19 answers

My 7 Year Old Will Not Stop Lying!

Please Tell me about your experience with fibbing children. I am at the end of my rope with my son and need serious advice.

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Maybe you should have the pastor talk to him about his fibbing. I have a 17 year old who lies all the time about little and big things. I wish I could of stopped it when he
was younger but I couldn't.

When my son was about 7 he'd tell "bull stories" and we knew he was making them up So we emphasized the truth from lies & then when he'd start with something we knew to be a "story" we'd stop & ask him if it was the truth or a "story" & he'd tell us. If it was a "story" we'd let him continue then emphasize the truth ! He quickly out grew the problem. But on another note we're raising a granddaughter who lies continually and is 13. We've punished her & when I asked why..she repiled it was easier than telling the truth...& we've yet to get through to her the truth will always stand...she just continues to lie & she does understand that will cause problems as she grows up....to no avail...so when she's caught in a lie ...she gets punished....!

More Answers

Hi M.,

Is your son older or younger? Is the sibling a boy or girl? What is he fibbing about? What's happening in school? Sometimes it's just about needing recognition or individual attention - the positive kind.

With my children I try not to give them an opportunity to lie. If I know it is something they have done, instead of asking did you do this, try asking why did you do this. It really helps with mine.

Hi M.!
I don't have a 7 year old son yet! But I was watching Super Nanny last night and there was this same exact situation with a 7 yo boy that constantly lied. You may have heard of this before but if you haven't, you need to pick a 'naughty' spot which can be a stair step, rug, or any designated spot in your home to be kind of a time out place. Then make a list of the house rules that you expect your child/ren to follow and make sure they understand them. When they break these house rules you send them to the naughty spot for 1 min per how old they are. EXP: Your son is 7 so he'd be in time out for 7 minutes. When you first place him in the spot get down to eye level with him and explain firmly but gently what the reason he's going in the spot for and then ignore him for the time limit...if he gets up, put him back and continue to ignore him if he crys, whines, hollers, etc. Then when his time is up, tell him again that it's not acceptable to lie (or whatever rule he's broken) and tell him he has to say he's sorry and give him a hug and make sure you tell him that you love him! Hope this works...I know I'll be giving it a try when my children are older! Good luck!

My 7 year old does this every once in a while but not too bad. I would always catch him in a lie and remind him "see mommy knows when you are lying and I will always find out." I also remind him that I am always here to talk and we can always be honest with each other. And that no ones likes to be around someone that lies. My son is pretty self conscience about things like this though..and every child is different. I know I don't have to tell you that...hope this helped.

First, I want to commend you for recognizing this problem. I have worked with so many parents as a teacher that believed their children were incapable of lying or spinning a situation to their advantage. I too feel this is a serious problem that needs a serious action and you are wise to want to stop it now.
First, all children will lie/fib to avoid getting in trouble or punished. I told my kids that not telling me the truth was much worse than other things they might have done and that their punishment would be much more for not being truthful. Also, that I wanted and needed to be able to trust and believe them and that if that trust was broken it take a long time to rebuild that trust. I would also talk with them about honoring your parents and the golden rule. After all this discussion, I would give them an opportunity to think over their actions in a quiet private place. Next, I would go back and ask them if they wanted to revise their story and if they told the truth then I would punish them accordingly for that and not for the lie. This is the time to emphasize the importance of telling the truth even if you did something wrong and to ask you and God for forgiveness when they do something they shouldn't. I also would tell my kids that I would always love them and forgive them if they were honest and truly sorry for what they did.
There were times when they were really difficult that I would have to step away for a while (minutes to hours) before I could deal with this problem in a calm, sensible way. If you need to do this just tell your son that you need to think about this before you discuss it him. Once he understand your feelings, the importance of truthfulness he may do better.
As for punishment, try to make it fit the action. If he takes a toy from a sibling, allow the sibling or you to take on of his toys away for a day. If he doesn't follow house rules, like not hitting he isn't allowed to play with friends for several days or a week. As for the fibbing part of the consequences (if he doesn't admit it and say he is sorry) I would have him write a sentence or two (more as he gets older) about why it is important to tell the truth or how lying hurts him and others. If he isn't able to write ask him to tell you and you write it out and he can copy. I feel it is important that he sincerely apologizes to you and any others involved and that he understand that dishonesty will not be tolerated. If you ever are mistaken, and he is telling the truth always apologize to him for your mistake.
Sorry my answer is so long. Good luck!

M.
#1 are the lies so bad that they could get people in trouble? or are they just little things? Either one can be bad but sometimes they are looking for attention the more they lie the more attention they get. Have you tried reading the Boy Who Cried Wolf, to him and then talk about how this could get not just him in trouble but other people, and if he continues people are not going to believe him when he is telling the true. I am a Pre-K Teacher and this sometime happens and we start to see a pattern of the only time the child is getting attention at home is when they are lying. I too am a Christian wife and mother of two daughters and when our oldest was in Kindergarten she was going on a field trip but it rained and they did not get to go so that day I ask her if she had fun and she told me that she had a great time and that the apple man gave them apples for snack. On Friday the teacher always sent home what they did that week and what they would be doing the next week. She told us that because it rained they did not go and when we asked her why she lied, she said that she thought that we would be mad. So we told her that Jesus did not want us to lie because that would be a bad thing and Jesus wanted us to be good people and lying would made Jesus sad. She said that she was sorry and she did not do it again. Hope this might help
T. K.

M., I too am a Christian mother. My daughter recently has gone through that. She is 8. After explaining that the Lord does not approve of lying and even if I don't know when she is lying sometimes, He knows. But, when I do catch her in lies I make her "write lines". "I will not lie" is short and to the point. She will write that 30 times.God Bless, B.

Hi M.,
stop letting bother YOU and he will stop!!!! Make a game out of it by naming things that are not....like in a book, when there's pig say it's a goat....and so on....they love it when you do what they are doing.....then he will figure out what's right.....all by himself, not because you're wanting him to....I have 5 adult children and I used that...reverse psychology is what it's called.....blessings.
F. Souvervill C.C.E./midwife

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