19 answers

My 7 Year Old Will Not Stop Lying!

Please Tell me about your experience with fibbing children. I am at the end of my rope with my son and need serious advice.

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Maybe you should have the pastor talk to him about his fibbing. I have a 17 year old who lies all the time about little and big things. I wish I could of stopped it when he
was younger but I couldn't.

When my son was about 7 he'd tell "bull stories" and we knew he was making them up So we emphasized the truth from lies & then when he'd start with something we knew to be a "story" we'd stop & ask him if it was the truth or a "story" & he'd tell us. If it was a "story" we'd let him continue then emphasize the truth ! He quickly out grew the problem. But on another note we're raising a granddaughter who lies continually and is 13. We've punished her & when I asked why..she repiled it was easier than telling the truth...& we've yet to get through to her the truth will always stand...she just continues to lie & she does understand that will cause problems as she grows up....to no avail...so when she's caught in a lie ...she gets punished....!

More Answers

Hi M.,

Is your son older or younger? Is the sibling a boy or girl? What is he fibbing about? What's happening in school? Sometimes it's just about needing recognition or individual attention - the positive kind.

With my children I try not to give them an opportunity to lie. If I know it is something they have done, instead of asking did you do this, try asking why did you do this. It really helps with mine.

Hi M.!
I don't have a 7 year old son yet! But I was watching Super Nanny last night and there was this same exact situation with a 7 yo boy that constantly lied. You may have heard of this before but if you haven't, you need to pick a 'naughty' spot which can be a stair step, rug, or any designated spot in your home to be kind of a time out place. Then make a list of the house rules that you expect your child/ren to follow and make sure they understand them. When they break these house rules you send them to the naughty spot for 1 min per how old they are. EXP: Your son is 7 so he'd be in time out for 7 minutes. When you first place him in the spot get down to eye level with him and explain firmly but gently what the reason he's going in the spot for and then ignore him for the time limit...if he gets up, put him back and continue to ignore him if he crys, whines, hollers, etc. Then when his time is up, tell him again that it's not acceptable to lie (or whatever rule he's broken) and tell him he has to say he's sorry and give him a hug and make sure you tell him that you love him! Hope this works...I know I'll be giving it a try when my children are older! Good luck!

My 7 year old does this every once in a while but not too bad. I would always catch him in a lie and remind him "see mommy knows when you are lying and I will always find out." I also remind him that I am always here to talk and we can always be honest with each other. And that no ones likes to be around someone that lies. My son is pretty self conscience about things like this though..and every child is different. I know I don't have to tell you that...hope this helped.

First, I want to commend you for recognizing this problem. I have worked with so many parents as a teacher that believed their children were incapable of lying or spinning a situation to their advantage. I too feel this is a serious problem that needs a serious action and you are wise to want to stop it now.
First, all children will lie/fib to avoid getting in trouble or punished. I told my kids that not telling me the truth was much worse than other things they might have done and that their punishment would be much more for not being truthful. Also, that I wanted and needed to be able to trust and believe them and that if that trust was broken it take a long time to rebuild that trust. I would also talk with them about honoring your parents and the golden rule. After all this discussion, I would give them an opportunity to think over their actions in a quiet private place. Next, I would go back and ask them if they wanted to revise their story and if they told the truth then I would punish them accordingly for that and not for the lie. This is the time to emphasize the importance of telling the truth even if you did something wrong and to ask you and God for forgiveness when they do something they shouldn't. I also would tell my kids that I would always love them and forgive them if they were honest and truly sorry for what they did.
There were times when they were really difficult that I would have to step away for a while (minutes to hours) before I could deal with this problem in a calm, sensible way. If you need to do this just tell your son that you need to think about this before you discuss it him. Once he understand your feelings, the importance of truthfulness he may do better.
As for punishment, try to make it fit the action. If he takes a toy from a sibling, allow the sibling or you to take on of his toys away for a day. If he doesn't follow house rules, like not hitting he isn't allowed to play with friends for several days or a week. As for the fibbing part of the consequences (if he doesn't admit it and say he is sorry) I would have him write a sentence or two (more as he gets older) about why it is important to tell the truth or how lying hurts him and others. If he isn't able to write ask him to tell you and you write it out and he can copy. I feel it is important that he sincerely apologizes to you and any others involved and that he understand that dishonesty will not be tolerated. If you ever are mistaken, and he is telling the truth always apologize to him for your mistake.
Sorry my answer is so long. Good luck!

M.
#1 are the lies so bad that they could get people in trouble? or are they just little things? Either one can be bad but sometimes they are looking for attention the more they lie the more attention they get. Have you tried reading the Boy Who Cried Wolf, to him and then talk about how this could get not just him in trouble but other people, and if he continues people are not going to believe him when he is telling the true. I am a Pre-K Teacher and this sometime happens and we start to see a pattern of the only time the child is getting attention at home is when they are lying. I too am a Christian wife and mother of two daughters and when our oldest was in Kindergarten she was going on a field trip but it rained and they did not get to go so that day I ask her if she had fun and she told me that she had a great time and that the apple man gave them apples for snack. On Friday the teacher always sent home what they did that week and what they would be doing the next week. She told us that because it rained they did not go and when we asked her why she lied, she said that she thought that we would be mad. So we told her that Jesus did not want us to lie because that would be a bad thing and Jesus wanted us to be good people and lying would made Jesus sad. She said that she was sorry and she did not do it again. Hope this might help
T. K.

M., I too am a Christian mother. My daughter recently has gone through that. She is 8. After explaining that the Lord does not approve of lying and even if I don't know when she is lying sometimes, He knows. But, when I do catch her in lies I make her "write lines". "I will not lie" is short and to the point. She will write that 30 times.God Bless, B.

Hi M.,
stop letting bother YOU and he will stop!!!! Make a game out of it by naming things that are not....like in a book, when there's pig say it's a goat....and so on....they love it when you do what they are doing.....then he will figure out what's right.....all by himself, not because you're wanting him to....I have 5 adult children and I used that...reverse psychology is what it's called.....blessings.
F. Souvervill C.C.E./midwife

Honestly I really think it is a part of that age My daughter is nine and does the same thing...
Knows it won't help her out she really isn't all that good at lying I hate to say that it makes it easier for me to tell but I can't seem to get her to understand that it just won't help when I find out that she lied to me again.. I know this doesn;t help you very much but know your not alone it is the age ..

I have a seven year old that also had a problem with lying. At first I tried scolding her but that didnt work. And what was bad is she would lie about things that didnt amount to anything. I waited until one day she was telling me about something I knew she felt passionately about and when she got finished I told her I didnt believe it. Well you can imagine her surprise to that!! I explained that since she lied about everything else, why would I believe this? I think that helped her understand where I was coming from.

My son is 11 years old and we have had issues with fibbing for quite some time. I have recently been told by doctors (to whom we went for behavioral issues) that lying can be impulsive behavior, which is a symptom of one type of ADHD. Because of his other behavioral problems, we have determined that my child's lying, in part, stems from that--sometimes he just can't help the impulse to just blurt out whatever comes to mind--especially if he thinks it will keep him out of trouble!

The boy who cried wolf to often got eaten and he should face the consequences of that.

I have a 7 year old daughter who had a lying phase as well. Her lies mainly happened in school, but with great communication from the teacher,that was nipped rather quickly. I kept talking to her about the importance of telling the truth because people can get hurt (physically and emotionally when a lie is told)and how God does not like it when we lie. I gave her certain examples of possible outcomes and we read The Boy Who Cried Wolf. I told her I could not trust her if she kept lying. Just keep talking to him, ask why he lied, why he thinks he has to lie and just keep stressing the importance of the truth. And when he does tell the truth about something he could have very easily lied about, praise him and thank him for telling the truth. I think all kids go through this phase at some point and it's best to catch it and deal with it as soon as we can. keep me posted.

Acts chapter 5 has a great story about how God feels about lying. The husband and wife lie to God and end up dead.
(Been through lies with one of mine) I had him read this story out loud and explain it to me. Then i told him how much it must hurt God, after all he has done for us, that we would try to be dishonest, when He already knows the truth! I also pray daily that my children will get caught and convicted of any wrong they do. Pray for a Godly sorrow that leads them to repentance.
k

At 7, he knows what he his doing. So, that can't be an excuse for him. Make him get his bible and read it, (a few verses on lying), then make him write the commandment, "Thou shalt not bare false witness." Start with 25 then go up from there. The Bible is your guide and he will learn that it is his also. My 11 year old went through this a couple of years ago, we done this on the advice of our pastor. At first, they act as though they do not care and it seems as though it's not getting through, but he will come around. You have to be honest with your child about the bible also. Let him know what the bible says will happen, I was hesitant at first, but went through with it on the advice I was given. He knows right from wrong and as my pastors told me, you can not sugar coat the bible to anyone, Not even children. The bible speaks the truth, follow the word of God and you will find a change in your son. Stay contant with it, and he will break down (over time) and conform. Don't give him choices, make them for him on this. Try it! It worked for us. Good Luck. C.

I have no children but experience with nieces and nephews and years of time spent with many children. My suggestion-Every child looks to Mom and Dad for most of the good things in their lives, video games, nights out at movies or other activities, trips to the amusement park, new clothes or toys or electronics. They also take it for granted that Mom and Dad always tell the truth. Make a point of promising a new belonging or planning an activity, and when the time arrives, do nothing. When your son is processing the fact that you lied to him, impress the issue that you feel the same things when he lies to you. 7 years old is old enough for most kids to process this concept and also tell him when he tells you the truth, you will tell him the truth also. Hopefully what you are going through now is small issues, but take care of it now before he is older and has more sophisticated techniques. Make his actions have consequences! I would not hesitate to cancel a family outing, remove belongings from his room or keep him from participating in an organized activity because of a lie. If you have other children that are truthful, it is a poor example to them for his lying to be tolerated. Good Luck-God Bless!

i would probably seek advice from an expert because my 7 year old boy hasn't started lying yet. i can believe anything he tells me. this probably doesn't help but atleast you know it's not just the age. good luck!

When my son was about 7 he'd tell "bull stories" and we knew he was making them up So we emphasized the truth from lies & then when he'd start with something we knew to be a "story" we'd stop & ask him if it was the truth or a "story" & he'd tell us. If it was a "story" we'd let him continue then emphasize the truth ! He quickly out grew the problem. But on another note we're raising a granddaughter who lies continually and is 13. We've punished her & when I asked why..she repiled it was easier than telling the truth...& we've yet to get through to her the truth will always stand...she just continues to lie & she does understand that will cause problems as she grows up....to no avail...so when she's caught in a lie ...she gets punished....!

Maybe you should have the pastor talk to him about his fibbing. I have a 17 year old who lies all the time about little and big things. I wish I could of stopped it when he
was younger but I couldn't.

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