My 7 Year Old Has an Anger Problem

Creative Correction by Lisa Welchel
Amazing book, great ideas.

My 9yo used to act up, still has the occasional outburst, but for the most part is over it.
We did the meds and counseling, finally i decided it was a discipline issue, took matters into my own hands, and finally saw improvements.
Teaching alternative ways to release anger and finding out why the anger is there helps find the correct discipline.

Boys will be boys, I have 3 boys and 1 girl, I am no expert and I am not the perfect child but I think your boys are just testing you, this one day to get to my boys I laid in bed and when I heard them walking by I cried. I let out a bawl and one night when he was giving me a "fit" I did it right back to him, yeah it is evil of me but I have my days too where patience and understanding flys out the window.

Keep praying, doing what you are doing and add some spankings if necessary. Communication is key and do the "what if" scenarios. What if he hits his brother too hard or in the wrong place; what if he sneaks his game to school and it gets stolen. Children go through phases and this too shall pass.

Dear G.:
I am far from an expert when it comes to child rearing. However, I do know that there are a lot of parents that are experiencing the same type of problems with their children. Of course, the first thing in the way of advice is always "medication", which I strongly disagree with in most cases, and counseling, which in most cases is a waste of time and money.
I don't know what the answer is, but I see the problem all the time, everywhere I go. In grocery stores, parks, eating places, etc.
I DO know this: The foods we give our kids now is filled with harmful chemicals that causes all kinds of physical and mental problems. My oldest daughter, who is now 32 years old, was what the doctors now would call ADD. Back then, it was called "hyper active". My old time doctor that was our family physician told me to take her off of ALL canned vegetables and processed foods. It was difficult at first, but became a way of life that I still practice with my grandchildren. I buy fresh produce or fresh frozen vegetables instead of canned. I quit buying hot dogs, and other deli or sandwich meats, and all processed foods. This also means no "fast foods" such as McDonalds, Burger Kings, etc. When my kids wanted chicken nuggets, I bought boneless chicken breasts and cut, battered and fried them my self. I made my own sandwich meats by cooking hams, roasts, and making chicken or turkey salads. Peanut butter was a favorite, too, with homemade jelly. I did not buy "sweets" either, no twinkies, muffins, etc. and NO CHOCOLATE.
This made such a difference in my child. It was amazing how much she improved and calmed down. Of course, discipline, too is important, and bad behavior should never be tolerated. There are also some natural herbs and vitamins that are a great help when dealing with behavioral problems. You can find all kinds of information on the internet for this.
Don't limit yourself to just one thing, tho. Try everything you can and when you find something that works, then stick with it. Repetition and consistency is very important, too.
I agree about the video games and television. Children do not spend enough time out doors any more. They have no imagination, and do not get enough exercise to get rid of built up tension. When we have nice weather outside, our kids need to be encouraged (insisted on) spending time out side. It would even be ok for you to spend some time outside, too, maybe with a book, or hand sewing, or even playing with your child. When my kids were growing up, there was no day time television allowed. They had 2 hours each night, after the evening meal and the kitchen was cleaned up, to watch tv. The rule was that no one could watch tv until "Mother" was able to sit down and watch tv. It is even ok to let your son help you with the dishes, or cleaning off the table and putting things away. Get him involved with what you are doing. I live with my 7 year old grandson, and he loves to help grandma in the kitchen, or in the yard or garden. He also folds his own clothes and puts them away, and has to clean his room. I keep him and his 9 year old sister for my daughter to work, and during the summer time, in the mornings, I send them outside to play at least for a couple of hours. If they tell me they are bored, I give them small chores to do. They even help me mow the grass. We take turns pushing the lawn mower.
I think the main problems with our kids, other than the food issue, is that they have too much time on their hands with nothing to do but stare at a tv or play a video game.
Last summer, I planted a few vegetables, and I gave both of my grandchildren a few plants that were "just theirs" to take care of. They did very well, and got so excited when their first tomato got ripe.
I did not mean to write a book. LOL There are just so many things that could make a difference in the way your child acts, and that could be affecting him in bad ways. The very first thing I would do, tho, would be to take a look at what he is eating, and make changes in his diet. Again, the two most important things in the diet are canned goods and processed foods. I think you will find that this will make a big difference. There is a lot of info on the net for this as well. You will be so surprised and shocked to find out what our government allows these big food companies to put in our food, after they remove every one of the nutrients first. For instance, did you know that in most processed meats, especially hot dogs and pre packaged sandwich meats, there is a red dye that they use to give this meat it's color. It is listed usually as "carmine" on the ingredients label. This red dye is made from the dried shell of a certain bug that lives in India. The shell of the bug is crushed, and is bought by the food companies, and it is used to color these processed meats, etc. There is just so much that we are not told. I believe that a lot of our being sick so often is because of what we are eating, and I believe it is also a big factor in why nearly all of our children now a days have some type of behavior problem. This and the lack of discipline combined with tv and video games. Just called me old timey.

I would encourage you to attend our church's Purposeful Parenting seminar April 24-25th. Troy Dorrell from Tulsa, Oklahoma will teach the principles that the Bible teaches about how to take care of your children. He teaches that often the lack of discipline in children is a result of the lack of discipline in the parents, which we all know can be difficult! He teaches about how to discipline your children lovingly and without anger, and that it is a picture of how God loves us. He talks about how that consistency is the main key to any discipline that you give your child because they do test the limits. When you are consistent it allows your child to build his trust in you. He also teaches from the Bible that children are born foolish, they don't know which way to go or what to do, unless they are taught, and there is no greater way to know how to teach your children than to go to the Bible. You are definitely invited to join us at Southwest Baptist Church 1300 SW 54th St ###-###-#### on April 24-25. If you have any other questions please e-mail me.
Thanks,
E. :)

Have you tried to take him to see a phsycologist? They helped me when my son was that age.

Some kids react that way when they play video games (mine do, and I've heard of several others). Some kids get "addicted" to them. The become obsessed, aggressive, and cranky. WHen you take them away, they actually go through withdrawal symptoms, whining, obsessing, cranky, aggressive. Since he's sneaking the games to school, I'd suspect it's an issue. Box them all up and either get rid of them, or put them somewhere he doesn't know they are (or at least can get to). Hold on for 2-3 weeks while he "detoxes". I'll bet he goes back to your sweet boy!

My first question would be have you and your son had any recent losses? Any recent moves or changes in your home situation? Children do not know how to deal with these types of grown-up issues. They feel some intense emotions and act out to express them. They often feel insecure and all these things bring up anger. You may try in some way to reassure the child, show him he does not have to be scared of the unknown because you are there. Maybe give him more one-on-one time.

Dear G.,

Dealing with unacceptable behavior in children can indeed be frustrating but it sounds like you are on the right track in trying different solutions to the problem. I guess the challenge for you is to discover what is triggering these angry episodes. Is it physical, perhaps lack of sleep or a diet issue? Or might it be caused by some emotional stress occurring at school? It won't necessarily be easy discovering the cause and will probably require getting down on his level to some extent, putting yourself in his shoes. I would suggest, if possible, spending some quality time with just the 7 year. A little extra love and attention can go a long way toward encouraging positive behavior.

I have been a stay-at-home mom for the past 25 years raising 7 children. Recently widowed, I have 3 boys left at home (13, 10, & 7). As a member of the Baha'i Faith, I am very much into spiritual parenting and helping children realize their true spiritual nature. The parenting journey has been very challenging and rewarding; a learning experience for the parent as well as the children. Developing patience for the job is a very slow process but so necessary. I encourage you to be the loving and caring parent that you seem to be. In time you will reap many rewards.

By the way, after 25 years, I am still learning.

Hang in there!

M. Mock

I'm afraid my guy didn't grow out of it! My now 10 y/o son began acting out the same way when he was 7ish. I wish we had taken more action earlier than this year. We did try behavior modification on our own, but to no avail. We have found a wonderful LPC & psychiatrist that have given us back our child. I am NOT suggesting that your son needs meds! I honestly believe that medication is OFTEN overused on children these days. However, despite what we had hoped, it was necessary for out little guy.

Regardless, I would strongly recommend outside help. It's best to intervene earlier rather than later. I wish we had acted earlier, as his home & school life could have been better sooner.

Good luck to you & your family in this certainly stressful time. I will remember you in my prayers, as well.

I am experiencing the same problem with my son and i am kind of fed up with his attitude (only 7yrs old)and at this point I was just about to give up, I am glad however that this mail was sent to me on today. I read above about spending time with the children at least 30 min a day and i want to try this and see if it really works. I am a single mom with 2.5 jobs and now I'm having to go to the school and meet with the teachers in between the work schedules. However my child is loved by the entire family and he does have a male figure in his life. When i get to the school, the first thing they want to know is something going on at home and my answer is no. I yet wonder what am I doing wrong, he is well taken care of and graciously loved what is next....oh and not to mention prayer for guidence and obidence.... If you find anything that works I am all ears.

I am certain that a large majority of the moms will disagree with me but I was raised old fashioned and that's the way I raise my children. I am 34 years old and I would never talk to my mother in a way that would dishonor her. I have never disrespected any elder of mine simply because I was taught that it was unacceptable and their would be consequences. My daughter and I are best friends...when she was young she would have episodes like your son but I punished her and if need be spanked her. I was consistent with my methods as was my mother when she raised me and when she turned six the battle for power was over and I won. She will be 15 next month and I have no problems with her. If a child knows that they have control over their parent(s) until those roles are reversed that child will not behave. Its not about what to do to change the child its more about what you have change in your approach with him. Every child is different and some require a more strict approach when it comes to discipline.