your child. Let them cry until the music stops, then retuck and rewind, until they tire themselves out and fall asleep. Do this every time, they sleep or wake, in the night. Before long they will love the music and enjoy sleeping in there bed. It’s hard to let your child cry but its good for their lungs to use them.
Do the same thing every time in order. Its important for you to build good sleeping habits for your child now. This will stop many a sleepless night from happening later on. most of all remember, this is nothing compaired to sixteen and boys. Good luck and god bless.drh.

Sounds like she is used to Mommy holding her, and although you are tired of it, she is not. she's not sleeping because she wants to be near you--you are her security and she is a little young to find security in an object (like a blanket or stuffed animal). You could try putting your shirt that's you've worn in bed with her so it smells like you. She's too old to swaddle. Might also try the Baby Whisperer books--she has some good suggestions on getting a baby out of the habit of sleeping on Mommy and getting to sleep. Or you might just be in it for the long haul. Both my boys are like your daughter. The older one started going to sleep on his own about 3 1/2. The younger is 14 months and still sleeps with Mommy and in Mommy's arms. It can be tough to get things done, but I get to hold my baby who won't be a baby for very much longer. I like it. But I did find the Baby Whisperer to have great advice on this subject.
J.

I know someone already said this and others echoed the advice in the book, but having just went through this with my formerly co-sleeping 9 mo old......Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby, by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. It was the encouragement I needed (based on from a sleep expert)and it has profoundly changed my nights and more importantly, my sons sleeping habits in just the past 2 weeks. It is based around the science of sleep and the needs of babies at different developmental stages. For me, it was most helpful to know that it wasn't too late to reset his patterns, even at 9 mo. Best of luck for the health of your family!!!

I never let my kids cry it out, however I also knew letting them fuss for a bit wasn't going to hurt them. It won't. To be honest giving her the gift of learning to sleep well, self soothe is priceless for her. At 9 mos she should be eating less at night, eating good solids during the day, unless she is going through a growth spurt. Growth spurts cause increased appetites.

She could be cutting teeth which will totally destroy sleep patterns. Signs of cutting teeth are swollen red gums, slobbering a lot and loss of apetite or needing to nurse for comfort. Nursing can help relieve some teething pain.

If she is teething, you can give her children's motrin, or tylenol and teething tablets.
The Teeth move and grow mostly at night so that is where the pressure and pain come in. Babies can feel teething pain before a tooth ever appears.

If she is nursing for comfort not necessity of hunger then she will use you as a human pacifier. Do not assume because she wakes she needs to eat either. That isn't good for her and it won't end anytime soon I am afraid. What you want is for her to fall asleep on her own without crying and that rarely if ever happens after habits are formed. It just takes you letting her fuss for increments of time, don't pick her up, but go rub her back and reassure her. If she is conditioned to know you will nurse for comfort or rock her to sleep how is she going to teach herself to fall back to sleep?

I used to rock my babies to the point of really being drowsy, lay them down, rub their back and talk softly to them and walk out of the room putting on a soft music box. I used a fan for white noise that they still will crash out with. If they fussed I gave it a few minutes, if it was a full blown screaming cry I of course scooped them up, comforted them but laid them back down awake. Never feed when you know she just ate to comfort her. You sound exhausted and if you want true change you have to step out of your comfort zone of letting her cry for a bit, or seriously it won't get easier.

Fans now are said to help reduce the risk of SIDS
If she is sleeping in the same room as you, she can smell you and hear you breathing and her sleep will be disruptive. She needs her own room. I got great baby monitor and put my kids in their own cribs out of my room and they slept a lot better. I could hear anything on the monitor and they were only a few steps away.

DO not nurse her to sleep, nurse her and lay her down awake.
It is NOT being cruel, she will not be in therapy. Her sleep is essential right now with her growing and changing so much, giving her that is much more important then having to worry about if she cries she will be damaged.

Let her fuss. You don't have to let her full blown scream and cry but don't jump at the first fuss or pick her up with every cry either. I did the 10 minute rule for my kids. When napping put her in her own room in her crib, put music or white noise on and make sure the room is darkened and walk away.

ummm.....let he cry it out. Sorry I know that's not what you want to hear. You really have 2 options, either let her cry it out or just deal with and as she gets older she will finally out grow it. The reason the cry it out method works is because it teaches your child to fall asleep on her own. Right now she is depending on you in order to fall back to sleep. All children just like adults go through the sleep cycles and wake up during the night but she lacks the ability to put herself back to sleep so that is why you are up with her so much. As she gets older she will learn to just go back to sleep but that might not happen until she is around 2. So I'm sorry I can't be of more help. I did let my daughter cry it out when she was young and it was the best thing I could have done in order for everyone to sleep well. Children need a good nights rest. It helps then grow and stay healthy. So if you want any tips please let me know. Good luck.

I understand your belief in not letting them cry it out but letting them cry not only tires them but teaches them to self sooth. Maybe take baby steps (pun intended) with the crying by allowing a little bit before you attend to her and then lengthening it. Just a suggestion.

Was she sleeping longer when she was with you? Or did the two hour cycle start when she was on her own? That may make a difference in what you can do...

Here's what I did. My 13 month old daughter slept in my arms during the day and in our bed at night. We had a crib, she hated it. What worked for us was to get a full sized mattress and put it on the floor where her crib was. No box spring, just the mattress at first (in case of rolling off...and it happens!) Her crib mattress would work too. I just went bigger because I spent the next few months laying on it WITH her until she went to sleep. And some bad nights I just slept in there with her! Eventually, you can start working your way out (sit closer to the door, have Daddy call you for help with something...) but for now, just get her used to sleeping in a new place. It took a while, but there's no crying. A little whining, occasionally, but no crying. :) It'll take time...and teeth and colds will set you back. Whatever you try, be patient! And you DO have options...nothing is ever black and white. Just think outside the box, and try baby steps. Otherwise you'll drive yourself crazy! Good luck.

J., you didn't say how long this has been going on but I'm guessing a couple of weeks. I'm going to make a gentle suggestion that you have created the problem by holding her, nursing her, being with her constantly while she needs to go sleep. Please take this in the spirit in which it is intended, which is helpful, not critical. I made some of these mistakes with my first son. What worked was a "modified" cry in out method. Within 3 days we had our life back and were sleeping 8 hours a night. Put her down, let her cry for 5 minutes, go to her, don't pick her up but just let her know you are there, let her cry for 7 minutes, go to her let her know you are there. Do NOT pick her up, feed her etc. This truly does no harm to your child and helps her understand boundaries and what is expected of her.

While I agree with you that "crying it out" for hours on end would be harmful to a child, going to her every 5-10 minutes shows her that you are still there and love her and actually is BETTER for your daughter since it will result in a rested and more patient mommy and daddy. Setting boundaries and limits is important, even with babies.

I let my 2 youngest kids sleep in my bed, simply because I needed sleep to function. I totally understand wanting your bed back! But it may be easier all around to wait a bit longer. We started moving each child back into their bed after they were asleep around 1 year, but they would still wake up and come in to our bed during the night. We just kept patiently putting them in their bed. Some nights we were too tired and they slept with us. This went on for a while, but around 2 1/2 to 3 (IIR) we could get them to go into their own bed at first - but they came in during the night if they woke up. So it's been an ongoing thing.

BUT, they are now 5 and 8 and they both go to bed very well now, in their own bed, with a hug and a kiss and a tuck in. Occassionally one of them will come in to our room during the night, but not often. I think that, because bedtime wasn't a huge battle when they were in the 'terrible twos', and because they always had that feeling of safety and security that mom & dad were there for them, they now have very few bedtime issues. They are both still cuddlebugs, which I love, and are quite confident in most matters. So hang in there, it may be challenging for a while, but you're thinking first of your daughter's needs and that will count for a lot as she grows up!