Dear G.:
I am far from an expert when it comes to child rearing. However, I do know that there are a lot of parents that are experiencing the same type of problems with their children. Of course, the first thing in the way of advice is always "medication", which I strongly disagree with in most cases, and counseling, which in most cases is a waste of time and money.
I don't know what the answer is, but I see the problem all the time, everywhere I go. In grocery stores, parks, eating places, etc.
I DO know this: The foods we give our kids now is filled with harmful chemicals that causes all kinds of physical and mental problems. My oldest daughter, who is now 32 years old, was what the doctors now would call ADD. Back then, it was called "hyper active". My old time doctor that was our family physician told me to take her off of ALL canned vegetables and processed foods. It was difficult at first, but became a way of life that I still practice with my grandchildren. I buy fresh produce or fresh frozen vegetables instead of canned. I quit buying hot dogs, and other deli or sandwich meats, and all processed foods. This also means no "fast foods" such as McDonalds, Burger Kings, etc. When my kids wanted chicken nuggets, I bought boneless chicken breasts and cut, battered and fried them my self. I made my own sandwich meats by cooking hams, roasts, and making chicken or turkey salads. Peanut butter was a favorite, too, with homemade jelly. I did not buy "sweets" either, no twinkies, muffins, etc. and NO CHOCOLATE.
This made such a difference in my child. It was amazing how much she improved and calmed down. Of course, discipline, too is important, and bad behavior should never be tolerated. There are also some natural herbs and vitamins that are a great help when dealing with behavioral problems. You can find all kinds of information on the internet for this.
Don't limit yourself to just one thing, tho. Try everything you can and when you find something that works, then stick with it. Repetition and consistency is very important, too.
I agree about the video games and television. Children do not spend enough time out doors any more. They have no imagination, and do not get enough exercise to get rid of built up tension. When we have nice weather outside, our kids need to be encouraged (insisted on) spending time out side. It would even be ok for you to spend some time outside, too, maybe with a book, or hand sewing, or even playing with your child. When my kids were growing up, there was no day time television allowed. They had 2 hours each night, after the evening meal and the kitchen was cleaned up, to watch tv. The rule was that no one could watch tv until "Mother" was able to sit down and watch tv. It is even ok to let your son help you with the dishes, or cleaning off the table and putting things away. Get him involved with what you are doing. I live with my 7 year old grandson, and he loves to help grandma in the kitchen, or in the yard or garden. He also folds his own clothes and puts them away, and has to clean his room. I keep him and his 9 year old sister for my daughter to work, and during the summer time, in the mornings, I send them outside to play at least for a couple of hours. If they tell me they are bored, I give them small chores to do. They even help me mow the grass. We take turns pushing the lawn mower.
I think the main problems with our kids, other than the food issue, is that they have too much time on their hands with nothing to do but stare at a tv or play a video game.
Last summer, I planted a few vegetables, and I gave both of my grandchildren a few plants that were "just theirs" to take care of. They did very well, and got so excited when their first tomato got ripe.
I did not mean to write a book. LOL There are just so many things that could make a difference in the way your child acts, and that could be affecting him in bad ways. The very first thing I would do, tho, would be to take a look at what he is eating, and make changes in his diet. Again, the two most important things in the diet are canned goods and processed foods. I think you will find that this will make a big difference. There is a lot of info on the net for this as well. You will be so surprised and shocked to find out what our government allows these big food companies to put in our food, after they remove every one of the nutrients first. For instance, did you know that in most processed meats, especially hot dogs and pre packaged sandwich meats, there is a red dye that they use to give this meat it's color. It is listed usually as "carmine" on the ingredients label. This red dye is made from the dried shell of a certain bug that lives in India. The shell of the bug is crushed, and is bought by the food companies, and it is used to color these processed meats, etc. There is just so much that we are not told. I believe that a lot of our being sick so often is because of what we are eating, and I believe it is also a big factor in why nearly all of our children now a days have some type of behavior problem. This and the lack of discipline combined with tv and video games. Just called me old timey.
